Why the Status of Women You Sleep with Matters in Social Circle | Girls Chase

Why the Status of Women You Sleep with Matters in Social Circle

A few weeks back, I asked newsletter subscribers who’d been using Girls Chase material to send in details about their journeys doing so, that I might start building some case studies to use in some upcoming offerings and marketing material. I’ve been working my way through all these case studies – it’s been pretty intensive work – but it’s been interesting and reading so many success stories is heartening.

One that I just finished responding to was from a reader in Mumbai, India, in his late twenties and originally from Delhi. He’d been attending a salsa class in Mumbai, and had his sights set on a beautiful young female college student in the class, but had been blocked by her close friend who wanted him instead (but who wasn’t as cute).

So, rather than pursue a girl whose friend wanted him, which was going to be dicey, he followed the advice of a buddy of his and slept with a sexy MILF in the class instead – who rapidly became addicted to sleeping with him, and who then, in order to scare off some of the competition for his flirtations, let it slip to the other women in the class that he was a playboy and they should all “be careful” if they didn’t want to get their hearts broken. As it turned out, this was a great play by her to limit his options with the other girls there and keep him for herself.

social circle status

Because while our reader figured at first this would be good for him – after all, preselection is the greatest aphrodisiac – the opposite happened, and the college girls and some others started cooling off toward him, gossiping about how he could “sleep with her.”

He ended up throwing the towel in on the college girl he liked, and leaving that class (and the MILF... though he left the option open to her to sleep with him again, if she’d get her friend, a former Miss India contestant, to double up on him together with her – no word on whether that’s going down just yet) to go seek greener pastures elsewhere. It was too bad it didn’t work out, he said, but it was a good experience regardless.

What got him in the end here though was the gossiping of the woman he was sleeping with, or her jealousy – it was the social rank of her compared to the other girls in class.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Hector Castillo's picture

You already know I'm all over this one, Chase ;)

Masterful understanding of group dynamics.

However, one contention - in the few weeks that I've been applying some of these tactics (most notably, not going after anyone too unattractive/low status and just flirting with anyone, but never publicly chasing), I've noticed a substantial difference in the reception of my man-whore reputation.

What do you think the diminishing returns on status-alteration are? If you work your way up the ladder, falter a bit, encounter some pervasive criticism, but recognize the slippage and radically shift your approach (more "chill" and acceptable to small social circle game), is it possible to regain status at a non-glacial pace?

If this is vague, I can quantify this a bit - can you go from Alpha to Gamma but return to the Alpha position via the aforementioned tactics?

- Anatman

Want to make her wet? I'll show you how.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anatman,

Chase has me helping out on the comments on the site. What you describe sounds like a slippery slope and will lead to very snotty remarks from the group. Some may use it to mock you and say, "I bet you sleep with anyone don't you." It will increase your odds as being a player within the group. It may also cause other girls to have buyers remorse. On a positive note, if the girl can only say how good in bed you are then you should have no worries. Sooner or later queen bee will want to know for herself how good you are. I would highly recommend going the more discreet route if possible.

Take care,

Just Dave

Inferno's picture

In my school social circle, I noticed that there are different "sects" of students. I'm not sure which is exactly at the top; The ghetto people, who are doing drugs and don't care about their future, or the 4.0 students.
there are not that many attractive girls in my school, at least not to me, because, they are overweight, have a dental problem like their teeth sticking out, or don't know how to take care of their weave. I feel like most of my aquantinces don't have much social savy , they like to talk about internet memes and video games, or how much they like the one female in my immediate circle.

I mainly get by approaching college girls, who I am surrounded by. Wayne state, CCS, University of Detroit Mercy.

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase!
Ever since i found your site i've been improving my self, my fundamentals,mindsets, in other words i've gone a long way in to becoming a sexy man. However i've encountered a "hilarious" problem..

So, getting girls interested is now something easy but the problem is i can't befriend/friendzone girls anymore. It seems i constantly exhibit a lover.bad boy attitude because i used it all the time for pickup practice. The thing is , even when i changed that and behave to women in a completely friendly way (no flirting, prideful-arrogant look etc)i can't befriend them like most guys. It seems nowadays all women are nervous around me ,both in a good (when i'm interested in them) and a bad way (when i try to be simply friendly). Why do women behave that way among higher value men, when low value men have no problem being friends with hot women?

Is this a "You can't have your cake and eat it too" thing?
I know this post is pretty ironic, but i fear this will inevitably lead to problems. For example my friends' girlfriends are pretty awkward and shy around me,even though i do absolutely nothing like flirting,showing value etc

Maybe it's just natural and expected? i don't know.
All the same i'd really like your opinion and experiences on this issue Chase.


