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I
lately responded
to a comment where I talked about one kind of barrier destroyer. I
figured I’d talk about some others here.
Barriers are a spectacular tactic. They challenge a girl you are with to take some kind of action (favorable to the direction you want to move things in) to get things moving. For instance, “I’d really love to get to know you better. But you have this sarcastic attitude toward any attempts at real talk that makes it so difficult.” Use this with a girl you have a good thing going with, and you make her aware of her defenses, and encourage her to drop them (to let you in). Another common barrier: “If it wasn’t for the crowd of people around us, my hands would be all over you.” A girl who’s already pretty into you is fairly likely to start suggesting somewhere more private the two of you might head at this point.
But this article isn’t about using barriers yourself. It’s about what to do when women use barriers on you.
Because they can and they will.
The productive barriers you don’t need to dismantle, of course. If she says “It’s too bad we’re in public and not somewhere private right now”, don’t destroy that barrier. Just get her somewhere alone with you.
It’s the unproductive barriers you need to watch out for. Ones that put the brakes on the courtship, slip you into the boyfriend zone, or banish you to the platonic friend zone.
When a girl hits you with an unproductive barrier, you can
feel stuck: barriers can be hard to tear down in an effective way. They
put up a wall between you and her that can feel insurmountable. This
article gives you the tools to get unstuck, and get past the wall.
Comments
1. In what tone and how slow
1. In what tone and how slow is your speech when you're saying this to girls?
2. How do we avoid fra? Or doing things too rough that she might bug out? There's times where a girl would snap out of the seduction and realize what is happening. Like she could like one thing, be mesmerized, then you try to escalate and take off her pants then she snaps out of it bugging out, trying to go to the door and leave, trying to put her clothes back on quickly.
How do we avoid scenarios like that ?
3. What if she says she's on her period ?
4. What if she says she's a virgin?
5. How do we remember these lines Verbatim?
Thanks
Delivery and Lines
SZ-
Different delieveries can work. The Ryan Reynolds "mocking yet also pointing out something true" delivery can work. The Donald Trump "I can't believe how silly this is but come on, let's get something done" delivery can work too. Those are two that pop right to mind... I'm sure you can think of others. There's a sort of half-amused, half-exasperated tone to it.
False rape accusations - just stick to what I covered in the article on that. Nothing different in this situation. No drunk chicks, careful about girls from universities, always leave her an out, etc.
[sly smile] "I love periods."
[sly smile] "You came to the right guy."
Just remember the core lines:
Modify them to fit your personality, if you like. Things that suit you well work best. Though sometimes you'll find as you use a line, it comes to fit you.
Chase
Barriers vs barriers / Auto rejection conundrum
Hello Chase. Can we counter her barriers with one of our own, like the ones you mentioned at the start of article?
I keep putting people in auto-rejection, both girls and guys. I think most of it might be due to my defiant personality type. With guys, it mostly happens when someone is an asshole to me and i come out all guns blazing but then they feel humiliated and want to stay away cuz i hurt them. With girls, mostly its when they shit-test or are being annoying, I over.react. Maybe i need to be more sensitive to other people's feelings but i think being sensitive equates to being a pussy :/
U mentioned winning and dominating in an inclusive way. Very interesting concept. Can you please elaborate on that? Maybe do an article. I (and i believe many others) do the opposite of that, kind of destroying someone in a way, socially expelling them.
How to respond to a girlfriend whos a bit too jealous/insecure and just wants me all to herself? She doesn't want me to have other girls except her and she keeps asking about who I was with and if i was doing something, with whom? While she herself has orbiters and is a bit flirty with others. When i ask her not to be so nosy about my activities, she says she gets curious because i dont tell her and that she tells me what i ask about her. I say I don't see the need to probe her excessively and then she's like see, u don't even ask, u can ask too.
Any help how to deal with that? When shes jealous herself and also baits me to break frame and probe her. Doing that will obviously bring no good. Thanks.
Dealing with a Jealous (but Hypocritical) Girlfriend
Robinhood-
Yes, you can counter barriers with your own barriers.
