(2) Intermediate

I found myself seated several evenings ago next to a young couple who were obviously on a first date. The girl was thin and okay-looking, though she’d lopped her hair off into a not-very-attractive medium-length boy cut, while the man was tall and lanky with a somewhat awkward accent I couldn’t quite place, but otherwise not too bad. She was dressed more fashionably than he was, her in a frilly white button down shirt, while he seemed to just be wearing a standard t-shirt or polo shirt.

My ears perked up because it was obvious from the moment I sat down that the guy had some game; what I’m always curious of in these types of situations, though, is, “How much?”

As it turned out, the guy had just enough game to get the girl extremely excited about him... before running the date straight into a concrete wall.

And that’s what I want to talk about today, because the things this guy did right and the ones he did wrong are something I see lots of newer guys making in their dates and interactions, and ones I certainly made a lot myself early on.

Because it often isn’t the “grabbing her interest and exciting her” part guys fail at; it’s all the stuff that comes after that.

Infidelity can be one of the most difficult things that can happen to you as a man.

Sometimes you feel it coming but try not to admit it to yourself; other times, it seems to come completely out of left field.

Women are such largely emotional creatures, and if you don’t know how to manage those emotions, you could very well find yourself in a world of hurt.

But what causes infidelity in the first place?

Today I’m going to talk about the root causes of infidelity, share a painfully valuable story from my past, and talk about how to spot infidelity before it happens as well as how to handle it if it does happen to you.

I happened upon an article entitled “An Open Letter To My Future Wife: How I Plan To Make You Happy Every Day Of Your Life” earlier today, written without a doubt very sincerely to the author’s imagined future wife – here’s a short excerpt:

“I promise to do my best to make you beam daily, so count on many surprises. Your smile will be my priority. I get weak knees when anybody smiles, so just imagine the effort I will make to be the source of yours.

I promise I will always look at you with the same adoration as I did the moment I realized I loved you.

I promise to try to ignite the same sparkle in your eyes I see when you’re surprised, inspired, motivated or when you are about to lean in to kiss me.

I promise to hold your hand when we’re 80 years old with the same liveliness that I did when I crossed that line to hold yours for the first time. I vow never to let the excitement of dating me die down; I will surprise you with the location, the reason or the activity itself.

I promise to keep you guessing where we’re going next.  I promise to do my best always to interest you. I will keep reinventing myself, gaining new hobbies, new knowledge and new interests to keep you — and myself — entertained.”

... and it goes on like this for quite a bit.

At the bottom of the article are plenty of Facebook comments from girls praising (sort of) the article, of course, saying things like:

There’s even a female commenter saying (jokingly) “Marry me!”

But of course, no one’s actually lining up to marry this guy... despite all he’s promised.

A reader named Nick writes in with the following question, wondering how to check out a girl:

“Hey Chase,
        Love the site! Incredible and concise/no B.S. information! I didn’t see where to shoot you a questions but I was interested in your take on checking out women. Is there a right and wrong way to do it. One that makes them feel sexy and shows my masculine presense vs just being another guy chicking out a great ass or pair of phenominal tits. Would love to see an article on checking out women the right way so that both parties (especially me) enjoys it. I live in NYC and it’s coming up on good weather. It’s sometimes hard (pun intended) not to look. Cheers!

Nick”

The short answer to Nick is yes – there absolutely is a way to check her out in a way that makes you come off strong, masculine, and sexually appealing, and that turns her on and makes her excited to be getting checked out by you.

And there are also plenty of ways that instantly make you “just another guy” checking her out, too.

What’s the difference? It’s what we’ll discuss in this article.

So let’s have a look at how to check a girl out in a way that actually turns her on, and makes her want to get to know you – rather than the opposite.

What’s the greatest single key to being able to converse with girls in a relaxed way, not put too much pressure on yourself, be sexual, and then pull them home?

It’s not looks. It’s not confidence. It’s not being well-dressed. These aspects are all important, however, the single greatest key to being able to converse with any girl is momentum.

You can take the most talented, socially suave guy in the world, and throw him in a social situation on an off day, and he’ll look like an awkward, uncalibrated beginner.

And every guy who gets consistent success with girls understands the principle of momentum. Especially because the high value men understand what it means to work extremely hard. When you spend all day on the grindstone – on your computer, on pieces of paper, on the phone… the last thing you feel like is a social dynamo when you step out of the door.

That’s why you need to learn to converse with anyone and everyone around you.

If you can learn how to start a conversation with anyone, you can learn how to get yourself warmed up and talking to the hottest girls in any situation. And it’s no pressure, it’s not like you’ll ever see these people again (or maybe if you make a good connection, you could).

Sounds easy, right? So why doesn’t every guy go and start a conversation with anyone and everyone?

This question is exactly what I’m going to address today, along with how you can overcome your own fear of strangers and use conversations with anyone in any situation to help boost your energy and get you ready to seduce the hottest of women.

Let’s go.

I was sitting in a cafeteria having a quick bite to eat the other day when I saw an elegantly dressed young woman in a long but casual summer dress stroll in at the far side of the cafeteria, turn about slowly and elegantly as she assessed her surroundings – perhaps looking for someone, or perhaps just deciding if there was anywhere here she wanted something to eat from – before at last turning and walking back out the door she’d come through again, still with great elegance.

I’ve been thinking about elegance lately, and its cousin, sexiness. It occurs to me that taken together, these two qualities can largely describe every attractive person out there: he or she is either elegant, or sexy, or some mix of both.

It also occurs to me that almost no one out there really is all that elegant or sexy at all... neither the men nor the women, and it doesn’t matter where in the world you go to or what country you visit.

There are lessons here, for what you look for in a mate, what you allow yourself to feel entitled to enjoy, and how you construct yourself, and I think they’re all worth peeling back.

We recently moderated yet another comment where the comment author (a woman this time, though we get both men and women doing this) weighed in with something like, “I think this only works on women who aren’t as strict about who they sleep with or are more sexually open.”

We get comments like this sometimes.

The non-politically correct way of saying what she just said, of course, is, “This only works on sluts.”

This is a pretty common viewpoint among first-time readers of seduction-related materials, male and female alike. They read it; it grates with their belief systems; and they respond back stating that they’re pretty sure this only works on XYZ category of women that does not include them (or does not include the women that they date or want to date or have a crush on if they’re male).

And they make the statement that, “This only works on sluts,” and feel much better about themselves.

There, says the woman, now everyone knows that *I* am not a slut, and this would never work on *me*.

At last, says the man, someone has set the record straight, and shown these people that women like my precious Esmeralda would NEVER go for a man like this.

Yet, out of the black-and-white polarities of the all-text Internet, the real world is far more nuanced than those who would polarize womankind into “good girls” and “sluts” would have you (and themselves) believe.