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Dating

You Should Never Hook Up with an Ex

Hector Castillo's picture

hooking up with an ex
You broke up with her for good reasons, but all of a sudden the prospect of hooking up with an ex is staring you right in the dick. Here’s why you should take a pass.

“Maybe you should head home. I think she wants to be alone tonight.”

I was in college at the time, and the girl telling me this was a high school friend. She didn’t know my ex-girlfriend that well and had only just found out about us at the party that night, and she was playing Mother Hen a bit too zealously.

It probably had something to do with her having had a crush on me back in high school.

I immediately saw through her BS.

I stood up, walked past her, and looked for my ex-girlfriend. I found her sitting on a bed in one of the bedrooms (at a friend’s house). As she saw me enter, she smiled and asked me how I was. A few minutes earlier, we were in one of the bathrooms fooling around, and some things were said, the gist being that I was not going to get back together with her.

Now she was telling me how I’d been leading her on, making her think we were going to get back together. I had no idea what she was talking about. I was utterly confused. Stupefied. How did I lead her along? We’ve just been having sex and occasionally hanging out.

It was a crucial moment in my life. I was about to learn how women link sex to love.

She explained to me that it wasn’t just about sex and hanging out. She still had feelings for me and felt that I must also have similar feelings for her, because why else would I continue to sleep with her?

To me, this again seemed strange. In truth, we slept together a few times after breaking up. We broke up a week after our anniversary because she had started some needless drama for the last time, and I told her I wanted to break up.

She quietly cried a little, and then we had sex — because she told me we could still be friends and have sex. So I naturally agreed. Duh. What I didn’t fully grasp was that this was her way of getting me back, and she expected it to work despite having just agreed we could still be friends and have sex. She was using pussy, jealousy, and sweetness to keep me lured in.

9 Ways to Be Romantic Without Being Cheesy

Hector Castillo's picture

how to be romantic
We all know that trying too hard turns women off, but you still need to show her you care, right? How do you be romantic without going overboard?

It’s a hilarious irony that although romance is the most talked about subject in human history, how to be romantic is a largely misunderstood subject, by both men and women. Keeping a woman happy is a lot easier than the literature would have you believe.

This simplicity is your liberation from the idea of sacrifice as love.

Romance is a simple combination of:

  1. Her being appreciated and noticed

  2. Her being well sexed

She wants to be noticed for both her physical qualities and her personality. She wants to feel sexy and beautiful but also smart, courageous, funny, etc. If you show her and tell her, with earnest sincerity, she will feel these ways because of you.

That’s one half of romance.

She also wants to be desired sexually and ravished. There is no higher compliment to a woman than your hard dick enjoying itself inside of her. But men complicate this, usually in an attempt to not treat her like a sexual being, out of fear or “respect,” which is another cute irony.

The truth is, women want to be objectified sexually, even sometimes without romance. Or, in a serious relationship with romance, or at least moving in that direction, you then add appreciation for her personality to the base of your sexual desire. However, sexual desire is still the foundation and the way of expressing your love.

This is what separates the creepy guy at the bar objectifying her and her adoring, masculine lover, boyfriend, or husband. The creepy guy, or any guy she doesn’t see as dominant, is insulting her by desiring her sexually.

“How could this guy think he has a shot with me?”

Sure, a hundred loser guys liking her photo on Instagram will make her smile and feel validated, but it’s worth one-sixteenth of a sixteenth of a second of her lover’s appreciation for her.

And she has no problem with the sexual objectification, as I said, even if he’s a random HOT stranger. That’s because, for X or Y hot characteristic he has (fashion, charisma, tall, handsome, status, money, devil-may-care attitude, etc.), his sexual attraction is welcomed.

He’s “allowed” to objectify her because she ALSO positively objectifies him (I want to have sex with him, or “I want his babies”).

And this is romance.

It's a combination of appreciation and lust. The question that inevitably follows from any man who knows the nature of women is how to achieve a balance.

