This should be a fun and enlightening article, I hope.
A few days back I answered a comment on my article about calling girls when texts aren’t doing the trick, and one of the remarks I made in my response is that the most fun lays you will have are the ones where:
The girl really likes you a lot, or
The ones where the girl doesn’t like you at all.
Some of the guys on the forums wanted to know what I meant by that second one. A girl’s got to like you to sleep with you, right?
Well... not necessarily.
In fact, sometimes it’s even better for your chances when she doesn’t.
So, in today’s article, I’m going to cover 10 situations in which a girl will sleep with you... even if she doesn’t like you.
If you’ve ever had a girl sleep with you who didn’t really seem all that into you, and it kind of surprised you she’d have sex with you... and then you didn’t hear back from her after, or she was just neutral to you when you ran into you, as if you’d never even spent a night with your most intimate parts inside her most intimate parts... chances are, you’ve slept with someone who didn’t like you (or at least was not excited by you).
She may have secretly liked you but you just weren’t able to tell
(like I discussed in this article – skim down to
“You Won’t Always Know” if you want the exact spot I talk about that),
but for the purposes of this
article we’re going to focus on those
cases where she just out-and-out isn’t a fan (of you).
As guys, most of us are aware that we do this from time to time – you didn’t really like that girl, but hey – you needed the bang.
So, you sucked it up, put on your game face, and pulled it off.
Well, believe it or not, women do the same thing.
We’ll talk about the psychology of the various reasons below as we cover them, but as a foundation for thinking about these, consider this: sometimes, if you talk to enough women, sooner or later you’ll run into a girl or two who’s willing to do something with you, even if you’re not exactly someone she’s excited about doing anything with.
Try not to take this personally. It’s the same as with rejection; not every gal is going to click with every guy. And it can often just be that your angle does not appeal to her.
But it’s like being hungry, and realizing there’s nothing on the table but a plate of some food you’re ‘meh’ on. You may not be excited about chomping on that, but if that’s the only option, well, you may just take it.
But wait! Don’t women have tons of offers on the table for sex?
Yes and no.
Yes, any guy a girl walks up to and propositions, if she’s reasonably attractive, is more likely than not to take her up on it.
Most girls won’t do this though, because:
There are ego reasons – she wants to feel desired, not like some low value undesirable woman who has to solicit men to sleep with her.
There are discretion reasons – a guy she approaches is about 1000x more likely to decide she’s a skanky slut he can blab about banging to all his friends and anyone else who will listen (“Lol, this girl was hurting for it so bad that SHE walked up to ME! I totally bent her over the sink and...”)
There are ‘respect for his game’ reasons – she may not like you, but if you’ve got the game to get her in the sack regardless, you’ll have earned her grudging respect. Not so if she’s got to go get the guy herself. If you manage to get her in bed despite her not liking you, the famous female backwards rationalization will kick in and tell her, “Well, if he managed to get sex with me even in spite of me not liking him, this guy must have something halfway decent going on about him.” (unless you do something goofy afterwards and make her kick herself for falling for sex with this oaf of a man)
Even if she doesn’t like a man, she at least wants to feel like:
- He wants her
- He’s not going to blab
- He’s got a respectable amount of game / will be a decent lay
Most men she meets won’t have her convinced enough of these three (3) reasons for her to go to bed with them, and if she doesn’t have any other exciting prospects, she may well be ripe for the picking if you catch her in the right time and place.
Now, let’s talk what those times and places are.
Remember, people are complicated.
I think a lot of guys forget this.
Just like sometimes you’ll eat that candy bar because you’re salivating for it, and sometimes you’ll eat it because you’re hungry for candy in general even if you’re not that excited about that particular bar, and sometimes you don’t even want the candy bar but you shove it in your pie hole anyway (and couldn’t explain ‘why’ even if they offered you an all-expense paid vacation to explain it)...
People make these same choices around other things they indulge in.
#1: She was Bored and You were There
This one’s arguably the most common one.
You’re sitting there reading this on your computer or phone and chances are you aren’t all that horny right now (or maybe you are; I don’t know). Well, if some attractive-enough girl showed up where you were right now and started propositioning you for sex and touching you in an arousing way, and you didn’t have any pressing obligations and aren’t in something committed, I suspect you’d just say, “Sure, why not?”
For women, a guy who’s confident and forward and knows what he’s doing is attractive. You can turn a girl on if you’re doing this to her, as much as a girl can turn you on if she’s doing this to you, even if you were neither here nor there about her before she started working her charms on you.
Sometimes, by putting yourself out there and making an effort to get her, you will win her over and make her like and appreciate you.
