Don’t get stuck in boring go-nowhere conversations with girls. Ditch the small talk, and flirt with ‘small talk zero’ instead.
This is for any guy who runs into this issue:
You're in a situation, start to talk to a girl, make small talk about the setting/situation, then get trapped in a platonic conversation where you talk about boring situational things that neither you nor the girl care about. She loses interest and slips away.
If this happens to you, there's an easy tactic you can use, and that is to go 'small talk zero'. Instead of make small talk, your entire early conversation consists of flirtatious banter.
Sometimes you can make small talk work perfectly fine, especially if you are confident in how you do it and don't spend too long on it. However, if you're nervous, or don't feel in control of the situation, it's easy to fall into a small talk loop, where small talk leads to more small talk, which leads to boredom, and women leaving.
Since we don't want attractive women leaving, instead of getting trapped in an endless small talk loop, we can use 'zero small talk' flirtation instead.
What 'Zero Small Talk' Looks Like
A normal small talk-filled conversation will look like something like this:
YOU: So what brought you out to salsa today?
HER: My friend said I should come. She's over there [point].
YOU: Does your friend do a lot of salsa?
HER: She does! She's such a good dancer.
YOU: You don't come nearly as much though, huh?
HER: No... I want to come more though.
YOU: That's great. Dancing is loads of fun. It's a great skill to have.
HER: Do you come to salsa a lot?
YOU: Every now and then. But it's not, like, a regular thing for me or anything.
HER: Yeah, so I guess we're both the same like that.
This is just... not a good conversation.
It's an easy conversation to have. It's one you'll fall into if you're rusty or not being overly flirtatious. And there is absolutely nothing good or appealing about it.
It's boring. It reveals nothing about her character or yours. It doesn't establish any kind of fun, flirty rapport.
It's just bad.
Now take a look at a 'small talk zero' conversation, in the same setting, with some girl you've just partnered with in a salsa class:
YOU: I love your hair! It's really done up well. I'm Fred.
HER: Thank you! I like your jacket. I'm Melina.
YOU: Nice to meet you Melina. And thanks. So, did you come to salsa tonight hunting for boys or because you are just passionate about dance?
HER: [laughs] Well, I just wanted to get out of the house. How about you?
YOU: Yes, similar. You been cooped up long?
HER: It's kinda been a long week.
YOU: Well, good thing you met me then. We shall unwind ourselves together.
HER: [laughs] That sounds great. Although slightly... naughty?
YOU: Maybe a little. Tell me, Melina... what would be your perfect night to completely unwind from the stress of average daily life?
HER: Oh wow, my perfect night to unwind... well, I'd [blah blah]
Zero small talk there (for our purposes, I am not counting flirtation as 'small talk'). Look at the structure:
Compliment opener ("I love your hair") + introduction ("I'm Fred")
Chase frame ("did you come... hunting for boys") + talking about passion
Asking if she's been cooped up long to set up the next item
Telling her it's a good thing she met you + saying you'll unwind yourselves together (we statement and future projection)
Asking her to imagine something ("perfect night to completely unwind") and describe it to you
Don't memorize this sequence. Each conversation is different.
It'll be a little different with each woman you flirt with.
However, as you work to add more pieces to your verbal game (compliments, chase frames, talking about passion, telling her it's a good thing she met you, using 'we' statements, future projecting, asking her to imagine things), you'll get better and better at weaving these in naturally, exactly where you can use them best.
Can you see how much fresher and crisper, how much more interesting and engaging, the zero small talk flirtation is than the one that's just straight small talk?
Zero small talk takes the cake.
The Learning Curve on 'Zero Small Talk'
There is a bit of a learning curve on flirting with zero small talk.
The reason guys default to boring small talk is it's easy. You don't have to get too creative to engage in go-nowhere polite conversation.
When you start to aim for zero small talk, you'll find you struggle to come up with what to say next for a bit. That's okay. The more you do it, the more easily the right thing to say will pop into your head at the right time to say it.
The way to learn zero small talk is to go out in-field and tell yourself: "Tonight, I just flirt with women and escalate the courtship. No small talk whatsoever."
No boring conversations about the situation
Few/no boring conversations about her ("Where are you from? What do you do?")
Keep things fresh by continually taking the conversation in a new, interesting, flirtatious direction
That doesn't mean boring questions and situational dialogue can't work. They can.
However, for our zero small talk technique, you won't be using those.
The more you practice this, the better at it you will get, and the better women will respond when you use it.
Parting Tip on Zero Small Talk
One parting tip before I wrap this article up.
If you meet a girl who seems super keen on you, you don't want to be too banter-y. You also don't want small talk in that case, too. Instead, you should go straight to deep conversation and sexy, heavier flirtation (and touch... touch is important).
On the other hand, if you meet a girl in a low-key setting, where everything is very relaxed, and she just shows a normal level of interest in you, you may actually want to start out with small talk and switch to more flirtation later. The small talk beginning paces the reality of her experience with the place, where the attitude is more subdued and everything is much calmer.
The best time for zero small talk flirtation is in faster moving, higher energy environments and meets, where the girl is not so heavily into you you can just go straight to close conversation.
If you meet her on the street, at a salsa dance session, in a noisy nightclub, or any fast-paced / low attention environment like this, you do not want small talk. Instead, you want quick, quippy flirtation. Use zero small talk flirtation in these situations, and you'll discover you're able to connect with women faster and better, without having them fade out and leave in boredom the way they do if you attempt small talk in an environment or during an approach where small talk just doesn't work.