(3) Journeyman

Mixed groups are more challenging than single-girl sets. But are all guys with girls signs of a mixed set?

Hey guys.

I was hanging out in the Skilled Seducer chat (the live chat in our online discussion forum), and member DaVinciMatrixStyle asked a great question, which guys often ask:

Many guys are ‘too picky’ with girls. They ignore good-looking and great girls. Then end up alone, or stuck with girls who are bad news. You must escape this trap.

Here's a couple of concepts I want to differentiate for newer (and maybe some not-so-newer) guys:

Those of pickiness vs. selectiveness.

If you've read my stuff on screening for both long-term commitment as well as for girls you'll hook up with in one-night stands, you know how much I harp on screening out girls who aren't a fit and/or will cause you problems.

I've cited science that shows men are a lot less discriminating about the women they start relationships with than women are men, and that men look for red flags a lot less.

In other words, men are a lot more likely to stumble into relationship quicksand.

However, there is a flip side to all this discrimination you want to employ as a dater, and that is this: if you are too picky about the wrong things, you can also stunt your growth as a seducer and make it nigh impossible to get enough experience to progress.

This is the double side of being discriminating: you must be discriminating enough, without being too much so.

You must be selective without being overly picky.

Influence has a half-life... and every moment you're not with someone, your influence over that person decays.

Riddle me this: why is it that some women, while with you, can be utterly captivated by you... then they leave your side and you never hear from them again?

Why is it that some women can be in a relationship and totally compliant with you, yet you send them off for a few days into the hands of their workmates or their wild party friends, and by the time they get back to you you're dealing with full-on rebellion?

Why is it that a girl will agree with you completely and tell you you are right about something, yet after a few days away she comes back and says "Actually you're wrong" and you have to have the same argument all over again?

It's because influence has a half-life, and every time you're away from her, your interest decays.

Your ability to influence another person is in direct proportion to that person's level of sustained exposure to you.

The less sustained that exposure is, the less strong the influence, and the more quickly it falls apart.

Do you keep running into the same objections? Construct frames that circumvent these (and increase your odds by 3-5%).

I know a guy who always struggles with chemistry with women.

He doesn't do things exactly quite right. He uses all the right tactics and techniques with women, but he uses them in this way that is just a little bit 'off'.

When you try to point it out to him, he insists that in fact he is doing everything correctly. Then he says it must be a problem with the technique or that the technique doesn't work for him.

Regardless the reason, he constantly runs into issues where he has what he thinks is a great date, followed by the woman telling him at the end of it (or texting him later on) that she "just isn't feeling it."

"There's no chemistry," she says. Or "I didn't feel a spark."

I can't get him to fix the vibe/calibration issues. He doesn't see these as a real problem, probably because he's unable to pick up on this issue himself, even when women point it out or coaches point it out.

However, I wanted to help him, so gave him a tool I knew he could use: a 3% frame to help push things his way in those edge cases where it could go either way, but "I'm not feeling a spark" is the deciding factor.

When you escalate but she stops you cold, it can be awkward walking her out. To keep things cool (and raise the odds you see her again & bed her later), be merry as you walk her out.

Every guy has girls he pulls home who don’t go to bed with him.

Maybe she stopped you at the kiss, or maybe you got too shy and didn’t go for it.

Or maybe you made it somewhere into the escalation, only to hit a wall of last minute resistance you failed to overcome.

Regardless, you brought her back, hoped to get together with her, then it fizzled out.

In the end, you had to lead her out the door.

If you’re a reader on this site, you know that once she crosses that threshold, without ending up your lover, the odds she’s ever coming back plummet.

Nevertheless, there’s something you can do as you walk her out that increases those odds – not to 50/50, but at least to the point where you’ve still got a fighting chance.

When a girl flakes on you, get her back by reverse flaking on her. You might not think it'd work – but psychology is weird (and it does work).

Over the years I've coached a lot of guys into getting girls out on dates who'd repeatedly flaked on them or ignored their messages.

There's a trick I use with this (credit: BradP) where you flip the frame on a flakey girl, and present yourself as the flaker and her as the flakey.

When I spell it out for you here, you're going to think of course it will never work.

It sounds like something that'd be so obvious no woman would ever fall for it.

Yet, even if she picks up on what you're doing (and not every girl will), it still works.

The effect is still there. She feels the emotions, feels like you flaked on her rather than the reverse, and you feel scarce and in-demand to her.

These emotions make her suddenly much more interested in coming out to meet you.

I've personally typed out messages for friends and students to send using this method that turned girls who were avoiding them into girls willing to come meet up with just a single text.

In this article, I'll tell you how I do that.

Guys do things all the time with girls they were 99% of the way there with that cause those women to resist sex. If you know what these mistakes are, though, they're simple enough to avoid.

I've been hearing a lot of "I got this girl right up to the point where we were about to have sex, then I hit a sudden unexpected wall of LMR and she left" stories lately.

I don't know if women have suddenly gotten a lot more finicky about closing for some guys due to lockdown reasons, or if it's just a random spike of these cases I'm hearing. Probably the latter.

However, I have found myself repeatedly reviewing guys' retellings of their bedroom seductions, then pointing out to them areas that I notice them doing stuff that is going to make women resist them.

Often when I point these areas out, they themselves say, "Yeah, I also felt like something was off at that moment."

So it seems like most guys pick up on when something happens during their escalations that isn't supposed to. They just aren't experienced or attuned enough yet to get out in front of it and prevent it. It's a semi-conscious right brain awareness rather than a fully conscious left brain one.

What we'll do here is review the primary things you need for a smooth escalation that avoids last minute resistance (LMR) and gives you a straight path to bed with girls.

You're going to want these tools in your arsenal for better, more effective seductions.