(3) Journeyman

Don’t get stuck in boring go-nowhere conversations with girls. Ditch the small talk, and flirt with ‘small talk zero’ instead.

This is for any guy who runs into this issue:

You're in a situation, start to talk to a girl, make small talk about the setting/situation, then get trapped in a platonic conversation where you talk about boring situational things that neither you nor the girl care about. She loses interest and slips away.

If this happens to you, there's an easy tactic you can use, and that is to go 'small talk zero'. Instead of make small talk, your entire early conversation consists of flirtatious banter.

Sometimes you can make small talk work perfectly fine, especially if you are confident in how you do it and don't spend too long on it. However, if you're nervous, or don't feel in control of the situation, it's easy to fall into a small talk loop, where small talk leads to more small talk, which leads to boredom, and women leaving.

Since we don't want attractive women leaving, instead of getting trapped in an endless small talk loop, we can use 'zero small talk' flirtation instead.

The contrast principle allows you to guide people to the choice you want them to make with the use of a powerful psychological feature: contrast.

On my article about fun ways to use reverse psychology, a reader named 'America's Ass' asks:

Hey Chase, I loved this article! Would you mind doing one on the "contrast principle". It seems to be a great tool in fields like sales, negotiation and persuasion in general. Looking forward to your wisdom on how one could use this in a courtship scenario. Aufwiedersehen!

What is the contrast principle America's Ass is referring to?

It is the idea we do not judge things in absolutes.

Rather, we contrast one thing against something else.

When you say "This pastry is delicious," you really mean "This pastry is delicious contrasted against other pastries I've had." When you say "That person is a jerk," you really mean "That person is a jerk contrasted against the other people around me usually."

There are many ways you can see the contrast principle in life:

• The Hot Girl (Guy) in the Room Effect: everyone's been stuck in a classroom or office space where another person present is the most attractive around. Maybe you developed a big crush on this person over a few weeks or months. But when one day you saw this person outside class/the office, out in the real world, next to all the other people in public, suddenly that person was rather plain. How did this individual look so good in class or the office, yet so plain in public? Because, contrasted against your (few... or zero) other romantic options in the classroom/office, this person was the best, and the contrast principle inflated her (or his) attractiveness. Out in the real world, where there are many more options to choose from, some of them much more attractive than the classroom/office hottie, this person becomes pretty plain in contrast.

• Fruit Sweetness. If you eat a lot of cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream, when you bite into a fruit, it's not that sweet, and it may not be that enjoyable or rewarding. The reason why is because fruits use sugar to make themselves yummier. But cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream have far more sugar packed into them than fruit does, and if you regularly eat them, it will seem like the sugar content of fruit is not that high in contrast. Yet, if you take a break from confections, and cut the cakes, cookies, candies, soda, and ice cream out of your diet, within a month or so fruits begin to seem much sweeter, and become an enjoyable dessert to have after a meal. Because you no longer contrast them against foods much sweeter than them, fruits now seem like the sweetest thing in the world to you.

• Good vs. Bad Interviewees. If a job interviewer interviews a candidate who seems like a bad candidate for the role, the next candidate the interviewer speaks with (unless that candidate is even worse) will seem better than he otherwise would have in contrast. On the other hand, if the interviewer interviews a great candidate who really blows his socks off, the next candidate, even if that candidate is objectively pretty good, will seem much worse in contrast (unless the candidate is actually better than the first one). This works the same way on the interviewee side when interviewing for jobs. Interview with a place that leaves you saying "I would never want to work there!" and the next place will seem like the Promised Land in contrast. However, interview with a place where you conclude you would definitely like to work, and the next company you interview at will seem like a much bigger disappointment than it would've seemed had you interviewed at it first.

The two examples we just covered with people are somewhat outside your control (the fruit sweetness example, however, is 100% within your control). You can't completely control whether you are the most attractive member of your sex in a given room (though you can dress better, improve your posture, and do other things to make you a more attractive option). And you can't control how good or bad the interviewee is before you (though you can make yourself as good an interviewee as possible, to hopefully stand out in positive contrast to whomever came before).

So below, I'll give you a handful of ways you can use the contrast principle to actively influence the way other people see you... and, in turn, influence the results you get, both socially and romantically.

Your best chance to have sex with a girl is on the day you first meet. Going for same-day lays will net you a better meet-to-lay ratio and even get you hotter girls.

Hey, guys. Today I have a follow-up to my post about the typical ways most guys meet girls (online and social circle). My conclusion was that men are usually shooting themselves in the foot by picking such strategies.

I will share an opinion that is likely not discussed much on the web and list several reasons why same-day lays can (1) get you laid more consistently, and (2) score you hotter chicks.

The reason we don’t see this discussed much could be that same-day lays may be looked down on by moralist forces. Women do not want to talk positively about it, as they take pride in “never having slept with a guy on a first date” (which is usually bull crap). Men, in the last ten years, have become more moralist than ever.

