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Chase Amante

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It's Not Your Investment in Her; It's Hers in You

Chase Amante's picture

One of those reminders it's good to have every now and again.

Men who fall prey to white knighting or taking up residence in women's friend zones do so under the sway of the mental model of "do for others, and they will do for you."

Good model for some things... but NOT for attraction.

Doing for others up front does not attract you:

  • Friends
  • Business partners
  • Paying customers
  • Fans of your art

... and it doesn't land you women.

her investment

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, "Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!" but rather, "Oh, that's nice - it's nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!"

But this doesn't just apply to pushover white knights.

You'll see even men who are normally good with women slip into doing this from time to time - they start overinvesting themselves, trying to win a girl over (or win her back) by doing more and more and more for her.

Investment's relationship with attraction is a bit more nuanced than these men doing these things might realize, however. And more investment from you does not necessarily (or even usually) mean more attraction from her.