What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back | Page 4 | Girls Chase

What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

Chase Amante

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girl doesn't text backA reader writes in:

I found something strange. Everytime Im having long interactions with girls in pickups on the streets, I bomb. I mean, she dont text back. It reminds me of Murphies law: If everything cant go wrong, IT WILL. I recently approached 10 women of which gave me attraction signals. They touched me, called me cute, called me the most interesting person, smiled, was high energy, stayd 20 minutes with me, and asked me to text them. I had good interactions with them and was smoothe and confident. I bonded wtih them and made plans to see them. They never texted back and I dont nkwo why.

I did another experiment where I cutted my interaction short about 3 minutes and asked for the number. Most of the shorter ones agreed on dates and texted back, and note, most of them gave me negative signs first. Is it because women use guys that they give fake "attraction signals?" Why do they seem so much into me at first but never bother to actually get into contact again? It happens over and over so much that when a girl give me signals thats too good to be true,I can almost predict that I will never hear from her again and Im alwasy right. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I think the women who give you immediate signals are maybe time waster"? And what is your thoughts, do you find the same?

Brings back memories.

When I stepped up my activity levels in 2006, I noticed an odd trend: the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, and seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts.

How bizarre, I thought to myself. This certainly doesn't make much sense.

But the numbers didn't lie. So, I did the only logical thing I could think to do: I worked to shorten the time I'd spend with girls whose phone number I intended to grab, and only spend a longer time with girls I intended to take home that day or night.

Almost overnight, the problem of girls not texting back and girls not calling back all but disappeared. But it still left me scratching my head a bit... why did spending more time with a girl and having her come to like you more lead to her falling off the face of the Earth and not returning text and calls later?


Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



JohnG's picture

I have a girlfriend, but for the past few months I started talking to a girl at work we got really close and hung out alot. Then when we started to become more than friends and I became too needy texting and calling all the time now its been a week since I heard from her. She knows I am not happy in my current relationship, but she is not responding to any text and she doesn't text me at all anymore. I think I gave her all the power and she knows alot about me there is no more mystery and I made myself too easy What do I do I really like her.

Anonymous's picture

okay so this chick likes me but she I asked her out and she flaked on me twice and I kissed her but she said she just wants to be single, I asked her whats your reason then I get the real answer she said she doesn't know what she wants in a bf so I then mess up and ask do you wanna be friends then and she said she'll think about it then I wake up and she asked am I up I text back saying yes then she replies saying who is this meaning she deleted my number so I'm like holyshit this is confusing so I just ask do you not want to talk to me she says sorry I'm busy what the hell do I do?

Anonymous's picture

I've met a girl few days ago(She was into religious kind of thing and we knew saw each other).She doesn't knew my name but she acted like she wants to approach to me. Although , we tried to talk to each other , i was too shy to approach her. I used to see her 2/3 yrs before but i got interested in her after that. She also said she hadn't noticed me .After few days of just (staring at each other) , I invited her to a coffee shop on Jan 2 2013. She readily accepted. She just ordered 2/3 ginger tea . I drank some cocktails. Then she gave me her number , i called her that night upon reaching my home. Then I called her .We talked like 5/10 mins . THen next day .. i sent her a song I wrote which fitted our situation. Then she asked me .who it was for .I told her "IT was for you love". She was frank , talked about adult jokes all the time. Then I started talking to her on the phone every night 1 hour . She would say things like ."Would i feel jealous seeing her talking to another guy". I said no at first , but later told her it depends on my mood .We have been talking for almost 5 days. (1 hr at phone). But I fucked up ...started arguing(like presenting my views against her). She told me all about herself . Like how many guys approached her , told her to marry her and every thing. But I felt like she isn't taking me seriously. We just talk about common things , I like , she likes , our mutual interest . Mostly , I listen to her but , i cut her off rarely sometime later.And at 5th day she seemed like .. uninterested to talk to me. Though i gave her a book of mine , she talks all about herself. I would only listen and comment where necessary. The girl is cute and she said many persons have approached her, saying she heard "I heard I love you many times" . She is trying to go abroad for studies but she acts like she takes me normally. She told me "I like you" after 2 days of meeting on the phone...also said ..."I love you" after which she said sorry. for saying ..."I LOVE YOU". I am confused whether i should go after her or stop communicating with her.We even exchanged book with each other . I am totally confused how to tell her i want to be with her . She talks me to me casually about everything which she does with everyone . Like talking about her , adult jokes , her dreams , ambition . I want to be seriously involved with this girl but I don't understand . How to tell her that i am serious about her . Can any one help me to get with this girl? She is totally open minded and tell me everything about her. Which confuses me more ??? NEED HELP >>>>ASAP

Anonymous's picture

I have been in touch with a girl i met on a trip about 9 years ago and we to e-mail each other and send texts to each oter and had contact over the years.She is a good close friend and i have told her things and she has told me things. She does'nt always reply to my text messages all e-mails. She has said she gets busy with work and even though does'nt reply she does'nt ignore what i say we have'nt met up since the time i met her. I have mentioned to her can we meet up after all this time but nothing to say she will.

olufemmie's picture

hey chase,
i really need your help, there's this girl i fancy lot, and most times we meet or walk past echother we stare at ourselves and all that, last nite at the club we couldnt get our eyes off eachother tho she ws with her friends...
i finally got the courage to approach her told her how cute her eyes are n she said that was really sweet and asked her for her facebook addy, and she ws so willing to give it and all smiling.
i got to my and messaged her say "hello beautiful, how you doing , u okay"
she read the message and hasnt replied ,and shes been online.
I am really confused , i dont know if i should message her again or not .please what do you suggest?

