(2) Intermediate

One of those reminders it's good to have every now and again.

Men who fall prey to white knighting or taking up residence in women's friend zones do so under the sway of the mental model of "do for others, and they will do for you."

Good model for some things... but NOT for attraction.

Doing for others up front does not attract you:

• Friends
• Business partners
• Paying customers
• Fans of your art

... and it doesn't land you women.

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, "Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!" but rather, "Oh, that's nice - it's nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!"

But this doesn't just apply to pushover white knights.

You'll see even men who are normally good with women slip into doing this from time to time - they start overinvesting themselves, trying to win a girl over (or win her back) by doing more and more and more for her.

Investment's relationship with attraction is a bit more nuanced than these men doing these things might realize, however. And more investment from you does not necessarily (or even usually) mean more attraction from her.

In my previous article here, "You Really Should be Having Sex", about the importance of closing things out with women regularly, Wes comments:

“Those ARE reasons enough for me to sleep with a girl who isn't completely amazing but still, HOW do you get turned on by these girls?

Back in June, I had two girls over on separate occasions. Both weren't amazing and I was doing it for the practice. The first girl, I couldn't even "get it up" and i fingered her until she was done and didn't want to go on anymore.

The second girl, I made out with at a pool party and quickly led it to her coming over. I wasn't attracted to her body at all. The only thing pretty was her face and she had nice hair and I couldn't see myself ripping her clothes off and having sex.

I ended up making an excuse for why she needed to leave instead of trying to escalate.

Don't get me wrong, I was telling myself the things you said above but, that doesn't get me hard.

I didn't want to be rude and tell the girls that they need to turn me on. They'd probably get offended. "So you're saying I don't turn you on?! You think I'm ugly?!"

During your years of taking women to bed who were anything but amazing, what personal tricks did you use to "get it up"?”

That's a very good question, and one I want to handle in a post targeting two dual and related reasons that men have for not finishing the last half-mile of the marathon and moving from physical escalation to full-on intercourse:

1. Not being turned on, and

2. Performance anxiety kicking in

Let's talk about both.

When you know how to dance with a girl in a sensual, sexual, not platonic, gentlemanly, nice-guy way, you’re at a huge advantage with women in parties, bars, and nightclubs. Dancing is a socially acceptable way to be in a woman's personal space and allow her to taste what you are like without her having to fear judgement.

It even helps you to turn a girl on in a fast, simple, and relatively harmless (and very socially acceptable) way.

The only question is how do you turn such a safe act into a seductive one... and leave her wanting more?

You really shouldn’t aim to be a “professional dancer” in order to impress women, because skill at dancing in and of itself is actually rather platonic (i.e., NOT sexually exciting to women) compared to what a seductive man can do under the veils of it.

Note from Chase: after good feedback on his first piece appearing on the article side of the site, on properly setting expectations, Richard - who posts on the discussion boards here under the alias "Zphix" - started work on a few more articles, including this one, on cold reading techniques and usage. While we have an article up already on cold reading - see "Employing the Cold Read to Unlock Women's Secrets" if you're unfamiliar with the subject - this one from Richard explores the subject in a number of nuanced and specific other ways.

You’re no doubt familiar, at least in passing, with the gypsies of Medieval times; with tarot cards, palmistry, clairvoyance; and all the other “psychic” phenomena. Today we’re diving back into the wonderful art of cold reading to better enable you to have yourself a sweet (and magical) time with that sexy girl you’ve got in your sights.

Cold reading according to Wikipedia is defined as:

“[A] series of techniques used by mentalists, psychics, fortune tellers, mediums and illusionists to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do.”

For you as a seducer, as a conversationalist, and as a ladies’ man, this is only partially true. Yes, you’ll be getting some information out of her via cold reading... but what you’re really doing is easing pressure, allowing for a deep dive, and building compliance.

Value's a frequent subject of the articles on this site - we talk about ways to increase your passive value and value and attraction a great deal, while reducing "active value" (trying to talk up your value - if you have to say it, it isn't true), and we also talk about screening women carefully to avoid bringing someone into your life who's going to be a value drain.

Your value to other people - social value - is highly subjective by person, but it's something very worth being attuned to. Value assessments are a crucial part to our daily lives - every person you meet, greet, or so much as lay eyes on you do a quick value assessment of, and likewise everyone who speaks with, interacts with, or gazes upon you, for even the briefest of instants, does a quick value check on you as well.

When we interact with someone else is where these assessments really come into play, and where value imbalances raise their ugly heads - and make things really interesting, from a "what do you want from me, and what do I want from you" point of view.

Today, I wanted to make a quick introduction to using sex talk in sexual framing after reading many requests from our readers. It seems sexual framing is a popular topic around here, and since there’ve been a number of requests for more information about this, I'm happy to oblige.

I thought that an introductory post into my methods for using sex talk and sexual frames, like this article, was in order.

Of course there is a lot more to say about the topic (oh man… so much more; you have no idea how much!) – so consider this just as a starter.

The purpose of this post is to give you an overall idea of how this all works. This will make it simpler for future, even more detailed pieces concerning this topic.

Imagine yourself walking down a crowded street, teeming with people about you on every side. Or, making your way through a jam-packed bar, or a subway station crammed with people.

Somewhere in that street, bar, or station there is a girl who would love nothing more than to meet you... you, or some other attractive, savvy man who isn't going to hem and haw, but who, rather, is going to take her by the hand and lead her gallantly off on an electric, romantic, and titillating adventure.

How do you spot a girl looking for men like this?

As you're doubtless conscious of, women give off a number subtle signals that they are receptive to meeting new men - and sometimes to your advances in particular.

However, most men are terrible at reading these signals... and most women go home frustrated, empty-handed, and bothered about life's unreliability in providing men who can recognize what they want and give it to them.

But if you knew how to read these signs... if you could pick a woman out of a crowd, point to her, and easily say to yourself, "That girl wants to meet a man right now," you would have a super power few men possess, and one that many women wished men possessed.

That super power, as it were, is within your reach.