Relationships

Last week, I tackled the common pickup / manosphere belief that the ‘alpha provider’ is a myth: both why men in these communities often think this way, as well as why men who actually are alpha providers don’t usually find their ways into such communities to bother providing themselves as counterexamples to the claims of their non-existence.

Today we dive into the ‘how to’ side of things.

How do you avoid the gradual erosion of authority in a long-term relationship with a woman, and instead retain her attraction, respect, and deference?

How do you continue to be the lover, even when you assume the role of provider as well?

I’ve broken it down here into seven (7) rules: four of them external/behavior based, and three of them internal/mentality based.

We’ll start with behavior, and move to mentalities.

Here we go.

Why do you never hear from what the Internet’s dubbed ‘alpha providers’ – men who keep the pants on in their relationships, even over the long-term?

The morose tales of men who have become ‘beta providers’, who have gone through the ‘betaization process’... men who’ve lost the drive, strength, and ambition of their youths and become punching bags for their women... these men’s tales are all over the Internet.

Yet, you hear nary a peep from their opposites, those men in provider roles who remain the captains of their ships.

Is it because they’re quiet?

Or, because they do not exist?

A commenter named Insidious Sid, weighing in on Alek’s post on sexual economics, remarks:

“This “lover turned provider” idea is the biggest load of blue-pill nonsense ever to hit the internet. Once she “has you”, no matter how alpha you were, you now have provider status. She “conquered” you, and now she will be sexually attracted to OTHER alpha males who she has yet to conquer. Women like conquest just as much as men do. Men get bored after they conquer the trophy wife and cheat on amazing looking women – and most men think “Wow, I’d never do that.” Well, he’ll never get the chance. Conversely, the female will cheat on even a high value male and people will gasp “But he’s such a high value male, why would she cheat on / divorce / ruin a good man?” Same reason. Once a person, man or woman, has a member of the opposite sex in the “co-committed long-tern relationship (tm)” this is a whole new power dynamic. One part of “red pill theory” I think has it wrong is that you can “game your own wife” and alpha-up and keep the other alphas out the door. It’s a great theory, but my theory is once she gets the ring on your finger and you sign up for the house, mortgage, the full meal family deal, you also sign up for divorce, alimony and child support. Guys, let’s be real. Decent, handsome and successful lawyers, doctors and athletes are going through the divorce and family law meat grinder just like regular men are, albeit likely in smaller numbers. The point is the institution of marriage and being a provider is a sour deal for a man of ANY status. He’s got more to lose than gain regardless of his position in the mating arena.

*REAL* Alphas have nothing to DO with ANY of that crap. They bed the top females and move on. They’re not there to pay, they’re there to play.

There is no such thing as an Alpha Provider. He’s the mythical creature all women want, and they know he *does not exist* so they try to convert Mr. Alpha into Mr. Alpha/Beta hybrid and what happens? She will ultimately fail. She will be the subject of many a rom com – the Cinderella trying to turn the successful handsome worry free aloof guy into the exact same man, but also loyal, sweet, caring... think a shirtless Matthew McConaughey... rocking a swaddled infant in the baby room he just painted. This is the fantasy of every woman alive. Alpha looks, money and prowess with the servitude and commitment and *caring* of the beta provider. This is mother nature’s cruel joke on women – letting them think in their hamster-driven minds that such a feat is possible.

Alpha males can become beta providers. Beta providers can stop *CARING* and *PROVIDING* for women/children, get in shape, get fashionable, get a better crib, get some game... but perhaps they are just physiologically wired to provide. Perhaps they will never *naturally* exude the kind of confidence a real natural-born Alpha does.

Interesting and well written article, but I think it’s got some major blue-pill philosophy in there, stuff that’s already been disproved in the field, so to speak.”

Another way of putting what Sid’s weighed in here with is like so:

You only have two (2) options-

1. Be the single bachelor forever, and forever bounce from girl-to-girl
   
2. Take a girl long-term and become a doormat
   

Sounds depressing. You’re either trapped perpetually in hedonism, which is fun until it gets stale a decade or so in (usually sooner), or... you’re somebody’s doormat.

Well, spoiler, I’m going to tell you that’s a whole lot of hooey... but so are the mainstream ideology of “the man’s REALLY in charge, even if the woman bosses him around a bit” and the pickup ideology of “you have to game your wife”.

Instead, I’m going to tell you about something else. Namely, being a legitimate alpha provider.

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from David Carreras, a sex coach who goes by the nickname Mr. Manpower. His topic today is men’s three (3) biggest sexual issues... and what you may do to overcome them. Here’s David.

I am not considered the most attractive of men.

While my facial features have been characterized as “handsome”, I’m only 5’7”, and I am bald as well (luckily, I’m a good dresser, and at least somewhat muscular). Not exactly the perfect example of tall, dark, and handsome.