Miracle 's picture

Hey Chase, I wanted to first say thank for the helpful posts. Well I am in a bit of a bind. So I'm a senior in high school, and I decided to join the speech team . Figured I would gain some confidence, and man did I ever. In about 4 months I went from a timid mess to a fun guy who just walks up to girls and starts chatting them up (a recurring joke within the team)

So last Saturday was Speech State, and I decided to use my two days there to finally tell this fellow competitor that I liked her. For a hole now we'd been hugging and talking close and comfortably and I'm here thinking "hey, I think she likes me, which is nice because I have been too for a while. Well didn't work out as planned(which in hindsight is probably for the best), but I did succeed in getting her number, then ending the conversation (a big no-no as I now know). This girl went on to place 4th at state, and before I go to sleep I say

Me: congrats on the 4th place, you more than deserved it!

Two days ago I texted her, and while I did get a
Me: so I had the most awkward day..
Girl: Aha why?

We weren't able to have a conversation on account of her being at practice. So I'm totally understanding of that and send her a text leaving the ball in her court. We continue the the conversation later...

Girl:Sorry, was at competitive play practice.
Me: it's fine, what's that all about?
Girl: (brief discussion of event)
Me: oh that's cool how long have you been in this thing

And well I haven't heard from her since. Earlier today I sent her an opener text about how my day was kinda rough, using your format of course, and 5 hours later later she still hasn't responded.

I've tried to think about things logically. Either
a) She's super busy and can't be bothered.
b) Her phone died and she's careless when it comes to charging
c) I'm getting blown off...and not in the good way

C makes the most sense because most people would charge their phones at least once in a 3 day period, and despite however busy someone is, few people will give up everything in their life to work. So it seems she's losing interest while I'm losing my patience, with the burning of daylight, but I wanted to ask you if I could still salvage the relationship we had pre-phone number, and if not, what was I doing wrong?

Anonymous's picture

Hey, just came across your site and am loving the advise! One question I haven't seen addressed: How do you reply when you have a date set up a few days in advance, and she texts you in-between? Keep it to a few to maintain rapport but don't become a text buddy?


Chase Zieman's picture

I have been going out with this girl for a while now. I went to visit her house and brought my stuff there too. then got dropped off at the ymca to work out with her. After that it was getting late and I had to get back home quick. I got dropped off at home and told her I would text her if I was ready to be picked up again to get picked up to get my stuff but the problem is that she won't respond! I really need my stuff because I have my guitar there and my backpack for school... I need help!

The Sentinel's picture

This cute girl sat next to me and we talked. We had an excellent, kinda playful conversation and she said she has "free time for now." I ask to exchange numbers and she saves my number first and then puts her number into her phone. I text about 5 hours later and no reply and I don't think I'll get a reply.

What should I say? Should I text again immediately or wait 2-3 days or 1 day?

Thanks man. :)

Kevin Hong's picture

I met this girl from a singles website. I sent her an email and a few days later she smsed me a returned hi from my email. We smsed a bit and she wanted me to call her. We talked about my work and my famil and I also asked about her life.

After the conversation, i smsed her and she agreed to be my girlfriend. After a day or two, we smsed more intimate smses to each other saying we love each other and want to be with each other and wanting chidren. She also wanted to meet me the next day.

On the actual day, she smsed to me saying that she had a visitor and wanted to postpone our meet the next day. Since then I have not heard from her. I have smsed her about 20 over times saying about I want to meet her and asking her what happened and how I can help.

It has been about two to three days since I last heard from her. I do not know what to do now.

Is it tha she does not like me? I mean if she doesn't like me, there is no need to exchange intimate smses am i right? I mean if she does not like me, she could have said it, but she didn't. I am not at my wits end, please give me some guidance on what I can do, thanks.

PerfectingThisGame's picture

I am going to make this short, sweet, and easy to understand. The reason this article is so useful is the well written (concept of) four major reasons the woman is not replying immediately. Those four reasons leave you with a technique that perhaps the author may like to go in depth on. Long story short, do your best to find which reason is the underlying reason (more than likely found by using process of elimination). Once you've found the reason you go from there. Simple as that, love the 4 concepts.
-Happy lady hunting

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase

Ok so I was in a club a few nights ago and I had seen this really cute girl. When I first noticed her she was being pestered by another bunch of guys so I kinda waited it out. Whilst doing so I kept glancing back at her and eventually when the other guys realised they weren't getting anywhere I moved in. The first thing she said to me was that she had seen me looking at her and was just waiting for me to come over. So we had only started chatting for a few minutes then she whips out her phone and says to me so am I gonna get your number or what. At this point I'm pretty much astounded that a girl is being this forward. So we continue chatting for a bit then she has ti go away somewhere with her friends. I end up not seeing her for the rest of the night but at 11 the next morning she sends me kinda normal hey how ate you kinda text. I couldn't get back to her until the evening cos I was working but we started chatting by text quite flirty. So I eventually asked her if she wanted to go to another club that I was going to with some of my uni friends. She couldn't cos she was working early the next morning to which I offered another option. She then said she would see how busy her schedule was and get back to me the next day. She didn't get back to me for two days so I tested her again still no reply. I just dont get it cos she seemed so into me!

