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Articles by Author: All

Your Mental Model is Flawed

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

I've long been amused at people who tell you what you "should" do or "shouldn't" do. Occasionally I've been annoyed. Always I have challenged them back on these declarations, asking them

  • "Who decided that people should do this?"

  • "How did you come by this information?"

  • "How do you know with certainty that this is right, and others who believe the opposite are wrong?"

This tends to aggravate the individuals prone to moralizing and polarizing to no end. They become flustered and upset. Sometimes they will respond to you and tell you that you are being morally relativistic, and that moral relativism is wrong, because clearly there is a clear black and white, right and wrong, good and bad in the world.

mental model

When asked to explain why heroes to some are villains to others, and villains to some are heroes to others, they simply stutter, stretch, and eventually use blanket statements to cast entire civilizations of people as "wrong," never understanding that the members of the very civilization they call "wrong" would call them "wrong," too.

Rather than engage in lengthy, unending debates with these people these days, however, and spend precious time trying to convince those who are so certain their views are right that they are viewing things too closed-minded and too far to the extremes, I prefer now to just tell them one simple thing that cuts to the heart of the matter as best I know how:

Your mental model is flawed.

How to Go to Her Place Smoothly, Even If You Just Met

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

go to her placeIn the post on how to pick up girls in bars and clubs, Kb asks, regarding bringing women home or going to their homes:

“Cabbing works pretty well here, but it is not sustainable in my life right now. The night rates are astronomical and as a struggling college student who tries to go out and pull almost every night, I'd soon be living in the streets if I was cabbing every other night back.

So what I really need is a way to go back to HER place. I tried your "got any food at your place?" a few times and while it works with more socially attuned girls, most of the people my age(19) really aren't at that level and just see that as you trying to get free food.

I was wondering if you had any ways to suggest to her that you're going back to her place that while still subtle, will let a not so socially savvy girl know exactly what you are saying without coming out and saying it directly.”

That's a great point from him on one of the downsides of the "got any food" question, and a good question. How do you go to her place?

And how do you do it... smoothly?

This article's here to answer that.

How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

I've fielded a number of comments and questions from guys over the years on how to start a relationship off right with a new girl they've just started seeing. After all, you've used all the material on this site on how to turn yourself into a smooth, edgy, sexy man; and you've learned everything you need to know about how to get girls, you knew what to look for in a girlfriend, and you've found her, met her, and everything went perfectly. You took her to bed as your lover, and now she's yours.

Now what?

start a relationship

Most people treat dating and relationships as some big, mythical, emotionally-driven process these days, devoid of much logical forethought or planning. It's reached a point in Western thought where "giving in to your emotions" has become the ultimate ideal to be striven for and attained; you should seek to "just feel" and "go with your heart."

But while emotion is a very important piece of your actions and decision making as a human, it's only half the story, and, worse for relationships... it's the short term half of the story.

Emotions will have you shortchange your tomorrow for a better today.

What I'm going to tell you to do in THIS article, however, is to take command of yourself, and build a relationship designed to be strong, successful, and rewarding long after the fires of early emotion quit burning so brightly, or even quit burning at all.

This is, you might say, the anti-guide to falling in love: it's the guide not to getting there, but to staying there, and like all good stories it starts at the beginning.

How to Power Shift with Social Cunning and Savvy

Eric Reeves's picture

By: Eric Reeves

power shiftPower, often thought of one of the driving forces behind man’s will (see Nietzsche's concept of “der wille zur macht”) to live.

We see it every day, and it invades our interactions as well as influencing our every action.

Take a look at a couple of these scenarios:

Scenario A

A man walks into his boss’s office and requests a raise. He gets turned down.

Another man walks into the same room and proposes a similar offer, with the intention of walking away. He instead gets the raise.

Scenario B

Two students are studying together, the girl mentions, “You’re a good friend.”

The male rejects the notion of just friends, and begrudgingly utters, “Friends? Hardly.”

Scenario C

Two friends are together chatting in high spirits, when a cohort suddenly comes along.

“Ah, are you this little boy’s friend?” one girl asks flippantly.

The male looks at her slowly, as if only realizing that she might be talking to him. “Who?” he powerfully and quizzically asks almost as if in genuine confusion.

The girl corrects herself, “A-ah, are you this guy’s friend?”

... can you see it more clearly now?

It’s not until you reach the upper echelon of dominance that you start to cherry-pick these shifts of power (hence force called a power shift) out from everyday situations, and are able to take advantage of navigating through the ever-changing tides of social dominance.

