(3) Journeyman

How can a man direct a woman’s behavior? Nice guys offer stuff… controlling guys smother. Confident guys set rules and women follow. But which works best?

When it comes to getting a woman to do something, men fall into three classes:

1. Guys who hope if they’re nice women will just do what they want.

Qualifying a girl is a vital courtship tool. Yet, is it better to do it early, before she’s gotten into it, or to wait until she’s more invested?

Hey guys. Welcome back. Last time, I discussed qualification, what it was, and how it works. It’s your to-the-point guide to qualification.

Here’s a recap.

Qualification shows interest:

• Without appearing needy and supplicating
• Without losing value and frame
• By increasing her comfort level
• By making her backward-rationalize her attraction to you
• By creating a deeper connection between you two

How do you accomplish this?

• Have her qualify naturally by bringing up an interesting subject she can relate to, agree with, or share an experience with.

• Use a qualifier to trigger qualification: “are you X?” Her positive response means she is qualifying.

• Use an assumption: “you seem X.” If she agrees and it is a positive assumption (“you seem like a caring person”), she is qualifying. If you make a negative assumption (although playful, like “you are trouble”), and she says no, she is qualifying.

• Use disqualification: “You are sadly not X, so it will not work between us.” If she disagrees, she is qualifying.

• Non-verbally to qualify by mutual touch or hand holding.

You may qualify her, but you should also qualify back. This is the moment you show interest.

• Express a positive attitude toward her qualification: “I love that you are X.” Or “I am happy you are not X.”

• Spontaneously qualify by expressing an opinion, an experience, or a story that matches hers. Do not overdo it.

Qualification should go both ways. You are testing her compliance level while creating an excuse for why you like her. This is crucial.

Since qualification goes both ways, it creates mutuality and intimacy, which provides many benefits, including comfort, boosted compliance, and less resistance.

So today, let’s discuss when you should qualify. We will begin by reviewing early game and two different schools of thought.

Choosing a partner for a long-term relationship presents tradeoffs. The more a girl is one thing, the less something else she may be. What will YOU choose?

I’m a “have your cake and eat it too” type of guy. I do not like the idea of tradeoff much. If you’re having to make tradeoffs, maybe you just didn’t do things as well as you could’ve!

While that is true some of the time, life has many places where we must accept tradeoffs. Very often, to have one thing, we must accept less of another; especially so when the two things conflict.

One of the many areas in life this is true is in the long-term relationship. That is because some of the things you might think you’d like in an LTR directly conflict with others.

For instance, wanting a passionate relationship that is low drama. Or wanting a vivacious, quick-minded woman who is also submissive and unwaveringly supportive. These traits directly conflict with each other – as do many other desirable qualities in LTRs.

Picking the right long-term relationship pertains as much to knowing what tradeoffs you’re okay with as it does to anything else.

Bold, explicit sex talk can really turn a girl on. What exactly should you SAY though? Easy: use one of THESE 3 sex talk routines to melt her loins…

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today I want to discuss three different sex talk gambits. I shared three shorter gambits a few years ago. These gambits have become popular, given student feedback from my coaching sessions and the forum comments.

See 3 Sex Gambits: Good/Bad Sex, Sex is Unfair, and the Dark Side.

These gambits are popular because they are short, easy to understand, and simple to pull off without being complex or verbose. They don’t require much memorization, as you should not try to memorize these gambits word-for-word. Instead, use these examples as inspiration and deliver the content with your OWN words, depending on the girl and context.

You may remember my post a few weeks ago when I went over light versus bold sex talk. Light talk is less explicit (but not less powerful) and more suited for the early game to hook and convey intriguing and attractive traits about you by hinting that you are a good lover. Bold sex talk conveys sexual prizing (you are a good lover); it also helps escalate the vibe and turn her on.

My last mini-gambit compilation provides a list of light gambits suited for the earlier part of the seduction process. Of course, you can use them later in your interactions; I do it often! Switching to lighter gambits between the late-game’s bolder ones can sometimes be a good call!

Note that short gambits do not make them less powerful. They can be ideal when you cannot talk for long, or it is too loud or chaotic to have deep and complex conversations.

That said, I am providing short gambits here; however, that does not mean you cannot expand upon them or spend more time elaborating on the concepts and themes of these gambits. You may even want to add additional dimensions to them. You surely can! I have done so in-field.