Sometimes she may still think you’re completely incompatible, and she doesn’t like your opinions or your look or even you as a person, but your confidence and your touch and whatever else you’re doing to work your game on her gets her body aroused enough that, if you make it the path of least resistance for her to go with you, she will just say “okay.”
Now... if she has reasons to NOT have sex with you then and there:
- Her friends are nearby and might see
- She has a boyfriend she’s committed to
- She (legitimately) has to get up early for work tomorrow
... and the like, she may decide something like “This is a fun offer, but I can’t right now.”
No worries, that’s how it goes sometimes. In that case, sometimes you can even trade contact details and she’ll meet up with you later on for a no-strings, no-hassles romp in the bed sheets (then, sometimes, never talk to you again, occasionally even if it was great).
#2: She was Horny and You were There
Sometimes, a girl is just horny:
You might think she’ll wait around to meet a guy she likes. And sometimes she will.
Yet, more often, the cute guy she’s had her eye on at the bar never summons the cajones to come talk to her. Who does come talk to her? Some guy she isn’t really feeling nearly as much but he seems to know what he’s doing (that’s you).
So, she takes one last, longing glance at that guy she thought was really cute, and then she walks out of the bar with the other guy... the one she isn’t really into, but you know what? A girl’s got needs. And he wasn’t afraid to put himself out there and table his offer. Since the cute guy never bothered to make his offer, and girls are scared to death of approaching, she took the offer she had, and went off to shag Mr. I-Guess-He’ll-Do.
#3: She Wanted Revenge
This can mean the girl who has a boyfriend or an ex-boyfriend (or a husband) and wants to get back at him for something... could be anything from him cheating on her, to him missing an anniversary, or him simply forgetting to take out the trash or comment on her cooking, with the seriousness of the offense inversely related to her degree of nuttiness – crazy girls need a lot less reason to seek ‘revenge’; as such you’ll encounter a disproportionate number of screw loose chicks when you’re picking up girls trawling for revenge sex.
If she’s really mad, she may just grab whoever’s closest
and even lead the pickup herself – this can often be jarring to
experience, even if you know your way around women pretty well. You’re
just not usually expecting to get approached by women
and have them proposition you then and there (and if it happens, you
well assume there’s some kind of trick or catch – all right, where’s
the hidden camera?). Most women are terrible at leading things towards
sex though (since they’re inexperienced at being in the lead and moving
things forward rationally and methodically), so at some point you will
need to take the reins.
What’ll happen more frequently though is you’ll run into a girl during the daytime who’s a little distracted and in a bit of a bad mood, but you keep leading and she keeps following and complying.
Or, you’ll meet a girl at a bar who’s dressed really nice but she’s standing by herself while her friends laugh and party – she’ll act mean when you talk to her, but you start leading and, again, she follows and complies.
In any event, because she’s just looking for a stiff rod in her nethers to make her feel like she’s sure shown him, much of the time it’s not going to matter to her too much who the guy is that comes attached to said stiff rod... and in the revenge case, she may even actively look for a guy she doesn’t like, all the better to get her revenge (just think how insulted he’d be if he saw her with this loser).
#4: She’s Jumping on the Bandwagon
This one’s simple enough... and deadly effective for your end-of-the-night game, done right.
If you’re at a party or a nightclub, keep your eyes peeled for a girl who’s by herself when all her friends have seemingly paired off with someone. When girls’ friends are all hooking up, they usually start wanting to jump on the bandwagon and hook up themselves as well.
Now, a few things to be mindful of here:
Other experienced men will pick up on this one too, and the girl will frequently be frustrated and annoyed from fending off clumsy hookup attempts
She may also be frustrated that she didn’t get whatever guy SHE liked (or, equally as likely, the guy she liked may be all over one of her friends, or already left with one of her friends)
She’s going to view you as a kind of scavenger initially... someone who didn’t have the balls to talk to her earlier when it was harder to meet her, but now that her friends are all pairing off, the jackals are out
Because the friends are already far along their seductions with their guys, and she’s going to be going with them, you’re typically going to have to ‘tag along’ with their group if you want to get her, which is going to damage your ability to show leadership and get her following your lead – important for sex to happen, and especially important with a girl who doesn’t much like you
For those reasons, this can often be one of the tougher and more intimidating ‘girl doesn’t like you’ scenarios to pull off (it’s also a whole lot easier if you met her earlier in the night).
That said, this one gets immensely easier to pull off if you can get approval from her friends (which you can’t always get, especially if you’re joining late and the friends are already lost in makeouts with their chosen mates). The most consistent way I’ve found to work these scenarios is to find a group of 3 or 4 girls where 2 of them still don’t have a guy, and show up with a wingman who’s likeable enough that both girls can approve of both men.
