Text Message Flirting | Girls Chase

Text Message Flirting

Texting can be a super fun way to stay in contact with a girl, and to build up rapport and interest with her prior to a date, or even to a conversation – sometimes your first conversation.

But where do you start? It can be a bit overwhelming, especially for the guys out there who traditionally have stumbled on their words around women or never know exactly what to say. That's why, in this article, I'm providing you a how-to on text messaging girls.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

I like the articles you write. They are interesting and I feel you might have the game down for older women. I'm 21 and younger girls text more often than when they're a bit older. I also feel like intellect is wasted on younger girls. Your sample texts are good, but I don't know if theyd fly with someone under say 24-25. I often find younger girls appreciate simple humor and a complex intellect. Over the head and complex jokes, I feel, can make a girl (not woman) insecure. If she can't hang with you socially, you have nothing. When she prys open your brain an your intellect shows, I feel it's more of a turn on. It shows you are a dynamic person. Your thoughts?

Also, I read your other article "how to text a girl" and I can tell it was written later than this article. It seems some points conflict. In the other article you speak about getting girls to laugh and in this one you talk about being cool. I understand what you are trying to say, but it gets a little confusing for the reader. Also, in your other article you leave with questions quite a bit and, if I remember correctly, in this one you talk about how needy that makes you sound. Again, a little confusing for the reader. I'm not bashing your articles; they are very well written and I appreciate your thoughts in them. You have helped me understand more dynamics of texting (I have always been a phone caller myself). Thanks for taking the time to write the articles. Any feedback on my concerns is welcomed and appreciated.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Anon,

Good points you raise here.

My text game evolved quite substantially between this article and the "How to Text a Girl" article, which is much more in-line with my current style than this one is, although even that one isn't as barebones as my texting is now.

You're right in saying that my older style was better suited to women 24+ in age. Curiously, my texts are far more Spartan and far less frequent now -- they're used primarily just for arranging dates -- and I engage in very, very little back-and-forth texting, regardless the age of the girl. I find I have a lot more success with both younger and older girls using the barebones approach than I ever did with the back-and-forth.

Younger girls do like texting back-and-forth more, yes -- but you should only engage in that if that's what you're interested in. If you're interested instead in taking a younger girl as a lover, stick to making a strong first impression, telling her right then that the two of you should grab some food or have a drink, trading cells with her, and then using texting to arrange logistics.

Basically, you should think of texting like quicksand: the longer you spend in it, and the more you move around in it and engage in it, the further into it you get sucked and the harder it is to get out of it. Once you start getting into big text conversations with girls, the chance that you get any one girl out and eventually take her to bed dramatically declines.

If you imagine a big, jock football player in college texting a cute girl, he probably isn't texting her for an hour or two, right? He's just texting her stuff like, "Hey, you're a retard. Anyway, let's drink -- X Bar, 9 PM. See you there tonight." You'll probably be a little less commanding since you likely won't make as strong an initial impact on attraction as a football player will, but texting something like, "Hey Gabby, hope your weekend kicked ass. Way too much studying for me; I need a break. We should get a drink this week -- when's best?"

I still view, "How are you?" questions as extraordinarily needy, yes, but certain logistics questions I don't view that way. "When can we meet?" is like that. "What's your schedule like this week -- when are you free?" is another one. Women know when you're texting them it's because you want to see them -- if you're beating around the bush and trying to be nice and conversational, they don't respect that and it seems weak. If you're direct and to-the-point though, it's quite powerful and attractive -- women like that, they respond to it, and it quite often leads to (coupled with strong first impressions) getting girls out on dates.


Anonymous's picture

Hi there,

Very useful posts, and some excellent points.

I have one question which you haven't tackled in any articles:

How do I approach a girl, that I haven't yet met, but got her number through a friend? For example I might be given her phone number and will need to initiate first contact via text, or be given her blackberry pin, so that I can add her on blackberry messenger (same as texting).

The problem I have encountered so far is that most women say "sorry I dont know you" and delete me off messenger.

Another point to add is that my picture is visible on blackberry messenger so they can see what I look like.