Why do girls flake? Well, they wouldn’t flake if you were a super valuable guy they FEARED missing out on. Therein lies how to cut down girls’ flaking…

Over on the forum, we had a member report that a girl bartender he’d known a while agreed to go out with him, only to later flake, saying she was “getting to know somebody” and didn’t want to “drag neither him nor anybody into anything.” It was after all clear, she said, that his “plan to do something isn’t just as friends.”

In other words, so long as it’s just friends, she’s fine to do it with him.

If it isn’t, though, she isn’t.

Now, it’s possible the girl might’ve liked him romantically… a bit. These things are not always completely black and white. She was pretty friendly with him, and he talks about some lingering touch between them, being in a conversational bubble with her, etc.

Worth noting that all these interactions happened at her bar, where he was a patron of hers, and at one point met up with her there after she got off work for a chat in her bar. So all his interactions with her throughout were still firmly within the ‘customer frame’. It was only when he pushed to meet up with her outside of work that she excused herself.

So, genuinely attracted a bit (just not enough)? Or just a flirty girl? Could’ve been either.

I do, however, want to use this example to talk about the nature of flaking – and how dependent it is on the girl’s perception of a guy’s value + her perception of his scarcity.

Of course if you know girls who are in nightlife or other social venues a lot, you know they tend to be good at keeping things going with many different guys… good at creating this sense of closeness, of this feeling like things are gradually getting somewhere, all without actually allowing these flirtations to progress to the point where the girl has to put out or else lose the guy out of her back pocket.

Doubly so for girls who work wherever the guy visits them – they want cool guys coming back again and again, having nice chats, leaving nice tips.

If a girl likes you a bit, but not enough to definitely go out or hook up with you, the safest place for her to keep you is in that limbo where you simply do not know if she likes you as more than friends or not (sometimes she herself does not fully know… though she also might indeed know!). Then she can continue to enjoy you in her orbit, without having to decide to get serious about you or else cut you off.

However, all this flakiness gets much reduced as your value and scarcity rises in the girl’s eyes.

In fact, get your (subjective to her) value and scarcity high enough, and girls become significantly less likely to flake on you.

Sex talk is a tremendous way to set a sexual tone with girls. Usually going TOO bold with it is risky. Yet, in certain situations, “bold” is THE way to go…

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Last week, I discussed elements of strategic calibration when choosing between going verbal or physical as you sexualize and escalate the vibe of your interaction. It’s important to analyze when it is most beneficial to use verbals and when it is better to be physical during the interaction.

We concluded last week:

1. Generally, in early game, if you opt for a sexual approach to seduction, it comes with pitfalls (Why You Should Set a Sexual Frame... And How to Do It), so sexual verbals may be the better choice. This allows more benefits, and fewer risks, it’s more powerful, and it facilitates later (and bolder) escalation.

2. Often in the later part of the interaction, switching to physical game is ideal. It’s easier to pull off, more intuitive, and gets the job done. You are less likely to make mistakes choosing the easier option. And if it gets the job done, go for it.

Note that these are general rules. They should be a part of your default modus operandi.

But we all know that pickup and seduction is a complex field with many variables that affect each situation and alter your strategic choices.

So today we will discuss the situations when you should break the two rules above.

This is an advanced post suited for advanced guys who want to increase their meet-to-lay ratio. If you are a beginner, this post may be confusing. Learn to walk before you run.

The first part covers early game, where I describe situations when you should not use sexual verbals.

The second part of the post is when it gets interesting. I will make the case for bold sex talk and when it is far superior to non-verbal physical escalation.

It’s time to heat things up with her. But are you better off choosing sex talk for that, or physical escalation? It depends: one is safer, one is stabler.

Hey guys. Today I will continue the discussion of sex talk calibration. My two previous posts covered the basics of sex talk calibration, and this post enters a more advanced realm. So, this post is suited for upper-intermediate and advanced players.

Escalating the vibe and setting sexual frames, as we know, can be done verbally AND non-verbally (physically). But which is best? What are the pros and cons of each strategy?

More importantly, WHEN during the interaction would sexual or verbal game be most efficient, and when would physical game be the better call?

In an ideal world, you can choose between both depending on your preference. But we all know that we do not live in an ideal world. Many believe the choice of going for verbal over physical game, especially regarding sexual framing and escalation, depends on what you prefer. However, it does not. And this is what we will cover in this post.

It may seem appealing to say, “Why not combine them both?” That is, using both physical and verbal sexual game simultaneously. Two strategies = twice the power, right?

It isn’t that simple. Combining both can backfire and cause resistance if done the wrong way. If you want to know why and learn more about touching when talking about sex (verbal sexual game), check out this post.