Commitment Points: Why You Must Avoid | Girls Chase

Commitment Points: Why You Must Avoid

Chase Amante

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Thu, 11/25/2010 - 16:20


Women have a thirst for the untameable man. That’s why the rugged, hard-living, macho guy who’s a bit of a loner and whom no one seems to understand is so exciting for women, and why the sensitive, attentive nice guy that society seems to keep wanting to shepherd men into being is so boring.

Just like men don’t want a woman who’s easy too easy to bed, women don’t want a man who’s too easy to wrassle into a relationship. If he’s so easy to get into a relationship, women figure about the quick-to-commit man, he must not have a whole lot of options.

commitment points

And chances are, they’re probably right. Men with lots of options naturally are difficult to pin down. Getting them to quit the bachelor’s life and give up those freedoms they’re so used to enjoying requires a woman more exceptional than they are accustomed to having, or a tiring of the playboy lifestyle – or perhaps a combination of the two. But sooner or later, most men settle down.

And then things go fine for a while. The lucky girl who convinces that untameable man to be saddled is ecstatic at her prize; she got the guy every other girl couldn’t get. She was the one who was good enough to get him.

Because believe it, just like men tend to take things personally and resent women who won’t sleep with them as judging them unworthy for intimacy, so do women tend to feel slighted by men who won’t have relationships with them, feeling as though they’ve been told they’re not good enough for the man to give up pursuing other women. So when a woman gets a man to settle whom other women failed to, she feels especially accomplished and victorious.

But just like all victories, with time this one fades in importance and exuberance. Eventually, it becomes an accepted fact: “Well, of course we’re together. How else would it be?”

And when the dust settles, and the excitement slips away, we’re left with one chilling scenario:

The man has passed a commitment point.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Kei's picture

Im so glad I stumbled over this post. I have been studying your blog along with many other social dynamic material for about a year now and the game is finally getting fun. I haven't found anyone who has tackled this topic before.. Thanks man, great post.

AlexH's picture

Chase! glad I stumbled across this post. As you may recall I struggled 18mo with an open relationship/no commitment, zero. She never put her foot down, I did what any real guy would do. She feels with the right guy she wouldn't have to put her foot down. I know she's wrong, but not sure how to explain it to her. I wish there was a relationship counselor for her to hear it. Now we've 100% ended it, and I still wonder the "what if". I don't think most girls know what they want, she says she want's 110% honesty, which when I'm flirting with 6 girls to maybe date/sleep with one, it devastating her when I showed her even one text exchange, obviously. Funny enough I never did meet up with that girl, it fizzled.

Your viewpoint:
If you want to have a long-term, one-man-one-woman relationship, I really, firmly, deeply believe at this point that the only way to really make it work is if the woman still believes subconsciously that you still see other women, but just keep it very much on the down-low.
I see that as the norm with many guys. It's always bugged me as dishonest, especially when you're making a commitment that you'll never lie, etc. Bad Karma. When we dated I was okay with her seeing others, she just didn't have a desire to, though did stray a few times, and I loved hearing the stories. I trust her, I know her heart is with me. I realize now why she wanted to know everything about my interactions, it's because I never committed. So now I'm left to ponder if this amazing girl(I can't remember if you met her, don't think so) is the one to take this journey down life together. She read the ethical slut and said she could do parts, but again it came down to honesty. I don't know how to do 100% honesty if I'm flirting with girls at the mall, or wherever. One thing I never shared with you, is that I'm bisexual, becoming more comfortable with this over the years. She knows this, and accepts(even loves it). With guys she's not worried, it's just with girls. And says she's not afraid of losing me with other girls, just that she didn't have the commitment. I know you're busy ,thought I'd throw this unique situation your way and see what you say. Hope all is well in whatever part of the world you're roaming these days
Alex H

Sorti's picture

Yo chase, I thank and applaud you for defining the game of attraction with simple terminology. Your methods are fun and the examples are very honed in to the T. I use your experiences as a personal guideline as a juxtaposition to all the methods that I have naturally used for last couple of years since my 18th birthday. While many of your post have been a natural routine for me, I have learned many methods on what not to do from your posts, and I thank you again for being such a great mentor and equal! :D

I've seen all my friends turn into downers when they have lost their "one" love. I too have fallen into that category, but I have learned my lesson shortly after the relationship was over.

This post hit home, and I know many men who became uncharismatic, negative and unstable due to their love lost, but we nomads grow from such failures and learn to become successful warriors!

Thank you chase, enjoy your many years! CHEERS!

Henry's picture

Does that means that in the West women generally hold the power in marriages as well as relationships?

Mike's picture

"Does that means that in the West women generally hold the power in marriages as well as relationships?"

As someone living in the United States I can tell you: YES! That's exactly what it means. This is due to the reasons mentioned by the author. As well as laws that feminists have lobbied for. If your wife leaves you she takes: the house, the car, the kids, a child support payment of 22% of your income, as well as possibly a life long alimony payment.

Unable to come up with the money? You go to jail. Don't even get me started with the ridiculous domestic violence laws. Which require mandatory arrests if the police are called based upon which partner: is larger, makes more money, etc (which gender do you think that usually is?).

