A friend of mine recently got back into cold approach after a long hiatus.
He’s made some approaches. Some have went well. But on the whole, he’s reentry into game has been stymied by something he never had to deal with much before: approach anxiety.
We discussed what the source of his anxiety was, since there are a few different flavors. Most guys get anxious about approaching girls… but the root “why” of it takes some slightly different forms.
In his case, he’s a bit out-of-shape and feels unconfident women will want to meet his unconfident (and now older) self. But on top of this, he fears that if he approaches unconfidently, and is rejected, he’ll grow even less confident… making his next approach even more likely to fail… making his confidence fall farther still.
I call this the “downward spiral” fear: if you start approaching without confidence in yourself, you’re only putting yourself on a downward spiral that leads to a total collapse in confidence and the inability to so much as look at a girl ever again.
You can get trapped with this form of anxiety for a long time, though.
That’s because in order to GET confidence, you have to have some successful approaches.
To have some successful approaches, you have to approach.
Yet… to approach… well… you can’t do that until you have the confidence you’d get from successful approaches, right?
It’s a Catch-22: you can’t do the thing until you get the results you get from doing the thing. But you can’t get results until you do the thing.
So, you’re trapped.
There’s a way out of this trap, however.
But to get there, we have to go deeper.