I also have the option of asking her friend to speak on my behalf first, but im not sure what to tell her to say..

Would be grateful if you could give me the perfect bulletproof message to counter this question "who are you" when I add the girl on messenger, and to avoid being deleted or ignored thereafter. I need something to make an impact !

Azom1x's picture

Well first. You should get her number from her, instead of getting it from a friend. When you get a girls number personally it gets rid of the akwardness and if u never met her before it also gives you the opprtunity to give her a nice first impression, vs you texting her randomly and you giving a akward first impression

Anonymous's picture

Once i was asked the same question, "Who are you?", i replied "Creature of this planet called Human"...and then the conversation started...worked for me!

Anonymous's picture

GREAT STUFF MAN!!! Loved this article and has already taken my game to a new level!
Love all your articles so much great information and well outlined so we can understand the content to be put in real life situations!!! cheers man

Anonymous's picture

Even though i used some of the techniques given on this article, i still got rejected. I think i may have asked for a meet a little too soon. But i have to say, a few of your articles that i have read have really taught me some confidence. And to that i say thank you kind sir

Kelsey's picture

Alright, so I meet this girl at a pool part with really loud music. (not the best setting colloquial interaction ) I do really well when talking can take place, as I'm great at getting people to rant about themselves without sounding too interested. Later that same week I saw her at a dance party and she saw me dancing with a bunch of other girls and guys, it looked like I had social value I would imagine, as for her she was only with one girlfriend. I didn't dance with her as she ended up leaving before I made use of my plans to make my way over to her. I don't know where this falls apart, but with texting I can't seem to set a date and place for her to meet me. We don't have conversation through messaging and Im particularly avoiding it because I don't want it to be her favored medium of communication with me. I think that I have built enough comfort with her because she is "haha ing" almost everything I say even when its not that funny. I read your objective based texting and found using the structured texts works really well. Been using names to make it personal, and I'm seeing an increase in responses from women. This whole weekend I tried to meet up and wasn't able to get things to work out. Im at this point going to back off for three or four days and "pretend" I'm unavailable. Next time I ask her to hang out and she gives me an obstacle I'm going to let her know that its my only day off and that we/she should take advantage of it. This isn't THE girl. I don't have any crazy twitterpation going on with anyone in particular, I just need to start seeing better results with texting.

Anonymous's picture

Ok so I know I'm committing a cardinal sin by liking this girl too much but I can't help myself!

I know this girl through a friend and we have been out in a social group together a couple of times. Each time we are out she wants to get me alone and spend time with me, she initiated number swap etc I was just playing it cool. Had a bit of text banter but got shut down on a meet due to her boyfriend. Left it there had a couple of friendly texts then radio silence for about 3 weeks. She then texts me invites me out to a birthday meal for a mutual friend, she is not organizing the party, but she invited me. During this bit of text banter she told me she had split with her boyfriend. Whilst out I decided not to give up my attention to her, even went as far as too approach and flirt with other chicks in her presence. I was having a great time just being social, then this girl is like "come with me" Gets me alone we make out a few times then she gets a bit too drunk and some of her friends come where we are and pull her attention away from me. Then her ex turns up where we are and she takes me outside and says I should leave cos he's an angry dude, but we will definitely meet up next day. Next day get a text saying she can't do today as she's way too hung over, I reply that's cool.

Today she initiates texting, I use a couple of light hearted and comfort building texts before suggesting a meet, was a simple text, what's your plans looking like this week? Wanna hang out Wednesday and not get drunk ;-)

She then takes about 3 hours to respond and texts

Hey my weeks look really busy! My friends mum has gone into a hospice so I'm going there a few times. Bad times I know, not good matey!

What do you think my next steps should be? Like I said earlier I like this girl, possibly enough to want her as an actual girlfriend and not just someone that I want to fuck...

susan's picture

I love your test, it's good

Anonymous's picture

First off you are a great guy for giving all this free advice online! Unlike the other stuff I've read on seduction your advice is the most realistic and practical. So here is a conversation I am having with a girl who I met at a concert last week who I am trying to get a date with. Please let me know where I could use improvment!

