(3) Journeyman

Every woman tries to tame men she’s interested in romantically. Often she’ll succeed. How do you avoid getting tamed too far by the women you want?

Welcome to Part 3 in this series on how to remain untamed by women.

If you’re just tuning in, ‘taming’ is a ubiquitous process women engage in with men as part of how they form romantic relationships/commitments. It is the female side of the romantic engagement circle: men seek to conquer, while women seek to tame.

To tame men, women use their approval and disapproval: a powerful tool able to bring almost any man under a woman’s sway, to greater or lesser extent. We discussed this in Part 1.

Men employ different strategies to make themselves more appealing to women. The most attractive men are generally untamed and hard to tame. As a man decides he wants something settled with a woman, he begins to present himself as open to being tamed (to a degree).

On the other hand, men undesired by women often go overboard to present themselves as easy-to-tame or even as pre-tamed… much in the way women undesired by men may present themselves as easy conquests, as a way to ‘sweeten the deal’.

All this is what we call ‘tamability’, something we discussed in Part 2.

Today, we’ll talk about resisting romantic taming; that is, “How do you not fall prey to a woman’s approval/disapproval, and change your behavior into that of a tamed man?”

In Part 2 of my series on Picking Up Girls in Your Day-to-Day Life, I go over the five (5) most COMMON mistakes men make trying to make daily pickups a part of their routine.

These mistakes are easy to make, but they’ll sabotage you quick if you make them, due to the “mental effect”: you do things wrong, it doesn’t work, and you soon conclude, “Well, I guess it just can’t work for me,” and give up.

Or – perhaps worse still – you just keep doing it wrong, and keep not getting good results from it at all, sucking up time you could’ve used to meet heaps of desirable women instead.

In this video I cover:

• The mistake of not changing your habits… plus why this is so detrimental for pickup-daily life integration, and WHAT habits you need to change to integrate

• Lacking a NATURAL way to interact with lots of people (i.e., having a large “social net”, like we talk about in Part 5), limiting their abilities to meet others

• The problem of “over-pickiness.” Guys with the fewest women in their lives tend to be the pickiest daters… but this pickiness doesn’t help you pick better; over-picky guys often don’t date anyone at all!

• Too-passive behavior when it comes to proposing things, getting contact info, or following up (and exactly why this condemns your day-to-day pickup efforts)

• Hoping (or expecting) to “magically run into” women like in the movies… yet an integrated lifestyle that reliably funnels you women requires FORESIGHT to construct!

Watch it here:

(click to watch Part 2)

If you want to be the best guy a girl has ever dated, you need more than “hope.” Instead, follow these 8 recommendations – yet watch out for “alpha widows.”

Commenting on my article about the Feminine Interest Spectrum, reader Fanfun asks:

[What] could we do if [a girl] already has many experiences connected to a guy to make us love more or / and forget others?

What he's talking about of course is how to be the best guy a girl's ever dated.

Most hardened playboys might chuckle sensibly at a question like this, but we allll care about it.

Sure, some of us are more confident in our ability to enter a new girl's life and immediately be the best guy she's ever dated... but if we found out we weren't, well, it would sure throw us for a loop.

No one wants to be second-best with someone of great personal importance to him. We all want to be the best.

It's not just about ego, either. It's a practical thing.

If there's some guy out there she likes better than you, she is never really going to be all the way 'both feet into the relationship'.

Girls care about this as much as guys do. I can't tell you how some of my girlfriends have drilled me on past girlfriends, trying to find out if I cared about those girls more than I care about the ones doing the drilling.

This is a human thing: if we're with someone, we'd much prefer to be #1 in that person's heart than we would #2, #3, or some other lower rank.

In this article, we'll talk about how to be that.

Yet before we do, first we need to talk about whether it's worth trying to be that with this particular girl.

First time sex that’s too rough or makes a girl feels slutty often backfires. The secret to passionate sex is to escalate to it over a series of encounters with her.

The first time you have sex with girls, you do not want it to be overly rough. Nor do you want to do anything to trigger feelings in a woman that you think she's a slut.

Yet I have noticed over the years that some guys are fairly (or even quite) rough during the first sexual encounter with a girl. They may do other things that imply to her they think she's a slut (such as using dirty talk where they might even tell her she's a slut. On the first night!).

Some possible reasons men do this with women include:

1. They've watched a lot of porn and have conflated 'rough' and 'wild' with 'showing her a good time'

2. They're just really physical, manly guys and think just being rough with a woman the first time is normal

3. They may have had a girlfriend or FWB who liked it rough and gotten into the habit of being really rough during sex, and that's carried over into their hookups with new girls

4. There's also the less-charitable interpretation is that they may not really care about the girl at all and are just using her to pump and dump (who cares if she has a good time or not!)

Regardless the reason for their roughness the first time they have sex with a girl, the fact is you should not be too rough the first time you bed her.

There are a variety of reasons for this. Some of them are quite important.

