Building Equity

In the article on finding the woman you most want, a reader named Alex asks a question about having sex with the women you work with:

“The question is about getting together with girls you work with, I am young guy, working jobs at the mall to save up for school. I feel attraction from a lot of the girls I work with, but want an idea of how to transition it into getting one on ones with them. I want it to go smoothly, because I work with them and would see them frequently. So I don't want strain working relationships, but since I'm there a good amount time, translating this environment into my dating life would be awesome.”

Now here's a question just about every guy has - whether he's working at the mall like Alex, or in a cubicle-filled office building, or working in a school with hot young teachers, or running his own business out of a co-working space where he passes sexy secretaries every day in the hallway or anywhere else a man trades 8 or 9 hours a day for a paycheck and ends up face to face with intriguing women and intractable social dilemmas.

Chase already did a piece on flirting at work; so if you want a more enjoyable workplace environment or to enlist your female colleagues in some engaging, sexy banter, definitely check that one out. Flirting at work is also going to be a key to our strategy for getting to more than just flirting, which I'll go into a little later on.

However, we also promised a follow-up piece on having sex with your colleagues... and getting laid at work.

This is that piece, and I'm going to tell you just how to turn your workmates into bedmates.

It occurs to me that there is a certain percentage of the readership here that has been reading Girls Chase for a fairly long time but not taking much or any action.

Some guys work on their fundamentals enough to get more attraction, but have difficulty ever talking to new women.

Some guys view all this self-improvement hoopla as something of a curiosity to be read about, enjoyed, and perhaps considered, but not something to be done, at least not right now.

Some guys meet women in their social circles, but not really in the way that Peter discusses in his series on social circle; more in a just freeform, unguided, I'll-meet-women-whenever-they-meet-me kind of way, that doesn't lead to a whole bunch of outstanding results but does lend itself nicely to ending up fixated on one or two women you just can't seem to get.

For those readers - all the guys who'd like to start, someday maybe, or even right now but just can't seem to get past their approach anxiety no matter how much they read or how much they do, I'd like to suggest something that's been a boon to me in skill building of all types, classes, and varieties: something I call the 100 hour rule.

We’ve all heard of going out with a wingman. That one friend (or two) whom you can always rely on to have your back and give you that extra bit of courage to brave day game or the bars and clubs.

Your wingman evens the playing field and can help you bring home a pair of cute girls. But… not always. In fact, if we want to consider what actually happens, most wingmen won’t even help you some of the time. In most situations you’re much better off going out alone and finding both self-reliance and success that’s suited to you.

However, what’s not talked about enough is supercharging your success… with a wingwoman. This can be a fun and effective way to boost your results with women, and have a great time in the process.

Today we’re going to talk about the wingwoman method: why it works, whom to choose, and how to go about it for the best results.

Setting up your bedroom to facilitate great sexual experiences isn't the most important thing you can work on for your ability to seduce women... but it's one of those little things that can make all the other things involved in taking a woman from stranger to lover a whole lot easier.

If your go-to sex logistics spot is a bachelor pad with a single, uncomfortable bed under stark lighting and subject to distracting noises, you're not really giving yourself the best chance to excel at said pursuit.

Alternatively, if you set things up right, you can have hours-long foreplay tangled in pillows, blankets, each other, nakedness, soft light and seductive music. That's what I call "the bubble" - note that this is different from the bubble you can have in conversation... which is where you and a girl are in such rapt communication together that it feels like it's just you and her together inside this bubble, and the whole outside world does not matter - similar feeling here, except it's in your place.

With this article I'll be showing you how to create a bubble experience in your bedroom... and explain too just why you'll want to.

A few weeks ago an anonymous GC reader made a very simple request:

“Can you write an article on leadership?”

Yes, certainly; I’m very happy to oblige. Leadership is a quality coveted by men the world over. It’s not only the ability to lead individual men and women, but the ability to compel larger groups to work harder and achieve more than they ever would on their own.

Similar to improving your skill with women, there is a common misconception about leadership that it’s just something people are born with and can never be learned. But today I’m going to break down leadership, and show that it can be learned by anyone... anyone willing to put in the time and effort to learn it, of course.

