(3) Journeyman

Sex talk is a tremendous way to set a sexual tone with girls. Usually going TOO bold with it is risky. Yet, in certain situations, “bold” is THE way to go…

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Last week, I discussed elements of strategic calibration when choosing between going verbal or physical as you sexualize and escalate the vibe of your interaction. It’s important to analyze when it is most beneficial to use verbals and when it is better to be physical during the interaction.

We concluded last week:

1. Generally, in early game, if you opt for a sexual approach to seduction, it comes with pitfalls (Why You Should Set a Sexual Frame... And How to Do It), so sexual verbals may be the better choice. This allows more benefits, and fewer risks, it’s more powerful, and it facilitates later (and bolder) escalation.

2. Often in the later part of the interaction, switching to physical game is ideal. It’s easier to pull off, more intuitive, and gets the job done. You are less likely to make mistakes choosing the easier option. And if it gets the job done, go for it.

Note that these are general rules. They should be a part of your default modus operandi.

But we all know that pickup and seduction is a complex field with many variables that affect each situation and alter your strategic choices.

So today we will discuss the situations when you should break the two rules above.

This is an advanced post suited for advanced guys who want to increase their meet-to-lay ratio. If you are a beginner, this post may be confusing. Learn to walk before you run.

The first part covers early game, where I describe situations when you should not use sexual verbals.

The second part of the post is when it gets interesting. I will make the case for bold sex talk and when it is far superior to non-verbal physical escalation.

It’s time to heat things up with her. But are you better off choosing sex talk for that, or physical escalation? It depends: one is safer, one is stabler.

Hey guys. Today I will continue the discussion of sex talk calibration. My two previous posts covered the basics of sex talk calibration, and this post enters a more advanced realm. So, this post is suited for upper-intermediate and advanced players.

Escalating the vibe and setting sexual frames, as we know, can be done verbally AND non-verbally (physically). But which is best? What are the pros and cons of each strategy?

More importantly, WHEN during the interaction would sexual or verbal game be most efficient, and when would physical game be the better call?

In an ideal world, you can choose between both depending on your preference. But we all know that we do not live in an ideal world. Many believe the choice of going for verbal over physical game, especially regarding sexual framing and escalation, depends on what you prefer. However, it does not. And this is what we will cover in this post.

It may seem appealing to say, “Why not combine them both?” That is, using both physical and verbal sexual game simultaneously. Two strategies = twice the power, right?

It isn’t that simple. Combining both can backfire and cause resistance if done the wrong way. If you want to know why and learn more about touching when talking about sex (verbal sexual game), check out this post.

You can and should still call girls on the phone – but mostly for specific purposes. There’s a trick to it, too: you must frame the call the proper way.

As phone calls have fallen out of fashion, guys feel even more awkward about calling girls now than they have in the past (and guys have always felt awkward about calling girls).

Calls have a somewhat more niche utility these days – but they ARE still immensely useful, and for girls of all ages and backgrounds… so long as you are using them for where they’re useful to use.

Like everything in seduction, however, it is all in how you frame things.

The frame you want when you call most girls nowadays?

One of amused mild befuddlement.

Some guys are closers: they will bed a girl even if it gets a little tough. Many men are wheel spinners: when the going gets tough, they give up. But why?

A short while back I wrote an article where I discussed a forum member who managed to sleep with a girl who was in a new league of beauty for him, but only after overcoming five hours of last-minute resistance.

One reader commented that this was not worth the effort, and not what a self-respecting man with abundant options with women would do. Instead, such a man would simply leave and pick another girl up.

This mentality sounds like it’d be correct, at least in theory. Doesn’t it? After all, we talk about things like outcome independence, willingness to walk away, being the prize, and so on. If it’s too difficult, you should just go find another girl just like her it’s not that difficult with – right?

But real world practice is much different from theory, and things that sound reasonable on paper very quickly become unreasonable in practice.

In practice, you learn that if you want success with women, you must be able to close the girls you’ve got, rather than giving up just before the goal and going out to start the whole process over again seeking out some other girl.

The guys who give up when the going gets tough aren’t the successes.

Instead, these are the guys who end up spinning their wheels more than anybody else.

Nevertheless, there is a reason the men who spin their wheels a lot do so, too – and we’ll talk about that today as well.

The Tao of Steve gives men 3 rules to seduction. The first of these is “Be desireless.” But just how does being desireless help you hook in girls?

In the early days of the seduction community, a little-seen romantic comedy became a hot topic of discussion among seducers.

That film was 2000’s The Tao of Steve, about an overweight male kindergarten teacher who routinely beds new women following a simple formula:

1. Be desireless
2. Be excellent
3. Be gone

The film (which won an award at Sundance) isn’t something cooked up from nothing in the brain of a Hollywood scriptwriter.

