(4) Advanced

Many a man's search to secure for himself the woman he most desires ends in disappointment; unable to get the girl of his dreams, he settles for someone a little less beautiful, a little less intelligent, a little less charming, a little less ideal than he imagined he ever would.

She's good enough, he tells himself... but in the back of his mind, he always wonders if he could've found her had he kept looking; that perfect woman for him.

It's a large part of the reason so many men in the West drag out their relationships into these extended courtships now, with no real direction or purpose. And when you ask them where their relationships are headed, as a friend; whether they are going to stay with this girl or marry her, even after they've been with her for two or more years, they only tell you, "I don't know."

If she was their DREAM girl, they'd know then, though. They'd tell you, "Yes," of course, and they'd tell it to you in a heartbeat.

But where do you even begin looking for a girl like that? And how do you get her, when there's so much competition out there looking for a girl like her, and so few girls who are like her themselves?

That's what this post is about; on how to find the woman you most want. I'm going to show you why most men - and most women - never really find the person of their dreams, what paths you must be willing to take if you truly want to find yours, and what the 10 steps are that will ultimately lead you there... to her.

Note: for guys who've been reading this site for a while, much of this will be review. However, you might find interesting the notes on settling - that hasn't been discussed as much. In any event, read on...

Over in the comments section of the post on how to get a girl's phone number, Hunter asked for a review of indirect game:

“Hey Chase, I'm so glad you got to this, I actually had an exact question about phone numbers only to have you answer it with finesse!

I was pondering however about the aspects of city game vs closed space game, small towns or places you return to because you have to, school or work.

I have done direct openers in places like school and around my city of medium size, but it can go awry easily and when it does, you hear about it back! It is almost normal to meet girls again whom I've approached before. The fleeting moment of awkwardness is fine, but if every girl I approached went awry at school, that'd be too much to handle.

I remember your post on direct vs situational approaching. I advocate direct approaching, but I feel they are not the best in places I return to frequently because I have to.

Can you go over the aspects of situational game? I know most guys actually get stuck in situational game, but after doing more direct openers, I'm having a hard time in situational environments coming off too strong or putting too much social pressure on her!

Thanks again, don't you guys stop anytime soon!

Hunter”

If you don't know indirect game, it's essentially using either situationally relevant (ideally) or other non-direct (e.g., not stating your romantic / sexual intentions) openers and conversation to meet new women and move things forward with them.

And, like most aspects of pickup and seduction, indirect game can be very effective - done right.

But also like most aspects of pickup and seduction, there is a right way to do indirect game... and a wrong way, and like most aspects of pickup and seduction (and I'm still not sure why this is) the wrong way is the one you'll usually hear about most.

So let's clear this up and get you using indirect right.

We’re continuing the theme of relationships on here this week, kicking it off with a post on bonding, and then onto a topic every guy wonders about sooner or later in his relationship: should you say “I love you”?

Now, in relationships, it’s paramount you keep in mind that you can only move FORWARD, to ever higher levels of commitment and intimacy.

You can’t take a girl out for dinner dates every week, and then suddenly try to make her into a pure friend with benefits who only comes over for sex and nothing else.

The other way round - taking a friend-with-benefits and progressing her to dinners and movies - usually works just fine, though.

By the same token, you also can’t demote a girlfriend into a friend with benefits. And again, the other way round usually doesn’t pose much of a problem.

You must make absolute sure you know your outcome, and plan the relationship dynamics accordingly from the get-go... if you want it all to go smoothly and well, that is.

We've been talking a lot about relationships on here recently - but so far, it's been more on how to have healthier relationships in your own right. But how should you go about selecting the girl you want to have a relationship with in the first place? As you might guess, your ability to find the right girl is enhanced significantly if you know exactly what you want her to be like.

We’ve all heard a million times before that a ship without a rudder ends up on a reef… and that failing to plan is planning to fail… but are you really planning what kind of girl you want to attract into your life?