However, thanks to powerful sexual knowledge I’ve amassed over the years, I now know I’m able to get the job done when I bring a woman home, I can approach the sexiest of women anywhere, and deep down, I know that I can control that sexy goddess all with the push of a button (literally).

All of this makes me intriguing to women... they often wonder “what does he have... why is he so sure of himself?... there’s something there”.

I wasn’t always like this, though... as a matter of fact, I used to suffer pretty badly from performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and having no idea how to get a woman off.

Luckily, the following techniques helped me gain control in each of these areas, giving some backbone to my “game”.

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Big Mike, ex-porn star and author of Secrets to Lasting Longer. Here’s Mike’s detailed guide on how to eat a girl out.

Women secretly desire to find a man who knows how to eat a girl out... otherwise known as “perform cunnilingus.” It has even been said that some women simply give up on men and become either bisexual or fully lesbian because they cannot get a guy to do it right.

The problem is exacerbated by most men who don’t want to take directions or instruction. Sound familiar? All of us guys have a tendency to not want to stop and ask for directions, even when we are totally lost. I get it. Been there, done that.

Let’s face it. It’s embarrassing to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. And to think that other guys know how to do it better than us is a real challenge to our egos.

The problem is that most women don’t come with an instruction manual in their panties. And to make matters worse, they don’t want to tell you what to do. Why? Because they feel that you should already know, even though hardly any of us were ever taught how to do it right.

We get stuck in a catch-22 situation where they don’t want to tell us what to do, and we don’t want to ask.

This is the fourth and final installment in my series on why relationships fall apart. The previous three parts you can read here:

1. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 1: Game-Personality Disconnect
2. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 2: Long-Term Value Unclear
3. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 3: Stability Issues
   

In this article, we’ll talk about the last reason relationships will fall apart. That’s boredom. However, because it’s a topic we’ve discussed before, I’m only going to skim over what we’ve previously discussed; therefore, to get the full understanding on the subject, I strongly recommend you read (or reread) these articles first:

• If Your Girl is Bored Change These 6 Things
• Self-Expansion and Growth in Relationships
• Commitment Points: Why You Must Avoid
  
• She Must Never Become Your Mission
  

Now, in Part 3 of this series, we discussed the difference between men and women when it comes to relationship goals: men want peace, while women want progress.

What happens when a woman feels she’s achieved all she wants or cares to achieve with a man, though? What happens when progress is at an end – not because he is unstable, but because there’s simply nothing more she feels the need to secure with him?

Well, at that point, the challenge is complete; the game is won.

And, much like some game you’re stuck in once you’ve already done everything there is to do with it, there’s nothing left for her to do but feel bored.

Being cheated on sucks. It’s emasculating. It can feel like you’ve been judged somehow inadequate as a man.

Thinking of her off texting some man to meet up so she can let his big, hairy cock fill her up when she could’ve spent the night with you… it’s enough to drive a man loony.

As you mull the situation over more, you begin to wonder if she wasn’t faking it with you the whole time. She never appreciated you. You aren’t deserving of love. That despite your best efforts, you still aren’t good enough. You don’t, per say, know what you aren’t good enough at. All you know is that the state of “good-enough” is forever and deplorably outside your grasp.

If you were to happen across a Freudian at this time, you may start to think that this all ties back to some oedipal attachment to one of your parents. Why didn’t mommy love me! Etc. etc.

After a nap, you dismiss that curious early-20th century fancy and return to more sensible fuming about the matter at hand. The image of her happily embracing that devil of a man crosses your mind. You refuse to hate him though. She wants you to butt heads with this laughably inferior man-child over her!? What a joke…

“But why would she do this at all? From a neutral, objective perspective, I’m clearly a better lover/boyfriend/etc. than that guy…”

When she cheats on you, you may feel something like what I’ve been describing. Most of us have felt this way at some point or another. I surely have. It’s an unfortunate situation – and it’s even more unfortunate because in most cases it could have easily been prevented.

This is Part 3 of my series on why relationships fall apart. Part 1 was on game-personality disconnect, when the approach you use for getting her clashes unfavorably with the version of ‘you’ she gets to know while actually dating you. Part 2 was on the problem of your long-term value to her being unclear, when she doesn’t see the value there from you she wants or expects in a long-term mate.

Our topic for today is stability issues; basically, when she feels insecure in the relationship.

If you’re a veteran of long-term relationships (or even had your fair share of short-term ones with as-yet hopeful girls), you’ve no doubt heard the following common refrains:

• “What are we?”

• “Where is this going?”

• “I need to know this is headed somewhere.”

• “I just need to know I’m not wasting my time.”

What a woman’s telling you when she utters one of these phrases is that the stability of the relationship is lacking, and she needs you to calm the rocky seas.

These are just the surface of the ocean, however. There’s a whole body of seawater and a thousand leagues beneath it you must grasp if you’re to prevent stability issues capsizing your relationship.