If you need to roll in solo, this
one’s often a bit harder, but seems to go best if you focus on moving the girl
away from her friends: “Ah, come on, your pals are occupied –
let’s go over there.” When you
try just hanging around and chatting with her, you rarely won’t be able
to shake that ‘jackal’ feel, and you’ll end up getting left at the bar
19 times out of 20. Find a way to take the lead and get her away from
her (busy) friends, if you want her. Though she may not like you, women
are inveterate competitors, and if all her friends are hooking up,
she’s going to tend to want to too. If your offer is the best one on
the table, there’s a good chance you can get her to take it.
#5: She’s in Need of Validation
- A partner dumped her or hurt her, or
- The guy she liked just started making out with someone else, or
- She just got laid off from her job, or
- Someone close to her passed away, or
- She just found out she didn’t make the cut for the grad school she wanted, or
- Anything else like this
... she may well be open to or actively looking for someone to hook up with.
This is one you’ll see some people refer to as ‘taking advantage’ of a girl if you use it to sleep with her, but if you’re giving her a great time and making her feel good, and helping her leave (or wake up) with a smile on her face, well... that’s the kind of being ‘taken advantage of’ most people wake up every day hoping to experience (see: “Is Seduction Wrong?”).
Anyway, this one’s pretty straightforward. Girls in a funk like this won’t usually be looking around much or sending out signals or approach invitations, so you’ll typically only meet them during untargeted cold approach.
You can meet them out shopping for groceries, or looking for a gift for a family member, or maybe at the bar if their friends dragged them out. They’ll usually look distracted and not like they have any interest in men (nor you).
That tends to put most men off (unlike the bandwagon jumpers from #4, with the crowd of jackals they attract), so she’s usually not going to have any guy approaching her who’s her ideal type or her perfect match, unless she’s really lucky.
And not every girl who’s had an unpleasant event like this happen will be open to sex to get over it. Some girls just close themselves up in their apartments with a giant tub of Ben & Jerry’s and don’t go out until they’ve watched six seasons of their favorite TV show and are feeling much better.
But some will push themselves back into the world, and will be okay with letting you lead them to your bedchambers if they judge you to be an all right-enough guy.
They don’t have to like you. They just have to figure you can get the job done and make them feel like women again.
#6: She Doesn’t Want the Fun to Stop
This is usually girls at parties, in bars, or on vacation (especially party locations where people go to get loose).
In this case, it might be the end of the night, or it might be the end of her trip, but either way, she’s coming up on a deadline for the fun to end, and she doesn’t want it to.
This is why nighttime street game works so well. You can hook up with all manner of girls who don’t really click with you all that much this way (approaching women at night on the streets after the clubs have all closed), simply because they want the fun to continue.
If you seem like a fun guy, or you’re offering a way to keep the fun going, it doesn’t matter if you’re her Prince Charming or not. You’re the only guy offering her a continuation of the fun, so it’s either go with you, or wrap up the night’s fun.
And once she’s gone with you, and the two of you are alone together, then it’s either sleep with you, or wrap up the night’s fun. If she’s a true party girl, sex with a stranger when it’s easy and available and the guy seems to know what he’s doing (enough to pull her home even when she isn’t especially into him) is much of the time going to be a foregone conclusion. Sure, why not, right?
Hopefully, the sex will be good and you can help her continue the fun (and end her night in an explosive, rewarding way).
#7: She’s Asserting Her Independence
This is a little similar to revenge and validation, but a bit different.
In this case, a girl is stretching her wings and wants to feel like she has the power to do whatever she wants... and whomever she wants.
You’ll see this one most often with college girls. It’s why many of them have so much sex so quickly with so many different men, usually starting around midway into their first year at university (or occasionally their second, if they’re late bloomers).
When a girl’s slept with 8 guys in a semester, they aren’t all going to be guys she really likes. And a few of them are bound to be guys she just doesn’t even like at all. But, the guy gave her the opportunity, and she took it.
(again, this is why I tell guys to invite women home – do it religiously. Do it all the time. Invite at least one girl home every time you go out. It’s the easiest way to blow your own mind, once you realize how many girls who don’t even seem to like you will accept. Women really don’t get enough serious offers coming in... sure, they get guys who will catcall them or tell them they really want to have sex with them or whatever, but these guys aren’t making a serious play for the girl and talking to her and putting out an effort to get her to follow their lead. It’s a lot simpler to get laid than most guys realize – you don’t need crazy amounts of attraction. Sometimes you don’t need attraction at all. You just need to ask)
Other times you will see women asserting their independence:
- Women from small towns who’ve moved to the big city
- Women from conservative countries who’ve moved to liberal ones
- Women who’ve just gotten out of long-term relationships or
Note on this one: it doesn’t last.
a while, a girl goes through some men, then gets comfortable with her
independence and assured of it, and she doesn’t feel the need to hook
up with just any old guy anymore. When this happens, she gets pickier,
and she’ll be a lot less likely to sleep with some guy she doesn’t
really like... at least, not for the independence reason, anyway.