Advice would be much appreciated

Daniel Piotrowski's picture

Hi Chase, I have been dating a woman now since the begining of February. She is the 1st woman I have been able to date for the last 8+ years since I was in the military and constantly deployed. Needless to say I feel so behind in dating etiqite. I am now retired and able to date and everything seems like its going great. She is 38 and I'm 41. Both are divorced with children. I only get to spend time with her on weekends due to work and have a blast when we are together. But during the week though we pretty much only text. For some reason she doesn't respond to a lot of my texts or asks me a lot of questions. I find this odd and I feel like I did something wrong. We had our 1st intimate night last week and the pressure got to me and couldn't perform but we laughed it off. I always say good morning and good night and throughout the day I text her occasionally. She never just texts me about anything, just replies ocassionally. I've never met a woman who is non talkative like this. I do all the talking but she says she really likes me and loves being held by me and kissed. So basically I feel like I'm all over the place in this letter. My question is, if she is really into me why isnt she messaging me as well or asking me questions? What do I do? Am I doing something wrong?

Sincerely, Dan

Anonymous's picture

Im confused bro. I've been talking to this woman for a few weeks now and everything seemed fine. It's just that when we are together she is great, funny, talkative, and even cuddly like. But as soon as she gets home and ill txt. Or something she's hard of replying back and acts as if she is busy. Plus she wont open up any feelings related to relationships unless she ig confiding in me about her past on her own yet she still wants a relationship yet i don't know how she even feels or if she likes me. What to do man....

Terrance's picture

Chase, i've been talking to this girl for over a month and now she is acting distant.She replies to my text after a fee days of radio silence, then its back to squat one. I told her I had liked her and she was very flattered, then the following day that's when she acted like she didn't even me. A few days after radio silence I replied to her text telling her I wanted to talk to her, but in a cool manner. She didn't reply and now i'm confused on what to do. She gave me signals in the beginning thats when I had given her my number instead of asking for her's, up until now ive never been so clueless. Help me please.

Anonymous's picture

okay so i was texting a girl, everything seemed to be going okay until part of my conversation that i was having with a co-worker ended up in the text (i accidently started writing what he was telling me) and i didn't realize it until I looked at the text later, i apologized, but she didn't respond to either text and i feel like i screwed it up massively

What the text should have said
Great! I've been getting cravings for some food like all day (insert girls name here), we should get some food today, like pronto haha

What it did say
Great! I've been have cravings like all day and they have had something to do with you...we should get some food today, like pronto hahaha

Now i get that i'm not supposed to send another text, til probably tommarow, but how do i fix this for when i do!!?!?

Anonymous's picture

i started talking to this girl we started txting and she gave me her phone number after I asked for it so we txted later that night when she had to go I asked if she go on a date with me to get to know each other more and she agree on going a date with me. So we txt the next day for a little and she didnt reply back till night and said she was busy the whole day and apologize for not texting me and told me how my day was i told her and we talk for a lil and then no reply. I didnt txt her the next day, then the day after i txt her at 11 when she posted a pic on instagram but she didn't txt me back all day...so idk what to do should I wait or just text her back? Please can you help...

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

This is the case, I have a wife and I am falling out of luv with her. One year ago, it just happen so that Ive got to know this girl from social chat room while I was thinking of away to talk to someone. She lives in the U.K and i am 10,000.00 miles away from her. So, we talked and I think she really understands my situation of feeling down and etc... but I never told her that I am married. I told her bout I was feeling lonely and just don't know what to do anymore. Not being self pitty tho, but just need to let it out of my chest bout what I felt.

Ever since that day, we texted each other most of the time. We exchanged pictures and stuff too. She told me bout her problems too and she said she felt really comfortable talking with me. After 4 months she asked me that if there is a chance for her to be someone special to me.. i said, NOT a CHANCE. i told her that i will tell her why someday. She said okay, and she will wait for the day to come. We even talk over Skype just make it more personal.

Few months after that, i was so busy with workloads and i had no chance to text her. It seems whenever i logged in to my social apps acc, thers always her texts that i haven't been replyin. All the well wishes just to get my attention. I felt guilty, i texted her back and she said she was so relief and she said she understands how busy i was. I felt so guilty of not telling her that i am married. So, i told her the next day and she was heartbroken. She said that she still wanna be friends with me and its not my fault of not telling her bout my status cuz she didn't ask about that on the first day.

So we went on and she were nice to me and i know that she really want to win me over my wife. She always ask bout my wife as in where is she while im talking to her and stuff. so i said you don't have to worry cuz i don't care bout her already. Suddenly last month, she said she hv something to tell me. she said she already found someone and she was scared to tell me cuz she doesn't want to loose me.

i was shocked and heart broken at the same time, cuz i was about to make my move to go to U.K to meet her after my divorce. Well im not divorce yet to date. It takes time and I think I hv lost her now.

The Last time I talked to her where I was a bit pissed off with her which I ddnt call her babe, hun or luv cuz she ddnt give me much attention in a sense of she did not reply my msgs that often. She asked me "You seems pissed off, did I say anything wrong? " I said " No, " and I asked her to get some rest cuz she said she was too tired of work loads. And she replied " I was off to bed anyway.. and I will Thanks..." that was it from her. Then I ddnt hear from her again until now which is already 2 weeks.

what are my chances now chase?

( sorry for my English/grammar cuz it is not my first language )

sensitive_anon's picture

hi Chase, I'm a 20-something woman & I found this post after Googling "guy gave me his number, then didn't respond". it's funny that barely any articles came up for women in this situation, but plenty for men. like 90% of the search results.

but like your article says, it does happen to women too, and when it happens, it hurts our feelings as well. I met this wonderful guy while volunteering, he was SO sweet, funny and nice, we had a ton of things in common, ended up chatting for more than an hour (because we had to work together on a task). I felt like we really vibed, when I was leaving he even ran after me & quickly gave me his # (which I know some people think is a weak move, but I think it's fine & see it as the guy being polite & low-pressure, which I actually appreciate).

