Comporting oneself well, removing tics, fidgets, and other nervous gestures, and giving oneself a general bearing of a man of breeding and distinction are some of the foundations of good fundamentals, no matter what identity you strive to embody.
This is Part 2 of my series on why relationships fall apart. You can read Part 1, on what I called ‘game-personality disconnect’ (where you use one persona to get her, then adopt a different persona in the relationship) here.
Part 2 is on your long-term value proposition. That is to say, if she’s going to stick around with you, there must be a clear value proposition there over the long-term.
If you have an easy time sleeping with new women but a hard time keeping them around, it’s likely this issue is your bugbear.
The biggest part of this issue, of course, is understanding the answer to this question: what does this girl require of a man for her to stick with him long-term?
Unless you can answer that, it’s luck you rely on that she stays with you.
Today, let’s talk about how you rely on something more than luck.
Hi there. I hope you are still
rockin.
Today we will get back to
basics – because basics are so awesome!
A few days ago I received a message from a reader. It went like this:
“Hey man, I’m a big fan of your writing on Girls Chase. Your stories are legendary and they fit the mold of what I’d like to achieve. You’ve written extensively about intermediate and advanced topics. But I thought I’d write you and see if you would consider posting some more beginner material.”
[....]
“It seems to me like when you go to a club, with friends or all by yourself, you have a very clear idea of what you’re doing all the time. I would love to hear more thoughts on how you do it. What are you looking for when you first get to a bar? What’s your first priority? Are you relaxed when you get there or are you a little nervous? Do you use canned material or go with the flow? What is your intention when you first start talking to a girl?
[....]
“Think about it! And thanks for all your work... it has changed my life on a deep level.”
I cut out some parts of the message as not everything was relevant for this exact post. Now the message covered a lot of amazing topic suggestions. I might not cover them all but I will cover quite a few of them in my upcoming posts.
So the questions asked in this message were about my mindsets and intentions – so I will respond to them directly so that those of you who are curious about how I think can understand where I come from. A lot of seducers think like I do.
Let us begin.
One of the major problems I see with the men going out to meet women is that many do not set themselves up for success. They are more preoccupied with trying to impress their friends, getting validation, or simply trying to avoid negative feedback, instead of going out for the right reasons... like to get laid! This article is going to be shallow and to the point. Please sheathe your pitchforks and extinguish your torches. I am about to hit you with some knowledge.
This article is about going to a night club and getting laid. Maybe later, I will write something with more fluff-and-love but for now let me cater to those who love the hunt. Those warriors that refuse to settle and whom flourish from competition. With that being said, here are some common sense closing tactics I know the majority of you are not following through on.
I see this day in and day out with my students here in Vegas and it makes me sick. People are so focused on so many advanced tactics and tricks that they miss out on fixing the simple things that could easily increase their results tenfold with just a little effort. Do I have your attention? Good, let’s go!
Sometimes, you’ll have met a girl and be talking with
her, or you’ll
be on a date with her, and you’re at that point with things where you
would (normally) move to the next step.
Only, you try to go to that next step with her, but she’s not going.
She’s not ready for the courtship or the seduction to escalate to the next stage, and, thus, refuses.
Maybe you’re having a great conversation with her at the bar, and you suggest the two of you grab seats. Nah, she says, she’s got to stay at the bar.
Perhaps you’ve had a wonderful conversation on a date with her, and you want to take her home. Only, you make the invite, and she tells you she’d rather spend some more time at the café you’re at.
Or, you’ve met this girl on the street and walked all over town with her, but she simply won’t grab food with you or accompany you anywhere else... even though it feels like she ought to be ready to.
What do you do when it’s time to escalate... but she’s not ready?
With this article, I’m kicking off a new series called
“Why
Relationships Fall Apart” that I’ll make further installments in as the
weeks go by. The first in the WRFA series is on something I’ve deemed
‘game-personality disconnect’. A comment from a reader named ‘straw’ in
my article on “Why Women Misremember the Past”
describes this perfectly:
“Hi Chase.
As much as i dont have much problem with pick up and short term relations, I have found it impossible to maintain a longer relationship. It is almost as if suddenly my value dropped to zero. The pattern repeats itself all the time and its been going on for years now. At the beginning, women get crazy about me, the persue a relationship and after more or less 3-4 months there is a complete almost overnight shoft in the interest department.
Is it possible that I employ too much game at the beginning so they are attracted to someone im not? I may put on some game at the beginning which makes them pursue me hard and then the moment i get involved, usually after a couple of months, i show them i am involved and their interest drops, they start criticizing me, and its almost like eveything i do is SUDDENLY bad and wrong or ridiculous.