But using power shifts, and maintaining an air of respect and power about oneself can be taught and learned, and in today’s article I’m going to pull off the veil that shrouds these common occurrences in subtlety and nuance from the eyes of those who haven't paid as much attention to them yet.

Does Confidence = Success? Actually... No.

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

The Daily Mail had a piece on U.S. college students' confidence levels shooting sky high while their actual competence and performance in the areas of their confidence dipped to new lows a few days back (the original article's here).

confidence success

The article mentioned research finding that that more and more young people were carrying bigger and bigger life goals, and more and more of them were falling short and slipping into depression and anxiety disorders.

It quoted psychologist Jean Twenge as saying "You need to believe that you can go out and do something but that's not the same as thinking that you're great," and, "An intervention that encourages [students] to feel good about themselves, regardless of work, may remove the reason to work hard."

I thought it was a fantastic article for one reason: the clear differentiation between confidence and success.

I've always found the, "I just need to tell myself I can do it, and then I can do it!" approach to "achieving things" to be a little daft, and it's nice to see some research backing this up.

I'd like to talk with you a little about this today, because, if this research is anything, there are fewer and fewer people out there like me who think that the secret to success is just going out there and busting your chops until you get there, and more and more who think you can just think your way to success.

Well, I've got news for those people: nuh-uh.

Being a Challenge to Women (& REALLY Turning Them On)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

Back on the article about gym pickup, The Tool (one of our forum members as well) commented in asking about ways he could meet girls in the gym as a member of the staff, without overstepping professional boundaries:

“It was 8 am and this girl wanted to Tan and she had another hour before she could tan (24 hour law) so she begged and i told her to wait another hour, she stayed in the locker room and came out an hour later, she asked If she could tan yet, I told her 5 more minutes and asked her "so what brings you to the gym this early on a saturday? working out before work or to flirt with the guy at the front desk? She said Haha I am not. I said "you totally are and now your lieing about it...jeeze." she said haha I guess I am. anyway jist of it I deepdived a bit and got her digits saying your a cool girl we should get some coffee sometime. she said sure and baddabing.

Anyway as a staff member things like this are risky for I can lose my job if it was ever found out or I made it awkward for a girl. So would you advise that those guys who are in fact the staff not try to pick up girls at their own gym? ”

My advice to The Tool was to use barriers to get these girls chasing him; it was, in effect, this: be a challenge to women.

being a challenge to women

In the article excerpt from my eBook entitled "How to Challenge Women," I discussed why you want to be challenging women, how it helps you, and what the potential risks are if you take it too far. And I offered a few strategies from the book on not being too little of a challenge.

But what about really being a challenge to women? Is it possible to use conversation and communication to set things up so that women are pursuing you, regardless of whether they were or weren't at first?

Sure, it's absolutely possible.

And, it's a heck of a lot easier than you might think.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 14th Edition

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

carnival of dating advice

It's time for our first new carnival of the new year - Carnival 14 of the Carnival of Dating Advice, bringing you the best new

Today's articles include some on talking to women and what to say; one on shyness; and even articles on the impact of money on relationships and the differences in concerns between married and unmarried couples.

Let's proceed with the carnival...

How to Build a Male Body That Drives Women Crazy

Ross Leon's picture

By: Ross Leon

Note from Chase: Ross is one of the members of the new Girls Chase forums. He's one of the posters who emerged early on as a guy with clearly a good handle on dating and seduction, meting out solid advice to posters in need. He expressed interest in writing a piece for the site on weight-lifting and building a better body, and since this is something guys have been asking about on here for some time, I told him I'd be thrilled to have him write something up. So here it is, Ross's first article on Girls Chase, on building a sexy male body that'll drive girls up the wall.

We’ve all seen those guys that are huge, muscular, and sexy. Women comment on their bodies and appear to be turned on from the get-go. Wouldn’t it be nice to have those same exact women looking at your body and being primed for sex from the beginning of your interactions with them?

male body

Luckily enough, getting muscle isn’t as hard as you think it is. Even for guys like Wes, who commented a few weeks ago:

“I've been a skinny guy all my life because I have a fast metabolism...gaining weight and muscle is difficult for me.”

I too was in this mindset some time back. I blamed genetics, my life, everything, just about, on me being thin. People would jokingly ask me if I ever ate, and would tell me that I needed to eat a jar of lard to finally put some weight on my frame. I was 6’3” and 147 pounds for two years after my final growth spurt in high school, and no, that wasn’t due to an eating disorder. I would lift weights, chug down protein shakes, and gorge myself with food and water whenever I stepped on the scale and didn’t gain weight.

However, no matter how strong my will was, I just wasn’t being smart about it, and eventually went on to pursue other goals, as this one obviously wasn’t panning out.

