Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women | Page 4 | Girls Chase

Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women

Chase Amante

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keeping your cool

The other day, a reader wrote in with a question about keeping your cool when women are being flighty or slow to respond, in reference to the post on what to do when girls flake:

In your article on girls not returning texts, I was wondering what your idea of a socially savvy way to deal with it was. I've found it hard not to take this personal, especially when it's from girls I've known longer that still do it. I understand it's quite common, but to me there's really no excuse. I'd much rather hear "I'm not interested" than waste my night waiting around, especially when considering how girls get when guys don't call them back.

You know, a long, long time ago -- it almost seems like another life -- I made it a point to respond to every single person who texted or called me, no matter what. I looked at it as a matter of honor, and took it as a point of pride -- I was reliable.

And it annoyed me to no end when people didn't respond. Like the reader above, I couldn't understand people who didn't respond -- I thought it rude, and I considered it inexcusable.

Of course you can take 10 seconds to text a reply, or 10 minutes to return a phone call, I'd think to myself.

I considered it a personal slight, those people who didn't respond.

I see things a lot differently nowadays. Often, I don't even notice when one person or another -- when one girl or another -- hasn't responded, until maybe much later -- and perhaps never at all. And, for all my earlier "principles" on being 100% reliable in responding to those who contacted me, I'm now sitting at somewhere decidedly below a 100% response rate -- maybe 85%, maybe 90%. I still try to respond most times, but it's no longer an unbreakable rule.

The reason why I changed -- both in how I saw it when others didn't respond, and in why I don't chase women with texting or phone calls anymore and why I don't always respond when people chase me anymore -- is what I want to share with you here.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Bill Stanley's picture

Hi Chase,
Have a question. I totally understand what you talking about, and I do not chase. However, there is a situation during getting to know a girl phase, when I don't really know what to do.
So here is the thing: The girl is nice, always texting back, always. What drives me crazy, Im the one, who always text first. She never text me on her own. If I wait a couple of days and do not contact, she won't text me.
This happened me a few times recently. Any advise?

Liam's picture

Absolutely brilliant Chase, I wish I had found this page/site alot sooner as It would have saved me from massive heartache and pain, I cant write down all the things that you mentioned above that actually have happened to me, The back burner one at the end really struck home though.

I will defintley take this advice and will absolutley put it into practice, Let them come to you in other words and dont be too keen as they think they have you under their thumb. Fantastic blog my friend.

Brand05's picture

So let's say she said she had fun on the first date, and everything in this article is spot on with her actions. Saying she is busy are so forth ("Christmas is hectic and I have been really busy lately...."), which means obviously she isn't interested anymore. Is there any hope in recovering from just friend to more than that? And if so, how does one go about that road? I am asking for a friend in this position. He has liked her for a very long time and they have been friends for longer than the time period of asking her out and taking her out.

hard to learner's picture

Bro this is gold. I was thinking should I chase but then remembered that its never worked for me in the past. I had three dates - all amazing. Second two were at my place. I cooked the finest foods, oysters, the finest cheeses the works etc. Did some massages but didnt bed her. Told her i liked her and wanted to start seeing her twice a week and joked she was the one even though I meant it. That seemed to scare her instead and she didnt commit to a fourth date. Her last text was - im going away for a few days and will call me when she gets back. She did send some frivolous text but a weeks gone bye and no call. If she does get back - I'm going to get back my power and will try my best to ensure this will never happen to me again. Thanks for the relief. Ive been in turmoil for two weeks like a little bitch missing her checking my phone every moment.

Fred's picture

I can see some truth to this article. Although while I'm a pretty big beginner with women and dating, I found it hard to completely agree with everything.

There is a game that is being played in dating. People with more experience in the game will have a better chance at dating. Although if you and the other person have found a connection, I believe things will eventually work themselves out. There is no rules set in stone that you need to have sex on the 1st or 2nd date or you will never be together.

I believe infatuation will fade overtime, but not necessarily attraction. Therefore I still think its possible for 2 people to get back together even months after dating. You would not buy the first house you look at, and I think its the same for dating. People need time to date multiple people before choosing one.

They say don't chase women, yet the website is called Girl A contradiction. They say chasing women will kill their attraction for you. Would men loose interest in women who are chasing them also? I thought the idea was to get girls to chase you. Why would I want them to chase me if that will make me loose interest in them?

I think what he means is don't chase women who are are NOT interested in you.

DH's picture

There is some good advice in here, but you are definitely excusing too much bad behavior. Rather than identifying the problem and saying, "Yeah, that can't be tolerated" you simply adapted. I can respect that, but I have to disagree.
The methods you talk about and the conclusions you come to only further prove my point.
For example, you said that girls won't reject guys outright but instead string them along because they don't want to be rude and they like having someone pursuing them. Well, that is clearly egocentric behavior on both parts. They are actually being much ruder by giving a clueless guy the run around and they are being selfish by keeping the pursuer around to feel good. Both motivations are about them, and they completely disregard the feelings of the guy.
Also, what you said about sleeping with a girl right away and the attraction... That is very true... For shallow relationships only. For something more meaningful, sleeping with them too early can complicate and possibly even cause things to end before they've had a chance to begin. Sex complicates things.
Overall, this is just bad advice.

Breeze's picture


Im new to all this and I currently have a situation like this with a girl ive know for about a year…. I made all of the mistakes above and I didn’t not move fast enough.. I never knew all of this so Im trying to get out these habits… This girl I am speaking of, when I disappear, she reaches out and I even still her to hang out with me on most occasions with little resistance. If she reaches out and we hang out again, what do I do I differently?? Should I even try??

God's picture

No, your goose is cooked. Move on and get new girls

Frank's picture

This is the dumbest thing I've ever read. It doesn't work for anyone who is not Brad Pitt. Men are the hunters. You have to chase, because a girl has to feel wanted and desired. Else they will not feel turned on, even if you have the body of a rockstar. If you don't chase they will think you are not interested in them. Sure, it's true you shouldn't chase to the point of obsession (keeping your cool, like not frantically messaging them 24/7) which will scare them off but waiting until they chase you, 9 times out of 10 it's just not going to happen. I think you are a bit delusional buddy. A woman is the prize. They are the beauty, you are the beast. Only a narcissist would think they are so desirable that the laws of nature don't apply to them. I mean, ofcourse the morons with chick problems praise you for your unorthodox advice, but look at the women talking here. They all disagree. There's a reason for that. Because they know their minds better than any man. Advice like this just seems alien to them (as does so much other PUA advice), because it is.

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