You Don't Get Girlfriends by "Giving Them Stuff" | Girls Chase

You Don't Get Girlfriends by "Giving Them Stuff"

Chase Amante

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giving girls stuffCan you convince a girl to be your girlfriend by giving her stuff?

It's obviously not a strategy we recommend on this site. But LOTS of guys try to pull it off. So let's have a look.

A guy on Reddit talks about a girl who “let's just be friends”'d him six months ago, writing:

Earlier this week, I bought tickets for a musical next year that we both really want to see and she was over the moon. I really wanted to go with her but I thought maybe it could also be a good opportunity to ask her out again, seeing as it had been 6 months. She asked me how much tickets were and I told her, "Well, I was thinking maybe this could be a date. And in that case, no charge at all."

My friend told me she was sorry but still didn't have feelings, valued the friendship, etc. I told her it was fine and that I just thought I'd check in again and we moved on as usual. It hurt, but I was fine to just stay friends and hoped the feelings would eventually subside.

The next day, we started talking about the musical again. I mentioned the price of the tickets and she said something like, "Oh, I thought it was a gift?" I told her it would have been free if we were going as a date, but as friends, I'd want her to pay for hers. She got quite annoyed at me and accused me of trying to pay her back for not returning feelings. She told me she really didn't want to hurt me (and to her credit, her rejection was done as considerately as it can be) but this was really making her feel like I was trying to punish her for not reciprocating interest.

I tried to explain that I didn't mean it to come across like that, but these tickets were relatively expensive too and I just wasn't willing to spend that much on a friend. My friend told me she wasn't upset about having to pay for the ticket and she was always happy to do that, but she felt like this was me trying to get some petty revenge or even manipulation, that I didn't value her as a friend but just as someone I could maybe have a relationship with.

We see here the stereotypical nice guy / nice girl manipulation dynamic:

  • Nice guy pretends to be fine with being friends, only to keep trying sneaky tactics at moments he has leverage to try to get dates

  • Nice girl pretends to be surprised something nice guy offered her for free in exchange for a date is not still for free once she's turned down the date (and manages to get both tickets for free in the end -- see below)

In an update, the nice guy bends, giving the girl both tickets for free to invite whomever she wants. Meanwhile, the nice girl accepts the free tickets (of course... the actually gracious thing would be to say "No thanks, you keep them, take some girl you like instead" -- but this girl's not gracious), though says she will probably take the nice guy along. He's providing her free stuff and lots of fawning attention, without her having to give him anything in return... she is going to keep that going so long as it's still worthwhile to her.

While the whole thing is pretty cringeworthy, we must ask: does this technique ever sometimes work?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Alex Smith's picture

Hi Chase,

You've mentioned in a few year review articles that a big goal of yours is making self-sustaining and independent from Chase Amante the person. That is, the site can grow and function and prosper no matter what happens to you. You've stated that other sites have died or fell into disrepair after their owners/main contributors get bored with the seduction field. And it just got me thinking, how can we make sure the wealth of knowledge about seduction, the comprehensive database of everything we understand about the female sex drive and psychology not get lost so that future generations have to rebuild the knowledge from scratch?

All the pressure points or weak spots in the male sex drive, the things a woman can do that are explosive in terms of effect on attraction. Big boobs, eyeshadow, blush on the cheeks, contoured noses, lipstick, big butts, hip-to-waist ratio, youthful faces, etc. Every time a person made a revelation like, "Oh wait, this shit works effectively good" about something in the male sex drive, that knowledge was effectively passed down to future humans through mainstream culture and commercialized products to sell. I think you can even go back to ancient Egypt for examples of eyeshadow being used. Every advertisement, Instagram photo, movie, piece of pop culture reinforces and has these things present and women essentially learn these things subconsciously through osmosis to culture.

Contrast that to the pressure points in the female sex drive. When a guy has a revelation about something that works effectively (preselection, strong jawlines, veiny forearms, high social status, good fashion, dominance, etc), it's harder for these to pick up steam. Not a lot of guys post their revelations online for other men to know. It's taboo to even discuss some of these things. Some of these things are not easy to embed in pop culture (how would you show preselection in a movie scene?). Like you stated before, PUA gurus who dispense this knowledge eventually get bored of the game and move on to other things. It's thus harder for the male "how to attract a mate" guide to reach mainstream audiences and stay alive for a long time than it is for the female "how to attract a mate" guide.

Human achievement is sped up and made possible by piggybacking on the achievements of our ancestors. The guy who invents the computer doesn't need to also invent electricity or the transistor or the screwdriver. Human achievement is thus iterative and cumulative. I think you even alluded to this in . Human tools went millions of years between being invented amongst different human societies. I'm just worried that this might happen again in the seduction space where a crucial contribution to our knowledge would be lost for a long time until some guy stumbles onto it again through accident and sheer luck. All your amazing insight and revelations about moving fast and being a dominant man might get lost when you leave the community, and the male species won't realize that knowledge again for years, decades, centuries, millenia. How can we prevent this from happening? Do we need to build a collaborative Wikipedia type resource for seduction? Do we have to make a how-to documentary that gets immortalized in American pop culture? Do we need to write some comprehensive how-to tome that stands up there with Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" or Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"? How can we make sure future generations have this knowledge available to them and able to go even farther and higher than we could today?

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