Dating | Page 5 | Girls Chase

Dating

Dating App Gurus vs. Pick Up Artists: What's the Difference?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

dating app gurus
More and more, guys who succeed with women on dating apps are claiming their way is the 'best way.' But do these guys have superior seduction skills – or are they full of hot air?

When I was a seduction neophyte, cutting my teeth on game, everyone agreed: online dating was good for a few easy lays and a little momentum. Nevertheless it wasn't where you wanted to hang your hat.

There were guys then who specialized in it. But the rule of thumb was, the more into online a guy was, and the less 'real world', the more of an introverted, and frequently kind of odd, guy he was. Online was its own unique niche... but nobody went around equating it with pickup. The two were different things.

Online and pickup/seduction overlapped in some ways. But online always only ever covered a subsection of the skills and tool sets a man learned in cold approach pickup.

Recently, however, there's been a sort of ideological schism.

With the normalization of dating apps, the number of men whose lays come mostly or entirely from dating apps has skyrocketed.

And, increasingly, these online dating guys are getting some rather large egos.

Should You Start Dating a Woman with Kids?

Hector Castillo's picture

dating a woman with kids
Have you considered dating a woman with kids? As the child of a single mother, my advice is to find someone else and avoid the many pitfalls intrinsic to stepfatherhood.

In my opinion, you should not date a woman with kids.

You can shag her, sure. Beyond that, I would not continue to date her.

The only exception is that you also have a kid you’re bringing into the new union, and you're both down to help raise children who aren't yours. In that way, the power imbalance is addressed, and you’re both helping the offspring of other parents.

If that recommendation upsets you, I’m guessing one of two things:

  1. You’ve been programmed to think stepfatherhood virtuous.

  2. Or, you lust for a woman who has a kid. Maybe you’re already dating her.

The only people who will say you should be a stepdad are those with an agenda. And I say this as a guy who was raised by many different surrogate fathers during his childhood.

My birth father was mostly nonexistent from the age of 2 to 12. I only would see him during summers after that. We have a good relationship now, but it’s taken nearly 15 years to get to that point, with drama in between that I would wish on no one.

I say this because it makes me immune to the most hateful responses someone might have about my stance on this topic, which I happen to know better than almost anyone. The only criticism that might strike me as genuine is, “You’re ungrateful for the love those men had for you!”

The answer to that is: no, I’m not.

I’m very grateful for the parenting attempts made by my many quasi-stepfathers (none ended up marrying my mother, except one briefly for a few months). They all had different influences on me. Some good, some bad, some mediocre, but I appreciate the effort they made if they did make one.

There are a few who had a significant impact on me, and I will thank them until the day I die.

One of them was an Italian chef. He was the first person my mother dated who truly acted like a father. My mother told me he is the one responsible for teaching her how to let my cry as a baby and not rush to soothe me. “Let him cry, and he will stop,” he told her. He even sat on her to keep her from rushing to me. He is still my mother’s close friend even to this day.

Another important man was a boyfriend who would later come out as gay. He had some degree of heterosexuality given he had a relationship with my mother, so it would be accurate to classify him as bisexual. My mother had suspected he was more gay than not, though, and after they broke up, he decided to follow that life. He was very, very good to her and me, and he loved us both very much. Even now, he is still a close friend of my mother and visited me on my birthday in Europe a few years back.

The most beautiful follow up to this story is that, after all these years, he still has a picture of my mother and me on his desk. When he’s asked about this picture, he says that if he had desired the life of a straight man more than his current life, then we would have been his life. My mother would have been his wife, and I would be his son. I think this is extraordinarily beautiful.

The third important surrogate father was as close to a stable father figure as I would ever have. Although he had a son and daughter of his own, we were more closely linked in personality than his own kids. You might say I was the son he always wanted. Karma brought us together for a reason because our similarity was insanely strong. However, he had serious personal faults that prevented him from truly being a man worthy of my mother’s respect. He lacked the skills to allow the relationship to flourish. I will say without regret that he was an amazing influence in my life and taught me much about what it means to be good, to care, to love, and to be a man. I love him deeply and wish him all the best in this life and the next. He is a good man with a good heart.

However, I will say this unequivocally: I would never recommend any of them to take on the role they did and attempt to become a stepfather. Even more so, I say this about the rest of the men my mother dated. Of them, none of any importance come to mind.