8 Tips That'll Get You Out to Start Dating Again

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

start dating again
We all have dating droughts for one reason or another, or perhaps we just got out of a relationship. Either way, the good news is it’s not hard to start dating again.

Last year I decided to start dating again. As a professional dating coach, I obviously don’t showcase this much, but I had a two-year sojourn from women.

This type of thing is not uncommon for guys of any age, especially for guys past their 30s like me. All men go through dating/no-dating phases throughout their lives for whatever reason or no reason at all. Other priorities and interests pop up, or they get stuck in a rut, or they get bored or burnt out with the dating scene and decide to take a break and focus on something else, or they get out of a long-term relationship and are recovering from it or they don't know how to get back in the game and attract a woman they'd like to date.

Whatever the reason you find yourself getting back into the dating life, it's important to start with the right mindset. That means not thinking you're doomed because you've had a break; it means knowing there are plenty of high-quality women out there you can attract if you put in the effort. But that's true for every guy! Not having dated for a time doesn't make you an anomaly. You just need a refresher course and to gain a bit of momentum. Dating is like riding a bike.

That said, if you've let yourself go and have become a fat, jaded, neck-bearded slob since your last date, you'll have a harder time getting back on the trail (also true with riding bikes, no?).

Your dating confidence may be low right now, which is why you're here reading this. At the very least, you're on the right path, and it could just be a matter of one or two good dates or evenings vigorously thrusting your manhood into a hot, wet vagina to get you rolling again. Sometimes all it takes is to be reminded of how amazing it feels to have sex with a woman, have a meaningful connection with one, or both.

Personally, I went with no sex for about 20 months. And to be honest, it didn’t really bother me. If I died tomorrow and my life flashed before my eyes, I wouldn’t cry about my lack of sexual experiences.

Why would a man with a skillset such as mine decide to isolate himself from the sexual marketplace? To answer that, I’d have to share too much of myself for a blog post. But I’ll just say, sometimes turning your hobby into a job has unintended effects. I felt a little bit of dating PTSD, like a kick boxer who’d been kicked in the head too many times and just wanted to lie down.

I’ve been into this stuff for almost 14 years, slept with hundreds of women, fell in and out of love, traveled the world, and went “Okay, now what?” I’m no guru. I’m just a man.

Long story short, the phases of my life shifted back to dating, and it wasn’t easy at first. But I’m back, baby! And I’ll share with you what I’ve learned from the upside-down of dating.

Always Make Sure You Know How Much Time She Has

Chase Amante's picture
find out how much time she has
One of the first things to do in any date you go on or on any approach that might have a time constraint: ask the girl what else she has planned, and when.

Ever meet a girl on a bus or a train, and you start talking, and it seems to go great... and then all of a sudden she's telling you "That's my stop, I have to go!"... and the next thing you know, she's gone, and you hadn't even grabbed her contact details?

Ever take a girl on a date, and just when it starts to get good she tells you "Hey, I'm sorry, but I have to leave now, I have an appointment in 30 minutes and I have to get going."

That's always super awkward, isn't it?

What if you didn't have to run into these scenarios ever again?

What if you always made sure you had girls' contact info far in advance of them leaving, and you knew exactly when a date had to end, so you could be sure to end it on your terms?

Well, you can.

It's very simple.

All you need to do is, very quickly into any conversation or date where there's any possibility of a time constraint, make sure you know how much time she has.

Jealous Women Can Be a Good Thing, If You're a Guy

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

jealous women
Jealous women aren’t always a bad thing, because there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. The key is to understand the difference and make the good kind work for you.

My first girlfriend (let's call her Sarah) was this perky-breasted firecracker of a love muffin. I was 21, and she was 17 (legal in Canada). We were together for nearly three and a half tumultuous years. At the time I met her, I thought she was the most awesome girl ever. She was cute, smart, and into the same music as me (Indie/Punk). So we got on great, for about a year. Then, from her, I had my first lesson in jealous women.

When I think of jealous women, I think of two types of jealousy: good and bad. These two types have subcategories for inside and outside of a relationship.