I texted him so that he'd have my number and waited...and waited...and waited. almost a week later, I still haven't heard back & I feel pretty disappointed & stupid for getting my hopes up. I'm not bragging at all, but every time a guy asks for my number or gives me his number, he calls or responds when I contact him.

I just don't understand that guy's motives. why go out of his way to run after me & give me his number if he had no intention of responding to me? he could have just said bye & let me leave, no big deal. I hadn't asked him to give me his #, b/c I'm shy & never do that.

your first explanation for that scenario is very insightful & made me feel better. that's great that you ended up calling that girl back & you guys ended up dating :)

anyway, guys, please don't feel alone in getting rejected, it happens to lots of girls too. and please don't let your feelings get in the way & make you chicken out when you genuinely connect with a girl!

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,
Last week at school, I got a girl's number before one of my classes. We knew each other from a class we had together 2 years ago and caught up with each other starting this year. She looked interested in hanging out with me, by giving me her number and then asking me if I knew people she knew. I told her about doing some fun things with my friends during the summer and looked interested. As a standard for me, if a girl gives me her number, I text them saying my name as the first message and will be in their contacts. However, on Friday, I texted her, asking her how her finals went. After then, I got no response from her. I am guessing after reading this article is that she didn't get to me yet and that she's possibly busy. I am also starting to think about only texting her about events that are actually worth going to. Help please?

Mike's picture

She initiated conversation with me. Learned we had similar interests and personalities. Said I was charming and love to get to know me better. Talked a few more times. Says I make her smile and she thinks the things I say are sweet. Always takes her hours to respond. Haven't heard anything in two days. What exactly is going on?

Anonymous's picture

hey,so i'm in uni..in a class of about 15 and am the only dude in class. problem is there's this one chic who i just cant figure out. In class she'll make eye contact once in a while,smile and get me thinking there's something there. at other times she'll act like i dont even exist. other classmates will crack jokes with me, but she'll pretend like she's checking something out on her phone,like she's busy and uninterested. twice or thrice time it happened that we had to go somewhere alone, on the bus she sleeps on my shoulder,holds my hand when we're walkin,laughs to everything i say,gives me some killer eye contact ,we grab some fries later hang out,everything is good,,come Monday we're back to class.......once again i dont exist, try catching her attention but she gives me absolutely none!...i text in the evening,no reply...once i tried giving her radio silence for a week after ignoring my 2 calls,she came to my room thinking i was angry and she's like,am sorry i did not pick your call,i was busy,.....blah blah....i say it's all cool but i dont get why all these mixed signals.....it's crazy! your advise?

Anonymous's picture

So theres this girl I like at work and we've known eachother about a week. Well, we have texted like two days but she doesn't seem interactive while we text and takes a long time to respond. Well she actually responded on Thursday night with a question and I replied about 20 minutes later. Well its Saturday night and she still hasn't answered. What should I do without getting annoying?

Anonymous's picture

Would love your thoughts on this:

I "met" a girl through online dating and had a few questions for you.
I got her number after about a week. We texted for a while and things were good and talked a few times on the phone ( the conversations were for around an hour each) and then the weekend came and she only replied a few times. This whole process was about 15 days. Now I have texted a few times with no reply and I called last night and there was no answer. When we talked before she had missed my calls but usually texted with a sorry. The last few days the replies were much shorter then before and she ended the conversations much faster than before.
What should I do in this situation?? I was trying to meet to avoid not knowing but she is a little shy so I think she wants some time.


tej sights's picture

so there is this girl i started going out with a while back. Things started going pretty well, we saw each other pretty much every weekend, we would text all day, and even talk for a while on the phone some nights. I didn't imagine i would fall for her too easily, but after spending time with her and getting to know her better it all changed. I thought and still think that she is truly special, some one i would really love to be with and i could tell she really liked me as well. Butall of a sudden, somewhere things started going bad. She wouldn't return my texts or would not go out with me when i asked her to hang out or something on the weekends. We started talking less and less and would sometimes not speak for days, mostly due to the fact that she didn't reply to my messages. i would like to keep talking with her even if it's just as friends, since i can't seem to get her out of my head. I have no clue on how to do this or if i should just leave it. please help me out, thanks!