All those men, no matter how good their intentions, were going after pussy (except the gay one, of course; he might be an exception and probably loved me the most, as his heart wasn’t tainted by lust). For the rest of those men, I was a secondary concern. Even if they grew to love me later, I was not a priority.

Don’t get me wrong.

I don’t doubt some genuinely cared about me or loved me or wanted the best for me. Some clearly did, as I pointed out. It doesn’t change the fact that they still wanted to screw my mom. I know this because I know men. I teach them for a living, and I know their hearts and minds better than they do.

But I get ahead of myself.

Let’s look at why society lauds the stepfather and deconstruct its motivations so you can discover if you want to be praised for this act (and how this praise subtly motivates you to be a stepfather, even if you’re not aware of it).

You Don't Get Girlfriends by "Giving Them Stuff"

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

giving girls stuffCan you convince a girl to be your girlfriend by giving her stuff?

It's obviously not a strategy we recommend on this site. But LOTS of guys try to pull it off. So let's have a look.

A guy on Reddit talks about a girl who “let's just be friends”'d him six months ago, writing:

Earlier this week, I bought tickets for a musical next year that we both really want to see and she was over the moon. I really wanted to go with her but I thought maybe it could also be a good opportunity to ask her out again, seeing as it had been 6 months. She asked me how much tickets were and I told her, "Well, I was thinking maybe this could be a date. And in that case, no charge at all."

My friend told me she was sorry but still didn't have feelings, valued the friendship, etc. I told her it was fine and that I just thought I'd check in again and we moved on as usual. It hurt, but I was fine to just stay friends and hoped the feelings would eventually subside.

The next day, we started talking about the musical again. I mentioned the price of the tickets and she said something like, "Oh, I thought it was a gift?" I told her it would have been free if we were going as a date, but as friends, I'd want her to pay for hers. She got quite annoyed at me and accused me of trying to pay her back for not returning feelings. She told me she really didn't want to hurt me (and to her credit, her rejection was done as considerately as it can be) but this was really making her feel like I was trying to punish her for not reciprocating interest.

I tried to explain that I didn't mean it to come across like that, but these tickets were relatively expensive too and I just wasn't willing to spend that much on a friend. My friend told me she wasn't upset about having to pay for the ticket and she was always happy to do that, but she felt like this was me trying to get some petty revenge or even manipulation, that I didn't value her as a friend but just as someone I could maybe have a relationship with.

We see here the stereotypical nice guy / nice girl manipulation dynamic:

  • Nice guy pretends to be fine with being friends, only to keep trying sneaky tactics at moments he has leverage to try to get dates

  • Nice girl pretends to be surprised something nice guy offered her for free in exchange for a date is not still for free once she's turned down the date (and manages to get both tickets for free in the end -- see below)

In an update, the nice guy bends, giving the girl both tickets for free to invite whomever she wants. Meanwhile, the nice girl accepts the free tickets (of course... the actually gracious thing would be to say "No thanks, you keep them, take some girl you like instead" -- but this girl's not gracious), though says she will probably take the nice guy along. He's providing her free stuff and lots of fawning attention, without her having to give him anything in return... she is going to keep that going so long as it's still worthwhile to her.

While the whole thing is pretty cringeworthy, we must ask: does this technique ever sometimes work?

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Use Guilt Trips (Playfully)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

how to use guilt trips
You can guilt trip women in fun, light ways (without putting a lot of pressure on them or being manipulative) to keep your courtships moving forward. The secret is the 'fun' part…

Don't worry, we're not going to talk about the Scumbag Steve, Dark Side version of this.

This article's about something Light. It's the playful version of guilt tripping.

Guilt trips are a persuasion tool you can use to get a woman out of her head and thinking about things from your perspective. They add another piece of the puzzle to an equation where a woman may only have been thinking about her own immediate wants.

You can use this kind of fun 'guilt trip' to accomplish various useful items:

  • Get a woman to stick around longer with you in-person
  • Get her to rethink her decision to cancel plans / flake
  • Get her to comply with a request or agree to a venue change

And more. We'll talk about how below.

Do it in a playful way, and you have a nice little pattern interrupt that shakes a woman out of the pattern she was in, and often loosens up the vibe a good bit to boot.

Tactics Tuesdays: Dealing with "Give Me X!"