If yoy are in a relationship with somebody of course you show you care, what would be the point otherwise. Why does my value drop a couple of months after we enter the relationship?”
The problem straw has run into is that the way you attract and take women itself serves as a screening tool, drawing in the women who are most attracted to that ‘style’.
Just like you probably have your own preference for submissive girls or feisty girls, and girls of an opposing style bore you or drive you nuts, women have their preferences too – and if you lure in women looking for one thing by behaving like it, only to revert to something else later on, for her it’s kind of like buying a ticket to a metalcore concert because that’s her scene only to show up there and discover it’s jazz (or vice versa).
Note
from Chase: Denton Fisher has been actively approaching women
for 4.5 years, with a specialty in same-night lays. He’s taught over
100 students in-field, and is a prolific seducer, posting two to five
new lays a week, and juggling up to seven women in rotation at a
time. His first series of articles on Girls Chase focuses on achieving
mastery picking up and seducing girls. Here’s Denton.
This article is for both the game junkies and the dabblers out there, as well as those who are fighting to master your own individual fields. It is all the same. Reaching mastery in any field will have the same patterns/similarities, and one of the major ones is the quest to find a mentor.
This is something I am good at and is the single biggest reason why I have developed my game to the point it is at now. With that being said, let me share with you why I have acquired half a dozen pick-up mentors of extreme skill over the course of a year.
This is an article about the journey you will experience as you
proceed from a man who never walks up to strange women to introduce
himself and flirt, to a man who does so all the time, and reaps the
rewards, both in terms of women and in terms of how he thinks about women.
If you have read my two previous articles on this website (here’s one and here’s two), you might
have noticed that there is a word that I mention frequently (directly
or indirectly): and the word is cold approach. In my
case, the preference is for street
cold approach, though cold approach of any kind is the key.
Cold approach is at the heart of my game; in fact, it is my entire game. When I say it is my “entire” game, I do not only refer to my outer game, but to my inner game as well.
The power of cold approach is so big that I cannot put limits on it. It contains a transformative power that has the ability to change your relationship with women in a dramatic way, on all levels. There is a lot of talking about “inner game”. Well, despite being the cause of your actions, your mindset will also follow the progress you make in cold approach.
Now, let’s make an important clarification: everything is mind and everything comes from the mind. As a consequence, outer game is really a reflection of your inner game. It all starts with a decision, and the decision will happen in your mind. You’ll decide that you are entitled to hot girls, so you’ll go out and talk to them, and then through consistent action you’ll start seeing evidence of your own belief.
Therefore, action is not the cause, the cause is your decision. Action simply follows your decision, and that’s why inner game always comes before outer game. And yet, action is the only way to play this game. Action is born from your inner game, and yet it is the only way to change, improve, sharpen, and expand your inner game. That’s the paradox.
Here’s an oldie but a goodie from the bygone days of Fast Seduction: Jay’s (Formhandle’s) pre-approach invitation male approach invitation, which used the (rather exhausting) acronym ‘pAImAI’.
It’s a complicated-sounding name for a simple technique: behave in an attention-grabbing way that entices women to send you approach invitations.
If you do nightlife often, you’ll likely have started doing this one on your own already.
If you don’t, and you want to make your opening easier, you’ll probably find it useful.
When I decided to start gunning hard for significantly improved social skills in 2004, that was when I had to come to grips with how hopelessly miserable my current social skills were, and how hopelessly far behind I was socially compared to everybody else.
Some part of me enjoyed being the total outsider, because I enjoyed the independence of the man apart, the one cut off from society. I figured this would make my eventual triumph all the more poetic. It was only when I set about trying to bring that triumph about that I came to realize it would be even tougher than I’d estimated.
What I quickly discovered was that even some of the most basic social rules were alien to me. What do people talk about? How do they join conversations and move between groups? How do they not trip over their own feet socially and look dumb and find themselves excluded?
I’d already developed a good wit and the ability to tell an entertaining story by that point, so I wasn’t flying completely blind. But general conversation – interacting with other human beings in a setting in which I was not the guy on stage, cracking jokes or spinning stories or showing off my musical talents, was unknown to me. And was most human interaction... I couldn’t lean on jokes or tales or busting out freestyles to help there.
So, this one goes out to the social newbs, starting off hopelessly behind everybody else, realizing the rest of mankind has a 10+ year head start on them in learning how to socialize.
Let me tell you what I did, and give you some suggestions about what you can do.
