Confidence

Note from Chase: this is a guest post by one of our forum members, Rob Hortzclaw, with editing by Marty, another of our members. Rob’s put together a really solid, detailed, and lengthy piece here (I clocked it at over 7,000 words!) - it’s quite wonderful. I hope you enjoy... here’s Rob.

Want to know the difference between someone who tries his hand at pick-up/seduction and fails, and someone who tries his hand at pick-up and succeeds in transforming his dating life?

Good, I’m glad you asked!

I first stumbled across Girls Chase material in late 2012, after incessantly investing in and thinking about a girl, and having her reject me. It was painful, and all I wanted thereafter was to actually get a girlfriend and have a relationship.

These days, I’m still in the process of doing so... though my goals have changed a bit.

I’m nowhere near mastery of seduction, though I have wrung myself through the meat grinder, have gotten success through cold approach and social circle, and have done things that I would’ve previously thought impossible for myself. In other words, I’m on the path to mastery and I owe much of my success to just 7 decisions.

Back to your original question – what is the difference between failure and success when learning seduction? Someone who tries this stuff and fails doesn’t think the same way as someone who decides he is going to get better with women.

Did you catch the difference between my descriptions of each?

The guy who succeeds in seduction makes several decisions different from the ones made by the guy who tries his hand and drops out.

The interesting thing is that these decisions seem blindingly obvious, but the power behind them is absolutely earth-shattering (or paradigm-shattering) if harnessed.

The guys that eventually start to “get” women all have one thing in common: they ALL realize that being consistent with women is just not as simple as they thought it was going to be... and they step up to the challenge.

In this article, I’m going to tell you why the white knight attitude has to go, and I’m going to give you some clues as to what you should do instead.

First off, what is a white knight and why does it have anything to do with not stepping up to the challenge with women?

A white knight is the name given to a certain type of blind optimism, and it is a mindset that is very common amongst guys who are yet to take the demands of being good with women seriously.

White knight behaviours include things like:

• Putting women on pedestals

• Making the girl your only focus

• Speaking overly intelligently (faking)

• Taking everything at face value

• Rushing to judgement in order to peripherally impress women or “hold your ground”

• Pretending you are asexual (no sexual motives)

• Posturing, or running an “impress the damsel” routine

• Putting up strong barriers in an attempt to appear like you have good traits like honesty, faithfulness, infatuation, cleanliness, agreeableness, etc.

• Roping girls into romantic relationships because they gave you some signals

Have you ever congratulated yourself for something you thought you did really well, only to later discover you actually overlooked huge details and what you were doing wasn’t even half as good as you imagined it was?

White knighting is a result of the same phenomenon. We think we are clever, until the penny drops later that we are actually messing up very important details that are crucial to long-term viability of our behaviour.

Imagine this scenario, if you will.

A man goes out with a woman, and everything feels like it is going great. She’s totally into him, smiles at everything he says, and follows his lead. Then, at some point during the interaction, she does something that completely catches him off guard.

Maybe she refuses a request in an attempt to test him.

Maybe she decides that going home with him wouldn’t be a good idea, and she protests at such an idea.

Maybe she puts up last minute resistance and leaves him wondering what in the world he needs to do to get past it.

All of the previous scenarios include a defining moment, because these men are unsure of how to proceed with unforeseen challenges.

These defining moments are the points in conversation where most men lose women. They are lost at what to do in such a scenario, and effectively scrape their minds to find a strategy to blow past that which is in the way of their goals.

… And when each strategy just doesn’t work out, what do they do? They lose power, and begin to panic. The loss of power causes them to become moody, belligerent, and bitter, because they just aren’t getting what they want with women.

Overreactions like this happen all the time. They are one of the primary destroyers of an interaction which otherwise may have been going along quite well, but were utterly destroyed when the leader (that’s you) ran into a roadblock. The smooth, seductive mask is lifted, and you are left angry at finding yourself unable to get to where you wanted to get to.