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

give me that
Whether she's got an attitude or she's just not good with people, sometimes a girl make demands. How you handle her demands sets your courtship's tone.

If you go out enough, from time to time you'll face girls with attitude.

You'll also face girls who are socially uncalibrated, and girls with low EQs (emotional quotients).

Any of these girls, whether to show attitude or because she just isn't calibrated enough to know otherwise, will sometimes make demands of you.

Demands like "Give me a napkin" in a voice tone that's demanding and not sweet, and in an impolite way without a 'please' attached.

It's a small thing, but how you respond to these impolite impositions can set the tone for later parts of your courtship.

You must respond in a useful way.

Tactics Tuesdays: For Resistant Girls, Use This Parting Shot

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

resistant girl parting shot
Some girls like to be with you and have your attention, but won't let you escalate. If you reach the point where you're ready to bail on them, before you do, do this.

I've talked about parting shots on Girls Chase before.

A parting shot is anything you say to a girl before you ditch her, leave her behind, or otherwise cut contact with her, because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere with her.

It is, in my opinion, not great form to simply walk away from a woman you've invested time and energy into, and had even a bit of a connection with and got a little ways with, without a parting shot.

The reason for this is simple: sometimes women play games, under the assumption that you will continue to play games.

They do this because most guys will.

But you're not most guys.

And before you shove off, it's important that women understand that.

Why "The Lover" Always Wins the Dating Game

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

lover vs provider
Should you come across as a lover or a provider? Let’s examine why the lover’s frame is always best, no matter the type of relationship you want with a girl.

Hey guys, and welcome back.

In this post, I’ll discuss two aspects of seduction men need to consider to achieve great success with women.

There have been many theories that split concepts into categories, phases, or into different aspects, like “the five pillars of seduction,” etc. Today I want to break it down to its core.

The framework I’ll present will be very intuitive and broad, yet I’ll give examples as we proceed.

You may have certain frameworks you already use to make sense of the world of seduction and women. There is nothing wrong with that if it is helpful. However, you may encounter a competing framework that you happen to find equally interesting. Yet, it is not coherent with your usual framework. This will not be the case here.

The framework I’ll discuss is so basic that any other framework you may have will be compatible. If it is not, then your initial framework needs reworking.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Heavy Pause

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

heavy pause
Use the 'heavy pause' in the right moment, just before you escalate. It makes it EASIER to make moves with the women you want to make moves with.

A pregnant pause is a pause you make before you say something impactful, or when you wait for the other person to fill in the silence.

Yet there's a specific type of pregnant pause we can use for specific situations, right before escalation.

To differentiate this pause from the more generic pregnant pause, let's call this type of pause the 'heavy pause'.

You can use a heavy pause before any important courtship milestone:

Heavy pauses serve as a sort of 'moment of truth' when you find out whether a girl is ready for the next step or not.

They also let you build up anticipation before you take the plunge... which makes the next move you make all the sweeter.

And if you're used to speeding through your interactions, a few heavy pauses at the right places can make all the difference between a rushed courtship versus one that proceeds at a whirlwind pace yet never feels hurried to her.

Can You Still Meet People During Coronavirus?

Chase Amante's picture
meet people coronavirus
As coronavirus locks down the world, can you still have a social life… and what ARE the real risks of the disease – should you risk a venture outdoors? Image credit: Kukuruyo.com

Coronavirus is sweeping the Western world now, after having already swept across East Asia.

Contents

6 Signs You're a Player (Plus 3 Signs You're Not)

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

what is a player
What is a player? And more importantly, are YOU a player? Will being labeled a player have a bad impact on your dating life, or can the label actually help you?

What is a player?

Many years ago, when I was still a sniveling newbie in the dating scene, I was friends with an amazingly talented seductionist. I’ll call him Chris.

I went to a party with Chris, and a girl I recognized from work looked at me sideways and asked how I knew him. I didn’t tell her we were part of a secret society of pickup artists that met in a rented room we called a “lair” every Sunday and were out that night to practice our approach techniques.

“He’s a friend of a friend,” I replied.

“Well…” she shriveled her nose, “he’s a notorious player.”

I went back to Chris and told him he had the reputation of being a player. “Really? That’s good,” he replied, obviously pleased with the label.

Why would a seducer be pleased about being called a player?