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hat do you do if a lover, girlfriend, or wife asks you for an open relationship… and you don't want one? How do you say no yet not look weak or cause reactance?
We've had a good deal of articles on Girls Chase that discuss entry into an open relationship. Either getting into one with an existing girlfriend, or how to find one open to it.
Today's article is on the other side of things. What do you do when your girl asks you to 'open up' the relationship... so she can have sex with other guys?
This can be tricky to deal with. Because when she hits you with it, you may not know:
- Does she mean it? Or is it a test?
- How do I say 'no' without looking jealous or weak?
- If I say 'no', will she do it anyway behind my back?
Contents
Much rides on your response. Get it wrong, and you may hurt her respect for you, or encourage her to sneak around behind you.
As you'll see in this article though, you can absolutely turn these requests down, and come out looking stronger for it. How it goes is all in how you frame things.
If you're instead looking for advice on how to get into an open relationship, check out this series on building non-monogamous relationships, or this article on what to look for in prospective polyamorous partners.
However, if what you'd like is to knock down any talk of your girl taking penis from other men, then read on, and let's handle that issue.
Comments
Nice article, Chase. Quick Q
Hey Chase,
Really enjoyed this article. Do you recommend or rather not recommend that guys come off as being polyamorous when first meeting a girl to rule out the possibilty of being a potential boyfriend?
I often tell girls about my poly past when I first meet them to see if they're sexually liberated, and so they would rule me out as a boyfriend. But I'm afraid I may be repelling women that don't want polyamory and prefer monogomy long term. Any thoughts on this?
Talking About Polyamory to Dates
Niles-
Hmm, that's an interesting question.
Years ago I used to tell women, even before sleeping with them, I was "not a one-girl guy." It didn't seem to hurt my odds sleeping with them any. Might've helped even.
Things you can do to rule out being a boyfriend generally will up your odds of bedding a girl, on average... assuming you have lover value to her and she wasn't just hoping to make you her boyfriend.
I'm not sure I like "I have a polyamorous past", because it makes it sound like you are looking for monogamy NOW. Something like "I don't like to put restrictions on love. So when I'm dating someone, if she wants to see someone else, that's fine with me. And the women I've dated have always been fine with us both being this way too." Even if she pushes back and says well SHE wouldn't be fine with that, you have still set expectations and ruled yourself out as a monogamous boyfriend.
Ultimately you'll just have to test, and see which works better for you. Though I'd suspect something like that last paragraph ought to be close to the optimal framing.
Chase
Also...
Also, just want to say that I also value your beliefs. I've been in a polyamorous relationship in the past, and it was a disaster. I realized it was very empowering to women while making cucks of the men. I don't believe the true male-female dynamic of sexuality can really exist with many partners. It's best done when she exclusively wants you. I have too much respect for myself to value a woman who's taking dicks form other men.
Cheers
Talking About Polyamory in the Past
Oh, didn't realize polyamory was just an "in the past" thing.
In that case, if it's not something you're still doing, I would probably not talk about it at all. Instead, use something else to downplay your "boyfriendability."
The "I used to be sexually wild but now am into monogamy" speech sounds a lot like "I'm looking for something serious now." Even if she's a more conservative girl, you need to be careful with that framing. So I think I'd just shelve talk of this, until later on when things are more established.
Chase
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