Despite our language and identities, people move in herds. You have three (3) tools to get the girl you want from her tribe: integration, separation, and absorption.
We think of ourselves as individuals. Separate, unique, we act entirely of our own volition.
Yet man is a herd animal. Cram him into a wall-to-wall, shoulder-to-shoulder crowded concert or train station, then spook the herd, and you kick off a stampede. People may die, crush others, or trample, as throngs of panicked individuals, each catching the sense of panic from the next, surge over and against each other for the exits. In the aftermath of some deadly stampedes, investigators can find no emergency and cannot even figure out what caused the panic.
Show a man a market craze that everyone is getting in on and watch
lose his mind. In China, peer-to-peer lending has exploded as the
economy has declined, even though defaults on these loans are sky high
and the prospect of getting a return is dim. A few months earlier in
the West, a Bitcoin craze thundered across the market. It was
unrelated to any improvement in the usability or acceptance of Bitcoin
as a currency – in fact, over the past several years, Bitcoin has only
grown worse as a currency.
100% of Bitcoin’s increased valuation
was due to market speculators buying up Bitcoin to cash in on the
Yet during Bitcoin fever, everyone was an optimist, telling friends,
family members, and coworkers to “buy, buy, buy!” Today, five months
after the crush began, the price of
Bitcoin has come very close to where it was before the stampede ever
in the process, thousands of people made fortunes, and thousands of
others lost them (I personally know a few folks on both sides). Every
bit of those gains and losses came at the expense or benefit of someone
else gambling the other way.
(side note: fun dub of a Russian music video a friend of mine who was heavily invested in Bitcoin shared with me during the peak of the Bitcoin craze):
These, of course, are extreme scenarios.
And much of the time, even for people aware of human herd mentality, the concept gets peacefully tucked away into a kind of “only in extremes” awareness. Only in extreme situations, we tell ourselves, do humans behave in mindless, herd-like ways. The rest of the time, we are those unique, separate, totally consciously in-control individuals we tell ourselves we truly are.
However, this isn’t how it works at all. Man, as a social animal, is every bit as groupish as ants, horses, biofilms, and wildebeest. More to the point for our purposes, if you want to peel a woman out of her group, or get her to do what you wish in public, an understanding of how grouping and herding works in the people you’d like to influence is key.
First, if you have not read my article on copycat hookups, it’s mandatory reading before this article:
In it, we cover research on and examples of how people group and herd, plus a number of specific tactics to use preselection/social proof (which taps into herd mentality) to get the girls you want to end up with you.
In this article, we’ll focus on a specific element of herd mentality: namely, bands vs. herds. A small group of humans behaves very different from a large group, as we’ll discover.
First, we need to understand the behavior of people in bands, which is how you are mainly going to encounter and interact with collections of other people. A band is a small group of people that functions as a social group. Each individual has a more-or-less defined role and position within the group... though as we discussed in “The Fuzzy World of Social Status”, while the alpha and omega roles are almost always clearly defined, the roles of who has what status in the middle of the group is always poorly defined and subject to status jockeying.
To give you a cleaner picture of how bands work, I’ll quote this excellent article on band dynamics in horses:
“First, let’s look at the dynamics of a feral herd – that is, a free roaming herd that has developed naturally. Before going any further, though, we must understand that the main function of a feral band, besides basic daily survival, is procreation. As such, the herd itself is structured around the development of the strength of its members, and therefore the band itself, through what we might refer to as natural selective breeding. Put simply, natural selective breeding boils down to the strongest or most prominent mares in the band only breeding with the strongest, most prominent stallion. Much of what we would see as herd dynamics in a feral band is based on this one simple premise.
The second thing we want to understand is that the vast majority of the members of any feral band, including the stallion, are followers, and they generally have only one leader. That leader is always an older, established mare. You see, when a mare is born into a herd they will usually stay with that herd for life, while the males within the herd will generally come and go. So not only are the mares the ones that establish the herd’s stability (and therefore it’s general hierarchy) but it is also the lead mare that establishes where the herd goes, when it goes, and why it goes.
