Mindsets

In any endeavor there are two kinds of difficulty:

• Those obstacles that can be overcome by the resources you have access to (in the woods you can make a fire to keep warm),

• And those obstacles that cannot be attained by seemingly any means (in those same woods you find out what it takes to survive).

In response to these two types of difficulty there are often two ways people respond: they become a "workaholic" in regards to the things they can influence, or they become a "protestor" for a certain kind of symbolic change that will modify what is attainable and what isn't.

These two kinds of difficulties lead to much of what you can see in the world, whether it be the man protesting how girls need to change, or the man who constantly strives to be "on top" so that he might have greater perceived value than others.

When it comes to HARD work both types of men have justifications for their own version.

Whether the argument is about responsibility or about change often shapes a man's image to the rest of the world. Is he hard at work at being the best of the choices we have, or is he hard at work to expand/change those choices? Both approaches have their merits, but I introduce you to these two approaches to illustrate a third kind of difficulty.

Heart.

It’s Thursday afternoon, you planned on hitting the streets (or was it bars?) to chat up some girls, but as the day is coming to a close and you feel the daily stresses are taking their toll on you, you find yourself thinking how maybe today is not the best day to do it, after all:

• “I had a stressful day.”

• “I need to wake up early tomorrow.”

• “I don’t feel like my best self, and surely it won’t be as effective…”

You even start bargaining with yourself:

“Hey, you know what, I better hit the gym after work, eat a healthy meal – I’ve been meaning to improve my physique for some time now. Here’s my chance.”

Or

“I could stay at work for a little while longer and cover some of tomorrow’s tasks. This way tomorrow I’ll have an easier day and feel so much more energetic to go out and meet women.”

Then it hits you…

“Yes! Tomorrow I will feel so much more like it, I will have a good night’s sleep, wake up earlier, get myself ready and sexy, and I’ll even talk to twice as many women for skipping today. Yes, tomorrow!”

So you go home. You didn’t stay at work to finish tomorrow’s tasks nor did you hit the gym on your way back. Instead of a healthy meal you grabbed an XL combo meal at a fast food joint and stayed up late watching re-runs of “The Office”.

And yet for some reason you kind of feel good about yourself. After all, tomorrow you will make it all worth it!

You don’t have to be a master of observation to realize most guys flat out suck when it comes to flirting. And this isn’t even necessarily because they don’t know all the right techniques. The reason for it is actually much more fundamental.

What is this fundamental reason, you ask?

Only this: more often than not, we repress our emotions and act too stiff or too mechanical.

Just imagine what a terrific flirt you could be… IF you didn’t repress your emotions.

Why do we repress them?

Out of fear of failure and public humiliation if efforts fall flat, or *gasp!*… a girl snubbing you. Repress them, and snubs and failures seem easier to shrug off.

But imagine what it’d be like to be completely comfortable flirting… with even the hottest girls you meet.

What would you have to do to be that guy? That’s what we’ll be covering today.

I’ve recently been talking about fundamentals that help you get your foot into the club scenes, whether it be having the right light-hearted approach, or introducing your personality in a way that embraces the challenges brought on by the club scene.

Here I want to talk about how you really should be merging your persona with your activities when out in public.

First off, let me say, yes, there is a certain stigma and social pressure put on ANYBODY who is active socially in public. People might view you outrageous, unfairly privileged, amoral, or even shame you for being outgoing.

Sometimes, just for waving at a person, someone else may see you as arrogant; or for having a sex life, people can think you “unrealistic” or “irresponsible”; and for being proud of your growth you will face snickers from people that think a man who self improves is “weak” for admitting he is not already perfect.

It is easy to feel uncertain about yourself when any of these judgements are circling you. It can feel like if you make a mistake people are going to make it worse and it will destroy your image.

You will FEEL a resistance to becoming part of any scene because of this feeling of doubt and indecision. And it is natural to close up and think “Well, IF I act conservative enough, then I’ll slip through undetected”. However, for most people, even though they TRY to not get caught out, the fact is, sometimes you just are.

My solution?

Personal integrity.

One of the biggest obstacles for a lot of men when it comes to improving with women is fixating on the wrong thing.

Much of this seems to come from improper understanding of some of the raw basics of attraction.

When you see guys get hung up on one specific characteristic and blame that as the cause of all their woes with women, like the ones I discussed in “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”:

• Race
  
• Height
• Wealth
• Good looks
  

... it’s because they misunderstand attraction.

And when you see guys become (overly) obsessive about improving in one specific area, like muscles or wealth, it’s because they misunderstand attraction.

So how does attraction work?

Because surely, all these things have some impact on attraction... right?

But then, so do fundamentals.

And game.

So if all of them have some impact, then just how do these things all play together to affect a woman’s ultimate degree of attraction for you?

Ever feel like everyone out there wants to take advantage of you and use you for their own ends?

It isn’t the case that everyone does... unfortunately, if you have a certain kind of history, sometimes you may not be able to tell the people who will be good influences in your life with good intentions for you from the people who will be bad influences and only want to take things from you it will not benefit you to give them.

In life, you start off at a disadvantage. You are dependent on others to rear you into adulthood, and usually that goes “okay”; but sometimes it goes in some messed up directions, and sometimes it’s the world’s doing, while other times it is your own ignorance that’s responsible.

This dual possibility leaves a lot of people playing it so safe, or so close to the chest that whether they are harming themselves in the line of fire from forces beyond them, or are getting by “okay”, and so they choose the same path they’ve always been on to get them into adulthood.

Those suffering abuse often take a lot more of it before they see that the source isn’t them and it’s some other weirdo deceiving them and gas-lighting them. Those suffering under their own ignorance cocoon themselves in paranoia and take up vindictive mindsets. Those who get reared “okay” are usually roped into their parent’s troubled relationships or attempts to appear like an unquestionable authority to their child.

No matter which way you spin it, you always end up to some degree dazed and confused, wondering how the hell you got here, and why you couldn’t have just had a no strings attached rearing into adulthood, and a nice introduction into the world upfront.

I've talked a lot on Girls Chase about having foundations, thinking things through, and addressing your ego, and now that I have done that it is time to talk about the real issues men face when trying to learn how to meet girls clubbing.

In my experience, most guys that are going out to clubs trying to figure girls out are en masse coming at the whole issue from the wrong angle. I can't pinpoint or classify the error of the approach precisely, but it always ends the same way - guys taking everything very seriously and getting very stern and upset about the wrong things.

I get why guys going out at night end up frustrated and saddened by the experience, and I would completely feel the same way if I was back in that grind again myself.

However, the big problem here is that guys are aiming for "big wins", and not being patient and accepting enough about "a good process" and improvements coming from within.