Put down in writing the exact kind of girl you want to attract for your ideal relationship.

Describe her in detail… her physical traits as well as her personality.

What does her hair look like? What race is she? Does she have big breasts or is she super-slim? Is she educated and ambitious or sweet and homely?

Write it all down… and add it to your daily affirmations.

Whether you believe that the law of attraction is at work here, or whether you believe that goal setting isn’t much more than programing the subconscious mind and the reticular activation system… either way, their effectiveness has been established over and over.

You may have heard the old Yale survey that showed that the 5% of students who had written goals at the date of their graduation ended up having a higher net worth than the 95% of students who didn’t COMBINED within 20 years of graduation. Well... it turns out that was just an urban legend and there never was such a study - BUT, there's still been plenty of research since then that has firmly shown the strong positive effect setting goals can have on actually achieving those goals (see: A meta-analytic study of the effects of goalsetting on task performance: 1966–1984, or Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation: A 35-year odyssey, to name just a few).

In any case, I have some good news for you… the girl that is your EXACT type… the one you REALLY like out of all the beautiful women you’ll come across day in and day out… is the one that is most likely to also REALLY like you back.

I haven’t seen any scientific studies about this yet, but I have made this experience time and again… my personal theory is that this happens because you both subconsciously realize you’re an ideal genetic match for each other.

Yesterday I made a post on the infamous scenario of when a girl has a boyfriend and you want to date her or get together with her anyway.

As you might expect (though I admittedly hadn't really thought about before making the post), some guys got upset and one of them responded with, and I paraphrase, "How could you?" (another one responded with a comment that wasn't as eloquently put and didn't merit posting)

How could I what, you might ask? Why... how could I share with men this forbidden knowledge on how to get girls who are already attached! Now, I get a lot of people asking myself to censor myself on this website - human sexuality is the single most controlled and censored thing in recorded (and doubtless before recorded) history, after all... we're all biological organisms, and the ultimate aim of all biological organisms is reproduction. Everyone and their brothers wants to be able to control the system, maximize their own abilities to mate, and prevent others from becoming or remaining threats to them.

But as luck would have it, I prepared a companion piece for yesterday's post on how to get a girl with a boyfriend: namely, one on how to prevent cheating; or, how to make your girlfriend not want to stray... and how to make her so crazy about YOU that no other guy will be much of a threat.

Do please note: we're going to take a walk down evolutionary psychology road, so if you have any reservations about wanting to open up the hood on relationships and see what's really underneath, this ain't the post for you. You have been warned...!

In the first edition of this two part series on how to get laid every time, we covered all the ground rules… all the fundamentals about why girls sometimes resist having sex at first, and all the most important ways to deal with it.

Now let’s dive into the topic a bit deeper and look at a few more little ninja tricks and tactics – so you will always know what to do, no matter what the situation.

This is called contingency planning, and we discussed it more broadly in the post on when she doesn't have time (and other contingencies)… today we’ll look at it specifically in the context of the last few yards.

There aren’t many things more frustrating than picking up a beautiful girl, getting her phone number, going out on a date with her, bouncing home together, making out on the bed and getting each other all aroused…

…only to be stopped at the last second!

Maybe she won’t let you take off her panties, or maybe she’ll stop you at her bra… maybe she’ll block you every time you move towards the erogenous zones, or maybe she’ll simply tell you that she won’t sleep with you.

It’s like playing a video game for hours and hours and then losing your last life to the final boss fight… and there is no "save" feature!

This inability to consistently get a girl in bed is an upper-intermediate sticking point… it’s not something you’ll run into a lot when you’re still struggling to summon up your guts to approach girls in the first place.

But it’s also something that is going to happen less and less once you figure out how to get laid with girls consistently.

Personally, I went nuts when I was working on this sticking point… it really IS the most frustrating stage of your learning curve as a seducer, because you end up with blue balls every time!

Let’s see if we can save you from some of that swelling to the point of agony….

For the good of all mankind.