Confidence

Flow state is when you feel natural, and whatever it is you’re doing just works and is enjoyable. But how do you find it, especially when it comes to attracting women?

You’ve probably seen an advanced seducer in action before and didn’t even realize it.

That’s the beauty of advanced game – it doesn’t look or feel like “game” in any sense. It’s more a way of expressing yourself so purely and subtly that the girl you approach doesn’t feel any discomfort or ulterior motive. It doesn’t cause bystanders to take notice (unless you want it to) and the whole interaction feels “normal.”

A woman who experiences a man with amazing game will likely describe him as “fun” or “interesting,” whereas a guy who lacks skill won’t even make an imprint on her.

Advanced game is almost an oxymoron because it’s a state of “normalcy.” Where a beginner will go out with the intent to meet women, the advanced man just is. He’s become what he’s wanted to be for years – a healthy, libidinous male with mesmerizing social skills.

He is one who’s not willing to passively wait for chance. He presses the game of odds by spinning the wheel – as often as necessary – until he wins or goes bust.

But to the girl, even though he’s “normal,” there’s also something special about this guy. He’s different somehow. But what is it that makes him different? From her perspective, it’s like watching two different movies. One is a B-movie with bad actors and poor writing.

You know you’re watching a bad movie because the poor performances dismantle your suspension of disbelief. You might still watch the film for entertainment’s sake, but these are actors, the ghosts aren’t real, and the sets are CGI. When you watch an A-grade actor in an Oscar-worthy performance, you’re whisked away to another world.

It’s the difference between Jurassic Park 5 and Lord of the Rings. One movie has you laughing rather than crying as a T-Rex chomps the lead character to bits – the other has you in tears of sorrow for the loss of Gandalf to the Balrog. It’s your emotional investment in a situation that feels more real than real life.

A girl who experiences a great seducer won’t text her friends “Some guy just approached me,” but rather “I just met this guy, wow!” It’s as if she just met Brad Pitt. He comes across as an A-lister rather than a cartoon character or an NPC in a video game.

To reach the top level of the most socially successful men, you have to hustle harder than almost anybody else.

Guys arrive at Girls Chase with all sorts of different ambitions.

Many guys just want a girlfriend. Some want to lose their virginities, or break a long dry spell. Others are fresh out of a marriage, bouncing back from divorce.

I don't talk about going for really outsize results a lot... because most guys don't really want to be one of the 10 coolest guys in town, or pile up 120 lays. Even if a guy starts out with "That's what I want!" usually past a certain point he realizes actually, he's happy where he ended up: some cool friends, a decent number of notches, a hot & caring girlfriend.

Usually I assume that, beyond that, if a guy is serious about stupidly, ridiculously outsize results -- like, being in the top of the top of men out there -- he'll realize, naturally, that he has to hustle his ass off for a protracted time to get there.

But it occurs to me now that perhaps not everybody does realize that.

One of the confusing things for me over the years has been guys who comment on Girls Chase regularly and talk about the outsize results they want but don't show outsize hustle in pursuit of those results.

While it's true the material on GC will speed and ease your journey, it's a bit like having an expert guide on a mountain climb. The guide will help (a lot!)... but you still have to climb the mountain.

There are no helicopter rides to the top of Mount Everest. Helicopters mostly can't even go that high (they can't usually generate enough lift). If you want to get there, you must train on lesser mountains, you must train rigorously; you must get a good guide, and then you must do lots and lots and lots and lots of very hard work. Most people who set out to make that climb never make it to the top; they content themselves with smaller achievements, when they realize they're happy with those smaller achievements... or that the cost for greater ones is too great for them.

Naturals are so good with women because of their strong empathic sense and ability to trust their gut. The good news is that these traits can be cultivated.

This article is long overdue. I’ve never posted a follow-up to my article on intuition and trusting your gut instinct, but a reader recently commented on one of the articles in my Harem series asking about it.

It’s a long time in the making for me because, even now, I feel like my intuition is still being developed. By and large, intuition is confirmed through experience.

Your life experiences teach you the lessons that support your intuition. It’s a long-term learning process, where time will tell – and define your experience. 

Connecting with your intuition requires a combination of experience and training yourself to see the big picture. For me, it’s been about learning to recognize patterns and see how they fit in with each other. It’s important for me to understand the patterns behind things because history always repeats itself. Once you learn to see the signs of a certain pattern intuitively, you know exactly what to do to deal with it.

Your intuition signals to you when you see a certain pattern emerging. Your intuition and instinct also follow a biological prerogative – to get you to have sex with the most suitable mate. Connect these two with real-life game, and you can be a natural ladies’ man with ease. So, let’s look at what it takes to achieve this.

If you wait for life to give you chances to improve your social skills, you'll wait a long time. Create your own chances by becoming a socially attractive individual.

Toby was a guy life never really gave a chance.

Often he imagined his bright future: a beautiful girlfriend; the leader of a cool social group; the most popular guy in town.

But the sad reality was, life never gave him the chance to get there.

When Toby was in school, sometimes girls got crushes on him. But they were never the 'right' girls -- not beautiful enough, not popular enough. There was one time a pretty, popular girl took a shine to him. But the thing was, there was never a good time to talk to her, a good way to meet her. So he never met her and never got to talk to her or ask her out. Life just never gave him a chance.

Sometimes people would be friendly with him and try to include him in their groups. Except it was never the right people. Sometimes it was the nerds (he didn't want anything to do with them). Sometimes it was the outsider kids who were in the middle of the social hierarchy. He was friendly with them, but he didn't encourage them -- they were okay, but they weren't cool. When he talked to the cool kids, they'd be friendly back, but he couldn't seem to break through with them. Life just didn't give him a chance.