The third thing we need to understand is that (contrary to some popular belief) life in a feral band of horses is actually pretty quiet, particularly once the overall hierarchy has been established. There has been some discussion over the years that members of feral bands are constantly looking for ways to move up the “dominance” ladder, and so there is often a lot of jockeying for positions within the herd. That is generally not true. For the most part, hierarchy in feral bands is established at birth with the foal automatically taking on the same position in the herd as it’s mother. That position doesn’t vary a whole lot as the baby grows to adulthood.
Because of that, the most subordinate members of the band, those mares and their offspring that make up the very bottom of the pecking order, will usually willingly accept their positions and seldom, if ever, strive to move up the ladder. The same usually goes for those members of the herd that make up the top of the pecking order. Those mares and their offspring hold a permanent higher ranking within the herd, and so there is little or no need for jockeying of position by them, either.
But where jockeying does occur is within the middle ranks of the herd. Horses that hold neither a low or high ranking, or a horse recently absorbed into the herd are often the ones trying to move up in hierarchy. Daily scuffles can occur, usually ending with one horse or the other moving up only a space or two in dominance, only to lose those same spaces a few days later during another scuffle with the same horse. Even then, the arguments between those members are usually relatively mild and allowed by the stallion, whose job it is to keep order within the herd. However, if an argument gets heated to the point of potential injury to one of the members, or in a case where the argument could potentially jeopardize the stallion’s overall standing within the herd, he will normally step in and put a stop to the behavior.”
Except for the part where horses are born into their ranks in the
group, this review of band dynamics in horses is identical to how
social groups work in humans. Let’s go through it bullet-by-bullet:
Groups’ primary purposes are survival and procreation. You’ll notice in social groups as people take long-term mates they typically stop going out much and mostly halt their socializing. Some people continue to socialize anyway – but in general, the more secure someone feels in her relationship, and the happier she is in that relationship, the less inclined she is to hang out with groups socially. Why? The procreation motive fades, and there is lower motivation to seek mates.
The strongest, most prominent females mate with the strongest, most prominent male. Humans are more monogamous than horses (though not entirely!), so what you will tend to see in human groups is the highest ranking women take turns hooking up with the highest ranking men, and eventually high ranking women settle into wholly or superficially monogamous relationships with high ranking men. Your odds of sexual success are about even as an alpha, beta, or gamma in a decent size group (using the ethological terms here, for the # 1, 2, and 3 roles in the group, not the manosphere ‘alphas are studs and betas are wimps’ version). Nevertheless, the most desirable women in the group pair up with the most desirable men in the group.
Most of the members of a group are followers. “Too many generals and not enough grunts” – that’s never the situation you want to end up in, and human social groups are very good at avoiding it. The vast majority of people out there, in any group, are followers, and have to be followers, because groups don’t work with a bunch of leaders. And in any event, even if you throw a bunch of leaders into the mix together, they will quickly sort out a hierarchy amongst themselves, and form a new pecking order.
In every band, few lead; most follow.
The alpha is an older, more established male. That doesn’t mean every group of 20-something party people is led by some guy in his 40s with a good career. Instead what it means is the alpha male will typically be older than the other males in the group (if only by a year or two) and will be more established in both his group and his life. You will not, in other words, normally find a guy who is younger than everyone else in a group leading that group. Nor will you find a guy who is new to a group leading that group usually. Nor will you find a guy who is in a worse position in life (he makes a lot less money than everyone else there, for instance) leading his group. The man in charge tends to be older, and tends to be more established – which makes sense, right? People want to be led in a direction they want to go, and this trends toward ‘more successful’ – the leader must embody success.
Females stay with their bands while males come and go. This is a little shakier in urban human groups, since both sexes tend to be much more mobile and part of an ever-shifting social landscape. However, you will find in general that women are much more affixed to set social groups, and continue to go out with these same groups again and again, often for years, while non-high ranking males tend to move around a lot more. Why do non-high ranking males move around more? Probably to search out opportunities to rank better. Why don’t non-high ranking females search out groups where they can rank better as aggressively? Probably because women tend more to prize security and stability over adventure and chance.