This can work, if you manage to call a woman on her bluff... she may start to chase. However, if she has firm frame control, or is very confident, or defiant, she'll just push back. And now it's tough for you to go toward her, since you'd be yielding your own barrier.
You sound like you need a lot of attainability work. I'd suggest a focus on being more attainable in general. Warmer, more inclusive, less kneejerk defiant.
I have "winning/dominating in an inclusive way" noted down in my topics queue. Will write something on it.
Her: blah blah I want you all to myself.
You: Why? You going to stop hanging with Jason? And Prince?
Her: Yeah but that's different because...
You: Ha. Didn't think so.
I'm not sure the relationship dynamic you have with her.
However, "don't be nosy" is not a good thing to say, usually. Instead, just use small, boring, not-very-informative answers.
"Where'd you go today?" --> "To a cafe." --> "Who'd you go with?" --> "One of my friends." --> "Which one?" --> "Oh, you don't know her." --> "It's a girl?" --> "Sure. You spend time with guys, don't you?" --> "Yeah, but they're just friends." --> "That's all this girl is. Just a friend." --> "Yeah right! With you, no girl is just a friend." --> "I don't know what you mean. I see you with Jason and all you do is flirt." --> "I do not! Jason is just my friend!" --> "Okay sure. Whatever."
Just keep the pressure on her every time she tries to put it onto you.
Chase
Thanks for the reply.
Thanks for the reply.
"You sound like you need a lot of attainability work. I'd suggest a focus on being more attainable in general. Warmer, more inclusive, less kneejerk defiant."
You are 100% right here. Attainability has been my issue since a long time now. I need a lot of work on being warm and inclusive.
Also, i keep missing windows of girls who are interested and chase me. I don't escalate when they're open to me. That pushes them into auto rejection and they feel hurt. And once they shut down, i chase and wish they were open. Such a stupid way of going at it, to the point it feels like a mental sickness now.
Its a recurring pattern. Looking forward to the article u mentioned.
The convo doesn't progress like that.. "Sure. You spend time with guys, don't you?" - in response to this she just lies and says no, i dont hang out with other guys. Same thing with few other girls in the past. They would outright lie to defend themselves and put the pressure on me to not see other girls.
REVENGE
Hey , Mr.Chase , i know this is kinda off point , but i figured this comment might get your attention . So last month i was beaten up by a group who claim to be law enforcers at my school and they left terrible marks on my body,for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. And worst of all , the school isnt doing anything about it . But now i have the chance to revenge and do them the same. But my mind keeps telling me there will be consequences. But if i dont do it, they can laugh about me and make me look weak in front of my mates , and this can ruin their respect for me. so could you please give me advice ? plus this isopen to anyone capable of answering thanks
Re: REVENGE
Bruce-
Sorry to hear it. Scummy situation... hope you've healed up since then.
Sometimes revenge is worth going for. It can serve as a deterrent to others who might attack you in the future. And can restore your own sense of self-worth.
I don't know your situation. I don't know what a school 'law enforcer' is or how you'd be in a position to get revenge when you previously weren't. I'm not sure what consequences you fear or why they'd happen to you when they didn't to your attackers.
That said, even if I did know these things, I can't rightly recommend revenge. Even if maybe it is a good course for you in that specific situation. Especially if I'm recommending physical violence... it's just not a good thing for me to recommend physical violence to a guy without knowing exactly how he's going to take it. If you go and knock someone's block off, and the kid gets seriously hurt or dies, now you're in prison and I'm getting insane media accusations. There's just no good way for me to recommend that, and not any real good I can see coming of it.
Chase
Transitioning and throwing a direct mid game
Hey Chase,
Happy summers! (or winters if you're on the other side of the world)
The time has come for hot weather and light dressed girls and guys...
Skin and tan, all that good stuff..
Which makes me in a dilemma.
In your fashion article, you talked about layering and how it makes your outfit cool.
But in this summer weather, how would you layer to keep looking stylish but not sweating a river?
I find that just one layer (collar shirt) really doesn't service justice to our charming selves XD
What style do you usually put on during hot weathers and leather jackets or cool coats don't fit the temperature?