So, I hope you will read on -- and have better first encounters + avoid a lot of potential heartache for yourself and women.

Open relationships are an increasingly popular relationship setup. But should you as a man engage in them? It all depends on what you’re after.

I'm pretty familiar with the open relationship.

The open relationship has been linked with the seduction community, which I've been a part of since the tail end of 2005, more or less since its inception in the late 1990s.

Through my connection to it, I've watched countless men begin, engage in, and recommend to other men open relationships. I've seen guys transition their monogamous relationships to open relationships. I've listened to men proclaim that open relationships are the only workable long-term relationship solution and that "monogamy is dead" or "monogamy doesn't work."

Most of the OGs who stick around in the seduction community are open relationship guys -- there's a strong survivorship bias in online seduction community posting for being inclined toward open relationships. Which makes sense, right? If a guy's off in some long-term committed monogamous relationship he's not too likely to keep keeping up with a bunch of rapscallions sharing notes on tagging new tail.

Generally speaking, if you are in seduction, you will not usually get much of an alternate perspective from the open relationships cheerleading you'll see in the space coming from OGs.

It's the same in mainstream media, Reddit, and much of other social media in general. Here's an article in Vogue this month talking about "love's sharing economy" and declaring that open relationships (here dubbed 'consensual non-monogamy') are the next stage of romantic evolution -- a sort of inevitable future we will all be a part of, in a kind of joyously open sexual egalitarian utopia. Monogamy, according to the current sexual zeitgeist, is "boring", "stifling", "patriarchal", and "outdated"; non-monogamy is "progressive", "liberating", "egalitarian", and "modern." Non-monogamy is the way all the cool kids are doing long-term relationships these days! Right? Right?

The thing with open relationships folks don't tell you though is that this relationship configuration is:

• Highly suited to SOME types of people over the long-term

• Fun for OTHER types of people over the short-term only to degrade for them over the long-term

• Simply unappealing altogether for a third chunk of people over either the short- or long-term

How do you know which camp you fall into?

Is the open relationship for you? Is it a joy and a liberation, a temporary dalliance, or a mistake?

Well, it's going to depend -- on you, on what you're after, and the way your life plays out.

So some guy wants to disrupt your conversation with a girl, either to talk to you or to take her for himself. If you can’t ignore him, what can you do? Destroy him!

Quick little tactic that absolutely wrecks anyone trying to butt into your conversation with a girl.

Every guy's been talking to a girl only to have some random dude rudely interrupt his conversation, either trying to talk to him or trying to talk to the girl.

Sometimes it's because the interloper is uncalibrated and just wanted to talk to you or her but did not know how to wait properly for an opening in the conversation to jump in.

Other times it may be because the interloper directly wants to steal your girl, and he's hoping to peel her off you, or to peel you offer her (either so his wingman can talk to her, or so he can back-turn you once he's gotten you to break circle and turn his attention to the girl, with you now out of the conversation).

My normal recommendation (and normal policy) is to just ignore the guy (see: Dealing with Disruptive Men).

Most guys won't be able to break into a conversation if you don't acknowledge them, especially if the girl is into you enough to follow your lead and ignore the guy so long as you're ignoring him too.

But what do you do if the guy is really loud, aggressive, and in your face?

What do you do if he approaches the girl first, and you can see she's about to crack and break circle to engage with him?

There's an alternate tactic you can use -- something of a disruption Plan B -- if you're quick enough on your feet.

I call it the 'Disruptor Destroyer'.

People have all kinds of aggressive, often ignorant opinions. About everything! To deal with this without losing your head, you must first put things into perspective.

Decidedly on the rise is the profusion of aggressively opinionated people.

You know, those people who will get in your face, flaunt their opinions at you and, with little manners or decorum, do their very best to bait you into either agreeing with them or outing yourself as one of 'the bad ones' who believes not as they do.

Regardless of your set of beliefs (on any of a range of items), you can probably agree that there are many of both the people who agree for the most part with you and those who really don't agree with you who hold rigid, inflexible opinions about a great many things.

If you're a critical thinker, you can probably also admit that most people -- even most of those who agree with you -- hold only shallow understandings of the positions they purport to hold, and are far more emotionally attached to their positions than they are logically secure in them.

This is a human tendency, to form emotional attachments to views, often with only a superficial eye cast toward any kind of objective underpinning of said views. Opinionated, impassioned, yet superficial arguments are annoying to everyone, but they're especially annoying if you're a critical thinker.

There's little worse for critical thinkers than to find oneself in a debate with someone demanding he unquestioningly accept the veracity of a flimsily-supported position or else be forever damned as evil incarnate (or perhaps just stupid, brainwashed, or uninformed).

This article won't be about any particular current events or hot button issues, and if you comment I'd urge you to keep to the spirit of that here too.

Instead, its focus is on dealing with opinionated people: both avoiding pointless entanglements with them as well as preserving your own sanity despite maddening insistence you agree to the unreasonable or be damned.