It wasn’t until a change in lifestyle, that, to my amazement, I started to actually gain weight. I thought it was crazy, but all I really needed was being able to eat as much food as I wanted at a buffet.

There are two problems that people run into when they are trying to build muscle. Either they aren’t working out their muscles hard enough, or they aren’t getting the proper nutrition that will allow for muscle growth. I’m going to teach you guys how to overcome both of these problems, and it is my hope and aim that you won’t have to go through what I had to endure before achieving the kinds of results and the kind of male body you’ve always wanted.

Get Her to Say “Yes”: Excite Women and Beat Resistance

Eric Reeves's picture

By: Eric Reeves

Today I want to share with a post on eliminating resistance through prevention, and freeing up the women around you to be excited by you.

excite women

I want to start out by saying... I’m the LAST person who should be writing this article on how to prevent resistance and actually excite women about saying “yes” (to everything you want them to say “yes” to) -- but the same thing that makes me the last person who should be writing it, also makes me exactly the right man for the job.

What do I mean by this?

As you may know from my previous articles (especially the one on weight loss for men), I wasn’t always exactly the most attractive guy around. I was overweight, unattractive, and the worst of it: I sucked with women.

Strangely, as I grew out of this, and started to refine my fundamentals, becoming progressively more “attractive” meant I started to have even more issues with women... not less.

I became less seductive, and had trouble getting my way. Women were flighty with me, and often trying to burst my bubble. Challenges from girls were around every corner, as if I were being given a pop quiz.. every 5 minutes. Auto-rejection was an ever-present threat, and I had my hands full trying to figure out why girls would drop off the face of the earth when they had just a day prior gave me many compliments. They were slow to move, and had trigger fingers when it came to throwing up walls of resistance to my advances.

These girls were clearly attracted to me; I knew this as the attention I was getting was nowhere near what I had prior to losing weight. Not even close.

But what’s going on here? It sounds like auto-rejection, but it isn’t really... It wasn’t so much that they were ejecting from my presence... but rather challenging it full force as if they had to. Like:

Me: Why are we having platitudes?

Her: We aren’t exchanging platitudes. Was that your word of the day? A little awkwardly used.

Erk... great job, Eric.

In this case, it wasn’t normal testing; and it wasn’t normal auto-rejection. It wasn’t either of those things.

What was it?

It was resistance, and as it turned out, I had been the one causing it. Often you’ve no doubt heard the phrase, “follow the path of least resistance.” Well, I was no stranger to the flip side of this concept... that is to say, taking things down completely the WRONG (resistance-paved) roads.

Today, I’m going to share with you my journey from unattractive, to attractive-but-failing, and then finally: suave... and I’m going to show you how to dispel resistance, not by dealing with it, but by cutting off the root of the problems that cause it to arise in the first place, so that you can excite women instead, and get them saying “yes” to you with relish and abandon.

Of course, you’ve got to be able to identify the symptoms before you can figure out what’s resistance and what isn’t - so that’s where we’ll begin today: with identifying the signs of a woman in resistance to you.

Changes for Girls Chase in 2013

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

Hey there gentlemen,

Chase Amante here. It's the start of a new year - 2013; and new things are afoot.

We'll be introducing some new, (relatively) major changes to the website that are going to both massively up the value the site's bringing to you over the course of the year, and change the way you use it for the better.

Girls Chase 2013 Logo
(the new Girls Chase logo)

What we have here right now is a content business - an article-based site - where the site isn't all that well-designed for finding the kinds of articles you most want. It's a blog setup, which is usable, but far from optimal.

We also have a business model that's centered on product sales, for a website that's all about the content. It's what you'd call a mismatch between what the reader comes to the site for, and what the business side of things wants to achieve (i.e., enough revenues to properly maintain and grow the site and company).

So, sometime between late-January and mid-February most likely, we'll be premiering two new things:

  • A totally new, newspaper-influenced website design that's cleaner, more navigable, more readable, and yet retains enough of the old style of things that it should feel like a pretty natural transition to old hands around here (you can see a development snapshot of one of the new category pages here; obviously, nothing's complete yet, though); and

  • A new, New York Times-style content subscription model, where you'll be able to access 10 articles on the main site for free per month, and you'll be asked to pay about 20 dollars per month to subscribe and keep reading if you'd like to read more than 10 articles per month

I expect there's probably a fairly wide opinion here among the regular readers about this; both about the site redesign and, likely more so, about the new content subscriptions.

Before you jump to any conclusions though, I'd like to ask you to take a walk with me (metaphorically speaking) as I discuss with you why we're making the changes we are, and what you can expect out of Girls Chase in this new year.