Inferno's picture

Read ricardus's article on x factor. Or just look good. Remember sexy men get to skip steps in the seduction process.

Jack's picture

How do you identify the alpha female? As you mention, the bastardization of 'alpha' has made it difficult to really understand what that means these days?

Also, do social circles intersect, and can that affect your status in both? I'll take the example of a university course. The whole course is in effect a very large social circle, but is made up of smaller groups within it. If you're a member of a few of these smaller groups, will your status in one, effect the status in the other?

David Riley's picture

She's normally the one who all the other girls are following. She's normally placed in the middle of the group psychically because other girls will be surrounding her. She' usually the one who take her friends to the bathroom for meetings. She could also that be bossy but not always. She could also be a ball buster. Mainly see's the girl who's calling the shots and is more than likely dating the alpha of the group.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, could you write about how to know if you're coming off as inimidating or unfriendly, basically coming off as too aloof to girls? I feel like there are some girls that have been into me, glancing at me in class, but when I say hi to them they seem to get slightly uncomfortable. Am I just too serious or awkward?

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

Normally when a girl is looking at you and smiling, it's best to act on it ASAP. Because if you wait a couple days or even weeks, she may have lost her attraction for you. She'll be thinking, "Maybe he's just not into me." Then to protect her ego she'll go into auto rejection. Remember women give very subtle hints to reveal their attraction. When you don't act upon it, they just assume you don't get them and don't get women. Sucks I know. Now what you could do to get a girl reengage into you is to use an opener. "Hey saw you across the room, and wanted to say you have a nice smile. I'm Anon." This will automatically make her feel comfortable or at ease with your opener.

You want to ground your openers, and I mean you want to have an excuse to be talking to her. Women don't always know your attentions when you open them. Thus you have to make your attraction known. Other important factors to consider is your style, posture, and other useful fundamentals.

Take care,

Just Dave

Pedro Canteiro's picture

Hey Chase,

Once again, one more great post for the collection :P.

So today I've got one simple question because this one's been messing with my mind...
Should I cut my body hair (pardon my English) like cut my leg hair chest etc.

Because in one side hair is a male figure in my opinion, but I've asked some female friends about it and they tell me the don't like hairy dudes...

So what do you say? I know that you're going to publish and hairy post :P but i just want a quick yes or no.

Thx for the info again.

David Riley's picture

Hey Pedro,

Depending on where you are located in the world body hair can help or hurt you. My answer would be to simply trim your hair every so often. You don't have to eliminate your body hair completely, you just don't want to look overly hairy.

Just Dave

The M's picture

Hi Chase,

Hope everything's going well for you!

If you try to sleep/move forward with a girl in a social circle and fail, what does that do to your reputation? Does it depend on whether it was the alpha female or one of the others?

Actually, an article on calibrating your reputation (for both cold approach and social circle) - finding the balance between damaging your reputation (say at work or school), and over-protecting your reputation to the point that you can't do anything if a person you know is potentially nearby - would be cool. And it would fit nicely with your general Zen philosophy. :)

The M

David Riley's picture

Hey M,

When you mess up in a cold approach it doesn't matter because very rarely will you see the girl again. Unless she's a cashier a grocery store you frequent, works out a lot at your gym, or a bartender where you frequent. Now the benefits of cold approaching is you don't get the awkwardness you get from approaching a friend of your social circle. The reason things get awkward in a social circle is because of all the feelings girls think about during it.

"Oh man M must be really in love with me and I turned him down. He probably hates me. Oh wow what should I do. I tell him to be my friend to not make it anymore awkward."

Now that would be great if most women in your social circle could keep it cool. However once you ask a girl out or make a move on a girl in your social circle. She begins asking very differently towards you. She's more withdrawn, she makes everything awkward, she's either really nice or a tad mean. What you want to do is immediately after asking her out and getting declined say.

"Hey I know I definitely made this awkward for us, but it's okay let's just go forth as normally as we can. For now let's just be friends and I'll go find someone else. Maybe you could be my wing woman."

This does three things, restores balance, takes care of her feelings, and you may even get a female helper in the future. This is the best possible outcome for a awkward decline after asking out a female friend.

Take care,

Just Dave

Mr. Hawaii's picture

Hey chase and all the writers at GC

I've been a pupil of you all for a couple years.

I've a question not really related to this post.
When I'm with a girl, things go smoothly. Im pretty good at getting the girls I meet with.
But I have trouble dealing with non compliance. Like it completely sours my mood.
What I mean by this is like when a girl walks away without turning back to wait or brushes off something I say when in a group.
It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's like I have no defense for it.