It’s actually a biopic of a man named Duncan North, who the scriptwriters became intimately familiar with (pun intended – he slept with one of the writers & actresses when she was in her early 20s – the one who plays his counterpart Dex’s main love interest in the film, Syd. Another fun note: Dex’s house in the movie was actually Duncan’s house in real life).

Here’s how they described Duncan in an interview:

He’s a good-looking heavy guy. You wouldn’t suspect him of being any sort of lothario. One friend of his told him if he lost a little weight maybe he could get some women. And he said, dude, I’ve had more women than you’ll ever have in your life. Another time, Duncan had this really good-looking roommate and they ended up liking the same woman. The good-looking guy said, “You’ll never get her.” And of course she went for Duncan.

Jenniphr Goodman, the lead scriptwriter, lived with her husband and Duncan for 1.5 years in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and while there she picked his brain on his approach to life and women.

The result was The Tao of Steve, and Dex’s (Donal Logue’s) three rules for success with women, a sort of boiled down, structured approach to Duncan North’s method.

Many guys have gotten a lot out of the movie. One online quote about from a now-deleted Reddit board reads

The first time I saw the Tao of Steve, it had a major effect on my game. In fact, it was the first time I had really thought about game and why and how it works. I had always been vaguely aware of the fact that some people simply held more attraction than others, and that this attraction didn’t neatly correlate to physical appearance. But the idea that a person could actually learn and perfect the art of attraction, regardless of their physical appearance, was a new, and captivating, concept for me.

What’s so great about the Tao of Steve?

I’m going to put the Tao of Steve under a microscope in this series.

It’s a fun, different method from most of what you’ll find in modern game styles – but actually had quite a bit of influence on the early seduction community.

Most guys want to reassure a jealous girlfriend that she has nothing to fear. Yet if you do too good a job at this, her attraction for you will wane.

Commenting on my article about how to handle girls grilling you over other girls (e.g., jealousy fears), Ambiance asks:

How do you feel about throwing in knowing looks or hinting at a girlfriend's jealousy when replying? I did this a lot in my most recent relationship, teasingly framing these kind of questions as my girlfriend being jealous and zealous in guarding her "prize". If she gave into these frames, I'd build her back up with physical and verbal displays of affection.

Is this overkill?

Feels like a fine thing to do, right? There’s her acting jealous… there’s the threat of other women… there’s using being flirtatious… could be a good combination, right?

But this works a little differently than you might think.

It’s actually not so much that it’s overkill, as that it suggests the man is harmless.

Why is that?

Because if she actually has anything to fear in terms of you taking other women, you’re probably not going to joke about it (unless you are just an ABSOLUTE dick). Instead you will just remove her concerns in a one-on-one basis. She’s concerned about that girl? “That girl’s not my type.” She’s concerned about you going out late? “I was with [some friend in a committed relationship] the whole time.”

You’re not saying I would never; you’re just saying, “In that particular instance nothing happened,” and moving along.

But how about if you get jokey about it? “Someone’s a little jealous, I see!” Or you give her a smirk. Well, when you do that, you signal that it’s actually silly for her to be jealous – and if it’s silly for her to be jealous, the implication is that she in fact has nothing to fear.

That is: you’re not a guy who’s going to be out taking other girls. You’re faithful. Totally. Without any doubt.

However, whether that is ACTUALLY what you want to signal to a woman is a bit of a question.

A lot of guys seem to think a woman will respect you more if you walk away. But they don’t. They just forget you. Except for just a few scenarios…

It seems like we are seeing this opinion voiced more and more, where men claim women will respect you a lot more if you just walk away when they test you too much. Examples:

• If she throws a lot of tests at you, walk away. She’ll respect you more

• If she has bad behavior in general, walk away. She’ll respect you more

• If she won’t put out fast enough, walk away. She’ll respect you more

We had a thread on the forum recently where a member reported bedding a very attractive girl – but not before wading through five hours of intensive last minute resistance. After intimacy, the girl grew lovey-dovey. However before they got intimate, when she was putting up her wall of resistance, she tested him hard, even to the point of saying some hurtful things.

At one point in the thread, a member suggested walking away, because (he said) doing so would make her “respect” him more. More than him soldiering through the tests and bedding her. That’s because, this member said, if you proceed forward and bed the girl:

It shows her that you’re someone she can berate and walk all over and you’ll still put out.

Is that right?

If it’s your first night with a girl, but she puts up a wall of resistance, will walking away cause her to respect you as “someone who won’t put up with her BS”?

How about during other scenarios with girls, like when you just started talking to her but she is rude to you… or if you’re trying to get her to go home with you but she is resisting?

Should you just walk away, and now she’s going to respect you more?

No, this isn’t correct at all, and it’s not how women work.

It is a misunderstanding of female psychology that men have – and it’s one we will correct.