Social Life

Craigslist is a great resource for those living The Lifestyle – swinging, sex parties, and more. There are 6 worthwhile categories on CL, and each needs its own approach.

This is Part 2 of my series on “The Lifestyle”, on sex parties, orgies, swinging, and polyamory. You can read Part 1 of the series here: “The Lifestyle, Part 1: How to Get Into Sex Parties, Swinging, and Polyamory.” In today’s article, we’ll talk about how to find new partners on Craigslist.

An author named Esther Perel has become really famous for turning public discourse on infidelity and the nature of human sexuality on its head.

She has focused on the question: Why do good people cheat?

Esther – along with many other historians and thinkers – has posited that human beings were never designed to be monogamous. While designed to be in groups, we are primates who are constantly shifting in sexual desires and sexual partners. She adds that monogamy has served more as power structure and agrarian vestige than anything else.

Those societies that held chastity as a sacred virtue often had stricter discipline and enjoyed economic and military conquest. Moreover, young women from various fiefdoms and kingdoms were married off to princes and kings of other fiefdoms and kingdoms in order to form alliances and unions.

In the agrarian age, marriage was a sensible safeguard to produce a family that could help a mother and father till land, and produce goods that would bolster future generations.

Thus, monogamy has always had a sensible function in the human dynamic. But it has never been about love. Perel argues that the combining of monogamy with love was a way to justify a seemingly strange practice.

But biologically speaking, it’s rather unreasonable to say that you do not deeply care about someone or even love them if you don’t have a desire to sleep with only them for 50+ years.

And this tension generates the conundrum that a lot of good people face: their biology versus their vows. Perel argues that ultimately, biology has the stronger pull. And so that is why good people end up engaging in infidelity.

And it is also from this tension that The Lifestyle of sexual liberation was born. Perel posits one central question of her own: What if, in love, we could explore different orientations of sexual partners, situations, and desires while still maintaining a strong bond and commitment?

And it’s exactly these different orientations of love and sexual gratification that Perel explores.

In the last post, I explored “The Lifestyle” from the perspective of public events.

And now, we look at it from the private side of things. But before I dive into The Lifestyle on the private side, I want to highlight a juxtaposition that Perel outlines. She argues that in every romantic pairing (especially traditional male-female), there is always one person who is afraid of losing their partner and being alone. And there’s always one person who is afraid of losing themselves in the relationship. It’s often the person who is afraid of losing him or herself that has the stronger pull toward a more sexually liberal situation.

For any guys who are currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship: have you ever felt this way? I would imagine many have.

So a lot of couples are constantly asking how to make sure that both partners are satisfied in a pair dynamic.

And thus, that is why Perel argues that it’s ultimately healthy to explore sexuality beyond just a pair in a relationship. So in this post, I’ll go through the different orientations you are likely to see, and how to get involved in these myriad Lifestyle situations.

The next post will be dedicated to handling emotional hiccups, jealousy, and some additional resources about The Lifestyle.

An introduction to “The Lifestyle”: sex parties, swinging, orgies, polyamory, and bringing new people into an existing relationship.

I was on the East Coast visiting a female friend a while back. As a night of delicious food and good conversation settled into our hearts and minds, she said, “Let’s go to a party.”

I acquiesced. Even though I don’t go to many parties these days, she is a classy lady and I knew that it would definitely be an interesting affair if she was involved.

And an interesting affair it certainly was.

It wasn’t like any party I had been to up to that point. We drove miles and miles until we arrived at a beautiful mansion outside the city we were in. We walked up the beautiful marble stairs that led up to a massive arched door.

The first thing I saw caught me off guard. After walking through the front door, I beheld a large, circular birdcage, inside of which was a woman who was completely naked with nipple clamps and a small chain hanging from her breasts.

As we continued to enter the foyer, there were several people in various animal costumes and masks who were barely clothed. After a few seconds of looking around, the maître d’ came out from behind the counter wearing one of those old French maid outfits.

“Welcome. What room would we like to go to this evening?” she asked.

My friend, without a second of hesitation, named one of the particular rooms.

“Good choice,” the maître d’ replied.

My friend handed her a credit card and looked back at me. “Let’s go.”

If you want to be respected, you must set boundaries. But how do you set these, without looking reactive, defensive, or weak?

A former student of mine asked:

“Hey, Denton, how do you balance being grounded and not being affected by others while also not being weak, a pushover, or being seen as passive?”

How can you assert boundaries without appearing reactionary? When your girlfriend is acting up, you cannot possibly ignore her. If a guy is aggressively crossing the line, you cannot simply stand by. What is one to do?

These are great questions! And they are often a source of dilemma for many guys.

Well, I find the biggest misunderstanding is the huge difference between being grounded and being passive.

Five (5) of the best ways to pick up girls with a wingman: the Two Buddies approach, the Leader-Follower approach, plus 3 more.

Six years ago I shared with you the 10 rules of great wingmanship. I covered some strategies for wingmanning there as well. But mostly stuck to dos and do nots.