Anonymous's picture

Hey man,

So I met this girl when I went into this clothes store she works at and as soon as I saw her I was in awe. She came over and helped me find a store around the area where I was because they didn't have anything there that I was looking for. So whilst we were talking she mentioned I haven't seen you around here before and I said how long I'd lived there for etc..Anyway two weeks later I went back in there again because I needed a jacket and the girl was there again but I got served by another chick there instead. Damn it!! Instead of me talking to just her it was a conversation between the three of us talking about where I worked and what we were all doing for the weekend etc. So I got the jacket and went to the train station and I sat down the far end of the station and she came and walked right up to where I was and sat down next to till the train came and then we sat next to each other till I got off which was soon. I felt such a good vibe from her so the next day I was on facebook and I noticed that she was on another of my friends list. I'm not a creep I swear!! So I contemplated adding her for about 15 minutes I reckon and then I did it. Later that day she accepted and liked something I posted earlier on and I thought it was weird not to say anything right?! So I spoke to her and we had been talking for a few days just vague stuff you know how are you, what have you been up to etc. She has kept the conversations going by asking questions too which I thought was a good sign. Anyway I'm getting there bear with me dude. Last weekend I said I was going into the town where she works cause I also work in that area as well to get something to eat before I started. She replied back with come visit. So I said i'd maybe go and she said ohh then changed the subject. I went there regardless and she walked right up to me and gave me a hug and we talked for ages about so much random stuff. I was almost late for work I didn't even realize and she told me I was late so I went. So we talked on facebook the next day like once and she would reply the next day until yesterday I went in again because I ordered pants from there but my main intention was asking her out cause in my eyes all the signs have been a go. BUT she wasn't alone again and it caught me off guard so I played it cool but she came up again and this time I was ready for this hug and it felt more intimate if you feel me! So as we were all talking about the weekend past and I kept it cool and made small jokes and talked to both of them. So half hour past and the chick I like said to her employee weren't you supposed to go like half an hour ago and the girl left but they were smiling at each other. The girl got a text like 5 minutes which made her smile big, I wonder if that was from her friend who was just working with her? I'm a thinker you see or can tell. Anyway we talked a bit more but this time and she asked what I was doing this weekend and I said I was working. We continued talking but it wasn't random stuff it was personal stuff she was revealing from her past and I asked questions about what she was telling me then I gave her something to relate to which was similar to her situation and we talked for ages. Now by this point she is closing the store and as she was cleaning up I asked her if she wanted to hang out later on in the week and she said she had work but she was free after on that day I asked. I still hadn't asked her for her number and didn't even think of that. Idiot right? I walked her up to the train station and pretended I was getting a bus from there also and we left it at that until today I thought it was a great idea to say that I forgot to give you this my number then i made a joke saying what a douche she replied later saying what a douche. Now i know it was said in fun so I'm not afraid about that what I am however and have been for the last 3 hours thinking is why the hell did I give this chick my number on facebook when I all ready had a night with her later in the week!! Was that a good or bad move considering I had all ready asked her to hang out? Am I in the friend zone from what you have read so far? I thought it was a good idea at the time in case we needed to sort out where we were meeting up etc...the past is the past anyway but are there any pointers you can give me here and is there anything i can do to sort the douche move of giving her my number on FB? And now I'm sitting here and I still haven't heard anything from her at all since then and it's driving me crazy!! Is she doing this on purpose? I'm clueless Any help ASAP would be really good! Thanks for reading my situation!!

Nate's picture

There's this girl I met on a seminar. And she is funny,smart and wears Nike shoes(dream girl). So we talked a lot and laughed zen she gave me her phone number. Then we texted for three straight days. And that's when I finally decided that I should see her again. Since there was another seminar ahead I asked if I could see her then. And that's that she stopped texting and I didn't wanna be pushy so I stopped too. Why should I do???? Pls help cause I really like her

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase i am very impressed with your webpage, you really know the game. I texted a girl i'm very attracted to but had no reply. I met her briefly at the end of the night at a club when she gave me her number. I am thinking of calling her in a couple of days. Is it too much to initiate with a call when i haven't started things off with a text conversation? I know there are all these rules but if i break them and just call her will she respect me for it, show i have balls to do it?

I'd appreciate the advice man.

Anonymous's picture

So I know this girl from where I work. I generally get to see her during the lunch or evening breaks near cafeteria. She's is very beautiful and after many days finally I went to talk to her when she was alone. She didn't seem to get baffled at all and talked quite nicely. I asked for her number and she gave. Then I had called her few times and texted her, but she had seldom received and replied back. However we had talked intermittently when we met each other, very short conversations, mostly work related. After almost 2-3 months I went up to her one day and asked if she would go out with me. She asked why initially and then agreed to meet me in evening. We meet in evening and had a pretty good time (i think), she was smiling and was talking quite a bit too. The next time when I had asked her out, she told me to call before going out. Later when I called she said she had some work and if we could do this the next day and she would call me , however she didn't. A few days later we again met in cafeteria and she apologized that she couldn't call and we couldn't meet. I told that's okay and we would meet whenever she's ready. After few days I had called her and then texted her, which she again didn't receive. Is she at all interested? should I again ask to take her out?

Anonymous's picture

The whole line about keeping it quick to get the girl... Well I think that's a little off... Unless you just haven't had luck in that area. Anything can work with a woman. Even a three hour conversation can guarantee a girl in bed. I don't know maybe it's a quality thing for me. But if a girl is willing to bed me in 20 minutes it's a turn off. But if I chase all night and at the game right it's like I win. I get the girl that turns most others away. But anything can work I'm just saying dont dismiss the longer more involved interactions completely.

Anonymous's picture

Hey, a couple of months ago I was called in for a job interview and I was told that it was going to be a group interview. Anyway, when I got to the interview there was this girl there who had quite decent looks but she had a beautiful smile. Me and the rest of the group were told to introduce ourselves to the rest of the group. When it was her turn to talk about herself, it turned out that she knew quite a few people that I knew both distantly and closely. After the interview when it was time to go home, we walked to our cars together and I was talking to her about how she knew/met some of my close and distant friends. It continued on from there and we started to talk about each other. After we got to our cars and ended the conversation, it turned out that she also had a beautiful personality aswell as her smile. A week after the interview I got a call telling me that I got the job and she also got the job. After a couple of weeks when we started our first shift, she was happy to see me and (ofcourse) I was happy to see her aswell. We started talking about each other again when we got the chance during our shifts. At the end of our shifts when we said our byes, I asked her for her number and she smiled and gave it to me.
Later that night I started talking to her on the phone, however it didn't last very long as she just stopped replying after the 3rd text. I thought that she just didn't feel like texting me at the time, so I left it until the next day that I would try to text her again. Again I still got no reply, so I got the impression that she didn't want to talk to me via text. Since we don't get the same shifts all the time at my job, we only work together once every 1 or 2 weeks. The next time I saw her, she still smiled and we would still talk to each other like before. But she still wouldn't answer my texts when I message her. Now till this day the same thing happens, when we have the same shift together, she would smile and talk to me and I would do the same but she still doesn't reply to any of my text messages. I don't know if I had done anything wrong for her to not reply anymore. Can you help me please?