#8: She Wants to Experiment
This is most helpful if you are different from what she’s used to:
- You’ve got big muscles and she’s never been with a muscular guy
- You’re Asian and she’s never been with an Asian guy
- You’re an artist and she’s only ever dated business types
Etc. The catch here is you’ve still got to run decent game – this is a good game + novelty formula that lets you get around her not having much attraction for you.
If your game sucks AND she doesn’t like you much, you’re going to have a tough-as-nails time trying to get to sex with her on the back of novelty alone.
The best angle to work with this one: just keep stressing the novelty item for her. If you’ve got big muscles: “Here, feel these. You like that?” If you’re Asian: “Bet you’ve never been with a guy who’s good at math before.” If you’re an artist: “Let me guess, all you date is stodgy 9-to-5 office types with apartments in the good part of town.”
The idea is to contrast yourself with the men she usually ends up with – while implying that the two of you will get together. In this way, you’re getting around the fact that she isn’t into you by getting her to think about sex (which she most certainly is into).
#9: She Wants to Feel Alive and Make Memories
This one can go hand-in-hand with any of the other motivations from
above; however, it is its own motivation and can be enough on its own
to get her hooking up with you even if you aren’t her ‘type’ or aren’t
someone she’s all that excited about.
There’s usually some kind of trigger for this motivation. Some of the more common ones are:
She’s recently come into more free time after previously being tied down with school, work, or other commitments
She hasn’t gone out in a long time (if you meet her in a bar), or she hasn’t met a man who was a serious prospect for sex in a long time (if you meet her during the day)
Her friends are all getting married and she’s decided she’s going to go out and make some memories before she finds someone to settle down with too
She’s just had something really good happen and wants to celebrate (she got that job she wanted, got a promotion, made it into law school, survived something risky, etc.)
The modus operandi for this one is “You only live once.” If she’s feeling this way, and you meet her, it can easily be a ‘right time, right place’ scenario for you if you meet her and move things towards intimacy.
#10: Female Competition and Preselection
This is why jealousy plotlines are so effective with women who are resistant to you. If either of the two conditions are met:
She wants you, even a little bit, OR
She wants what that other girl has / thinks the other girl may be higher status or prettier than her
... then she will go for you when she starts noticing other women want you.
If it’s A.), she still likes you at least a little.
However, if it’s B.), she doesn’t even need to like you, necessarily; you are just the prize to be won, in this case as an example of her besting a female adversary.
This is an especially fun one, because if you can get girls competing over you, you don’t even necessarily need either of them to like you to hook up with one of them. You just need them to feel jealous and want to win.
In this case, the ‘winner’ being the girl who gets to take you home.
Word of caution: if you are less savvy with game, you can still muck this one up, if you make it too clear a girl has ‘won’ you before leaving with her. If a girl feels like she’s won and the other girl is out of the picture, and the two of you are still just sitting around chatting, there’s no further need for her to sleep with you to prove her victory. You can still get her if she’s interested in you (you do receive a value boost from your earlier preselection), but if she’s not interested in you, at that point she can just leave feeling victorious.
Instead, what you want is to make it at least somewhat unclear whom you’re going with until you up and leave the venue with a girl – and at that point, since the two of you are alone, you are the prize, and hooking up together is now the path of least resistance, it’ll usually happen.
HONORABLE MENTION: Because She Can
One more reason: she just can.
A girl doesn’t really need a reason to hook up with a man now, does she?
If she wants to do it, gosh darn it, she’s gonna do it.
The only question a man needs to ask himself is, is he out there and taking the chances he needs to take to encounter women who will sleep with him... and is he following the steps he needs to follow to get them in bed (like, inviting them home, for instance)?
Remember, even if she
doesn’t like a man, she at least wants to feel like:
- He wants her
- He’s not going to blab
- He’s got a respectable amount of game / will be a decent lay
Every day you walk by women who would sleep with you, if you approached them with the right angle and followed the right steps.
Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re their dream guy or their Prince Charming. But you don’t need to be.
Much of the time, for what a woman’s looking for, she just needs you to be there, and to be confidently and seriously putting an offer on her table. Most of your competition is too shy, too lazy, or too preoccupied to notice she’s open to offers; and that’s your opening.