Dating Rules

The ball-in-her-court text can be very effective at getting flaky girls onto dates. It’s also easy to misuse, however… and even sabotage your attractiveness with.

Recently on the forum we had a relatively new member claiming the ball-in-her-court text “doesn’t work” for him, and that women can “see through it” and it harms the man’s frame.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the ball-in-her-court text (which I’ll refer to as the BIHC text from here on out, to save me writing “ball-in-her-court text” fifty times), it’s this:

A text you send a woman after you have tried to get her out on dates repeatedly and repeatedly had her decline or flake on them. The text tells her (in an eloquent way) that you will chase her no more; it also says, however, that if she decides she’d like to get serious about going out sometime, to send you a message. After that, you simply forget all about her and do not contact her again ever unless/until you hear again from her.

As soon as I saw a guy saying women could “see through” the text I knew he must be using it wrong. There is no “seeing through it” to do (if used properly): you are explicitly telling a woman exactly what the situation is and exactly what to do!

It’s what makes the text so effective… in my experience it gets around a 50% text-back rate 2-8 weeks after you send it… I have heard from many of the other guys in our community who’ve used it their reply-back rate is similar.

Yet, newer guys often struggle with this message and, like that newer member on the forum, report that women simply vanish after they BIHC text them and do not return.

So let’s talk about the “who” and “when” of BIHC texting – because it’s clearly not for everyone, in every situation.

Survival of the fittest only goes so far in explaining our adaptations. The rest comes down to sexual selection – and the fitness indicators we use to convey our qualities.

Pop quiz: what do these six men have in common?

• A self-made multimillionaire
• A bulked up bodybuilder
• A renowned painter
• A respected philosopher
• A successful athlete
• A talented pick up artist

The answer will surprise you!

Before we get to that, we need to talk about evolution… the fascinating subject of today’s post.

Along the way, we’re going to explore a lot about the way male and female animals – including humans – advertise their fitness to mates, and exactly how these ‘fitness indicators’ work.

Males of every animal species must practice and learn courtship rituals before they’re able to mate. The art of learning to court is a ubiquitous one – it is not human-only! Images created with Craiyon.

I’m reading a truly fascinating, mind-expanding book right now entitled The Mating Mind.

The pool of women you date and hook up from is the same pool you’ll select long-term girlfriends and wives from. But pickup pools aren’t always the best spots to find great LTRs…

Every man has a certain pool of women he draws his dates and mates from.

This pool’s determined by where and how he meets women, and the kinds of women he attracts.

Men often choose dating pools for pleasure or convenience: the easiest girls to pick up; the sexiest girls to sleep with; the girls who are the best in bed. I recommend this while learning, and while building (or rebuilding) momentum.

There’s no faster way to learn nor build momentum than by picking up girls places that are easy for you, where women are in relative abundance, and ideally you really enjoy the pick up process.

However, there’s an issue here many men often don’t foresee until it is too late: you draw your long-term relationships from this same dating pool, too.

Yet the qualities you want in a long-term girlfriend will not always so perfectly align with the qualities the women you meet in the more convenient dating pools possess.

Planning a date’s logistics out is one of the biggest boons you can give your dating. Map the initial spot, the inter-date route, and 3 more date facets for a big romantic boost.

What’s the difference between a date with preplanned logistics versus one where you simply pick a place and go?

The difference is often HUGE… with a bevy of key benefits for the preplanned dater.

In light of our 50% off “Summer of Lovelies” One Date sale, and the two limited edition Date Flows I’ve made available with a One Date purchase during this sale (you can also claim them here if you already own One Date), I’m putting out a few different pieces on dates and date planning.

Some of the most prolific daters have established date templates they use over and over again with the women they take out, because those templates simply work:

• They know where to meet a girl

• They know where to take her

• They know where to go with her after the first place

• They have a backup venue to take her if she needs more time

• They may have various locations they can use to “seal the deal”

You don’t have to be in your home city or town to take advantage of logistical preplanning, either. Preplanning your date logistics is something you can do anywhere.

It’s something you ought to do, everywhere, too… because it just offers so many benefits it’d be silly not to.

The trajectory your dates take determine how they end: as lovers or gone separate ways? This 7-step trajectory takes you through it: greeting, small talk, deep talk, + 4 more key steps.

A successful date has a particular trajectory.

If you look back on past successful dates of your own, you’ll be able to feel it:

The initial connection, the easy conversation, followed by increasing closeness, touch, and amour.

By the time you end up alone at the end of things, intimacy is a foregone conclusion, the escalation to it little more than a formality.

What’s responsible for such dulcet dates? Is it magic? An unpredictable wonderful connection?

While certain things outside your control do have an impact – from personality match to other factors below the level of conscious awareness – there is also a distinct way such dates proceed, that if you know it, you can often engineer.

This way is the date’s trajectory; a good one of which leads you far more easily to fantastic fantasies with lovely gals.

In a few more days, we have a special sale for my course One Date & The Dating Artisan – along with the release of two limited edition “Date Flows.” In these limited edition Date Flows (only available to One Date owners or buyers), you’ll receive the most complete guides ever assembled to running perfect dates 1.) at home and 2.) outside walking.

To coincide with the release of these first two collectible “Date Flows”, which’ll only be available to buy or to claim during the “Summer of Lovelies” sale between July 16th and July 19th, I’m writing a series of pieces looking at how good dates are put together.

The first of these is this one – on date trajectories.

[When girls like you TOO much, it can be just as bad for a seduction as when they don’t like you enough. What can you do? Mix a little ‘jerk’ into things to fix the vibe.

Here’s something for our advanced players and up.

Once you are GOOD with girls, you will start finding yourself not uncommonly in situations where women like you too much. If you are an advanced player, you already know why this is bad.

(if you’re not an advanced seducer, you can read this article for educational purposes, though it might sound rather alien to you. Trying the materials from it may lead to calibration errors for you at this point now, too. Circle back around to it once you’ve leveled up; you’ll find it more useful, I promise)

When girls like you TOO much, they start envisioning a future with you, hit the brakes, and get nervous they’re going to screw it up with you if they let you move things too fast. This can completely sink your seductions.

We’ve talked about this a lot on Girls Chase when discussing the boyfriend zone and making it clear to women you’re NOT boyfriend material.

In this article we’ll go one further: not just not being boyfriend material, but actually calibrating your attainability to make sure the women you talk to don’t like you TOO much.

We’ll do that by using a range of tactics that, taken together, we can politely call “jerking.”