Established hierarchies are pretty quiet. This can seem counterintuitive to you if you primarily do cold approach, like I do. In this case, you are constantly inserting yourself into unknown social groups, typically as a sigma male, and you encounter at least some status jockeying wherever you go. But most social groups, once the hierarchy is established, are pretty quiet. It’s only when interlopers show up (or someone in the group gets antsy) that status jockeying moves back to the fore.
Subordinates at the bottom accept their position and don’t try to move up the ladder. This a fascinating phenomenon, and it’s worth thinking about. Individuals at the bottom of the social hierarchy typically don’t try to move up in rank, because they accept their positions. They are at the bottom, and that’s where they will stay. Why don’t they try to move up? My suspicion is fear of ostracization. You’re at the bottom, but it’s not “nowhere to go but up”; it is, rather, “if I shake things up, maybe I can move up; or maybe I wear out my welcome completely and they won’t even let me stay.” Folks at the bottom have no social power; they are there only because the group allows them to be. Worth thinking about only if you yourself are at the bottom of a social hierarchy right now – being at the bottom doesn’t just keep you down, it causes you to accept being down.
Jockeying occurs in the middle of the group. This is what we discussed in “The Fuzzy World of Social Status.” The top and bottom ranks are set. The folks in the middle, however, must compete.
The alpha only steps in if mid-group competition gets too heated. The alpha is not a firefighter or peacemaker. His job is not to arbitrate every crisis in the group. There’s a risk to him, too – if he gets too involved in a status jockeying competition (for instance, arguing with a lower ranking member one of his higher ranking buddies has a fight with), he may actually leave the alpha role open to someone else with better leadership skills. Instead, he lets the silly people in the middle squabble amongst themselves, and only steps in to break things up if they get really nasty.
Ignore the fact that humans use spoken language as one of their tools for competition. Take away the words, and what have you got? Human bands behave near-identical to those of other animals.
Humans do the same things horses do. They compete in the same ways. They use body language, intimidation, and hierarchy the same ways.
So much for our uniqueness, individualism, and high IQs.
Bands and herds are not the same thing, any more than bands and couples are the same thing, or bands and individuals are the same thing.
For the purposes of this article, I will break groups down into four (4) different categories:
Individual. One person, by himself, with no one else. When you go out to dinner alone, you are an individual. When you meet a girl by herself in a grocery store, she is an individual. Individuals are the most rational, the most open-minded, and the least prejudiced people.
Couple. A couple is two people whose brains are more or less synced up. Here we’re talking about both romantic and social couplings. If you meet two girls at a bar who have been sitting just the two of them, talking and laughing, they are a couple. When you go out with your very good wingman, and you two are having a blast, you are a social couple (not a romantic one). If you talk to that individual girl in the grocery store and she laughs and the two of you vibe well and you reach the hook point and decide to start moving around together, you and her have become, at least temporarily, a couple.
Couples are significantly more closed off to the outside world than individuals are; they are more focused on each other and less sensitive to outsiders. They behave intelligently, but in different ways from individuals; couples are more focused on what is good for the couple than they are what is good for the individual. They do this because both parties have decided that sustaining/continuing with this coupling is in their interests. If you accept an outsider into a couple you break circle; this tells the other person in the couple you are not thinking for the couple, and/or are leaving this intimate connection and moving to a more broadly social one (like a band). Thus why this is bad to do when you are with a girl you’d like to go to bed with, but fine to do when you’re with a wingman and spot a few cute girls you’d like to chat up.
Band. A band, for our purposes, is three (3) or more people. Once you are in a band, you have a group of people that starts to behave a lot dumber from an intellectual and empathetic standpoint. Instead, bands tend to behave more like a big, strong animal. Bands enter situations any one individual inside the band might never enter, like group confrontations, or wild behavior (whooping, hollering, and dancing on tables, let’s say. I assume you don’t do that by yourself in public).