We’ve all asked the question “How can I make the most of my looks?”, and today I’m going to tell you a bit about how you can do that without adjusting your fashion sense or wardrobe.

I’m going to tell you how your appearance is impacted by what you do and who you appear to be.

Looks are not as cut and dry as model versus normal guy. They DO change according to your mood, what you are doing, and the chemistry you have with different people.

You should never just immediately assume the worst, and that you aren’t attractive, because things are much more flexible than we typically think they are.

The good news is, people will always find attractive things about you if you are being personally magnetic, so it is actually impossible for people to not find good things about you if you are engaging. The way to be engaging, summed up in a word, is to be self-positive, because the more positive you are to yourself the more positive your disposition to the world. That is something that cannot be faked, and therefore is an honest indicator that shows women the presence of the strong traits that they actually LOOK FOR in men.

This also works the other way, because objective looks nosedive when a person is in a bad mood. So don’t feel too bad for yourself; other people get a rough deal at times too, and you can get a good deal for yourself if you are diligent in your self-improvement and outlook.

It is a common problem: you didn’t make a move and now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place where the girl loses interest and things start to fall to pieces.

So how do you keep that from happening?

Simple: you make the move.

Maybe that seems like a too-simple answer, and maybe it is, but if you can’t make your moves work when the occasion demands you do, then why sit around convincing a girl that “one day” you will be able to?

The truth of it is that if you can’t get it working at the start, you will usually be left with only one direction things can go: downhill.

If you can’t make up a good move on the spot, you probably won’t come up with a good move later... you’ll just linger around wishing you did something and get into a destructive thought loop that will stop you from making up a new move that would work.

The secret to not overthinking making the move is to realise that the action is first won in the mind before it is acted out confidently in real life. And it is won in the mind by establishing a habit of action. And if that action doesn’t exist, then it is won by having nerves of steel, and hopefully a creative spark that will take you somewhere.

Selfishness has never been a glorified trait among humanity. Caring chiefly about one’s own needs is frequently named as one of the greatest threats to society and causes of degeneration and degradation within it.

After all, a selfish man is supposed to be a guy who offers nothing to society. He’s nothing but some leech that cares about himself, and he’ll go to great lengths just to put down others so he can stay on top.

…Right?

Au contraire. Used in the wrong capacity, sure, selfishness could certainly hurt others. However, being selfish, in of itself, is not bad. Thinking about it as a negative trait, however, may certainly be introducing a daily dose of cognitive dissonance to your life.

Such dissonance comes to the fore as you finally realize the inevitable fact that everyone has selfish tendencies.

We all aim to promote ourselves first, followed by others. Throw a big steak in front of you while you’re starving, and have the option to leave it there for someone else or die, and you’re eating that steak.

Survival is coded into our biology.

However, society promotes the idea that leaving the steak would be more admirable. Promoting ourselves over others is bad, and we should instead seek to help others over ourselves.

The conflict between society’s vaunted ideal of selflessness versus your biological desire to tend to your own needs mounts and builds, and eventually people are left attempting to help each other become better, but never helping themselves become better, even though they are the only ones who can do so.

And that, my friends, leads us in a perfect circle of solving nothing.

Experiences shape every moment of your life. From the moment you are born, you adjust to things based on everything you’ve seen and everything you’ve done.

Such an important part of our lives – the way we interpret our surroundings – is not so well understood.

Hardly any attention is focused on figuring out how to define our realities, as such vexing questions have been asked by philosophers for years, only resulting in deeper and deeper riddles.

Understanding basic reality doesn’t have to be a difficult problem if you accept that you do, in fact, encounter experiences daily.

And, when you encounter these experiences, regardless of their origin, you understand that these experiences shape your entire reality, because they are the only tangible, measurable entity that you encounter on a daily basis.

If you believe that experiences shape and dictate your life, it makes sense that gaining knowledge about how this process works will further enhance your reality. In order to uncover the treasures that lay beneath, you must first break them down into simple, digestible components.