Her 5:30:"Hey :0 how are you?
Me 5:38: " I'm good just sitting in traffic. What's up with you?
Her 5:53: "Just doing some laudry and dishes. Did you work today?"
Me 6:12: " Not today, I need to do laundry too.. What do you have going on tonight?"
Her 6:28: "Nothing really. Just catching up on laundry...Are you going to that show?"
Me 6:40: "No I have to pick my sister up from the ranch in Deleno at 7...We should meet up somewhere in Wayzat and get something to eat or drink around 9."
Her 6:50: "Hmm let me think about it. I would like to but I honestly work 6:30am to 10pm tomorrow....
ME 6:55: " Wow that's intense! Ya no worries if you cant make it. We can figure out a better time next week.
Her 7:35: Yea thats a good idea. What do you have going on tomorrow night?
Me 7:42: " I am going to play guitar with my cousin, but nothing after that.. Probably try to get into something in the city!"

Me 7:50: You should come to Minneapolis after work if you have energy leftover. Otherwise I have Sunday free...

Wating on response.

Now I know this girl is interested in me because she asked for my number from my roommate. Please let me know what you think of this conversation.

Thanks buddy!

B's picture

I am also in Minneapolis :)

You shouldn't respond with exact details of what you're doing. You can just respond with,

"I am meeting with a cousin and may venture into the city".

Let her respond. Responding right away the way you did I see as fishing.

She works from 6a.m. till 10p.m. If she's going to go out she is a real trooper. You have to remember she is a woman and will want to shower and change after work. You're looking at a time of at least midnight if she is about to come out for the night in Minneapolis.

With later hours like these try to keep it local. I always meet near her place when the situation falls under this sort of time period. It being close to her, appears less of a commitment, if anything I can enjoy a few drinks and conversation while she meets me a few blocks from her place. She is close to her familiar territory, her door step could be a short walk away.

Anonymous's picture

thanks to you, i ended a conversation with a girl smoothly for the firsttime

Brad's picture

Hi Chase,

I'm in a situation where I'm really starting to like this girl and I think she is the one meant for me. The bad thing is, she already has a boyfriend. Her and I have gotten close through text messaging and we have became best friends. I know her boyfriend and I am a friend of his too. Her and I have been out together just as best friends just to talk about our lives. She was dating him at the time we went out together and still is dating him today. I kind of think she likes me a little bit more than best friends, but I'm not sure. She doesn't talk about her boyfriend when she is talking to me. Is this significant? Can you give me some do's and don'ts?

Anonymous's picture

When i first met this girl i like, i had her, we were pretty darn close, but then as time took its toll she started reseeding as our parents became closer friends, she now thinks that if she were to go out with me and we were to break up it would be awkward for the two families, if our families wernt as close she would go out with me in a blink of the eye, how can i get her to forget about the aftermath (if we do break up). shes fairly hard to persuade.

Note: We are Teens

Richard Wadd's picture

Dude, one song says it all, Guns and Roses "I used to love her"

Trademark75's picture

You have a post that says you never call girls anymore and then another that says your a big fan of calling girls. You have a post that talks about simplicity and not having text conversations and that you can't build rapport or comfort over text and yet have a post on just that. I'm not sure where your coming from with all this different advise or maybe I'm missing something.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Trademark,

Thanks for pointing this one out; you're right, the information here is at odds with itself across disparate articles.

I've appended a note to the end of this one that the way people use the technology - as well as the best practices on how to use it yourself - are different now and that you're better served checking out a newer article.

Also removed the link to this one from the latest texting article, so as not to cause any further confusion.

Ought to clear it up!


harrold's picture

met some girl, 5 days ago, got her number and dont realy know an opening text. any ideas

Anonymous's picture

What are your rules for Facebook? I'm in school and I do end up talking to girls and friending them on facebook. Do same rules apply just with short convos? Or do you not facebook chat/IM at all?

Anonymous's picture

Use Facebook to get her number (smoothly) and then proceed from there.