Inside: A long-term monogamous relationship (LTR). This involves managing jealousy from your girlfriend or wife. Jealousy inside is mostly negative but can be used to re-establish waning attraction.

For example, you go to a party and have a conversation with an attractive woman. Your girlfriend becomes a little jealous. She knows she’s not your only option and you could get another girl if you broke up. So that night she makes sure to give you really hot sex, and that’s the extent of the consequences you'll face. This is good jealousy inside a relationship.

Or she could become an insanely jealous woman and light your apartment on fire because you smiled at your waitress. That is bad inside jealousy.

Outside: An impending, casual pickup, or non-monogamous relationship. This is dealing with jealousy from a girl who isn’t your girlfriend or wife.

For example, you approach a girl at the bar. She’s sort of interested but not enough to hook up with you. Then, because you’re talking to this attractive girl, another attractive girl notices and hovers near you (preselection). So you start talking to this second girl, which makes the first girl jealous. Now, when you return to her, she’s suddenly very interested in you.

However, if you’re doing really well with a girl and then you switch to another one, you might piss off the first girl, and that’s the end of your seduction. Pitting two jealous women against each other is a powerful tool, with a small chance of backfiring.

Good Jealousy: Used to either create attraction or increase it. It can be utilized both inside or outside of a relationship.

A good jealous woman is one who becomes more attracted to you because of the jealousy. It’s a signifier of your value to other women, which makes you more valuable in her eyes. It doesn’t make her crazy, violent, or depressed.

Bad Jealousy: Jealousy inside a relationship can turn toxic, destroying trust. Outside of it can lead to hurt feelings, and occasionally, violence. Bad jealousy is the cause of destroyed relationships, divorce, sometimes murder, and even suicide.

How to Influence the Type of Guy a Girl Will Like

Varoon Rajah's picture

dating preferences of women
Every woman has her preference in men, and that can be frustrating if you’re not it. The good news is you can actually change her preference if you know how.

Guys often think a girl’s preferences in men are fixed and can't be shaped, that women already know what they want in a man, especially physically. This is true to an extent, but it is often wrongly assumed that certain guys with specific looks have an unfair advantage due to their appearance. Sometimes they do, but it's not always the case, and their advantage is not based on what you might think!

Take it from me, a brown guy who excels with white and Asian women.

I keep hearing complaints from guys stating that they want to attract a certain kind of woman, whether it’s an Asian woman, blonde woman, Italian woman, or any kind of woman, but cannot do so because of their race. They say these women have a racial disposition that heavily favors a different race. On the boards, men often comment that Italian women are racist and only want blonde men, or Asian women are racist and only want white men, and so on.

In a way, these guys are right. Girls are attracted to men largely based on physical appearance only. However, what these men fail to understand is that girls base their attraction entirely on their previous experiences. One of the most elite seduction skills you can learn is to know that, as a man, you have immense power to shape the tastes of the women around you.

What to Do After Sex to Keep Women Happy

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

what to do after sex
Sometimes you meet a girl you want to see again after a night of passion. What you do after sex has a huge impact on whether she’ll want to keep seeing you.

Most of my articles focus on how to get girls for sex, but many men want to know what to do after sex.

Some guys are so shackled by their perceived limitations (Broken Man Syndrome) that they’re surprised when, after sex, a girl may actually want to see them again.

Men with dreams of being players or having harems drop those dreams as soon as they meet a girl who’s a notch more attractive than they’re used to. So they revert, act a little needy, and the girl figures she was duped. “He must not be the cool guy I thought he was. Oh well… next.” Meanwhile, these men are back to cold approaching girls at the mall, chasing the dream of being a player.

If you stumble upon a great girl and want to keep her in your life, what you do after sex is as critical as what you do before it.

10 Glaring Signs When You've Blown It on a Date

Chase Amante's picture
blown it on a date
If you can't tell when you've blown it, it's very hard to fix mistakes. Look for these 10 signs to always be able to tell when you've lost a girl (and why).

Over the years of coaching men to do well with women, I've spotted many key differences between the men who learn fast and the men who flounder.