Chris09's picture

Hey Chase,

I have a question regarding the article above. I got chatting with a girl at the bar and she gave me her number. I text her the next day and she sounded excited that i did. We did the text thing back and forth for 2 days. I tried getting her out on a date and she said she'll let me know. Then later she texts me back and says " she has a lot of things that need to be done at the moment and its a crazy time for her right now". I told her it was totally understandable and tried to initiate a new conversation a couple hours later. She never responded to that message.

What I am confused about is, even with all the enthusiasm shared between her and I, she still not ready to go out on a date. She even asked me where i would like to take her and I mentioned a few nice places she hasn't been to before.

I am stuck on how to move this forward without putting extra pressure on. My main goal is to take her out on a date and show her a nice time.


Anonymous's picture

There's this girl I like, and I can't get her at all. I've liked her since I was in 7th grade and I'm a sophomore now. I know I'm in complete love with her, but me and her are just friends. We're great friends when we're in person, we did drivers ed together, art together, and go to lunch together everyday at school. But she won't text me back no matter what. When someone I really like doesn't text me back, it's my number one pet peeve. When she doesn't text me back, I try my hardest to not say anything but I end up cussing at her, a lot. I text her over and over making her pissed off, and if she does reply, we end up fighting, but most of the time she won't. I wish I didn't do this, and I know it's not good, but I can't help it. It's been going on for years and she's been replying less and less lately. I wish we could be just fine without any arguments. I know that she doesn't text a lot of guys back unless she really likes them (maybe 3 guys at most) but it still makes me mad. If I blow her phone up and we get in a fight, we're fine the next day when we see each other. I try to text her how much I like her and she doesn't care, and she doesn't understand. She has her read receipts on and half the time she won't even read the long messages I send her anymore. But after all these years, no matter what, we're we're still great friends in person, go to lunch everyday, and so happy when we see each other. I need help knowing what to do, please.

Joe's picture

Hey Chase, I met this girl when I was on a training course from work a couple of weeks back. We both live on opposite sides of the country but had to spend three days in a classroom together. She initially showed interest, we talked, went out for drinks on the 2nd evening and I even took her back to my hotel room and we made out etc. (we did not have sex, she said she wanted to wait and not spoil things. She also has strong Christian beliefs which obviously has something to do with the 'no sex' issue).

So we spent a lot of time together, going to and from our hotel to the office everyday where the course was being held. We grew pretty close and she shared some really personal things with me. When leaving to go back home, she promised to come and visit the next weekend. I wasn't so hopeful because we had just met and flights are really expensive. But remained hopeful.

This is where it really gets confusing... We pretty much talked and text everyday until that weekend arrived. Everyday she would say that she had been looking at packages, flights etc. but didn't get round to booking it. I knew she was very busy with work so I didn't pressure her too much, gave her time and space, but also kept saying that I was looking forward to seeing her again and showing interest. We talked the night before she was meant to come and she told me about a work situation which was causing some problems for her but she remained adamant that she would still be coming.

The day arrives, she doesn't, I text and no response, call and no answer. It's been 4 days of radio silence from her...

...What happened? What should I do?



Anonymous's picture

Hey guys, so I met this girl at work, she was really into me, kept initiating conversation. Found out where she worked and went there and got her number.

Thing was we were both in relationships that were pretty much over. But we went out for coffee and had a really good time, said we'd do it again, but I just felt really guilty about doing all this behind my gf's back, so I didn't text her. She ended up texting me a week alter, saying that she'd broken up with her bf, and I told her I was still with my gf, and then never responded to her asking what I was doing that night.

So fast forward a week and I'm single. I texted her asking how she was doing, she responded quickly saying she was ok and heading to a work function. I made a bit of small talk and then said I was single asked if she wanted to do something. No response now.

Any suggestions? I've left it at that and it's been a couple hours. Thanks!

Anonymous chump's picture

Hey dudes, love this site, so helpful, thanks Chase.

In a bit of a crap situation at the moment

Monday last week, went out on a date with this really cute girl. We both connected straight away, and ended up making out twice that night really passionately, I nearly got her into my house to seal the deal but I thought to myself you know what, this girl is the tits, I'm going to take my time with her,. She felt the same. She was crazy over me. As I left she was like yeah text me sometime to sort something out. She was obviously keen as dicks.

Infatuated at first sight.

Text her the next day saying hey lets go out for dinner sometime.

No reply.

Hear back from her a couple of days later. She ignores my second date request and states that she had no phone credit to tb. and just makes general chit chat. I reply with one text, she doesn't reply again.

I then sent her a second text 2 days later being blunt - saying lets go out for dinner, have you been to so and so.

On day 2 again of no reply.

Am I coming on too strongly with trying to propose the second date? I mean, the first date we went out on, she was crazy over me. She texted me the same night saying she's never had a dude kiss her like that. She was asking me heaps of questions that night in order to size me up - e.g. if i smoked, drank heaps, took drugs, if i'm seeing anyone else etc.

1 week ago, I was the hero

Today, I am the zero

It's as if she's just lost interest in me.

And I'm not sure whether it's because I didn't move things fast enough the first night, but then it feels like I'm pushing the idea of a second date too strongly rather than taking my time.