After school, the pattern continued. Sometimes girls would like him, or people would want to hang out with him. But they were never the right girls; never the right people.

He didn't understand why it was so hard for him to meet the most beautiful girl; to have the coolest friends. Why must life be so stingy with chances?

You want her, but you don’t think you’re good enough. Well, you’re probably right. But there is a solution! It’s not quick. But it’s doable, and it will work.

“Why am I not good enough?” you ask?

You aren’t good enough, that’s for sure. And the “why” part is easy. Not sure if you expected that answer. Welcome to Girls Chase.

I’m not here to tell you that you’re good enough. That you’re fine the way you are. That would be a lie. It might make you feel good for a few seconds, even a few minutes. Tomorrow, you might remember it. By the end of the week, you’ll have forgotten it. You’ll scroll through Instagram and see some gorgeous girl pop up on your feed. Maybe you know her. Maybe you don’t.

What is true is that she’s not your girl. You’ve never kissed her. You’ve never made her wet. You’ve never been inside her. Hell, you’ve probably never even been on her mind for longer than the brief moment your image passed through her focus.

Then, like a bubble, you disappeared. Have you been with a girl of her caliber? Have you been with any girl? Depending on your answer, the thought of “I’m not good enough” and the question of “Why am I not good enough?” will receive this response from the universe:

“No, you’re not. Because you suck.”

If reading that pisses you off, stop reading now.

Every man who isn't it yet wants to know how to be a confident man.

Men build lives around confidence. They want to find it, get it, hold onto it.

They want to be around people who already have it. They want others to recognize them as in possession of it themselves.

There are different kinds of confidence. There are:

• Men who are confident they can excel at school/work

• Men who are confident they can win fist fights

• Men who are confident they can sing a song well

• Men who are confident in how they walk, talk, or dress

Each kind of confidence is a different confidence. Each is good. Having one does not mean you have the rest. If you're confident you can win a spelling bee that does not mean you are also confident you can survive being stranded in the desert. These are two different kinds of confidence.

One kind of confidence stems from a key belief every man successful with women holds.

Women call this belief 'confidence', and refer to men who have it as 'confident men'.

Yet at its heart it is a belief. One key belief.

The belief underlies a man's actions with women. You can see it in his reactions to what women say and do. The belief emanates from him when he discusses women. It drives all his decisions regarding them.

No man enters the world with this belief. And you can't so much teach it as progress toward it.

As with any belief, it is acquired gradually, with experience. Sometimes that experience is conscious; sometimes not.

Once a man has this belief, it is tremendously helpful in a great many regards. It gives him wings with women; it allows him to achieve things men who lack the belief (confidence) cannot. It makes him a mystery to other men around him: they see him pull off things with women they cannot understand. Women behave in ways around him others think women don't or shouldn't behave. The belief-holding man violates everything other people think they know about how women interact with people and men.

Different men have different degrees of this key underlying belief. Highly confident men have it a lot; lesser confident men have it a bit. Whether a man claims to hold the belief or not is not the key to his confidence. It is what the man believes, deep down, in that core place inside himself, that determines how the belief manifests itself outside, actively, as a confident man in the world with real women.

If a man has this true confidence, from this one key belief, you can see it. Women can see it too -- and women respond to it.

We each fall somewhere on the 9-sided moral alignment die. Lawful Good, Chaotic Neutral, Neutral Evil… where do you fall, and how does it impact things?

This should be a fun article. Or even an insightful one... depends how much you like personality tests.

... but most of us like personality tests, don't we?

And this one's a fairly useful one, as far as personality tests go.

A recent study discovered six 'dark' traits (egoism, narcissism, Machiavellianism, sadism, psychopathy, and spitefulness) all stem from the same underlying 'dark core'... something the researchers dubbed 'the Dark Factor of Personality'. The result is that if you have one dark trait, you are likely to have others -- because they all come from that same dark center.

Over the last few years I've thought a lot about dark and light. I discussed the phenomenon of younger 'dark' guys who reform when older in "The Civilized Man." I talked about the choice between goodness and wickedness in "The Good King." And I went in-depth on some of the research into the 'light side' of personality in "Be the Lightbringer: Dating and the Sublime Benefits of Positivity." And of course, aside from these, we've always urged you to do right by women and other people, and avoid bitterness yourself... as much for your own sake as for others'.

The seduction space can serve as a magnet for dark characters... even if most of the men in it are neutral- or light-oriented. The dark characters rarely reach levels of prominence within the community -- whether it's more because their methods repel the non-dark men too much, or they just don't care to help/teach other men enough to carve out a niche, I couldn't say. But there are guys like this who become instructors, or rise to this or that level of prominence within seduction communities... sometimes concealing their dark side, sometimes wearing it on their sleeves.

One of the reasons I won't teach 'dark side tech' -- things like reverse supplication, sexual power reversal, one-sided monogamy, taming/dependency, or the infamous October Man sequence --is the existence of 'dark-side' guys within the community (all the non-dark guys who'd cause damage purely by accident are the other part of the reason). If everyone was light-side, we could perhaps talk about this stuff and trust most guys to use it responsibly... but not everyone is, so this stuff stays tucked away under lock and key.

Why do people have these different dispositions? How different are the dispositions anyway -- are people just a little different from one another, or are the differences BIG? And how do these differences come about in the first place?

By pure chance, one day I came across a Dungeons & Dragons 'alignment test'. The test allowed you to sniff out where on the 'alignment scale' you fall... good or evil? Lawful, neutral, or chaotic?

I thought it would be a fun thing to play with. But in fact, it's turned out to be accurate for real people I've used it with, to quite a surprising degree.