There is a strange phenomenon in urban places. Double standards come under attack.
Not all double standards, mind you. But certain ones.
This is one of the BIGGEST weaknesses for most guys.
Over and over and over again I get screenshots from guys who text like absolute idiots.
And it makes sense, because texting is COMPLETELY different from talking to women in real life.
The rules change with text game because you're unable to use many of the tools you have when talking with a woman face to face.
So how must you do things differently to be successful with texting?
Watch!
Some types of flakes are easier to deal with than others. Let’s talk about the tough ones, like when she’s not that into you or she’s testing you to expose weakness.
As a guy, you’ve likely experienced this scenario: you get excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date but end up feeling frustrated when she flakes on you. It makes the process of getting her out again much more complicated. A girl flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, but it shouldn’t be.
In Part 1 of this series, we covered how to recover from a flake when “life” happens and interferes with her plans. Usually, it’s simply a matter of comfortably rescheduling the date.
However, sometimes it’s not so simple.
As mentioned in Part 1, girls flake for one of three reasons:
Part 1 covered the first reason. Now we’ll cover the other two. You’ll learn what to do when she’s not interested enough and how to react when she tests you.
Unfortunately, these two situations are a bit more complicated. They indicate that the girl wasn’t interested enough or you made mistakes early on. Any mistake a guy makes will drop a girl’s attraction for him. Most of all, if he didn’t create enough attraction when meeting her, his options are limited.
Some guys are naturally good at texting and can create attraction through messaging. If you’re one of them, that’s a great skill to use in flake management. I’m not one of these guys, so I can’t comment much on what to do there.
Other times a girl will sense something is “off” about you, and will instead test you to see what you’ll do and how you’ll react. This is also not an optimal situation, usually surfacing because a guy did something wrong.
So let's talk about solutions.
I just talked to Alek about his neat new series on Female State Control. If you haven't read it yet, check it out (see the link).
When we talked about that, it brought up a way of thinking about how to get somewhere with a girl I've long had, but not discussed much. I've talked about it here and there, especially with deep diving and connection stuff. It's a sort of basic understanding of how progress with women works.
This understanding is what we might call 'The Floors and Ceilings Method'.
This method is very slightly complicated to understand. But not much. And once you have it, it gives you another dimension to understand male-female courtships with.
The method isn't limited to seduction. It also works with sales. It works with new friendship formation. Any kind of new relationship formation, especially where you want to get someone to do something, uses it. We'll focus on using it with women you like in this article, but it applies everywhere.
This is a simple method. I'll explain how it works, and you'll soon see how it applies to so many things.
If you like sex but don’t want a relationship, booty calling is the way to go. But getting and keeping a booty call with minimal pain and drama requires finesse.
Booty calling is a fun-filled lifestyle choice that any man can go for. However, if you want that sweet booty ordered to your door like pizza, you’ll want to communicate this to your woman, or women, without causing too much drama or crushed feelings.
You’ll need a contract.
Failure to set up a proper booty call contract can result in broken-up, hurt women and undesired drama.
I’ve had plenty of casual sex partners. Usually they’re girls who already have boyfriends or husbands and didn’t want to leave their relationships but still desired a little excitement or romance. Or they were too busy with work or school to have a long-term relationship (LTR). Some just wanted no-strings-attached sex with a discreet partner.
Some booty calling meets both the man’s and the woman’s needs, but most have lopsided attraction dynamics. The female will sleep with the male, and give him his “space” in the vain hope that once he realizes how amazing she is, it will turn into a more stable and monogamous “real” relationship.
Some women will sleep with you then quickly realize they can do better and move on. This isn’t real booty calling, as it’s generally the man’s fault for not having the characteristics she desires in a mate. For example, you’re a broke, needy, man-boy with no game who just happened to get lucky.
But for the rest, it’s usually just a player getting as much ass from as many women as possible without handing over his freedom. After all, freedom is a precious commodity.
Yes, some women just want to bang, but the vast majority would prefer a committed relationship with one special guy. Even if they’re willing to share him for a short trial period to seduce the man into monogamy, thus being a booty call.
If you’re trying to go booty calling, either become the master of stringing girls along, or learn how to communicate what exactly it is you desire. Hell truly hath no fury like that of a woman scorned — meaning hurt women can do terrible things to your life — so it’s best to avoid that. Be as honest as possible about your desires and intentions with her. Women being “played” has resulted in more scratched paint jobs, smashed PlayStations, and false rape accusations than necessary.
Usually when you meet a girl, you don't want to leave her. If you leave her, she might leave herself! Some other guy might dash in to steal her away. Her emotions toward you may cool. There's no telling what could happen.
Contents
So, you will tend to be with her straight through. Straight to the point you take her contact info, then say farewell. Or straight to the point you invite her home (then take her there).
Once she's home with you, you'll be at her side the whole time too. You want her to get comfortable with you, after all. She can't get comfortable with you when you're not there.
Thus, this tactic might seem a smidge counterintuitive.
Yet if you want to solidify her commitment to you, and get her to value you more, this one'll do that.
And all you have to do to use it is (at the proper moment) leave her alone for two (2) minutes.
There are two sides to learning.
On the one hand, there's learning something new. This side is important. You need to learn new strategies to get what you want. You need new techniques. You must give yourself new mindsets, new behaviors, and new mental models. All this is vital.
Contents
There's another side though that's a lot more overlooked. This side is in many ways even more important than the first side (learning), because without it, the first side is tough or impossible. This second side is that of unlearning. It is the art of deprogramming.