It's day 8 from first meeting her. I haven't heard back from her in 2 days. I just can't get her out of my head, but I don't want to be the clingy needy dude - tbh if she just told me she's not interested then I will be sweet with that and can move on to one of the other 6 girls I'm seeing. But she's definitely the one that stands out, and the one I've made the mistake of chasing.

In hindsight I should have moved things faster, in the heat of the moment I should have lead her to my house, into my room. I should have made passionate love to her that night and let it all out.

And now it feels like i'm trying to salvage this missed opportunity. She's smart enough to know that if we go out for second date, shit's going to escalate from there.

What can I do? This is the first girl I've meet in a year that has actually made me stuff up my game and chase them first. Rather then me keeping my cool and letting the girls chase me.

Should I send her another text later this week? Should I give her a call? What do I say? We are both about 5 weeks newly single. TBH she's probably out boning a lot of other dudes in the interim before she gets a new BF.

Easy come, easy go I guess. As much as I just want to let her go, I find it hard too. Not with at least giving it another shot in the dark and go out with guns blazing.

Alex123's picture

Hey there's this girl who went to my high school, who's a couple years younger then me and she's way out of my league. I sent her a sweet message on Facebook and she told me she looks more for guys with great personalities then looks so she would give me a chance. I was texting her and it was going good, but I put myself down a couple times and wasn't confident which i know confidence is key. She got mad and said I'm putting myself down because I'm looking for sympathy (which I'm not, she's just way gorgeous) and that she didn't want to talk to me anymore and now she is ignoring my texts. I told her I promise to try my hardest not to put myself down because I know I'm a great guy she's just too beautiful for me I feel like. So she's ignoring me because of my lack of confidence, not because I'm a douche or anything so I feel like I may still have a shot but I don't know how to get her to text me back. I really like her personality and eyes and smile and I really don't want this to end like this, Ive been regretting my lack of confidence to her for the last couple days since she told me she doesn't want to talk to me...any advice??? I don't really have any friends to help me out so this would mean a lot. Please help me I can't get her off my mind! :/ Thanks!

Dexter's picture

Hey Chase,

Very nice Article, however i still have some doubts.

I was standing outside one of my friends house and a girl came and asked me for directions to an address. I was new to that place but offered her to look on google maps on my cellphone. Couldn't find the address there so i asked her to call the person whom she has to visit. She said that she lives nearby and is new to the place and the taxi driver had dropped her at the wrong place
which she realized later. Then she called her roomy and i spoke to her for directions and dropped her in my car. She appreciated alot and I asked her if we can hangout some time as I keep visiting that area to meet my friend so she dialed her number in my phone and left the place. I called her immediately to check if i have the right number and she picked and said she has my number now as well.. Later that night i just sent her a text casually but she didn't replied. I waited the next day but again no reply. What shall i do next ?

Help !

A_L_E_X_'s picture

I met a girl,
her name is arina, shes russian has a gorgeus accent, i met her like 2 weeks ago....we had a test to take....so i askd her how was the test, she didmt reply until 11 at nigt and i txtd her around 2 in the after noon.
..she said sorry i didnt get nack to u dadadada.....i had practice blablabla....then we talkd and talkd......she does figure skating as a sport....she thn invites me to one of her practices and teach me how to skate.....i then ask when and where....she doesnt reply.....still doesnt reply....then the next day i txt her....no answer....i text her agian the next day still no answer.....i talkd to one of my friends....he said tht she lost intrest and ignored me because i sent her waaaaaaaaayyyyyy to many messages......wat did i do wrong and how can i redo my mistakes to make her answer....what can i text her to answer

Gee's picture

I met a girl few months ago. She is younger than me. We talked when we see each other. I see her often while training or cycling or in the shop. We often talk about travel and exercise. I talked a bit about myself, she less about herself.

I asked her recently if she woul like to go for a ride (cycling) uphill. She sort of agreed but she said next week.

OK, next week I left her a message on the door - with my cell number - asking her if she woul like to go for a ride this Saturday or Sunday. I haven't heard from her, yet.

What shoul I do when I see her again? Or she I go to see her?


Ctown's picture

Hi Chase,

I doubt this will be read, but I feel like it's important. There is one reason why girls don't respond to texts that you did not mention - option #5, the "shit test".

If you are good at creating high levels of attraction quickly, and the girl is confident (i.e shy excited girls) and knows she wants you, the shit tests can begin even before the first date.

The chemistry I had with this girl is great, and when I meet up with her I could tell she liked me a lot. In fact, she approached me first and gave me her number without me asking for it. However after the first date she immediately started texting less and at really weird times. I naturally thought she was nervous as this is my most common problem. I thought she was afraid that I wasn't as invested as she was. And she is the "shy excited" kind of girl, so it was hard to tell. In response, I made myself much more loserish and texted her nice and thoughtful texts. But then I realized that that wasn't cutting it. She would still always respond, but half a day later and she was really flaky with dates - just blatant rudeness.

So I turned to google, not quite able to figure her out. I starting reading how other people had this happen and totally ignored the girl, only to have her call a week later and invite them over.

This is when it hit me. This girl wants to know that a guy won't put up with her shit. Now I wouldn't advocate ignoring her, because it shows that you might have a bad temper and bad people skills. Rather a response kind of like what you previous commented on would work better. Here's what I said,

"You've seem really busy lately-- and I'm really busy this week too. Why don't you let me know when things clear up and you have more time to go out"

This is pretty much what you said in a comment on someones post, however, I made it less empathetic and accommodating. You've already proven yourself to some degree and you don't want to reward her bad behaviour.