Maybe I'm committing some sort of faux pas? Maybe a comprehensive list of common FP's and even uncommon ones that one may commit unaware to it all could come in handy.

Thanks folks

David Riley's picture

Hey Hawaii,

When asking for compliance in a group it's very important that you've already asserted yourself as a dominant person in the group already. What I mean is that if the girl doesn't know your dominant, she'll look for others in the group. If someone just jokingly hints that she shouldn't do something for you. She won't do it. Now it is very possible to get compliance very easily in a group. It comes down to a couple factors.

*Don't be pushy
*Is it mostly your friends, her friends, or a mixed group
*How confidently you say it

Women don't respect weak men, and only listen to strong men. Example of non pushy compliance would be. "Hey let me show you something over here." It's harmless all you want to do is show her something. She may decline, but all you want to do is simple go check it out yourself. "Fair enough, I'm gonna chill over there." You don't want to be upset about her decline because you were going to go over there anyway. You don't ever want to flip out or get visibly upset because that makes you look weak. Also, remember that compliance statements aren't commands. There's a difference between "Hey can you hand a napkin?" vs "Give me a napkin."

You also want to seem polite because people in groups will comment that you're ordering her around. You also want to say things loud enough that the girl will hear them. You also want to sound sure of yourself like she will do it. More likely than not she'll do it.

The M's picture

Also, I was wondering about how to manage your reputation in social circle-like situations.

For instance, if you're in a small class and you try to discreetly move forward with a girl but eventually fail, isn't there a chance she'll gossip about it to the other girls in the class she knows?

Or if you're trying to move forward with a girl who works at a small cafe, and eventually go for sex and fail, won't ALL the other girls who work there find out about it?

Same thing really for any "small" environment, including social circle.

Am I right - will all the other girls be curiously watching, asking, and finding out? If I fail, does it hurt my reputation? Is it better to go slow and be SURE if she's interested before doing something? Does any of this matter? :)

The M

David Riley's picture

When you have your fundamentals down and screen properly, this will decrease your chance of rejection. Each one of these makes sure you won't end up rejected or in the friend zone.

Sexy smile - Give her the feeling that you're a warm person.
Let her know you're strong - Your posture is very important
Screen for a boyfriend - "Are you single?" or "Who'd you come out with with?"
Curious - Just let her know that you were curious. If she has a boyfriend, ask about him. "How long have you guys been together." or "Cool, what's he like." Make a comment, "Oh he sounds like a great guy, hey I gotta get going." - Then exit

Some girls will gossip about you, I'm sure it's happen about me. I've never had girls come up to me and say, "Hey I heard Sally turned you down." This is mainly because once I get turned down, I don't show my face for about a month or a couple weeks. When I see her again, I act like it never happened. Things only matter to girls when you make it seem like it matters. Girls will normally only gossip about your approach if it was really bad. Now when you did really well she'll tell her friends but that's more along the lines of approval. Then her friends will be curious about you. So yes, girls will be curious and watching you. This is why you don't want to make it obvious you're flirting with a girl. You want it to be natural.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

do girls care if i don't have my own place and try to go to theirs or somewhere else?

David Riley's picture

Girls don't care if you frame the interaction properly. If you don't have your own place escalate in your car or in a alleyway. You have to get creative. If you have a roommate or live with your folks. Invite a girl over when your parents won't be home. When going home with a girl, you can tell her "Let's head back to your place." You just want the flow of the interaction to be natural, you never want it to be awkward. Women love men who lead, and when you lead properly you can fuck in a park for all she cares.

Just Dave

Troy's picture

Chase -

After reading Ross Leon's article, "should you be lovers... or friends?" , i couldnt help but feel overexhausted with so many conflicting thoughts. Its like my head is going to explode. every article looks like a time bomb. make one mistake and you lose a girl. the bomb is like:

Dont have a sexy walk = bomb attraction gone

Lack of dominance = bomb the girl loses interest

Lack of communication skills = bomb the girl treats you like a wild dog

Dont have any friends = bomb the girl aint interested

Lack of speed = bomb attraction expires

Not putting a girl either as a friend or lover = bomb the girl avoids you

etcetera and i could go on for another 1000 times. With seduction it seems that all the work is on the man. All a average girl has to do is put on nice clothes, hair and nails and be pleasant and she gets more men like moths to a flame. a man has to do a total 1000000000 degrees re-invention of himself if he is terrible socially. Why does so much pressure go on a man? What are the things that a man cannot ( and shouldnt try to control? A man could spend all the time blaming himself for things outside his control. Its just unfair. Also, i get the vibe from reading this site that the slighest mistake is a COMPLETE LOSS. Almost like a time bomb, similar to the one in the movies!

