Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Fear Can Teach You but He Cannot Protect You

The other day I was sitting in the car with my mom, discussing a recent traumatic experience and its effects on my psyche. At some point in the conversation, I lost my calm and hit the car door in my rage. I immediately recognized my mistake and soothed my mind with some quick meditation. After swallowing my chill pill, we discussed my life-long struggle with aversion.

She conjured many anecdotes of my angst, whether it was yelling at kids over Xbox Live or getting 2nd place in a Tae Kwon Do tournament. Of all destructive emotions, anger is my closest and most poisonous friend.

fear

To rid myself of this friend, we then brainstormed the cause of my anger and my mother proposed a theory, saying to me, “Hector, anger is a sign that you’re afraid. Animals only lash out in anger when they’re afraid of something....”

As my mind reeled, she followed with a question, “Hector, what are you afraid of?”

Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages

By: J.J. Jones

I feel as though the perfect follow-up to our last entry in this series, Part 2: What Men Think Marriage Will Be Like, is an article exploring all the bad things that happen when your relationship doesn't turn out quite as perfect as you thought it would and the whole thing starts to go haywire.

Also, if you're just jumping in here, see Part 1, where we explain in detail reasons why guys get married in the first place.

Usually it's not any one little thing that will sour the grapes, but rather a combination of a handful of different problems that really does a relationship in.

As a married couple, you are going to constantly face life situations head-on together, and while many of these can be avoided completely and others just come with the territory, all of these that we'll talk about in this article can end up being cause for divorce and should have the kibosh put on them as soon as you observe them.

In Chase's recent article The Key to Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs, we found that you can't be non-reactive and turn a blind eye to certain issues like you would early on in relationships. As explained in the article, the landscape changes significantly in a long-term relationship, and at times you actually need to be quite dogged in going about actually getting her to tell you about her concerns or problems in the first place.

Conflict resolution is important. However, conflict prevention is preferred, right? Though at some point there will be situations that either can't or just don't get prevented, so you end up having to deal with them.

As a final note before we get started: There's one really ginormous, obvious problem that I'm not even going to tear into here - and only because it is fairly cut and dry and I think most guys get this - and that is physical abuse. I just do not feel that it is a subject that warrants a copious amount of commentary. It is basically the lowest possible low that can happen in a relationship, far worse even than anything that follows.

8 Ways to Get Good at Night Game Fast

By: William Gupta

I spent years making the same mistakes in night game over and over again. I realized recently that it doesn’t take that long to get good at night game as long as you are making the most out of your nights.

night-game

My biggest growth spurts in game have come from times of full immersion; going out three to four nights a week to bars and clubs for hours at a time.

Here is a list of things I wish I knew from the beginning about getting good at night game. Some of what I suggest will sound extreme, but making up for years of not going out in a few months will be an extreme experience.

How to Decipher Female Subcommunication

By: Joseph W. South

“You should be stronger than me

Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?

You always wanna talk it through – I don’t care!

Why’d you always put me in control?”

— Stronger Than Me by Amy Winehouse

One of the most important aspects to understand about female psychology is the use and existence of a type of language known as subcommunication – a secret language evolved by women over millennia in a male-dominated world. In this secret language, women communicate their sexuality freely, but in a way that most men cannot hear or understand. Women have learned the hard way, through millennia, that men have a psychological need to create a type of schizophrenic distinction among women, slotting all women into a category of either “whores” or “Madonnas”.

Subcommunication – as a feminine subset of the English language – is based on communicating with indirection, double meaning, ambiguity, emotionality, and imprecision for the following purposes:

To preserve social harmony.
On the other hand, to stir up competition amongst people when it seems profitable to do so.
To avoid responsibility and establish plausible deniability.
To signal intent to someone, as in “Tell without telling, ask without asking.”
To establish boundaries and frames of interactions.
To avoid commitment; maintain ambivalence; keep options open.

It’s important to realize that Subcommunication imposes upon the recipient responsibility for correctly interpreting the meaning. In this article, I’m going to focus on Subcommunication in the context of female sexuality.

How to Mix a Drink to Make Her Taste Buds Pop

By: Darius Bright

As I was slicing the lime I could hear them going “Mmm…” in a satisfied, flirty manner and then get giddy between themselves. Were they checking my butt while I was preparing the drinks?

Probably.

But who can blame those pretty ladies – skinny jeans were working their magic and I’m fine with being objectified, at least in this manner.

But this article is not about skinny jeans.

You see, over the years I’ve experimented with and picked up quite a few hobbies that in one way or the other helped improve my romantic life. Learning about men’s style helped me transform my appearance, learning to dance (particularly afro-latin dances) helped with leading, touching, and making her wet on the dance floor...

And developing bartending skills not only made the line “come over to my place, you really need to try my legendary mojitos” that much more effective, but also somehow ended up improving my social life (don’t worry, I’ll explain later).

How to Have Sex with Blonde Bombshells

By: Chase Amante

There’s an undeniable allure to the blonde bombshell.

Hers is a unique spot in the Western pantheon – with her own sexual iconography, even; one that makes her tremendously desirable to a large segment of the male population.

blonde bombshells

And if you want a gal like her, you may find yourself hitting the same obstacle again and again: why does she keep turning her nose up at me?

It’s a question we’ve been seeing here a lot recently... some of it from minority guys, those of Indian or Middle Eastern birth or descent; some of it as well from plain old apple pie Americans.

They want to know how you get these girls.

