Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Lifestyle, Part 2: Finding Sex Partners on Craigslist

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By: Colt Williams

how to find sex partners on craigslist
Craigslist is a great resource for those living The Lifestyle – swinging, sex parties, and more. There are 6 worthwhile categories on CL, and each needs its own approach.

This is Part 2 of my series on “The Lifestyle”, on sex parties, orgies, swinging, and polyamory. You can read Part 1 of the series here: “The Lifestyle, Part 1: How to Get Into Sex Parties, Swinging, and Polyamory.” In today’s article, we’ll talk about how to find new partners on Craigslist.

An author named Esther Perel has become really famous for turning public discourse on infidelity and the nature of human sexuality on its head.

She has focused on the question: Why do good people cheat?

Esther – along with many other historians and thinkers – has posited that human beings were never designed to be monogamous. While designed to be in groups, we are primates who are constantly shifting in sexual desires and sexual partners. She adds that monogamy has served more as power structure and agrarian vestige than anything else.

Those societies that held chastity as a sacred virtue often had stricter discipline and enjoyed economic and military conquest. Moreover, young women from various fiefdoms and kingdoms were married off to princes and kings of other fiefdoms and kingdoms in order to form alliances and unions.

In the agrarian age, marriage was a sensible safeguard to produce a family that could help a mother and father till land, and produce goods that would bolster future generations.

Thus, monogamy has always had a sensible function in the human dynamic. But it has never been about love. Perel argues that the combining of monogamy with love was a way to justify a seemingly strange practice.

But biologically speaking, it’s rather unreasonable to say that you do not deeply care about someone or even love them if you don’t have a desire to sleep with only them for 50+ years.

And this tension generates the conundrum that a lot of good people face: their biology versus their vows. Perel argues that ultimately, biology has the stronger pull. And so that is why good people end up engaging in infidelity.

And it is also from this tension that The Lifestyle of sexual liberation was born. Perel posits one central question of her own: What if, in love, we could explore different orientations of sexual partners, situations, and desires while still maintaining a strong bond and commitment?

And it’s exactly these different orientations of love and sexual gratification that Perel explores.

In the last post, I explored “The Lifestyle” from the perspective of public events.

And now, we look at it from the private side of things. But before I dive into The Lifestyle on the private side, I want to highlight a juxtaposition that Perel outlines. She argues that in every romantic pairing (especially traditional male-female), there is always one person who is afraid of losing their partner and being alone. And there’s always one person who is afraid of losing themselves in the relationship. It’s often the person who is afraid of losing him or herself that has the stronger pull toward a more sexually liberal situation.

For any guys who are currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship: have you ever felt this way? I would imagine many have.

So a lot of couples are constantly asking how to make sure that both partners are satisfied in a pair dynamic.

And thus, that is why Perel argues that it’s ultimately healthy to explore sexuality beyond just a pair in a relationship. So in this post, I’ll go through the different orientations you are likely to see, and how to get involved in these myriad Lifestyle situations.

The next post will be dedicated to handling emotional hiccups, jealousy, and some additional resources about The Lifestyle.

Tactics Tuesdays: Just Moved to Town vs. Just Passing Through

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

new in town dating
Little questions with big-impact answers: how long have you been in town, why are you single, and what do you do?

Quick post on a small but impactful distinction.

How you present several details about yourself often makes a big difference in how women receive you. The details we’ll discuss today are how long you’ve been in town, your relationship status, and your employment status.

Depending on your answer to these questions, women will see you in very different lights... as the result of your answers’ impacts on two different metrics: your value and your attainability.

Let me note up front that not everyone will be able to use all these all the time. That is not the purpose of this article (there seems to be a rise in dogma/absolutism recently where guys are thinking everything Chase says is something they have to do always. So I’m going to start including caveats like this more). Rather, the point of this article is to raise your awareness to these details (and others like them), so that when you can make use of them, you do.

Why Can't You Find a Loyal Woman?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

find a loyal woman
To men, women can seem disloyal… Or at least, not nearly as loyal as men. What’s it take to find a loyal lady anyway?

One of the most discombobulating romantic statements I hear from men goes like this:

“I just want to find a girl that’s loyal.”

It’s not discombobulating because women can’t be loyal. Plenty of men throughout history, down through to today, have had women deeply loyal to them.

The statement discombobulates, rather, because you cannot ‘find’ loyal women. Any more than you can dig deep into a diamond mine in search of engagement rings, or wander into the African savanna on the lookout for trained circus lions. You may find diamonds in the diamond mine, but you won’t find rings; you might find lions in the savanna, but they won’t be trained. So it is with women.

Some women are more inclined toward loyalty than others, it’s true. But women by nature are opportunistic. They are romantic guns-for-hire, ready to serve whoever makes the best offer... and eminently practical when the lord they’d hoped to sign on with is unable or unwilling to give them the agreement they need.