Bands are fairly closed off to outside influences and may view outsiders with suspicion or disdain. However, they may also be welcoming if they see other individuals/couples/bands they’d like to include; the group of three girls having a good time at the vacation resort that spots a group of three guys also having a good time, for instance – it can be pretty seamless for these two bands to merge, because the goals of the bands (have fun, stay with friends, meet potential mates) are aligned.
Herd. Where bands end and herds begin is a little fuzzy. Typically once you start getting over 15 or so people in a group, if that group is behaving cohesively, you have a herd. It’s also possible for groups to split off into smaller bands; e.g., five people talking here, three people talking there, another seven people in a band there. This is not a herd. If all 15 people start to move together and behave as a singular group, you have a herd.
Herds are the dumbest, least rational, least sympathetic groups of people from an individual standpoint. However, they can be intelligent/rational from a ‘one large animal’ standpoint. As soon as you start to think of a herd as, essentially, one giant animal, and individuals within the herd not as individuals but as nodes in a collective, herds start to make a lot more sense. There is more than to herds than a collective will, of course; we’ll talk about the selfish element of herds a bit below.
People stop being individuals in herds. In herds, they become part of the collective.
Much behavior on the Internet occurs at the herd level, which is why you see so many bizarre arguments where individuals on both sides make exaggerated claims and use unconvincing evidence to try to ‘persuade’ those with opposing points of view. Because they are acting as parts of a herd, and not as individuals, they aren’t able to calmly and rationally discuss. Get such a person alone one-on-one in a quiet room, and you may be able to have an open-minded, rational discussion with him. But engage on an Internet forum where he knows others are watching and feels like he is a representative of the herd and all that goes out the window.
Herds can be very dangerous to deal with (offline and online alike) if you are not a part of the herd. Group beatings that end in hospital visits or death, panics that lead to tramples or stampedes, market panics, moral panics – all these are the result of herd behavior.
My general recommendation is you stay away from herds. When I am out and about and see a large group of people herding, I avoid them (even if there are very cute girls in the herd). If you’re in a social venue, there’s a fair chance at some point the herd will dissolve into bands, at which point any cute girls inside will be easier to approach (even better if the girls you want to meet dissolve into couples or individuals!). However, while people are in a herd, and you are not a part of their herd, they are usually best left alone.
Most of the time, however, you will not be dealing with herds. You will be dealing with bands. And bands are groups you can deal with – assuming you come at them the right way.
Most girls you meet in social venues (bars, parties, nightclubs, the mall, the beach) will be in bands. Most girls you meet in your day-to-day spots (classroom, office, gym) will be in bands. Further, women you meet even in non-social places (grocery store, train station, the street) will still have some degree of herd mentality affecting them. Lots of women are attached to their smart phones these days, which means they are on the Internet, which means there’s a good chance they are enmeshed in ‘herd think’ when you encounter them. Even if a girl isn’t on her phone, and she’s all alone, if she’s the self-conscious sort who worries what strangers around her think, and there are strangers about, she’ll still be in a group mindset (”What will these people think if I talk to this random guy?”).
If there’s a girl you’d like to get to know better, and she’s in a band or thinking like she’s in a band, you’re not just dealing with ‘her’. You are also dealing with her, in the context of her group.
You are dealing with how she wants other people to see her, and dealing with her theory of mind for the other people in her group. In a real way, you are dealing with the collective consciousness of the group – as it manifests in this one individual.
To deal with this, we have three (3) approaches:
... each one, in my opinion, more fun than the next.
Let’s have a look.
One way to get what you want with people is integration – to integrate yourself with their group. This is the approach with the longest time horizon, for reasons we’ll discuss below. However, for strong bands (herds), it is the most reliable route.
For instance, say your thing is blonde bombshells. You love them, you’re crazy about them, you want to be with them. But they won’t give you the time of day. This is because blonde bombshells are part of a strong band; they’ve joined a band that is in many ways almost (or actually) a herd. The closer a band is to being a herd, the ‘stronger’ the band is and the less able you’ll be to separate members from it or absorb it into your own band/herd.
You will need a different approach depending on which configuration she’s in.
Girls in herds are the hardest girls to get for men who are outside their herds. However, these girls are among the easiest girls to get for men who are inside their herds at a sufficient rank.
