(2) Intermediate

A good buddy of mine who I’ve recently taken under my wing has gotten into the swing of approaching women. Last week, he found himself going shopping for some sexy, stylish clothing, when he realized that the woman behind the counter was drop-dead gorgeous. Like most men, he smiled, took his purchase, and left.

Afterwards, he had one big question to ask me:

“How do I talk to her when she’s busy at work?”

This is a question that pops up quite frequently over at the Girls Chase forums as well. Most men take these women and assume that they are hands-off to being picked up. A woman at work simply isn’t a sex option in their minds, because they believe that she is too busy with another task. After all – she is working.

We had a request recently to do a few more articles on approaching and opening. There’s not really too much more I can say on opening beyond what we’ve already got on here – if you’re in need of a refresher, articles on opening include the below:

• Pre-Opening

• Genuine Interest Dynamite

• Troubleshooting Your Opening

• Easy Opening with Indirect Direct

• When to Use Direct Openers Versus Situational Openers

• Opening Body Language

• Book Excerpts: Short and Sweet Tips for Your PUA Openers

• Are You Single? Why to Always Ask Girls This

• Book Excerpts: The Direct Opener

• Game Openers That’ll Get You Girls

• How to Use Indirect Game to Get Girls

• How to Compliment a Girl Like You’ve Know Her for Years

• How to Approach a Girl Wherever You Are (Easily)

• Meeting Girls in Messy Situations / Friends Around

• Approaching Girls Sitting Down

• Shotgun Opening and Reopening Women Later in the Night

• How to Use Situationally Relevant Openers with Women

... however, one we haven’t covered much in-depth yet is the playful/nonverbal opener.

What’s playful/nonverbal? It’s essentially using body language and touch to open women in a playful, teasing, flirty way – often one that eschews any form of verbal opening altogether.

When you just want to have fun, or you’re feeling lower energy, or especially playful, or you find yourself in a bar or nightclub where the music volume is cranked so high that speech is inaudible, playful/nonverbal can be the ideal way to run your opens.

Since the dawn of time, men have made the fatal mistake of taking the words of women at face value. I can’t blame our kind, as we are logical beings who say what we mean and mean what we say.

But women…women are masters of subtlety. Subtlety and subtext are their hallmarks. And until you become well-versed in the language of the female, you can easily find yourself dumbfounded and in a storm of fury.

No treacherous territory should be treaded without a map. And no reasonable man should allow himself to be saddened, deluded, or maddened by his inability to understand what a girl actually means.

So today I’m going to lay out such a road map. I’m going to outline the common phrases you’ll hear from women in various contexts and what they really mean. I hope this will prevent you from being confused, frustrated, dumbfounded, or from having to ask yourself: what does she mean?

An assumption that a lot of men make when they first get into seduction is that they need to be something more than just a man to have sex with. They assess that women have nearly unlimited options for men to sleep with, and thus that they need to build more value and hold something “special” so women will want them and be attracted to them.

However, when men feel like they have nothing to offer a woman because she already has hundreds of other men clamoring to have sex with her, seduction becomes very difficult. Those men have nearly no sense of purpose guiding them towards becoming better with women, because in the end they just feel like they’re pulling sleight of hand to have sex with her.

This, in essence, is a very idealistic scenario, where inexperienced men assume that women just want sex and have so many options for it that any chance of them getting into the system is futile. So they try to build value in other ways – by being a friend or provider in lieu of the commonality of sex.

However, seduction is a venereal experience. How one experiences sex determines its value. When men have been removed from this experience, it becomes very easy for them to forget that sex is about much more than the physical act. It’s about the experience that sex entails that brings about great value to a man who is able to give the best of experiences.

Commenting on “What to Do When a Girl Won’t Go Home with You”, Blogster asks about what women’s responsibilities are in the mating game and where a man must “draw the line” when it comes to trying to make a girl his:

“Do take your point on this one. However, at what point does all the game advice for men cross into the territory of a woman’s jurisdiction?

With each piece of advice about how to handle situations and tighten your game, it sees more and more of the woman’s responsibility being transferred over to men.

One of the admirable traits of men generally is that we are self-motivated and proactive and take charge. We look for our own mistakes and correct. However I feel the manosphere and valuable dating advice sources such as girlschase makes the mistake of swinging too far with the attitude of ‘if it didn’t go well, you the man did something wrong, or should of done something better’. Accountability is good, assuming complete agency is ridiculous and unrealistic, as it assumes the man has the capacity to control all relevant circumstances affecting a pickup and that by improving and fine tuning technique results will come.

The implications for this are obvious – women are just automatons and have no individual preference, attraction will occur reasonably successfully if you master the right techniques smoothly and ultimately, that women have no agency as adults.

It also plays into and reinforces current societies frame regarding relationships – that the man must do all the work and its the man’s fault if something goes wrong or the seduction doesn’t occur.

Increasingly also I see double standards in advice being doled out. For example, a recent post spoke about how to deal with judgement. It says its crucial not to judge women, yet women are by far the more judgemental sex and constantly do so on a broader range of factors.

A man is expected to skilfully disarm a woman’s judgements, but a woman is not expected too because otherwise she ‘won’t open up’. Does it occur to you that maybe men don’t open up because of female judgement and thus lose out? Yet the onus seems always on the man. Put it this way, if your friend was constantly dodging responsibility and being unnecessarily judgemental would you pander to him?

A man is expected to overcome his approach anxiety by himself. Is there any advice anywhere that says about how women should ‘help the man through his approach anxiety’? Of course not, yet there is plenty of expectation that a man should smooth and ease the women in the last moments before seduction.

In this instance, I feel it pushes the ‘responsibility balance’ of game even further towards the man. Soon all the woman will have to do is show up!”

This comment no doubt reflects a lot of men’s frustrations over the travails of mating – I’ve heard them the world over, in any number of different cultures, and if you read back through history you can read of men from all ages complaining of the same things.

So what are women’s responsibilities in dating and mating? Do they serve as just passive recipients of men’s advances? And if at first you don’t succeed – how many times should you really try and try again?

Men are nuanced beings in many ways, but there are also some very certain ways in which men are actually quite simple. And there are a few things about all men that I know to be true:

1. Men like hot girls (whatever “hot” means to them and assuming that they’re straight)

2. Men like getting laid (no further qualification needed here)

3. Men (straight men, anyway) like getting laid with hot girls

And yet, the unfortunate truth is that so few men are able to make it to step three. Some guys get laid with massive infrequency and with mediocre looking girls. Some guys are unable to bring hot girls into their lives, and if they do, are only able to do so playing the role of orbiter or solid friend zone friend. Some guys are able to sleep with a hot girl by fluke or once in a blue moon.

And then there are the few. The few men who are able to get laid with a high amount of consistency – regardless of location – with the most beautiful of women. They don’t do so all the time, but definitely often enough to keep the good times rolling. And even when they come short, they have enough core confidence to not even care anyway.

So today I want to talk to you about how to become one of the few.

We’ve written many posts on this site geared toward Western men on how to game and have sex with women from various regions of the world. Such as:

• Filipinas
• Latinas
• Thai women
• Brazileiras

These are all great pieces with loads of information to sink your teeth into courting foreign beauties. But what about guys from other parts of the world who want to game here in the States, or American girls traveling the world or living abroad? What about those who want a taste of lady liberty for themselves?

This one is for you.