From my time on pickup forums, I have seen a decline in not only same-day lay reports, but also noticed that discussions seem to focus more on dates and second meetups. Why has the interest in pulling the girl right away declined? It is an interesting sociological question worth investigating.

But examining that trend is not my task for today. My task is to give you reasons why I believe same-day lays to be superior (in my opinion) than dates, or second and third meetups. By second meetups, I am referring to having sex with a girl the second time you see her, just to make it clear.

When I look at my own lay statistics, I've had much more success going for same-day lays than grabbing numbers and meeting girls later. I have had success with both, but my results with same-day lays have always been significantly better, even as a beginner and an intermediate. I started young, and banging girls at parties was my only option. So I had to focus on same-day lays because going on dates was not possible because I had nowhere to bring the girl (except when my parents were away).

But even later, when I got my own logistics, or at least the girls I met had their own place, I still had more success going for the pull the same day or night of meeting them. Here are my (rough) stats:

• I lost my virginity with a same-day lay

• In my first four years of sexual activity, approximately 75% of my lays were same-day lays

• In my last three years, I only had sex with four girls for the first time on a second date. Yes, I have only been on four dates the previous three years. Think about that for a bit!

• The hottest girls I have been with have been same-day lays

I will list why I believe same-day lays are superior; however, note that there is a certain bias about my results. I intentionally opt for same-day lays because I love them. I will also share the reasons why same-day lays are awesome. Hopefully, I will clear up some misconceptions. But first, let's get practical.

Cherish the grind, the journey of achieving your goals. Enjoy the struggle and hope it never ends, because your worst fear should be having everything you desire.

Many years ago, I lamented my lack of ability to attract 9s and 10s. I posted about this on a forum, and a black ex-pimp dating coach named “Player Supreme” made a podcast about it. He gave me a great insight that nobody else could or would say.

“You’re not 9 and 10 material.”

Ouch.

His advice was simple. Stop studying, go to the gym, lift, increase my income, and lower my standards.

That’s not what Tony Robbins would say!

Well, I went to the gym, but I never got huge. I started my own business, and I’m still not rich. I have really great game but still can’t get 9s and 10s with the consistency of a Vampire or Rock Star.

But my life is pretty great in comparison to that guy who just wanted to bang a 9. Been there, done that – many times. And the only aspect of this journey I can correlate to this is age and experience. The more you play, the better you get.

But you know, looking back, what he was saying makes perfect sense. If you want a 9, become a 9. (Side note: we all know there’s no such thing as a 10.)

Player Supreme was saying not to chase the girls who are out of your league, but rather become the guy who is out of their league, and combine that with game.

Now my goals are much simpler. I want:

• Strong friendships
• A fulfilling job
• Freedom to travel
• To date hot girls

Check, check, check, and check.

So enough about me. Let's talk about how you can set standards – realistic standards – to help you achieve your goals?

To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE.

One of the best feelings in the world is to feel like you are included in an exclusive group.

Humans by nature want to join groups. More specifically, they want to join valuable groups, that they benefit by being members of. One of the primary ways humans determine the value of a group is by how exclusive it is.

Just think of that old Groucho Marx quote:

"I refuse to join any club that would have me."

It's funny, because the humor is self-deprecating ("any club that finds me acceptable as a member can't be a club worth joining"). But it also highlights a subtle truth: the value of the club hinges on how exclusive it is.

Nobody feels good about his inclusion in a broadly inclusive group. People want to be included into exclusive things.

This simple truth has a great deal of weight for your social and romantic interactions, too... because excellence with other people often comes down to how included you make them feel, in your own personal exclusive club.

Getting laid at parties. This is my speciallttyyyy.

It’s fun and wild and is (usually) a great time filled with laughs, and love, and loads of orgasms.

You can’t get laid at a party, however, if you don’t even GO to the party first.

How do you get to the party?

I’ll tell you.

How do you handle yourself once at the party?

I’ll tell you (and the secret is social status).

And what about sealing the deal and actually getting laid once you’ve done everything you needed to do?

I’ll tell you.

Watch the video and enjoy!

Sick of one-night stands? When you have sex with a new partner, you can make it mediocre and never see her again, or make it so good she’ll want to come back for more.

Having sex with a new partner is supposed to be epic, fun, and a gateway to more amazing sex. But often the affair ends after only one session.

Personally, I am not a fan of one-night stands. Approaching, mesmerizing, and picking up very attractive women is no small effort. It sucks to put in all that work for one brief sex session. So why waste it? Sex with a new partner should be good enough for a repeat performance, if that’s what you want.

I’ve had quite a few girls shag me then ghost. Why? Maybe they just wanted an easy bang. Perhaps they had husbands or boyfriends and needed an adventure. Women love sex too, and it’s not difficult for them to find it. So if you’re spending months or years learning how to attract women, you should also learn how to shag them with enough skill to keep them around.

When you’re having sex with a new partner, you want to give her an epic time so she’ll come back for more. A man who is great in bed is hard to come by. If you can be that guy, she’ll still be thinking about you at night, long after your first session, and you’ll start getting those “What are you up to tonight?” texts more frequently.