The trick with integration, of course, as with all three of these approaches, is that you don’t actually ‘eliminate’ or ‘get rid of’ band/herd mentality. Instead, you use it.
The more herdlike a woman’s mindset is, the more vital it is for you to be integrated in her group and have a good rank within that group to get her. That’s because a woman within a herd is not looking for “the best guy she can possibly get” – maybe you’re far better than any of the guys in her herd, for instance. That doesn’t matter to her. What she desires is “the best guy she can possibly get within the herd.”
People use bands for socializing and mating, but they seem to use herds for protection:
“This paper presents an antithesis to the view that gregarious behaviour is evolved through benefits to the population or species. Following Galton (1871) and Williams (1964) gregarious behaviour is considered as a form of cover-seeking in which each animal tries to reduce its chance of being caught by a predator.”
That is to say, the closer to the center of the group you are, the
safer. Stragglers (lower status members) get picked off by predators.
What does that mean in the context of a social group? The lowest status
women in the group tend to be less well-defended against creepy or
lower status outsider males than higher ranking women (whom every man
in the group will rush to the rescue of) are; they are less
well-protected against character assassination by insiders or
outsiders; and they are much more easily ostracized if they violate
rules of the herd or do anything untoward.
People who herd a lot tend to be people who are less secure. They turn to the herd for security. Anything that risks making them an outsider (like dating some guy who is not a part of the herd) or that will reduce their rank within the herd is a threat.
The rough guide to integration with a herd is:
Maximize your exposure to the herd. A herd of people has its own distinct culture: things it values, humor it enjoys, shows it watches, music it listens to, food it likes, hobbies it pursues, places it goes to relax, vacation, or have fun. It has distinct ideological positions on what is right and what is wrong. All these things are ways for members of the herd to signal membership, as well as to identify individuals who are not members. It is very hard for individuals who are not immersed in the culture of the herd to either pass for part of the herd, or to truly ‘get’ the herd at a gut level. You must immerse yourself in a herd’s culture to really start to ‘get’ it.
Adopt the herd’s practices. I went through a ‘sports stage’ for a couple years where I decided I wanted to understand what sports was all about. I’d never watched it or had an interest in it before. So I picked a couple of sports (basketball and American football), got into watching them, and adopted practices of the guys who watched. I never wore jerseys, went to stadiums, or drank beer with the game, but I identified with my teams and wanted them to win and shouted at the games. I spent tons of time reading articles about my two sports and poking around their respective websites. Eventually I had enough and hung up my interest in sports, but I’ve lived enough of the sports enthusiast lifestyle that I can relate to sports enthusiasts at an “I totally get you” level and don’t view sports fans as the ‘others’ people who’ve never been into sports often view them as.
Surround yourself with people from the herd. When I decided I wanted to be able to move among the ‘white collar professional’ herd (something I wanted nothing to do with until halfway through my third year of university), I quickly surrounded myself with white collar friends, took a white collar job at a prestigious company, started picking up and sleeping with white collar girls, and took white collar girlfriends. I was still an outsider in the white collar world, but I learned the ropes well enough that I could pass as part of it sufficiently well. I still get on well with people from white collar land, even though I haven’t had a white collar job in almost a decade and don’t spend so much time around regular (non-business owner) white collar folks anymore. Once you’ve familiarized yourself with a herd, you can always re-integrate with that herd.
Steps-wise, if you want to integrate with a herd, the general steps are:
Exploration: learn about the herd
Adoption: adopt the styles, practices, mannerisms, and values of the herd
Integration: integrate yourself with bands of people who are in that herd
Ascension: rise in ranks within the herd
Once you’ve ascended fairly high within a herd, possibilities within that herd open up to you. That includes, at some point, the ability to direct that herd ways you want it to go, to reshape thoughts and values of the herd, or to easily sleep with women from the herd you’d have a tough time getting without being a part of it.
If integration is the long road to influence over someone else, separation is the more typical route.
Rather than join her herd and rise through the ranks of it, why not peel her out of that herd and get to know her one-on-one?