However, we’ve talked about wingmanning a lot less than it deserves on Girls Chase. Going out with a wingman is fantastic for a lot of reasons:

• It puts you in a more social mood
• It gives you instant social proof to work with
• A likeminded buddy will help make you more resilient
• And a friend like this can lend you an assist (and vice versa)
  

One of the biggest reasons, too, is the ‘click’ advantage the two-man approach can give you. Because let’s face it, no matter how good you get, there will always be some girls you do not click with. When you’re with a wingman, you don’t have to click with every girl.

Meet a pair of girls with one girl who likes you but one who does not? It’s fine – the girl who doesn’t like you does like your friend. She’ll tolerate her friend going for you (unless she really dislikes you!), so long as your friend goes for her.

Meet a trio of girls, and one girl matches your energy, but the other two have a completely different energy? No problem – your wingman (or wingmen) matches the other girls’ energy, and gets along with them great.

Yet if you don’t use good wingman form, it’ll all be for naught. You’ll step on your buddy’s toes, he’ll step on yours, and you’ll make each other look bad instead of good. You’ll go for the wrong girls, or accidentally go for each other’s girls when you shouldn’t, or fail to support one another when support is needed.

To make sure you don’t fall prey to wingman miscues, you need strategy – you need a way you both agree on to team up to get girls. And to that end, I’ve put together five (5) of the most effective wingman strategies I’ve used or witnessed other wingman pairs use. These approaches are guaranteed to scoop girls off the pavement (or the barroom floor) and into your respective beds.

To kick off the article, we’ll start with the approach that is, to my mind, the classic wingman model: the Two Buddies approach.

To get past the bouncer and make it into the nightclub, mind the 5 aspects of the GET IN club entry system: girls, expenses, trouble, + 2 more.

The worst club entry experience I’ve had was at a place in Las Vegas. I found myself stuck outside the venue, pushed to the side, while everyone else in line – who’d gotten there much later than I had – was allowed to march right in past me. I was dressed well (better than many of the people who got in) and looked good. But I’d made the fatal mistakes of getting there too early, and talking to a poorly dressed, low status guy in line... And the bouncer exiled me to the side of the queue as a result. After standing to the side watching other people march in for twenty minutes, I finally stooped to bribing the bouncer to get in – something I’d never done before and haven’t done since.

After this incident, back home in San Diego, I made getting into the clubs I wanted a priority. I picked up a VIP card that let me cut the lines at most of the venues in town. I rolled with people who knew people. And I went out of my way to befriend bouncers and club staff again, something I’d neglected since my early days in clubbing.

Before long, my outings often consisted of the opposite of that Las Vegas experience. Throngs of other club-goers would be stuck in a slow-moving queue as I marched past them, flashed my ID at the bouncer, and stepped right in. Some of those club-goers – girls especially seemed to hate watching me get in while they had to wait – would yell about fairness, or spoiled elites, or how assholes like me needed to wait in line like the rest of ‘em. And I’d just chuckle and bear these folks no ill will, because I’d been in their positions plenty of times before.

If you enjoy the nightlife regularly, in any major metropolis, entering the club will be a major concern of yours. So today, we’re going to cover all the various ways you can gain entry, or even skip the cover charge, and not have to worry about getting stuck outside.

Homoerotic humor is a turn-on for women. How far must you take it (and must you be gay yourself) to reap its benefits?

As I recently caught up with a friend over the phone, he told me about a recent break-up with a girl. Apparently, he “accidentally” got into a relationship with her. This girl was quite hot and probably the prize in many a man’s eye. The entire time he told me about how it happened and how it ended, neither of us could stop laughing.

Why?

Because he’s gay.

Like, very, very gay. Nipple-piercings level gay.

You wouldn’t think it when you first met him. He’s a very dominant, tall, and muscular black guy who would give almost any natural or pickup artist I know a good run for his money. His social skills come from a variety of backgrounds. He was a college athlete who grew up and went to school in a very conservative, Southern town in the United States. Being black, he endured some racial tensions that minorities can pretty exclusively call their troubles. He’s had guns pulled on him by cops for no reason and gotten into quite a few fights over the color of his skin.

Experiences like that will toughen you. Moreover, he had to hide the fact that he was gay and play it straight for most of his life. Being black was tough enough where he’s from; if he’d come out of the closet, he would have found himself in a ridiculously difficult situation. So he put up the act, but being removed from genuine pleasure, his adversity was doubled.

Ironically, his emotional distance from his identity made him quite desirable to women. He didn’t want to bang the girls he’d hit on and approached, and he’d often rebuff the advances of women. Not knowing he was gay, these women would wonder why he didn’t want them.

So, they’d chase. They’d chase hard.

Girls waiting for him naked in his room, girls begging for him to impregnate them, groups of girls trying to gangbang him, etc.

He was truly unattainable, even with girlfriends that he eventually took to keep up his act. And even those girls would be left wondering why he didn’t want to have sex with them.

For the women, his standards seemed so high, they couldn’t even see the ceiling. This intrigued them.