“I want to find a loyal woman” is a foundational misunderstanding of female psychology. It projects male values onto female prospects.

But women aren’t men. And the way they think about loyalty, treat it, and uphold or enforce it is very, very different.

When Girls Bring Up Feminism at the Bar or on Dates

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

when girls bring up feminism
Girls bring up feminism sometimes at the bar or on dates. But address this wrong, and you either look weak, or get into a fight. What do you do?

It is not uncommon these days to read about feminism and gender related issues in mainstream and social media. It is indeed a hot subject; many politicians focus on gender issues, schools and universities have been affected by feminism, and society as a whole experiences both the benefits and the consequences of these ideals.

Regarding men’s websites, we often see critics of feminism – especially on websites related to the “men’s rights movement” (MRM) – who usually post about the negative effects feminism has on society and how it impacts men’s lives.

These MRM posts are usually normative and take a political stance regarding the subject. This is not the purpose of this post.

I want to analyze how feminism – and the subject of feminism – can affect some of your interactions with women. In other words, what do you do if a girl starts giving you the feminist talk when you are trying to escalate the vibe? I want to discuss the direct, practical implications this has on the interaction while treating the normative status of the subject as irrelevant. In other words, I will leave the discussion regarding whether or not feminism per se is good or bad to somebody else (for now), and instead share a more descriptive and practical perspective on the subject.

The idea of this post is to cover why and how to deal with women bringing the gender debate into interactions. The perspective of this post is based on the basic assumption that you want to get her naked.

If you are like me and go out a lot, you will encounter women bringing this subject up, especially in the light of important political events, which tend to stir up such controversial subjects. Note that this post is focused on feminism and gender related questions because these tend to be the most commonly brought up political topics when interacting with women. However, each of the techniques covered here are valid for any controversial or loaded political, philosophical (only if it is normatively loaded), religious, or ethical subject. I believe all of these are topics to be avoided in seduction. You will see in this post that my focus is mostly geared toward changing or avoiding the subject, as these topics are simply not fruitful for seduction.

Also note that when I am referring to feminism, I am not just referring to the topic of “gender equality” (which is only one of the many topics of feminism – one that I tend to agree with); I’m speaking of the whole ideology behind the feminist world view.

How to Kickstart Behavior Change in Girlfriends or Lovers

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

girlfriend behavior modification
So you want to modify a girlfriend’s behavior. Yet if you come out and say, “I want you to change,” you’ll offend. You must employ subtler means.

I was talking with my best friend the other day. He’s married but still occasionally reads Girls Chase. Plus, we talk all the time, so he’s bound to hear about girls and then talk about them.

One of his particular interests in relationship management right now is using social media to change the behavior of one’s girlfriend or wife.

We’ve discussed operant conditioning with relationships before. Encourage and reward what behavior you like; ignore the behavior you don’t.

But what we haven’t discussed too much is how to get the ball rolling with operant conditioning – how do you show her what you want her to do?

After a long talk on the phone with my buddy, we came up with a good system for guys in relationships to follow.

Tactics Tuesdays: Demo Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

demo seduction
If you already have something you’re good at doing with a girl, you can “demo” it on her – and get her even more sucked in to the seduction.

In yesterday’s article on being too girl crazy, I mentioned something I dubbed ‘demo seduction’. Demo seduction, I noted, is a way of telling a girl exactly what you’re doing to her, as you do it. In today’s Tactics Tuesdays article, I’ll detail this tactic a lot further for you.

Before we dive in though, a note on who can use this.

Demo seduction works best for men who are confident in the techniques they demonstrate. Usually you will reserve this for tactics you’re familiar with and have used enough times before you demo them. While it is possible to use this with brand new techniques (say, you’re going to try a new physical escalation ladder for the first time, and will describe it to her as you do it), you’re not going to be as smooth, since you’re trying to both describe the technique and figure out how to perform the technique at the same time.

As such, I do not recommend you couple this with brand new tactics. Stick to demo’ing things you already do and are able to make work, and you’ll get the most mileage out of your demos. This will mostly be a tactic for men who are intermediate and up.

Now let’s talk about what this is, how it works, and just why it’s so much fun (and so good!).

Too Girl Crazy? When Meeting Girls is Your #1 Hobby

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girl crazy
Everybody says you need more in your life than just approaching girls. But when ‘girls’ becomes your obsession, how do you balance it out?

If you’re at beginner or intermediate status with women, you might be in this position. You shouldn’t have girls as your primary (or only!) hobby. You know that. You’ve heard it from countless skilled guys. Women are most attracted to men who have their lives together, have other things going on, and are, well, interesting. It makes perfect sense to you, and you agree, of course.

Yet nevertheless, meeting girls is still your #1 hobby. It might even be your only hobby. You’re girl crazy. ‘Girls’ is the pastime that occupies your head space and free time almost exclusively.