Separation is what we talk about when we tell you to:
- Move girls
- Isolate girls
- Get girls one-on-one
You are separating her from her band to let her form a new association – ideally, a coupling with you. This works the same way for people you have non-romantic social objectives with; that cool new friend or valuable business contact is easier to connect and make headway with if you get him separated from his band and in a one-to-one conversation with you.
You will struggle to use separation effectively on girls in full herd mentality. The more of a hard herd mentality she’s in, the more it’s like trying to pry a brick out of a mortared brick wall.
She won’t be yours until you can separate her from her band.
When she’s in a band, on the other hand, it’s more like picking up a loose brick in a pile, and moving it to another pile.
Like with the loose brick analogy, it’s easier to pick up a brick on the fringes of the pile than it is one buried in the center of it. The easiest girls to separate are the ones who are a little ‘outside’ their bands: they aren’t as engaged in conversation, are floating near the periphery, and/or have their body language tilted away from the group.
Mentally, girls in bands who are thinking “I’d like to meet someone” or “I feel so bored” or “Why do we always have to come here?” are the ones most open to separation. They are the closest to splitting from the group. The girls whose minds are more ‘synced up’ with the group are harder to peel away.
We’ve covered separation extensively on Girls Chase so I won’t go too deep into the how-to aspect here. Instead, if you’d like to know more about the subject, I’ll refer you to a few articles.
On how to enter and navigate girl bands:
On the mechanics of separating an individual from her band:
Absorption is a fun, interesting approach to herding where you don’t integrate into another group, or peel a girl off her group, but rather absorb her and possibly her friend into your group.
Absorption is primarily for singles and couples. If you meet a
girl who is by herself, or out with just one friend, you can absorb
them into your group. This works best if you are out in a band (three
or more people). Yet you can absorb another couple when it is just you
and a wingman (and create a band). You can absorb an individual when it
is just you (and create a couple), or you and a friend (and create a
The key to absorption is to be more of what the individual or couple you meet want. If you meet two girls out at a bar, for instance, they may want:
- To have more fun
- To have better conversation
- To meet cute potential mates
If you and your buddy seem like you can fulfill these roles, and you are also slightly (but not too much) higher energy than they are, and you are inclusive of them (see: “Bring the Energy”), you can absorb them into your group.
Absorb them into your group, and create a new band of you + them.
Absorption works when an individual or couple decide they like your band, couple, or you, and they decide to join up with you. Rather than you integrate with them, your and their groups merge into one group. The new group is not the same as either of the two separate groups beforehand. Instead it is a linking up of the various minds involved.
You can absorb couples or individuals who seem at first to have different priorities from you if you are enticing/attractive enough:
If two girls are out at a bar just to see what’s going on, and you and a buddy show up and are having a good time, present yourself attractively, and invite them a few times to come with you to another spot, they may just take you up on it and go along. Do a good job in the transition and make sure they’re hooked into you and your buddy, and they’ll stick with you in the new place (rather than disappear) and are now absorbed into a new band.
If you meet a girl on a park bench reading a book who thought she just wanted to come out for some sunshine and fresh air and reading, and you manage to hit it off with her and convince her to go for a walk with you and stop in at an outdoors café to sit and drink and chat, you will have absorbed her into a new couple.
When you absorb someone into a couple or band, her thinking changes. It shifts from ‘individual thinking’ or ‘couple thinking’ to ‘couple thinking’ (if she was alone and you’ve created a couple with her) or ‘band thinking’ (if you and one or more friends absorbed one or more other people).
Group thinking makes it easier to make things move forward with someone, because she is now a part of your group, and you a part of hers, and everyone else is an outsider. Thus, most of socializing and courtship centers around getting people to hook – that is, getting them to the point where they view you and them as a part of the same group.
Absorption is difficult to do with bands and next-to-impossible to do with herds. Even if a band is only three people, those three people have their own bubble (band) that can be very hard to pop, even if the band you bring them into is a great band and it has six or seven cool people already in it. It’s not impossible, and you can pull it off, but it is a lot harder. Bands are much more easily absorbed by herds than by other (bigger) bands.
