Articles by Author: Chase Amante

A reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation:

“Hey there, been reading the site lately and I've noticed that one thing I haven't seen so far is a post about validation. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it.

I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done." It was starting to irritate me because she would say it and then leave it up in the air.

After a while I barked back "well go do it then." I knew instinctively that wasn't the best thing to say but I really wanted her to quit with the empty statements lol!

So, after the game ended I talked to her about it and she was telling me how I could have said "I know you gotta get your work done but how about you relax with us and watch the game and then go start on the work afterwards?"

Now as soon as I heard her say that I immediately thought validation. I'm validating that thought or feeling by giving that response. While my response of "go do it" sounds like I'm rejecting her.

So I was wondering if you all could drop a post on validation. Once I realized this whole idea of validating a woman it gave me that "aha" moment, really started to put a lot of my failed interactions into a new light, you know? It also helped me to understand the whole chase framing, push-pull, etc. concepts because by validating her all of that stuff is much easier to pull off. Because she knows that you’re setting a frame but your pulling her along with you. Instead of making it seem like its her frame against yours like many other PUA’s seem to advocate.”

Our reader raises a good point here.

Validation is something I tend not to focus on much personally - it's something that fast becomes irrelevant when you're following the rule of thumb of always escalate and keep moving fast. But it's a real phenomenon, and it will affect your interactions with women - though, if you're doing things right, it should prove more a curiosity than a major distraction.

Here's what I mean.

Something you'll notice I don't talk about a great deal on this site is the concept of "value." It's an old seduction community idea I find generally wracked with all kinds of faulty mentalities, leading to misunderstandings of what generate attraction and positive relationships. Still, when approached through the proper lens, I find that the concepts of value and attraction can be used in a way that better your odds and success rates with women.

Why don't I like the old ideas of value? Because, I think, generally speaking, men take completely the wrong approach to value. They try to inflate their value by focusing on all the wrong things - things they think women value (e.g., cars, dinner dates, or even fantastic, bragging-style stories). I've seen plenty of the old-school pick up artist guys who go around telling out-sized stories about how incredible they are, but the only people impressed are low status women - and, of course, those old school pick up artists' devotees.

But you don't learn how to attract women by over-inflating your value. You learn it by showing your value in the right way.

In this excerpt from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams, I introduce you to the concept of "shown value" - and what the difference is between it, and why it's so important to understand. It just might make the difference between you feeling dejected after a girl walks away from you, as valuable as you think you were coming across - and understanding how to handle a girl rejecting you (hint: it's not really you, it's your game).