Dating Rules

Some types of flakes are easier to deal with than others. Let’s talk about the tough ones, like when she’s not that into you or she’s testing you to expose weakness.

As a guy, you’ve likely experienced this scenario: you get excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date but end up feeling frustrated when she flakes on you. It makes the process of getting her out again much more complicated. A girl flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, but it shouldn’t be.

In Part 1 of this series, we covered how to recover from a flake when “life” happens and interferes with her plans. Usually, it’s simply a matter of comfortably rescheduling the date.

However, sometimes it’s not so simple.

As mentioned in Part 1, girls flake for one of three reasons:

• She has a legitimate reason and wants to see you but can’t at that exact time
• She’s not interested enough and is waiting for something better (you're a backup plan)
• She’s testing you because she senses some weakness

Part 1 covered the first reason. Now we’ll cover the other two. You’ll learn what to do when she’s not interested enough and how to react when she tests you.

Unfortunately, these two situations are a bit more complicated. They indicate that the girl wasn’t interested enough or you made mistakes early on. Any mistake a guy makes will drop a girl’s attraction for him. Most of all, if he didn’t create enough attraction when meeting her, his options are limited.

Some guys are naturally good at texting and can create attraction through messaging. If you’re one of them, that’s a great skill to use in flake management. I’m not one of these guys, so I can’t comment much on what to do there.

Other times a girl will sense something is “off” about you, and will instead test you to see what you’ll do and how you’ll react. This is also not an optimal situation, usually surfacing because a guy did something wrong.

So let's talk about solutions.

If you like sex but don’t want a relationship, booty calling is the way to go. But getting and keeping a booty call with minimal pain and drama requires finesse.

Booty calling is a fun-filled lifestyle choice that any man can go for. However, if you want that sweet booty ordered to your door like pizza, you’ll want to communicate this to your woman, or women, without causing too much drama or crushed feelings.

You’ll need a contract.

Failure to set up a proper booty call contract can result in broken-up, hurt women and undesired drama.

I’ve had plenty of casual sex partners. Usually they’re girls who already have boyfriends or husbands and didn’t want to leave their relationships but still desired a little excitement or romance. Or they were too busy with work or school to have a long-term relationship (LTR). Some just wanted no-strings-attached sex with a discreet partner.

Some booty calling meets both the man’s and the woman’s needs, but most have lopsided attraction dynamics. The female will sleep with the male, and give him his “space” in the vain hope that once he realizes how amazing she is, it will turn into a more stable and monogamous “real” relationship.

Some women will sleep with you then quickly realize they can do better and move on. This isn’t real booty calling, as it’s generally the man’s fault for not having the characteristics she desires in a mate. For example, you’re a broke, needy, man-boy with no game who just happened to get lucky.

But for the rest, it’s usually just a player getting as much ass from as many women as possible without handing over his freedom. After all, freedom is a precious commodity.

Yes, some women just want to bang, but the vast majority would prefer a committed relationship with one special guy. Even if they’re willing to share him for a short trial period to seduce the man into monogamy, thus being a booty call.

If you’re trying to go booty calling, either become the master of stringing girls along, or learn how to communicate what exactly it is you desire. Hell truly hath no fury like that of a woman scorned — meaning hurt women can do terrible things to your life — so it’s best to avoid that. Be as honest as possible about your desires and intentions with her. Women being “played” has resulted in more scratched paint jobs, smashed PlayStations, and false rape accusations than necessary.

Girls flake for a variety of reasons, legitimate or otherwise. How does one figure out which and respond accordingly to maximize the odds of finally meeting up?

On the Girls Chase boards, reader Dark Knight was asking what to do and how to deal with a girl flaking – specifically how to recover. Flakes are one of the more frustrating courtship issues that guys deal with; especially for newbies who don’t yet have the skills to have a funnel of women. Quite simply, if you don't have absolute abundance, a flake can feel like a huge missed opportunity and a big failure on your end.

Dark Knight describes what confuses him about flakes:

I think most of us are familiar with Chase’s article on "What to Do When Girls Flake.” And I believe it is good advice, but there is one key ingredient missing and that’s about how to follow up on flakes. In the article the girl Chase mentions is extremely apologetic, but lots of times there are also girls who try to act like nothing happened. If you don’t call her out, it just gets “forgotten,” which of course is not true, but convenient for the girls narrative. This makes it like comparing oranges to apples. Because at this point it feels like it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For this reason the article becomes confusing for a lot of guys. I have read some comments across the board but they are quite varied and spread out, which prevents it to be a coherent entity.

Suppose:

You arranged a date, girl agrees to it: then flakes out. 

*If you act like it’s not a big deal it’s fine and dandy: BUT you can kiss your scarcity goodbye. There is a big risk in being friend zoned, or put unto the backburner, because you give the girl an opportunity to postpone. In the past I even had this happen with girls who seemed very interested, but because they avoided committing since they do not like risks and maybe they hope for some kind of mythical white prince around the corner: they postponed. Of course when I next them, they fly into a rage. Yeah, that’s how it tends to go. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The only option seems to be if we put it in context with Chase’s advice, staying warm but maybe less available? I believe however the longer things get drawn out the more they fizzle out.