Herds are nearly impossible to absorb. The easiest way to absorb
herds is by breaking them off, piece by piece, into bands, and
absorbing those bands into your herd. Upstart political and religious
movements do this. They do not try to convert an entire other religion
or political ideology; rather, they look for bands within those
ideologies, highlight schisms between those bands and the greater herd,
and entice those bands to migrate over to their herds. Only rarely do
you see herds move, and usually it is one herd being absorbed by an
even larger herd that is moving in a similar direction (such as
Constantine converting the Eastern Roman Empire to Christianity;
Maxentius, incidentally, the enemy general Constantine fought against
in the civil war that prompted this conversion, was killed in a
stampede as his troops fled Constantine’s).
The biggest threats to both new and mature group connections are interlopers.
Interlopers may be people she knows well and already has group ties to. Or they may be new people who are coming in to peel her away into new groups.
People she already knows can be harder to deal with if they are hostile to you. The girlfriends who grab her hand and drag her away or the friend she meets on the street who is so excited to see her and completely ignores she’s with you can be a real threat to your group, especially if you haven’t had a chance to cement the connection yet.
Interlopers she doesn’t know yet or barely knows aren’t much of a threat once your game and your fundamentals are tightened down well. Nevertheless, they can present formidable (and demoralizing) obstacles when you’re new. It stings quite a bit when you feel like you’ve hit it off with a great girl, then some sexy charmer comes along and effortlessly plucks her away.
You can neutralize interlopers by excluding them or dominating them. Exclusion is the preferred option; it’s lower effort and lower risk. Domination does have its perks though; your desirability will often shoot up in spades after a woman watches you successfully dominate someone else (especially another male).
To see how to deal with people she already knows, open up these articles:
To see how to deal with stranger interlopers who want to steal your girl, see these:
Humans form bands and herds, just like many other animals do, from birds to fish to bacteria to insects to other mammals. Remove human verbal language and the idea that humans are somehow ‘different’, and the herd and band dynamics are the same as in other species, with the same objectives.
To get anywhere with anyone socially, you’re going to want to be a part of that person’s group, or have her see you as part of hers. The more firmly she is into herd mentality, the harder it is to separate her from her group or absorb her into yours, and the more you will need to integrate with her group to get her.
When you pursue the integration strategy, you seek to become a part of a girl’s herd, and rise through the ranks within it. This is most necessary with women in hard herd mentalities, where they are flocking into a group for security. Women who adopt popular identities and look for ‘safety in numbers’ are signaling they are herd creatures, and you will probably need to be a part of their group (and relatively high ranking in that group – at least compared to them) to get them.
If a girl is not in a full-on herd (or a full-on herd mentality), but in a band, you can aim instead to separate her from that band, and get her one-on-one with you. As soon as she is away from her band and not thinking like a part of the band anymore, you can get her to think like an individual or as part of a couple, which makes it much easier for her to get together with you despite you not being a part of her band.
A girl who is alone or out with a single friend is game for absorption. This means you can absorb her and her friend (if she has one) into your group, and create a new group this way. To do this, she’ll need to feel like your goals and her/her couple’s goals are in alignment – be those goals fun, conversation, hooking up, etc.
People have different modes of thinking while they are in different kinds of groups. Individuals work to ‘sync up’ their thinking with others in the group, influenced by repetition (the more often you hear something repeated, the more you will come to believe it) and consensus (when authority figures all seem to agree on something, you’ll tend to believe it too). This means the stronger the group influence over the individual, the harder it is to get her to pair off with someone not from that group (like you), or get her to do something the group does not approve of (like sleep with you).
Peel her off into your group though (via separation and/or absorption), or climb the ranks inside her group (via integration), and you can make the connections you want to make, influence the folks you want to influence, and get the girls you want to get.
Final note: if you feel like all this herd thinking ‘dehumanizes’ you or anything like that, well... you (and everybody else, too) are exactly the same after reading this article as you were before it.
The sole difference is you now have a better understanding now of how others (and yourself) operate, and you can better adjust your strategy to the mentality others are in.