One of those differences -- the one we'll talk about today -- is the ability to spot the moment in an interaction with a woman where things go from 'filled with potential' to 'crashed and burned'.

No one has a perfect pickup streak for too long. Everyone loses girls, botches courtships, and slips up:

  • You approach a girl a wrong way

  • You say something to her that offends her and turns her off

  • You miss an escalation window she had wide open for you

  • You propose the wrong thing and she declines

  • You're too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, and she leaves in disappointment

Everybody does these things at least sometimes.

However, what I have realized over time -- and it surprised me at first when it really clicked that it was this way for some guys, and that this was the source of many of their struggles -- was that some guys have no idea where they blown it with a girl.

For many guys (myself included), the moment you get too far off track with a girl you get that gut feeling of 'whoops, that might've done it' and you say to yourself, "Oh drat, missed a move / did that wrong. She might be lost."

This is vital to the improvement process, because when you know where you messed up, it is easy to fix the next go-round. You might be able to fix it during this or on your next interaction with the same girl. More likely, if you really have lost her, that girl is lost, but you can do things better next time with an entirely new girl you do not make that mistake with.

For some guys though, these signs things have gone awry are invisible. Every failed date or approach or seduction is a guessing game for such a man: what could have gone wrong? Why didn't it work? He has no idea. He just knows the date didn't work... but somewhere in there, in that two hours he spent with her, she went from 'interested in him' to 'no longer interested in him'. He just doesn't know where or why.

If you want to improve with girls at any rate faster than a sloth crawl, you need to spot the moment you lost a girl. This is sign what tells you where there's something to fix.

8 Signs You're Too Good for Her and Need Someone Better

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

too good for her
Does your relationship feel counterproductive to the life you want? It might be because you are too good for her. Here are some signs it’s time to find someone better.

Have you ever had a girlfriend and asked yourself if you’re too good for her? I have. And that’s about the point when we break up. But a lot of men seem to remain in these relationships, which ultimately turn toxic if they’re not already.

I’ve known men who date women who are obese, alcoholic, sociopathic, racist, ignorant, lazy, materialistic, unclean, stupid — all the worst imaginable traits. Yet they stay with these toxic women for years, some for life.

I could have become one of those guys myself if I hadn’t found this community and learned how to be better with women, to cold approach and learn how to meet new women at will, and develop a taste for self-improvement.

You'll do yourself a favor if you learn how to have abundance with women and not settle for a crappy relationship situation when you don't have to.

Relentless Pragmatism Pt. 6: The Transition Phases of Seduction

Daniel Adebayo's picture

seduction transition phases
Here we cover the final transition phases in seduction, focusing on the factors that help you smoothly pull her home and escalate to sex with minimal resistance.

Welcome back, students of the game. If you missed the first five articles in this series, here they are:

  1. The Best Mindset to Get Better with Women
  2. Flavors of Screening and Volume Game
  3. Zen and Naturally Attractive Personas
  4. Influence Game and Optimization
  5. The Transition Phases of Seduction

Through the eyes of Pete and Matthew, we’ve come to understand that choosing to become a screener, a natural, or a controller can send you hurtling toward a variety of exciting destinations in the seducer’s journey. But for you to realize your potential in each school of seduction, and start seeing better results in your dating life, you must take pragmatic steps to refine your cold approach process.

As we discussed in Part 5, whenever you consider the challenge of taking a new conquest to bed, to get the best odds of success, you need to lead her past all four transition phases. The choices you make during each transition phase form the backbone of your process. Unfortunately, it’s very common for men to lose beautiful women they could have had sex with because they made bad decisions during their attempted pickups. You can avoid those frustrating and disappointing experiences by learning how to make pragmatic choices as your seductions unfold.

Think of this series as your guide to playing the game adeptly. Like any game worth playing, though, practice makes perfect.

The topics we cover in this final article will serve as a comprehensive breakdown of the last two transition phases and the final dose of pragmatism in this series. So, read on if you’ve ever wondered how to get first date sex, close out your same-night lays, or even pull off same-day lays more consistently.