You’re Not That Special (and Neither is She)

I don't know what's going on chase, but im starting not to care about getting this skill set down anymore, I really don't want to approach and I don't want to deal with the learning curves of rejections flakes and all of the emotional draining.

I just feel like getting girls to approach me and it being easier since there chasing, too me it takes way too much effort to fight through the aa and to make a good first impression, it's just very overwhelming to me and idk what happened but I just lost the feeling to learn this stuff because, I guess I feel I can't do it and I don't do it, I rarely approach, but I only do it here and there when I feel like it.

Chase, please help me change how I feel and get down hard on this skill set, I want to get better and better. Its just as of late I stopped caring and I don't know why. Please help me out chase to care and to approach.

Mostly my problem is I really don't feel confident to approach, and I feel like why bother to get rejected feel bad and make your confidence go down even more. I reject myself before I even get rejected.

Thank you chase

This girl that I heard likes one of my Acquaintances, but she said I have a "pretty smile". Im really curious if this is saying it's a sexy smile or a friendly smile? Also everybody is chasing her and I heard she likes this dude. Should I even try to fuck her?

This entry of yours is among the most ambitious and articulate that I've seen on the site; it brings together a LOT of different, and big, ideas. While it's one of the best I've read here, if I were recommending the site to someone else I certainly wouldn't start here - there's lots of "required reading" someone has to have under their belt already to really buy the concepts you discuss (or they must have VERY high social understanding, in which case, they probably wouldn't be on a site like this in the first place).

If y'all haven't read it, I recommend Venkatesh Rao's "The Gervais Principle." It's a lengthy essay that breaks down and explains the differences between people that cause them to be at different levels in corporations. It applies to social structures as well, though. The talk people give (to others and themselves) to maintain the delusion that they're "special" is the focus of one of his sections. Brilliantly enlightening.

P.S. I find it interesting (perhaps because I agree) that you peg the blame for this trend largely on advertising. Which is one of the reasons I wish I'd gotten into that field: it's psychology, but it's applied for profit instead of just discussed. If you watch Mad Men, what you say is exactly what Don says in the pilot: "advertising is based on one thing. Happiness."

You were writing on how people outside of "the west" usually say like: oh i'm just a regular guy/girl. And this having to be special is something of the west.

Now I do live in "the west", but I do not have this large need to feel unique or special (to my knowledge).

I get how it's important to make girls feel like they're special and the ways in which you say you could do it.

Do you think that girls who want to feel special and unique, also want a guy who thinks hes something special and unique?

I have this friend who is like a natural, always really seems to think he is the best (not in a negative way). And he seems to have success with this.

Me, personally, I think I'm just a regular guy.

Would you think it would be a good idea to fake having this kind of "confidence/belief of feeling the best", would this be beneficial with these "girls from the west" who believe they are the best and thus deserve the best?

I am studying at a university, and have trouble attracting these popular girls, who feel they are the best.

In another article Ive read you talk about how being humble is in some ways a good strategy with girls.

I would really be interested in your take on this.

P.S.
Your site, and especially the content you've written yourself is pure gold.
I broke up with my first ever long time girlfriend like a year and a half ago, and although Ive read a lot of pick up kind of stuff before that, I was not very good with women.

Since then I'm still not very good with women, but slowly progressing, and in the last year and a half I've taken more than 20 new women to bed.

A lot of this success is based on your ideas about moving fast, and seeking results instead of reactions.

You are one of the few people who are sane and on a high maturity level, that I know of that is willing to share his knowledge and insights.

Thanks a lot, Chase :)

Hey Chase,

I recently began working my first full-time job right out of college. It's a large company where the majority of employees are married - only about 10% of my immediate office is fresh out of college.

There are approximately five young women who joined the company at the same time as me, right out of college. From the outset, one of the girls (Gwen) caught my eye and I noticed she was checking me out quite regularly. I waited for an appropriate time to introduce myself without going out of my way. That same day I asked her about lunch and she invited me along with two of her girl friends. While walking to lunch, she was "promoting" me to her friends even though I had just met her. Throughout the lunch the girls spoke a lot but I orchestrated the conversation by asking insightful questions, semi-deep dive to Gwen in particular, but they all chimed in. During the lunch one of the girls mentioned a guy that Gwen had been "talking" to. Gwen lightly acknowledged him but moved off that topic rather quickly. I also found out Gwen still lives at home. All in all, lunch went well and I figured I'd get to know her more in the office and at other lunches... Hopefully building some more rapport before inviting her out 1:1.

Fast forward 3 months... Even though we see each other every day, our relationship has not progressed. This bothers me because I can sense built-up emotional tension between us two whenever we're near each other. It feels as if we cannot interact normally because of our peers or managers' perceptions, along with the casual professional brand we must uphold.

I can sense the attraction but I do not think we can acknowlege it approriately at work. I can't fully read her because we do not work on similar projects, so in order to speak with her I must go out of my way... Which i've only done once more to set up another lunch. We had that lunch with a couple tag-along friends but it wasn't very fruitful for the two of us.

It's almost as if Gwen & I are playing a game, with very little skin in the game, and it's frustrating because I still catch her checking me out from across the room, but not much else to work with. Our two lunches went well but I couldn't entirely isolate us from the conversation to appropriately deep-dive.

I want to stop acting like she is just a "commodity" (i.e. ignoring her glances). However, she sort of isolates herself in the office even as other males in the office do their best to make her giggle. I know I can do more than that (i.e. Validate) but i have not found a clear method of accomplishing my goal: determining if we can at least be compatible, attractive friends that work together and maybe even more than that if it feels right.

Any advice would be appreciated. It's fantastic all of the time and effort you and your team put into this site. Keep up the great work and I hope you realize how much of a positive impact you all are having in men's lives and in society as a whole.

Thank you,

W.

How are you gonna say everyone in the west acts like they're special when you yourself have admitted to being borderline narcissistic?. In your article on self esteem you wrote that when when you didn't fit in you felt "defiant." You thought everyone else was just average and ordinary, but that you were different and unique. Then you got depressed later on and had victim mentality and even thought about killing others and then yourself. I bet deep down you feel like you're the shit. You may act humble and realize youre not that special on the surface, but in your core you probably feel youre better than most people due to the wide array of things you have accomplished.

Absolutely wonderful article! Seriously, I rarely take to comments Bc I'm a very busy person, but I've been dedicating a lot of time recently to improving my game if you will, and without a doubt, GirlChase.com has the BEST articles with the BEST insight BY FAR from any other site online, and in attraction that's saying a LOT!

This is 100% spot on, and I believe, the ONLY way to get that seemingly "Perfect 10" to be interested in you, and as long as you're at least a 5 to her in initial attraction, following this template will, I believe, get you literally woman you desire. Great work Chase, absolutely top notch!