This is probably more of an issue when you're in asia. So would love to hear your thoughts :)
Re: Transitioning
So I'm not sure if walking next to the girl as we talk is considered stalkerish or not, and maybe she'll ask "where are you going" as you seemingly follow her side by side.Clarification would be great on this.
But let's say you started talking to her when she's seated down, and in transit.
And you two happen to get off at the same stop (or you intentionally because you didn't have much time to connect). Is it ok to walk next to her after getting off and continue the chat?
Assuming the transitional point was handled properly (the moment you two get off the bus, from a sitting position to walking or standing)
Will this be stalkerish (because you are following her in a sense)?
And would you rather stop her and chat while standing instead?
How would you do that?
Or how else would you do to give the two of you more time to chat and make the number solid exchange?
Re: Throwing a direct mid game
Now this continues from the top scenario as an example
But I realize if in a situation, I opened with situational (such as on transit), would it be necessary to throw a direct when we transition from sitting in transit to walking?
Because showing our intent is important (What to say to girls article)
However, it's not opening anymore if you two are already chatting and a direct (ex. compliments) would be too strong perhaps?
I guess I'm saying if it's a tactical move or a need to throw a compliment anytime during the conversation?
And if you genuinely like something, would it be fine to say a direct midway (as opposed to its usual use, which is opening direct)?
Lawliet
Layers in Summer; Walking with Her Post-Incidental Transition
Lawliet-
You can do button downs plus tees. Where the button down is worn unbuttoned over top the t-shirt.
However, it's often impractical to do layers in hot weather. Can't always do everything you want to do.
There are plenty of shirts that look good on their own, without a layer. Asymmetrically designed shirts look great right now, for instance:
In the 'met her in transit, getting off at the same stop' situation, you need to verbalize it:
"Oh, we have the same stop. Cool. Let's walk and talk."
That way you still give her an out, so, while slightly pushy, it is not overbearing/stalkerish (she can always say "Actually, I have to blah blah whatever").
You can stop and stand too. Especially if you are going in a different direction. Stop walking, keep talking. If she stops, you're golden. If she keeps going, or does the 'creep away' thing, where she keeps her body turned away from you, and moves away a bit, then talks a little, then moves away a bit more, just let her go.
It's not necessary to compliment her or express direct interest so long as you alleviate any social awkwardness. Go with your gut on the situation. If it feels like you need it, do it. If it feels like you're fine without it, try without it.
Chase
Barrier
I noticed you also threw some direct to tear down barriers in your example above.
"Besides small talk at the bar is for people who don't have chemistry yet, I like talking to you"
Nice :)
Btw what happens if she says "chemistry? We just met"
"That's more the reason to find out ;)"
I came across an interesting barrier.
I was chatting with her and since it's transit, I have to find out if she gets off soon, so I asked her where she's getting off, and she throws a "You ask a lot being a stranger". Which is weird because the conversation flowed, we bantered and she teased me and I teased back (i tried, her witty comebacks and tackles were very fast)
But I stumbled on this one, not sure how to reply. I think I just threw a "And you answer a lot to for a stranger, guess it's time to level up".. Or I think I just reintroduced ourselves and shook her hand again, "There, not strangers anymore" something like that.
Any insights for this?
Barriers are fun. It's a test and if we ace them, you can see their eyes twinkling. It's cute.
I just wish I could pull witty stuff out of thin air and ace these fun curveballs every time.
Lawliet
Barrier Responses
Lawliet-
I've never heard a girl say "chemistry? We just met!"
Usually women seem to presume chemistry is something you either have or you don't. And that it is better to have it than not have it.
However, if one did give me a response like that, I'd probably react with something like "Oh, come on! You know what I mean. Don't be a blockhead."
"You ask a lot being a stranger" --> sounds like it could be a tease. That's how I'd take it, given the context you shared.
I wouldn't stick with the stranger frame in my responses though. I'd focus on the 'ask a lot' part, instead: "You like guys who are quiet as a doormouse, huh? Usually you do all the talking?"
Practice makes perfect... :)
Chase
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