(1) Beginner

Sometimes you’ll lock eyes with a girl and she’ll flash you a dirty look. What’s it mean when girls do this? Is it ‘preemptive rejection’?

Walking back from dinner tonight, I passed in front of a restaurant and locked eyes with a girl eating with a group of people. She looked at me; I looked at her; and in an instant, a look of discouragement – perhaps we might say a wave of mild disgust – swept across her face. This girl was not attractive. I laughed when I saw this ugly girl flashing me this dirty look. Her being ugly made it funnier; but I get a chuckle from these even when the girl is hot.

Women will give you dirty looks sometimes, you see. It’s impossible to totally avoid; these looks just happen.

I’m a guy who has no problem with women. I’ve had enough beautiful women that I do not take these looks personally. Even if the girl flashing me a look like this is very hot… well, I’ve had girls as hot as her before. Or hotter. It doesn’t matter to me that she’s giving me that look.

The thing is:

• It doesn’t matter how cool, attractive, or charming you are; you’ll still get dirty looks from girls from time to time anyway.

• It doesn’t matter how successful or not you are with girls; you’ll still get dirty looks from girls from time to time.

• In fact, the more women you make eye contact with, the more dirty looks you’ll receive.

You can’t take these looks personal (as I don’t); they don’t mean what a lot of guys assume they mean (i.e., that the girl is personally rejecting you). Rather, girls’ looks of discouragement mean something a little different from what most men normally presume.

Women you have relationships will try to control you, no doubt. But they don’t want to control you. They want to fail at controlling you.

The doom and gloom narrative promoted by philosophies like “the red pill” suggests that relationships and marriages resemble a covert tug-of-war match.

If the man wins the struggle, the woman remains submissive and compliant, allowing the man to maintain his authority. If the woman wins, she becomes defiant and disrespectful, and the man loses power.

As the man wins more fights, he solidifies his masculinity. His woman stays attracted and loyal. He’s a confident, strong, boss pimp daddy gigachad.

As the woman wins more fights, the man becomes castrated and weak. She loses attraction, and if it reaches a breaking point, she will cheat on him and suck the cock of a superior, dominant male. Later, she kisses the cuckold on the mouth so he can have a taste of what he used to be—a real man.

It’s a brutal zero-sum view of relationships.

Is it true? In some ways, yes. In some ways, no. It’s not sexy to answer things like that, but it’s true.

Can reality be that harsh? Yes, it can. I know this because I’ve experienced both sides. I’ve been the guy whose woman slowly wore him down and betrayed him. I’ve also been the guy who confidently pushed and took the women of other men, only to see those women return to their boyfriends to sleep with them the very next day

I’m not proud and profoundly regret it, but it happened.

I’ve also been witness to many men getting screwed over, either by the woman or by the woman and another man. However, these are rare.

Usually, when I pursued girls with boyfriends or husbands, they would firmly reject me, and the girl remained loyal to her man. Considering how most relationships go, I don’t think the man was always smashing her right or being overly dominant. Most guys struggle to manage their relationships well (more on that later). This part of my answer discusses how “reality can be brutal, and guys ARE getting slowly castrated.”

But despite guys not running relationships well, their girls were not ready to hop on Hector’s chorizo and take a ride to pound town.

Why not?

Unless the girl’s a piece of crap, her threshold for “I’m going to cuck the man I love” is relatively high. For some girls, it’s so high that it would take a miracle of perfect circumstances for it to happen.

For some girls, the bar isn’t quite so high. A small percentage of girls will cheat even if their man sneezes wrong.

There are three major factors for a girl to reach the point where she will cheat:

1. Her character (habits, values, personality)

2. The man’s performance (his level of dominance, his level of loving and caring for her, how he is in bed)

3. Her environment (she meets a hot guy with game, has protective friends, or friends who encourage cheating)

This article is not about cheating, but we use this scenario to illustrate my point. We are focusing on #2, your performance.

Why do you need good performance? Because girls will test you.

Most tests are mundane, day-to-day trials that seem inconsequential. But, as with most things in life, how you perform those small things is how you do everything.

If you don’t see how your small interactions with your girlfriend or wife set the tone for the entire relationship, you need more self-awareness or knowledge if you want a successful relationship.

Women test their men all the time. Every moment of a relationship may be a test. It’s not a test in the sense that she is sitting there plotting scenarios to see how you react. Those situations are rare. The word “test” is too melodramatic most of the time.

Women see how you react over time and will form opinions of you depending on how you handle yourself in different settings. I’m not saying women never test men. There are certainly times when women will actively test men, both subconsciously and consciously.

However, this doesn’t really matter. You need to perform. If you can perform at 95% efficiency, then all the better. But if your performance drops to 40%, you risk losing your partner over time. Sometimes, you may find yourself in a nightmare scenario without realizing that small, poor decisions have slowly accumulated over months and years leading to this situation.

