Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

There's been some confusion on here recently, with readers noting some contrasts between my normal recommendations to guys, and what some of the other writers here report doing in some of their articles.

The biggest one is kissing girls in public - especially, kissing girls in bars, and kissing girls in clubs.

I gave somewhat of a blanket denouncement about ever kissing girls in public in "How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before". If we want to be totally 100% technically correct, there are always exceptions, and this rule's one that - provided you meet certain requirements already - you can still get around.

Kissing a girl publicly is a tactic that can be powerful if used appropriately, but is devastating to your odds at getting a girl back somewhere alone with you for intimacy. In my strong opinion, it's much better to avoid this altogether, and simply maintain sexual tension, until you are home alone with a girl, and can quickly move from kissing to sex - the natural progression of things. Kissing is something that increases the randomness of your interactions, and polarizes them - it'll shift some women into overdrive, but will drive many more into auto-rejection or overprovides good feelings.

My general recommendation to guys that are learning is just "don't do this at all, unless you're pushing boundaries and really just want to see if you can do it and test yourself."

However... if you are suitably advanced, confident with women, and know what you are doing (e.g., not kissing for the sake of kissing, but kissing as part of a larger overall strategy)... you can indeed take the exception here, and not only not deflate sexual tension with a kiss, but actually amplify it.

So, to straighten out the signs seemingly pointing down divergent paths, and properly light up the way, let's peer into what the right way to use kissing in public is - and why most men use it all wrong.

A trend you see a lot in this field is that guys stumble on the material, dive into it, read all about it, get really excited about it, then... do absolutely nothing.

They don't get off their butts and go cold approach.

They don't start asking out more women on dates.

They don't even start cleaning up their looks and body language much.

Not all guys - there are plenty who set themselves to work with gusto transforming themselves into new versions of old them - but a pretty healthy clump of them.

And then there's the "how bad do you really want it?" problem that the guys who do apply themselves run into: they put a little energy into it... but not nearly enough to get themselves where they really want to get to (e.g., absolute abundance, or a steady stream of really sexy new girlfriends or casual relationships).

Because let's face it: whether you're talking about getting good with girls, or starting your own business, or learning a new skill that's going to up your asking price on the job market, or bettering your grades in school, or anything else that requires you to really sit down and start cranking away at something hard that takes time, most folks just aren't going to do it.

Yet, if you understand why you aren't doing something you really wish you would do, you may just be able to unlock the secret path to getting yourself there after all - and the gatekeeper at the portal to this path is a little phenomenon known as "effort aversion."