This is a pretty natural thing to have happen when you’re deep into learning a skill. People who focus on skill acquisition in a hardcore way usually restructure their lives around the skill they’re learning. If you aim to become a bodybuilder, you restructure your entire life around putting on muscle and the gym. If you aim to become a novelist, you restructure your life around writing and editing. Everything else takes a back seat.

But here’s the challenge: what you talk to women about is going to reflect how you spend your time. And if all you do is go out to meet girls, what the heck can you talk about with them then?

When Your Girl Kisses Another Guy (and Other Messy Situations)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

makes out with another guy
What do you do when your girl makes out with another man? You could challenge him, pull her away, jet yourself… but what’s best?

It is an unfortunate scenario when your girl flirts with another guy in front of you. This post will have a very report-like tone, as I will use a case study to discuss this issue and present solutions. I will also discuss the implications of the choices I make in the narrative so you’ll get to see how the concepts are applied in real life.

No matter how experienced you are, you will face situations like these, and knowing how to deal with them is key. Therefore, I hope this post will be useful to any of you who have had, or may experience, times when your date, girlfriend, or booty call ends up flirting explicitly with a guy right in front of you.

Note that in this article, I am not talking about random girls you just met in a club. These require different strategies, although some of the concepts here may apply.

The Low Testosterone, No Girls Funk

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

low testosterone funk
Ever find yourself in a funk, where nothing you did with girls worked out? Sometimes it’s random. But sometimes it’s testosterone.

One of our more senior forum members, named Lao Che, has run into problems getting girls. Lao Che’s in his early 40s, travels often, and was until recently a regular hound dog. But then things fell off. He describes it as “I got old really fast.” He had a few relationships end poorly six months ago, and since then women won’t go beyond flirtation with him.

For years, Lao Che posted one lay report after another on the GC boards, often picking up girls the same night out of bars or sucking them into his world over a couple of dates and bedding them with ease. What happened?

I don’t know if it’s exactly his scenario (would need a few more details), but I suspect it is: most of the time when I see guys have total results reversals like this – where they go from lots of success with women, to no success with women – it’s a testosterone problem.

Testosterone problem? What’s that? What’s the cause... and why would getting T-levels flowing again after they’ve ebbed way down bring your results back up with women, too?

That’s the topic of today’s article: the low-T funk, what it looks like, how to identify it, and how to get back out of it. Don’t worry. I’m not going to give you any magic T-level rising potions to consume. But we will be talking ‘man stuff. If your T-levels are off, this is the stuff we’re going to get you doing to bring those levels back up.

What is Neediness, and Why Do Guys Get Needy Over Girls?

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By: Varoon Rajah

needy over girls
Why do guys get needy for girls? Neediness stems from approval seeking and/or expectation… Yet it’s not an emotion you want.

Neediness happens when you feel under threat.

It’s a sign one lacks something... but wants it – desperately.

Yet desperation is a big neon sign to vultures, and a repellant to attractive, good-hearted folks.

The most successful men in the world have a different air about them, and they also tend to do extremely well with women. Some think these men drink a special potion. Or maybe they were born gifted with women. Right?

But what if they just aren’t needy with women and don’t need women around to feel happy with their lives? Think of gay men, for instance, and why girls absolutely adore them. Girls tell them all kinds of stories, touch them in all kinds of ways. Part of this is because gay men are freer with their sexualities around women, and they naturally have strong fundamentals; they also do not desire women at all! They freely express themselves in attractive and honest ways around women, but they have zero desire to acquire anything from them.

Most men, when around women and in the pursuit of women, want something from them. They do not wish to be with women for the sake of being with women (and by this, I am also talking about sex, because sex is something women want, too). However, most men have a goal in their minds whether it be sex with her, to date her, or to add her on as a girlfriend, but they frequently do this without creating the framework for her to desire the same thing.

It is thus our task as men to not want anything from women. Instead, we must present frames and an attitude toward women that gets the women we desire on the same page as us. When a woman wants the same things as a man, then both parties are in alignment and can move forward together.

I read an amazing book recently: Pitch Anything by Oren Klaff. I plan to write a full book review on it. One of the key concepts Oren discusses in his book is the idea of neediness versus non-neediness. Here’s a quick description of what neediness is and why it’s so terrible:

““Classic validation-seeking behavior. Signals of desperation... giving any hint of neediness or any signs of desperation, plainly put, is like saying, ‘I’m holding a bomb that could go off at any minute.’ Everyone will respond by going on the defensive. Their first reaction is – Run!

Self-protection is an unconscious reaction that comes from the crocodile brain.... Neediness triggers fear and uncertainty, causing the target’s croc brain to take over – but not in a good way. It’s goal is to prevent further threat by effectively blocking out the higher-level brain, which likes to debate and consider and analyze. No time for that. Threat requires immediate action.

Neediness is a signal of a threat.... Neediness results in avoidance.”

(p. 161)