Note from Chase: this is a guest post on creating and implementing a habit, by Robert King, director and instructor at PUA London.

Habits are the brain's own productivity mechanism. The brain converts conscious actions, consistently repeated, into unconscious habits. The brain turns conscious actions into unconscious habits to free up future resources and will power for other tasks and actions.

The only downside to this process is that it can be extremely difficult to break bad habits or to create new ones. Once positive habits have been ingrained into the unconscious they are EXTREMELY beneficial, though.

To create a new habit, we first engage in a new activity, and the brain works very hard to process all the new information. The brain looks for patterns and tries to understand the new action. As soon as it understands how the task works, this behaviour starts becoming automatic, and the mental activity required to do the task decreases.

Think about how much brain power you used when first learning how to drive. Compare that now to when you drive; probably the vast majority of your driving is done on autopilot.

Let's talk about creating habits, which are crucial to getting success, especially in all things self-development.

Growing up, I had two uncles on my mother's side of the family, both of them married to my mother's sisters. These two uncles were on opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to how the family felt about them: one of them was beloved and could do no wrong, while the other was thought of as a rascal.

Never mind the fact that the beloved uncle spent more time playing video games and guitar than he did with his wife and kids, or that the rascal was the consummate family man. Even before these men married into the family, their impressions were set in stone.

What does it take to impress a girlfriend's family? It certainly isn't many of the things you'd think would be it.

It isn't your job - that can win you some points, but they're often grudging points.

It isn't how good your conversation is, either.

In fact, it's something very different from what a lot of men seem to think it is.

I'm going to take a bit of a tangent from the usual here to discuss the topic of time efficiency and ways that you can make your social life (and the rest of your life) much more efficient.

This article is in answer to K's comment here that asks:

“Hey Chase!

Thank you so much for this website. It is truthfully the only comprehensive "how to live life" site that takes a logical approach to everything. I especially enjoyed the "Are you smart post". The difference between hard working and smart is truly all important. It would be amazing if you could get a post up here about how to be incredibly time efficient, so that we can learn how to really maximize the effectiveness of our work.

Thanks again,

K”

K's referencing the article "Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way," in which we examined some research done on children praised as "smart" compared to children praised as "hard working" from an early age. The findings were that the children praised as "smart" early on shied away from hard problems later in life out of fear of failing and proving themselves "not smart," while children praised as "hard working" early on dove into hard problems later in life in with zest to show how "hard working" they really were.

In this article, I want to turn the spotlight onto the topics of hard limits, autopilot, and also revisit some of what we discussed in the article on ego depletion - so we can talk about how one becomes truly time efficient.

Guys have been asking for a while on here for a piece on fashion for men. So I guess that makes this one a long time coming.

Fashion's important. How important? It's pretty important. It's not make or break always... but you know the saying: clothes make the man.

What you wear doesn't just define you as cool, sexy, or stylish. It also subconsciously affects how other people feel toward you.

Wear clothes that make you look amazing, and people will feel like you're amazing. Wear clothes that make you look different, and people will view you as different (good or bad as that may be).

Wear clothes that make you look ordinary, on the other hand, and people will view you as just that: ordinary. Boring. Not particularly noteworthy.

They'll hardly even notice you.

And thus, we have our focus on fashion: getting noticed, in a positive way. But not like what we discussed in the article on peacocking... the truly fashionable man picks clothes that fit him so well people don't even see the individual clothing items all that much.

Instead, they just look at the man himself and say "wow."

“Why don't people just give me money?”

That's what a friend of mine once lamented, frustrated at how hard a time he was having running business and making things work as well as he thought they should.

It stems from a mindset that most people have to some extent: X just happens to people. It's a focus on events.

Events are an easy thing for the human mind to seize on:

• Climbing Mt. Everest
• Diving in the Mediterranean
• Getting married on a hilltop
• Selling a business for millions of dollars
• Sleeping with some beautiful girl
• Becoming famous and getting on TV

Most people look at the people doing these things and say, “God, that person is lucky! Why can't I have that happen to ME?”

The hard thing to do though is the thing that's also the more correct thing, and the thing that actually works: focusing not on events, but on process, instead.