Anonymous's picture

Omg I'm also from Minneapolis haha, your article really helped me see things differently. I tend to overthink everything but keeping it short and expecting nothing is a great strategy for me. I got this persons number off Facebook, we were friends before in HS. I made clear my intentions of getting together and had what seemed to be an easy not awkward convo (mostly because I avoided long texts) and now I'm not sure how to keep her interested until we finally hang out. I don't want to initiate another text first. She said she will keep me posted when her schedule opens up and I want to believe that haha. Should I move on? Keep lightly texting her? I try not putting her on a pedestal but it's hard cause she fine.

sn's picture

Like chase said, u can't get a girl to like you through text s and messages. I would try and invite her out with some friends and then try to move her so that the two of u can have some alone time.

Anonymous's picture

White zinfandel is a girls wine. Do not mention it to a wine drinking woman - she will think you are a pansy!

But don't mention something big like cabernet, (red) zin, petite sirah, etc, to show your manliness. Those visceral, masculine wines are too big for the majority of women (especially younger ones).

Same masculine/feminine problem of dull/lively texting...

Solution: chardonnay. Women love it (days of white zin are long past ... zin rose are in now, but still not masculine). Chardonnay shows sophistication in a man and an appreciation for more delicate wine. Women are delicate (even underneath a hard exterior), and women love men who know and empathize with that.


Anonymous's picture

This is good!

Anonymous's picture

Chase Or anyone with some insight, I hope you get the time to answer a few questions for me.

Question 1) my question is how to cut off a text conversation in order to establish that i am not an all day text buddy. More importantly how can i do so this without coming off as a jerk or her losing interest?
I've been texting a girl for a few days now. I used your coaching and was quickly able to secure a date. The problem is I am currently on military orders and so the date was set a week in advance. I believe your statement that '' girls like to talk, it's your job to make sure you don't become just another texting buddy'' to be completely accurate. To enforce this I have been avoiding drawn out conversations as much as possible. She texts me every morning and I will respond with a few well written texts, then stop replying until the end of the day because I honestly am very busy and it is also not my job to entertain her. She has other poor bastards for that. I may respond to one or two more in the evening then just stop replying, easily done if her text is not very engaging, but at times can be quite difficult. Help me out here!

My second question:
After responding to one if her texts in the evening, she mention she was tired of people's bull shit. Then said something about her boyfriend needs to leave her alone...blah blah. I said something nice and used a ''we'' statement in an us vs. them format. She sent me back that its hard to do when he's at the same party. My first instinct, don't respond at all. My second instinct, send something along the lines of '' agreed'' or ''not a good situation'', just keep it short and not too involved.
What should I do? Any help is much appreciate.
Kind regards, -J

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, great stuff here as always...Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

Had a paper to work on for class so I figured why not do it at the local trendy cafe, it's only a few extra stops past my apt on the subway, and I've had some luck there before.
8 walks in orders a beer and pulls out her book. sitting caddycorner from her she had a friend come up and make a book recommendation so when he left I commented on it. Very receptive, ioi's smiles and steady eye contact so I go for the number since I actually have to go home and write this freaking paper. by the time I got home she's texting me with a link to a food review site she mentioned (we talked some about exotic restaurants in the area) and how nice it was to meet me. I make a joke about yeah she's much more interesting than a magical ass (inside joke - book I was reading for paper is The Golden Ass by Apuleius. in retrospect this is perfect prop- it's the first Roman novel so it's intellectual but the whole book is about sex and witchcraft)
In like flynn right? but should this change my text game much?

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

Excellent post.

Had a quick question. In situations where you've slept with a girl, and want to continue to maintain the presence of attractiveness how do you maintain low contact via text messages when the girl attempts to constantly talk over text. I realize i shouldn't come off as dismissive and can only use the "gotta go" approach so frequently. Your thoughts?


Anonymous's picture

What would you recommend this post, or your free book on texting girls?

Anonymous's picture

If I already used one of the "wrong ways" the first time I texted her by asking her how her day was, is i too late for me??

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