*If you reschedule fast, again you kill your value and officially become chasing guy. If you don’t reschedule the girl will probably try to get some attention and you effectively move backwards, which again is bad.

*Acting butthurt: Lowers your value and attainability, good luck with giving someone a good validation boost and shooting yourself in the foot.

I think I have summarized this as best as I can. I would really love to see an article which gives some good tactical advice about how to follow this up. Because right now my default is moving on to the next girl, unless the flaking girl REALLY tries to make up again. But even then, I can be too impatient, I don't enjoy “long game.” Whatever the hell that means.

I can empathize with Dark Knight. As a guy, you’re likely very excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date with you. While flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, it shouldn’t be for most guys if you’ve done the attraction work correctly from the start. There are a couple situations in which girls will flake on a guy. Depending on which, you either have a good shot at seeing her again as long as you stay mentally strong, persistent, are warm, and understand her circumstances. Other times, you’ll learn that she wasn’t nearly as attracted to you as you thought she was. This may indicate a mistake somewhere else in the process of meeting her.

Flakes can be tricky to follow up on. It’s an abrupt and unexpected stop to a courtship. Unprepared guys who react in a wrong and uncalibrated manner will find that the opportunity is suddenly gone.

Every courtship is a ladder of many steps, some of which are absolutely crucial to get anywhere. Failing to pass these points of no return will spell almost certain doom.

The basic premise of courtship with a girl is to always have forward progress; as fast as she allows you to move.

Part of being a smooth guy is knowing exactly when and how to push things forward. Whether you meet a sexy girl at night and quickly move toward intimacy in 15-20 minutes, or if you meet a girl in day game and meet her another day for a date, the primary goal is still to move toward sex and intimacy as fast she allows.

Assuming you’re on a date with a girl, or you’re out with her at night pushing things ahead, there are the key points you’ll have to pass to move toward intimacy. If for some reason you don’t push forward, or you don’t succeed, the entire encounter becomes undone and will likely fail.

These are the points of no return, where pushing for success is imperative despite any circumstances, because if you pass these points without progress, the odds of seeing the girl again are virtually nil.

Below I’ve laid out several crucial points to keep things moving forward with a girl. These all play into the basic idea of escalation windows. These are the windows in which you need to move toward intimacy, and they do not last long. Once they close and forward progress ends, she moves on, or backward-rationalizes that it wasn’t meant to be.

One breakthrough in my game this year has been to realize how important it is to win in these moments. Especially if you’re coming from a less aggressive “nice guy” background, your gut will likely tell you to play it safe in moments that actually require you to be bold, aggressive, and persistent.

Inviting a woman over for dinner is a great date… if you use it right. Get the timing right, get the positioning right, and you have an easy way to close with consistency.

Over the years, I've always found the "let's cook dinner at my place" date a great one for bedding new, delightful women.

Used right, it gets a girl over to your place, alone, doing something constructive and romantic with you... and its gets you in motion around your place together, which gives you lots of opportunities to 'corner her' and kiss, touch, and much more.

However, as excellent as this date is, I've noticed a lot of guys get this date wrong, in a variety of ways. So, for today's Tactics Tuesdays, we're going to look at the most effective ways to make the 'dinner at home' date work extremely well for you.

The first date is your best chance to have sex. Whether you want a one-night stand or to make her your girlfriend, these first-date sex tips will help make it happen.

Once you learn how to approach women and get dates, you might run into other quality problems – like how to turn those dates into sex. The most logical way is to bring her home on the first date.

And I'm here to show you why it's not only the most logical way, but also the most effective way. The only reason you shouldn’t be aiming for sex on the first date is if – well, honestly, I can’t think of any reason.

I always try for sex on the first date.

As long as there’s mutual attraction, why wouldn’t you try to sleep with her? It’s in both you and the girl’s best interest to copulate as soon as possible. The sooner, the better. Because the farther you get away from banging, the less likely it is to happen at all. And once you do, she’ll backward rationalize that she really likes you, otherwise, why would she have slept with you on the first date?

There could be the odd chance she feels buyer’s remorse; like she slept with you too fast, but it’s rare, and it’s her problem, not yours.

Or she may feel she was used for sex. But you can mitigate this by cuddling, having post-sex intimate conversation, or taking her for breakfast in the morning.

Girl won't come out, or isn't sure about you… or you're too busy to meet her 1-on-1? Extend a group invite date to her, and get her doing something social with you.

My normal advice with you for dates is 'get her out alone with you'.

Don't make dates less intimate. Don't do party dates. Don't do things where there are other people around to distract.

In the typical scenario, where you have a girl who's already game to come out with you 1-on-1, this is the best advice for you. There's no need to overcomplicate things for yourself or introduce chaos by involving additional people. Make the date about you and her, and get everything else out of the way.

However... there are a few scenarios in which 'get her out 1-on-1' isn't practical or viable. And sometimes it just makes more sense to do something in a group.

For such cases, it can actually make sense to skip the 1-on-1, and invite a girl to a group event.

Because just like 1-on-1 dates, group invite dates have their upsides, too.