Anyways let me know what you think if this gets to you. Thinking back, it has happened a couple of times to me, in instances where there is great chemistry in person but awful texting/phone conversations.

Anonymous's picture

Met a 32 year old single woman at church. She has two children and is pretty busy in her life. At church, she is very much into me. I have asked her for coffee a couple of times and rebuffed by the fact that this is her busy season. When I text her, I sometimes will get a response in about a minute and sometimes no response. However, I am not patient at all. I would like to just break off this "church" friendship but she has been very active in keeping it alive. Thoughts?

Ricky Padilla's picture

hey chase, i need help but at the same tim i dont know if i should just leave it alone...ok so on March,15 2013 ive got sent to Linden Oaks, and around march 30- april 1st i was sitting down and i saw these two girls come in but i tempted to ignore like not even bother giving a signal that im interested. i dont remember much but i think it was that same day...the whole room went to a different room to eat lunch n i was with the big group n the 2 girls were with a guy at another table. so i decided to go to the table where the new girls were and just listen but ended up talking to them , and then i started talking
to the one in front of me when she was asking me questions. so then by the next day, she said she might get locked up but was going to go to court. i said that i will miss her and like she responded, "i barely even know you"...so then it got a bit awkward i just said sorry. during the week i started talkin to her more...i pretty much listened and asked somewhat questions. i saw alot of signs...for example she started sitting next to me everyday, on Wednesdays it would be music day where everybody chooses a song they like to share so this one girl picked...Tamar Braxton-Love and war. it was awkward but me and the girl i met, were far from each other and i was looking out the window so then when i look on the other side by not even knowing...i see her looking at me and i just look away but i smiled and she smiled too. another thing was that she took out a piece of gum and i stick my hand out and then just say that i was kidding but then she takes a piece out and holds it and i was going to take it but she wouldn't let me grab it because she was holding it like if she was going to put it in my mouth. (im going to skip to the last week)...its been two weeks not seeing her, well like 8 days..so a week cuz i would be in school and she would be in Linden Oaks but i didnt know what her plans were cuz our therapists gaves everyone in there a plan to go to school for 3 days and then come back...its a long story unless if youve ben in that place but anyways the last day for me was april 22, 2013 and i brought an origami rose of my own, a 4 page poem, a drawing of 2 cute emo kids holding hands and a heart on top saying her name and then mine(no im not emo or goth), and a note....i didnt know that, that day would be my last day...i was talking to her.....pretty much the whole time from this story...she was the one talking but i did talked to her too... i gave her the rose only during lunch and she said that im making her love me, after 30 minutes or so...i told her that i wanted to hug her and she said that she will UNTIL my therapist pulled me to talk and i lied saying that i wasnt ready to go an gave it a last plan to be there but my social worker from my school called saying that ima take my ASAT test so then they decided that it will be my last day...if it wasnt or the tests i will be there till friday cuz that day was Monday and i would be leavin that place same time as the girl i met...so i came back to the room and told her bout leaving that same day....worst prt of all was that i was going to leave early.

Allen's picture

Hey Chase! Thank you for the articles and replies to everyone's question. I need some advice on a situation.

I got this girls number and immediately texted her the next day. We exchanged a few texts back and forth for the rest of the evening and the next day. After that I decided to call her up and ask her out, which she accepted (this is on a Monday). I asked her if she was available the coming weekend, but she informed me that she wasn't and wouldn't be until the following weekend. So my question is, how do you keep in contact with a girl for almost two weeks when you haven't even been on the first date? Do I text her regularly, every other or couple days? Do I call her only?

Please help, this is a tough situation to keep up communication with a girl and make her not lose interest over the next couple weeks.


Anonymous's picture

i know a girl since a year , i like her to much, and was a party one night and she was at it, and I offered and I said to her can we og out and talking little bit i like to talk With u ?? she said no i cant , i said her sorry that i disturb you and i leave from there , but when i come at home i wrote her on fb she is not on my friends on fb but i wrote her , i said something less than I wanted to say if we spoke out, is that the colors were smiled visit tonight with an opening , but she just read and didnt Write back , but i want to Write her again now , what should i say ?? any idea

The Truth's picture

I'm not going to sugar coat it... honestly man, she's not into you. You have now tried to initiate conversation with her twice and neither time has she replied back. Think about why she maybe told you she couldn't talk to you. Was there an important reason she was unable to? I think you should just move on to the next girl bro.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase great article. Should we send the same kind of text after she doesn't respond the first time or change it up?

lionel's picture

I like a girl,we work togather in a same hotel but we are not allowed to make relations, she has a bf but still she used to talk to me evedyday on phone but recently she is ignoring my calls what sbould i do?

Anonymous's picture

Alright. Here is my story. I have no clue when a girl is into me or shows interest. But there are times when I could see that and most I don't. So how do I know if the girl is into me without asking her yet? I do understand that there are a lot of ways a girl can express interest. I still pretty new to the whole dating or girl friend thing and I do understand that some of the best ways are through trial and error. I'm asking because then it can give me a few pointers so that I can learn to do things on my own. Thank you for any suggestions or tips.

Kwok's picture

Hi Pal,

I met this girl whom I think she is the one I would like to know more about and I started to signal her the sign that I wanted to know her more than just a friend but she hit me with a sign "she isn't looking for a relationship yet" because she afraid to get hurt but i was like thinking hey we didn't even start and you know you will get hurt.

I'm not sure whether she saying for real or just trying hint me something. Can this signal be still persistent ?

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