So his skills with women grew, even though he didn’t want them to. He learned how to make friends, seduce women, be the center of attention, all while he played in quite a decent athletic league (he was invited by a professional team of his sport to try out for a spot).

Dominant, competitive, socially attuned, friendly, fun…

But still gay.

He eventually did jump out of the closet and move to the city I met him in. We became the closest of friends and would often go out together, either in the straight parts of town or at the homo-hangouts.

And women were always drawn to him, especially when he told them he was gay.

Now, you may be wondering how he got this girlfriend?

He met her through one of his party social circles. She would always flirt with him, but being gay, he never took any of it too seriously. They’d party together and even sleep in the same bed together. Over time, he got the sense that maybe she wanted some of his chocolate. But, he wasn’t too attracted… cuz, well, he likes dick.

Then one night, he got super drunk while out with her. When they returned to his apartment, they jumped into the bed together. While lying there and feeling a bit roused up but without any guys to fulfill himself with, he casually asked her if she wanted to fool around. She excitedly said yes. She then gave him the best head of his life (even better than any other guy, too, allegedly; he told me how ridiculous that is, because guys know what feels good, and therefore give epic blowjobs), and he, surprisingly, got hard. So, he smashed.

Strangely enough, he liked it. They kept smashing. Multiple times a day, multiple times a week.

He told her that this was only a fun, casual thing, because, uh, he’s gay.

She agreed. All in good fun.

Of course, we know how that went, don’t we? He lays the good dick, isn’t emotionally needy in any way, and is having fun? The perfect concoction for cock addiction.

She got hella addicted. She would incessantly text him. They’d hangout all the time. Shag all the time. While out together, she would hold his hand and hang over him like a girlfriend. And once, when he inadvertently – and totally unintentionally – made her feel unloved, she tried to make him jealous by grinding on some other guy (which he found funny because he was more jealous of her grinding on the guy, not the guy for dry humping her).

That’s when he finally realized how far he’d accidentally fallen into a relationship.

He eventually had to cut her off when she pushed for a relationship (and even had to swat off her attempts at reconciliation; e.g., “We can go back to just fucking, that’s fine!”).

Like I said, hilarious. I mean, I feel for the girl, but still funny as hell.

He went back to dudes and realized that he was still definitely gay.

But after hearing this story, I knew I had to finally write this article. Too good of a story.

What I’ll cover here is why women find gay men attractive and how you can apply these traits and homoeroticism in general to your interactions with women… and men. (There was a somewhat relevant article posted way back in the day by a guest poster, Sarah Williams, that everyone hated for no reason at all. It was accurate and insightful. I call bitterness. Hopefully this goes better.)

Note: no, I’m not saying you should consider shagging dudes or becoming bisexual in any way. I’m just going to explain what’s attractive about being flirty with other men (or intimate, if you choose to explore). And yes, while the increased acceptance and quantity of homosexuality in a society has been correlated with looser morals and, eventually, the fall of civilizations, it has been a part of successful and powerful human histories as well. From heroes like King David and Hercules to conquerors like Alexander the Great, male-to-male intimacy has been shown not to diminish one man’s ambition or prowess. Even baller guys like James Dean were suspected of being bisexual. In many societies, homoeroticism (not necessarily speaking of male-to-male penetration) was largely accepted (e.g., Athens, Sparta, etc.) It didn’t stop them from kicking ass on a spectacular scale. That said, I don’t exactly expect the Manosphere-boys to pour through this one without a cringe or two.

So let me clarify: I am not promoting homosexuality (though neither am I condemning it), but I am lauding the seductive power of homoeroticism.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

People will tool you for a variety of reasons. You don’t belong, you’re a soft target, you’re a threat to a member... and other excuses.

"Hey dude, nice hair! Did you cut that yourself? Ha ha ha!"

"Hey man, can you move over? You're taking up too much room."

"Excuse me bro, but your girl is seriously cute. How long have you known each other?"

Whether it's in the schoolyard, the nightclub, the public bus, or the office, other people trying to tool you is a mondo bother. Your threat radar should have perked up going through those lines above. They state a guy's intentions to rain on your parade... And whether you see him as a threat or not, you're going to have to deal with him one way or another.

Now, note right up front: this article is not about HOW to handle threats like this; for that, see the articles below. In these, I've given you a full complement of tools to dispose of challengers like this in a split:

• Dealing with Disruptive Men

• Responding to Interruptions

• The 5 Ways to Answer a Challenge in Social Situations

• Trouncing Male Competition for Girls in the Dating Scene

• How to Stop a Cockblock (Without Breaking a Sweat)

Rather, what this article is about is what causes challengers like this to swarm over to you.

What incites them to veer off of whatever it is they were doing, and come approach you... Whether to feel you out, test you for weakness, or even launch a full on social or romantic assault against you.

Because once you identify the primary reasons other people try to tool you, you may then take steps to avoid the need to even deal with these disruptions in the first place.

So, I present to you the seven (7) reasons people will try to tool you... And what steps to take to discourage them from trying.

In we go.