Guys keep saying “my mission will get me girls.” Will your mission get you girls? What kind of girls can a mission bring you, and does a good mission preclude ‘game’?

I keep hearing this line about how men should “focus on their mission and the women will come.”

Obviously this is one of these Blue Pill 2.0 mantras I was referring to when I talked about how the modern red pill has become a new blue pill. This is some straight up Field of Dreams stuff.

Nevertheless, the idea is very seductive to men. We all have dreams we want to build.

We all feel, intuitively, that if we build those dreams up, it’ll get us what we’re after – women included. We feel in our bones that if we just do this, we won’t need to sweat the small stuff; all those other minor details (such as everything relating to women) will take care of themselves.

I am fortunate to have had a broad series of friends and acquaintances across a large array of fields, many of them quite successful, and have very clear pictures about what the woman situation looks like for men who have focused their energies on ‘building their dreams’ across a cornucopia of areas.

I will give you some specifics about how the woman situation plays out for men who wholly focus on building up certain missions or dreams.

First though, let’s have a look at why the ‘exclusively focus on the mission approach’ only uncommonly results in women tossing their panties at you.

After approaching women for 15 years (and succeeding with many of them), Alek Rolstad shares his biggest takeaways on opening girls & hooking them in.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

In today’s post, I want to freestyle and share my thoughts on opening and hooking. These reflections come from 15 years of night gaming, so they are well-founded.

I will discuss opening, hooking, the three-second rule (whether you should wait before opening or jump into it), and if you should use canned (scripted) openers.

So, keep reading. You will likely learn a few techniques you haven’t thought about.

Too caught up in interview-style questions? Break yourself out of that pattern by turning your questions into statements!

One of the most common rookie mistakes men make in conversation is to ask too many questions.

When you’re talking to a girl you’ve just met and you BOMBARD her with questions, it makes her feel like she’s in an interview. That’s bad for a multitude of reasons:

• Interview-style is not how she talks with close friends. When you hit her with question after question, she gets the feeling that, “This man and I aren’t close.”

• Interview-style displays a lack of connection. When there’s connection, you and her just vibe, with minimal questions. If you have to keep asking each other questions, the connection isn’t there.

• Interview-style is more effortful. You are in ‘topical search mode’, looking for something to connect with her on. If you need to explore topic, after topic, after topic, that is a lot of work. You are in violation of the Law of Least Effort, and look socially weak.

You definitely do not want to overdo it with the questions.

So what CAN you do? Turn some of those questions into statements!

Friction occurs in every complex system. If you want to date and socialize effectively, you must be able to identify it – and then adjust your response!

Every time you go out to socialize, message an acquaintance, or flirt with a romantic prospect, you have some goal in mind. Even if it’s only half-formed, rattling around in the back of your head, there’s still an object you’d like to achieve.

Sometimes everything goes smoothly and you meet your objective without even thinking about it. Your socializing nets you cool new friends. Your acquaintance messages back inviting you to a party. You seamlessly seduce that romantic prospect into a romantic conquest. When this happens you can feel like you’re walking on air.

Yet things don’t always progress as smoothly as you’d like. You go out to socialize but it suddenly pours rain; you discover you’re the only one out. You message that acquaintance only to get back a skeptical reply – or no reply at all. You flirt with a romantic prospect, but your prospect replies in a platonic way.

When things don’t go as planned, that’s friction. Friction is anything that impedes progress to your goal. Like friction in a physical system, it slows you down, increasing the amount of effort you must put in to push ahead, possibly even stopping you from getting there entirely.

Expert socializers come to have an innate sense of the social friction they’re facing, how to avoid it, deal with it, overcome it, or, alternately, when to take friction as an indication that a certain social objective isn’t worth it or won’t be achievable and that it’s time to change objectives.

In this series, we’ll take a close look at social friction: what causes it, how it manifests, and the most effective ways to deal with it.

Today, in Part 1, I’ll spell out exactly what friction is when it comes to social and romantic endeavors.

Pointing at yourself or others as you set emotional frames anchors those emotions to the pointee. Can you use this in seduction? You absolutely can…

A recent study examined US President Donald Trump’s use of pointing to connect with his audience. The study authors note

Results show that (i) inward points are associated with first-person references; (ii) outward points are associated with second person and third person/object references; (iii) downward points are associated with locative expressions; (iv) looping marks plurality and inclusiveness and (v) internal complexity is associated with expressions of number, time, sequence and comparison.

The authors further note that “Trump uses pointing in the kinesic performance of right-wing populism to entertain his audience, to engage with them more directly, to steer their attention and to align himself with them as a man of the people.”

While academia may just be catching up, the use of pointing has been with us since before we were human (apes, for instance, are known to point).

And one place we’ve long paid attention to the usefulness of the point is in neurolinguistics programming.