Everyone knows when a cult member makes it out of a cult, he has to go through a long period of deprogramming. This is worst for children raised within that cult, where the cult is all they've ever known. People raised in a religion who reject that religion go through it. People raised outside religion who later embrace it go through it too. The unlearning -- the deprogramming -- is as crucial as and in many ways more crucial than the learning. Until a man deprograms himself of old beliefs, he doesn't have the room to take on much in the way of new ones.
Deprogramming lies at the heart of switching from an ineffective way of trying to get what you want to an effective way.
Yet, sometimes, some men are wholly resistant to deprogramming.
And when you can't deprogram a man, you can't reprogram him either.
Which is bad for all sorts of reasons, if his old program is not a good, useful, helpful one for him.
Being the center of attention is an amazing feeling. Everyone enjoys it, even if they don’t want to admit it.
It feels good for everyone to be paying attention to you and to laugh, smile, and stare at your performance as a social being.
I don’t care how introverted you are or how “too cool for groups” you are – you love attention. We all do.
So this is how you GET the spotlight and how you USE it.
It is a tool like everything.
So let’s learn how to use this tool.
In our continuing study of Female State Control, we consider methods to avoid it entirely, including better calibration and focusing more on frame control than arousal.
Contents
1. The Progress Toward Solutions to FSC
2. The Problems with Buyer's Temperature
3. The Weakness of Emotional Spikes
4. Slowing Down to Move Faster?
Hey, guys. Welcome back.
In my previous post, I discussed a new and different form of resistance that we labeled Female State Control (FSC). This form of resistance is very common, different from the other more well-known resistance type called anti-slut defense or ASD. The difference is that ASD deals with her defense mechanism against slut-shaming and other negative social consequences related to female promiscuity.
FSC is a biological mechanism that helps women make rational choices about sex partners. Women tend to get easily carried away in their emotions, and that is usually beneficial to their purpose of nurturing and also grants them a higher emotional intelligence (EQ) than men. Strong emotions can help her make good decisions (emotions hindering rational decision-making is not always true; often, it is quite the opposite). However, when emotions seem to be too strong (too much of the good stuff), there is a potential risk of her getting carried away, hence increasing the chance of making an irrational choice.
We must understand that women are instinctively more risk-averse than men, partly because of the higher risks they may experience during pregnancy. Therefore, it is imperative that women are more selective than men when it comes to choosing a mate.
So, whenever a woman is getting carried away, she has an underlying conscious voice that forces her to pull herself out of situations where she can get carried away, by:
These actions allow her to gain control of her emotions and make a rational choice. This is FSC.
Girls flake for a variety of reasons, legitimate or otherwise. How does one figure out which and respond accordingly to maximize the odds of finally meeting up?
On the Girls Chase boards, reader Dark Knight was asking what to do and how to deal with a girl flaking – specifically how to recover. Flakes are one of the more frustrating courtship issues that guys deal with; especially for newbies who don’t yet have the skills to have a funnel of women. Quite simply, if you don't have absolute abundance, a flake can feel like a huge missed opportunity and a big failure on your end.
Dark Knight describes what confuses him about flakes:
I think most of us are familiar with Chase’s article on "What to Do When Girls Flake.” And I believe it is good advice, but there is one key ingredient missing and that’s about how to follow up on flakes. In the article the girl Chase mentions is extremely apologetic, but lots of times there are also girls who try to act like nothing happened. If you don’t call her out, it just gets “forgotten,” which of course is not true, but convenient for the girls narrative. This makes it like comparing oranges to apples. Because at this point it feels like it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For this reason the article becomes confusing for a lot of guys. I have read some comments across the board but they are quite varied and spread out, which prevents it to be a coherent entity.
Suppose:
You arranged a date, girl agrees to it: then flakes out.
*If you act like it’s not a big deal it’s fine and dandy: BUT you can kiss your scarcity goodbye. There is a big risk in being friend zoned, or put unto the backburner, because you give the girl an opportunity to postpone. In the past I even had this happen with girls who seemed very interested, but because they avoided committing since they do not like risks and maybe they hope for some kind of mythical white prince around the corner: they postponed. Of course when I next them, they fly into a rage. Yeah, that’s how it tends to go. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The only option seems to be if we put it in context with Chase’s advice, staying warm but maybe less available? I believe however the longer things get drawn out the more they fizzle out.
*If you reschedule fast, again you kill your value and officially become chasing guy. If you don’t reschedule the girl will probably try to get some attention and you effectively move backwards, which again is bad.
*Acting butthurt: Lowers your value and attainability, good luck with giving someone a good validation boost and shooting yourself in the foot.
I think I have summarized this as best as I can. I would really love to see an article which gives some good tactical advice about how to follow this up. Because right now my default is moving on to the next girl, unless the flaking girl REALLY tries to make up again. But even then, I can be too impatient, I don't enjoy “long game.” Whatever the hell that means.
I can empathize with Dark Knight. As a guy, you’re likely very excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date with you. While flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, it shouldn’t be for most guys if you’ve done the attraction work correctly from the start. There are a couple situations in which girls will flake on a guy. Depending on which, you either have a good shot at seeing her again as long as you stay mentally strong, persistent, are warm, and understand her circumstances. Other times, you’ll learn that she wasn’t nearly as attracted to you as you thought she was. This may indicate a mistake somewhere else in the process of meeting her.
Flakes can be tricky to follow up on. It’s an abrupt and unexpected stop to a courtship. Unprepared guys who react in a wrong and uncalibrated manner will find that the opportunity is suddenly gone.