After trapping me with a child; my evil ex-girlfriend kicked me out of an apartment I ways paying for by threatening to call the police and get me arrested with a fake domestic violence charge. Now that I have partial custody of my son, and she's moved in with her boyfriend in violation of our parenting agreement; if I refuse to drive our son to her house she calls the cops. Guess how she gets them to come out? By lying and saying that I'd been violent with her in the past. Because if there isn't the threat of violence; the police won't come out for civil matters (as opposed to criminal matters).

John_H's picture

Hey Chase, I really love your site and the insightful, useful articles you post (Ricardo seems like a bit of a muppet, but thats not why I'm posting today).

In regards to this one you are advocating men avoid commitment "like the plague", which alot of men probably agree is the ideal way to live. However, as you get older your dating options thin out, and all the women in your age bracket are increasingly likely to be hitched/in LTRs, so I'm wondering, do you think this is a viable strategy long-term, for men middle-aged and over? I'm 23 and I'd guess you're in your late 20s/early 30s, and I can't see this "cad" strategy proving successful for a guy over 50. Perhaps you've got some insights into this.


Sourav's picture

I don't think Chase has got that 100% right. U never have to cheat on or wife to prove anything. U don't need to get approved by 100 women to retain ur wife's attraction for u. Two things worked wonders for me. Ur wife should not be better looking than u. This means if u r a male 8 marry someone who is 7 (I hate that rating scale btw). Never even think about marrying a 10 even if u r good at getting them. The idea is that ur wife must feel that its easier for u to replace her than the other way around. I still at 43 get heaps of attention from younger women that leaves my wife jealous as hell in a good way. Always have an attitude that u r faithful out of love instead of neediness. Its all about perception. See if pre- selection was that important for women even Chase had to start from 0 at some point of time.

Granted most of this problem arises from cultural differences. My wife being from India is still a lot more traditional with only 1 partner before she met me. But women are women. So work on ur fundamentals, love and cherish her, grow together and individually as a human being and u don't have to worry about cheating.

Anonymous's picture

I got to be great at picking up women and getting the ones that I wanted, not just the ones that were interested immediately in me, but after being with the same girl for almost a year I'm starting to realize I know dog shit about how to successfully be in a relationship.

I got out of a terrible four year relationship about 9 months before I met my current girl. In the previous relationship, I went down exactly the path you describe, putting myself into a position where I was being humiliated and taken advantage of, then breaking it off with the girl and getting back together, all of that bullshit, until I found out another guy was spending the night in her bed and I broke it off for good. That was one of the best decisions I'd ever made.

Now, I can see myself at that turning point where so much of my time is invested in hanging out with my current girl that I don't have the other prospects that you mentioned and the dynamic of our relationship is changing for the negative. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what was going on or causing things to change. You may have saved me an incredible amount of personal turmoil. Can't wait to read more of your stuff.

Thank you!

No One's picture

You truly comprehend us. Thank you.

It is a harsh reality for most, but things would be much better if women tried to understand what we really go through deep down.

OA's picture

Genius you are. Always right on time, Chase. My girl started playing some games with me and I felt really weird about how she's making me a little uncertain. I didn't even realise she had me by my tenders until going through this. You my friend are a Godsend.

All the best!

Keep 'em coming

Notabellend's picture

Chase LOL.

I disagree with some of this's picture

I disagree with some of the things that you said. Men should not lie to or cheat on their girlfriends or wives. How would men feel if one of their the same thing. Men are less forgiving than women. If you're going to be single and date both men and women, should be honest with the people that they are dating. I don't think it's about keeping your options open and remembering how to meet and get women... when you have feelings for someone and you love someone options don't even matter whether you are male or female. Options will always be there but if you love someone and you respect them those options do not matter and should not be pursued in any way shape or form unless you are single.

Folu's picture

Mate, you couldn't have explained this any better. I've personally been through everything you said about going past the commitment point. Before meeting my ex, I was a super ladies man. I was my ex's God until I made it clear enough to her that she was and would forever be the only one. BIG MISTAKE!!!! As soon as she started believing that and she saw I had cut-off all my options, I became worse than shit to her. She dumped me after 5 yrs when initially she spent months persuading me that I should commit to her. Her dumping me was the best thing to ever happen to me. I have gotten my mojo back and will never get past the commitment point with any woman again.

Peterson's picture

Thanks for a very insightful and important article, Chase. I have a question you didn't address in your article: what if she explicitly asks for your commitment to exclusivity? I am in a relationship with a girl I want to have children with. I started seeing her in an "open relationship" and over time we have grown on each other. I recently found her chatting with an ex boyfriend, setting up plans to see him for sex. While our explicit agreement was simply that we would use protection when seeing other people, through this episode I learned that I am more possessive towards her, and don't want her to see other guys. I have told her so and she accepted it. But she has also expressed now that she feels jealous about me seeing other girls. Later she asked me why I still have tinder on my phone. I have not addressed the topic explicitly, but I sense it will pop up again, and that it would be better for her security to know exactly where she stands. My reading of her impulse to stray is that she felt quite insecure about our relationship, so more security would be good for her. At the same time the other guy is more of a bad boy and I fear that my level of alphaness might take a hit by accepting exclusivity. But she seems eager to leave the open relationship stage behind and get into a committed relationship.
I am wondering how to frame the "I am not willing to commit to complete exclusivity, even if we have children together". How do you handle that request, when put on the spot and especially coming from a girl you're happy to settle down with? "It's better for our relationship dynamics and in the end for you (the girl), if I see other girls while you don't." sounds like a recipe for getting strong pushback from anyone who hears the story. Any suggestions?

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