"Oh no be careful now. I have a red, blue, and yellow wire. cut the wrong one and we are all dead."


"Do the slighest wrong thing and we lose the girl. fail to have solid fundamentals, screening the girl, and saying the exact correct thing and the girl is gone. Dont cut the wrong wire. help!"

Thats the vibes i am picking up. My head is overloaded with information and i cant focus. what to do?

A situation i have is where so many times, the beautiful, outgoing girl i want as lovers dont even look at me. I try not to put them on a pedestal. The girls i could care less about are extremely ugly unattractive ducks. I am naturally good looking and every ugly duckling who likes me would just be like a social value drain. I feel that a fat ugly girl who dresses poorly is a very bad fit for me. even though my social skills are rusty now, i know that i deserve better. I am physically fit, extremely good looking and persons tell me when i dress to go out i look damn good. I dont want a girl way beneath looks to me to be my girlfriend. The thing is that all the girls within and better looks than me is hard to get. What should i do? I dont know what to say to them. I find it easy tnd talk to the ugly girls, they even find me as charming but hot girls my tongue is all tied up. What do i do?

Back to Ross article "should you be lovers or... friends?.
Yours and his advice is contradicting. Even Peter Fontes wrote an article about sex with friends, and said that you could sleep with friends and go back to being friends afterwards, provided that you dont act different. Why all the confusion with screening a girl to see if she is a friend or lover? Why not just rely on emotions and gut feeling to pick the roles for the girls. If a girl is attractive to you and you want her as a lover then do that. If she is attractive but you just want her as a friend then do that. same as with friends. Why over complicate things? It just make things harder. Instead of getting to know a girl, the focus is on testing a girl if she can be friends. Chase, you talk about it being ok to move a girl from a friend to a lover and a lover to a friend if we slept with the girl.

Now Ross is saying that friendships break down with lovers if you switch to friends and vice versa. In "what women want" article, you talk about men being able to be friends, lovers, and providers. Now im hearing that a man MUST LOGICALLY DECIDE where a girl in his life goes. That means all the talk about "finding your niche" is being overlooked. It means you ignore your gut by looking on a piece of paper to show what you want. If all this contradiction keeps occuring, then the readers will start to tune out girlschase. Too many persons are cooking the one dinner and making it corny


David Riley's picture

Hello Troy,

Before I go and answer your questions let me address the context of where the different writer is coming. Chase is trying to get men to turn away from romancing women whom they are already in the friend zone. This saves those men as much time and money as possible. It also keeps them from falling in love with a woman whom they haven't even slept with. Chase is keeping men from going into a dangerous zone. Unfortunately, a lot of readers insist on not giving up on "one special girl" and insist on wanting to make it work. Chase and the other authors write advice that explains their personal experience in that role. However, its not an overnight task and requires months of perfect timing and execution. The problem with that however is you could meet a dozen of new girls in that amount of time.

Also, you must look at the context of each article. Yes Chase talked about a man can be a lover, friend, and/or provider. But he urges men to go the lover route. Because the other two don't yield the desired result most men think it will. You can become everything to a girl once you slept with her. Before you slept with her you want to avoid becoming her friend or provider as much as possible. Otherwise you're just shooting yourself in the foot and things may never happen. Ross is merely addressing the fact that when you first meet a women, you must move as quickly as possible and be sure that you want her as either a lover or friend. It's all about what you want at the end of the day.

Now as far as your earlier comment about men being the most active in the dating game, that is true. Women take the passive role when it comes to dating and relationships. Yes it may seem unfair but that's life. The benefit is once you get so good and seduction and getting women, you become a very desired and wanted men. The type of man that women dream about in their sleep. Right now, you're experiencing what I went through early in seduction. You wish you didn't have to be like this and that things would be different. The only thing you can really do is shape yourself, learn from your mistakes, and better yourself everyday. Until one day you wake up, and girls that previously rejected you want everything to do with you.

Take care,

Just Dave

Aron's picture


when you are new to a social circle, or when you've been in one for a while but haven't figured it out yet, how do you know which cliches are the alpha or beta cliques, and who the alpha female (and beta, gamma...etc ,) is/are inside those groups?

i saw that David Riley wrote a response on how to tell inside groups, but it is often difficult to tell who the alpha is when the cliches are small and close, and i have no idea how to tell which cliches are alpha. Is there a rule of thumb to what kind of girls are the 'alpha cliche' or do you just have to see how the different groups interact when they are all together?

Also, how do the ranks of girls within the ranks of different groups work? Are all the alpha girls higher in rank than all the girls in different groups? And how do girls not in the hierarchy but friends with all the girls in that social circle figure in?


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