The standard response is “get your fundamentals in order, get your game in order, and you will get the women you want – including the blonde bombshells.” And it is correct.

Yet, one of the things you do learn along the way is that different sorts of girls need different sorts of details.

In the case of blonde bombshells, they’re more like punk girls with piercings and tattoos, or feminist girls with closely-cropped blue hair and unshaved armpits, than most guys seem to recognize. Because the blondes men in North America lose their shirts over are not the blondes who were born that way; rather, they’re ones who decided they wanted to fit into a certain mold, then did.

The Seduction Triangle

By: Chase Amante

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from John Turner, one of our senior discussion board members who posts under the handle TheDoctor. In this post on the “seduction triangle”, John applies a sales tool called the “sales triangle” to the world of dating and seduction. Here’s John.

When I was starting out in sales, I knew a few of the various sales techniques, had read a lot of theory, and I was pretty confident that I would be able to adapt at an excelled rate. So it wasn’t long before I knew my product in and out and was able to overcome objections quickly and efficiently.

I was sure I’d be a selling machine, but the truth is, I performed very… OK. That was it. Just “OK”. A lot of my prospects would vanish, deals would fall through, and I had an impossible time hitting my budgeted numbers.

What was I doing wrong?

I analyzed absolutely every part of my “sales game” and came up short as to the missing link. I knew it was not my lack of knowledge about the product, nor was it that I was unfamiliar with the tactics of the sales process.

I went crazy trying to figure it out, and I knew I was over-complicating it. It was then that I came upon a sales idea I had not heard of before:

Modern Marriage, Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like

By: J.J. Jones

In Part 1 of this series, we took an in-depth look into the reasons why guys get married.

In Part 2, we will explore what these men think their marriages will be like, and also a few examples of (if they do not watch their P’s and Q’s) where and how things can go completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can’t help but find it a wee bit amusing how guys get so stoked to tie the knot to their special girl, and everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows, and then six months later she is carrying his nuts around in her purse.

What do men really want to get out of marriage?

A nice house?
A two-car garage?
3.2 kids?
Endless blow jobs and sandwiches?

That’s not even close to the half of it. While men are naturally a little more laid back about things and do not have the crazy sky-high expectations of an endless fairy tale like women do, the problem persists that men usually end up not only getting less of what they actually want, but end up getting a whole lot of other things that they really do not want and really hadn’t bargained on either.

And the more careless and less socially savvy the man is, the less his expectations are actually met.

Female Basic Conflict: Understanding Women’s Ambivalence

By: Joseph W. South

Tell me, what you’re thinking about

When you got me waiting patiently

Usually, I don’t have to wait for nobody

But there’s something about you

That really got me feeling weak

— Tell Me, by P. Diddy. Vocals here sung by Christina Aguilera.

If you truly want to understand the psychology of women, you must be aware of, and willing to accept, a paradoxical truth: women feel greater sexual attraction towards men who are less inclined to provide for them emotionally and financially.

female basic conflict

Euphemistically you can say: in their heads women know that nice guys make much better husbands, but deep within their secret hearts, women love to love bad boys.

This paradoxical phenomenon is literally a schizophrenic duality between a woman’s need for survival on the one hand, and her need to express her own sexuality on the other. This creates a psychological condition where a woman’s sexuality is necessarily ambivalent and conflicted.

Simply put, the Female Basic Conflict is the need to manipulate a man into the role of her Provider, followed by an automatic contempt and/or lowering of her sexual attraction towards a man who lets her do so.

How to Develop Charisma as an Introvert

By: Darius Bright

A girl once said the following about me to a mutual friend:

“You know, the best things about Darius are his deep cuts and his charisma.”

I must say, I was a little surprised. Not about the deep cuts part – since college I was known to wear buttoned shirts with an extra open button and I’ve always preferred V-necks over crew necks on tees.

Quick off topic tip: It works and it’s hot. If you’re of shorter stature be careful though, as it might mess up your upper body proportions and visually make you look shorter.

The part that I was surprised about was that she called me charismatic. You see, I’ve never been the talkative, outgoing, life of a party kind of guy, and back when it was said it was even more obvious than it is now.

Nonetheless, in her eyes I was charismatic.

What’s interesting is that after that conversation I did indeed start working, at first indirectly, on further developing this quality – though “quality” might not be the best word to describe charisma. As you’ll see in this article, it would be more appropriate to call it a skill than a quality of your character.

As I got better at managing charisma, interesting things started to happen:

I would relatively easily find new groups and friends during my nights out (it’s not uncommon by the end of the night to realize that the group I’m currently having fun with, who are inviting me to after parties and the like, consist only of people I don’t really know)
Guys often will buy me shots and ask to drink with them (happens less frequently with women, but that’s expected)
And people in general seem eager to open up and share their stories.

For example, last time I was out, after ordering my drink, an unknown guy walked up and asked me to join his company of four ladies on the dance floor.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain that, not only does this makes nights out more pleasurable in general and puts you in a very positive state of mind, it also makes the subsequent steps of seduction easier (but don’t be fooled, you still need to make things happen).

With this introduction I first would like to refer you to another article, written by Ricardus, The 3 Things to Know If You Want to Be Charismatic, in which he brilliantly covers the core parts of what makes a man charismatic and how to be one.

I would like to urge you to read that piece first and then come back here, as in my article I would like to focus more on the specifics and strategies you can employ to develop your charisma and do this, even if you’re not a particularly outgoing guy.

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