Socializing

When you set out upon the journey to truly master your skills with women, much of the time a big part of what you’re really setting out on that journey to be is a bonafide social success.

Yet, as you’ll most likely quickly find the instant you start working toward that goal, that’s usually a lot easier said that done.

Now, it is said that people are naturally social; so how is it that so many social interactions end with a feeling of awkwardness or something left to be desired?

This frustrated me for years, and it can be frustrating for any aspiring seducer or seducer-in-training. Despite what you might be told, the ability to charm or really connect with anyone doesn’t come naturally to most people. But luckily, it can be learned.

And today team, we’re looking at how to become at social dynamo.

A friend of mine just asked me a question about guy talk; in other words, what he said was:

“Chase, I've been learning to talk to girls for the better part of 2 years, and I think I've got a lot of it down at this point... but my question is, how do I talk to guys?”

We'd been discussing a few of his quirks: despite me working with him somewhat, he still seems to have a level of tension around him that he often doesn't seem to let go. He always strikes me a though he's trying to make his conversation; trying to "be cool" or "be one of the guys."

And other people have told me the same thing about him.

So, I sat him down to talk about guy talk. It turned out that this friend of mine has what I call a "hierarchical view of the world" - a view I think most people share, but that I don't. What happens to people with hierarchical worldviews is this: they feel intimidated and nervous by those they view as "above" them in the hierarchy.

And thus, they get uncomfortable around men they perceive as "dominant men" or "alpha males."

And thus, like anytime someone gets nervous or uncomfortable, they make mistakes and screw it up.

They try too hard.

They come off insincere.

And as I talked to my friend, I racked my brain trying to figure out if there's a way you can even get around this. A hierarchical mindset is a tough nut to crack - I've tried and failed with friends before.

But if you're uncomfortable engaging in "guy talk" and talking to other guys, is there a way to change that and get good?

I'm taking a week off from writing a Tactics Tuesdays post to write another post that is, I suspect, long overdue: a post on social proof. It isn't something we talk much about on here, nor one that I think you want to devote an inordinate amount of your time or attention to.

Yet, it is one that, used properly, can be an absolutely incredibly powerful tool for picking up girls and for changing the minds of the ones you already know.

I'll go into some example below of just what social proof is, how you can use it, and why you don't want to miss using this potent and effective tool, both for lifestyle design and for using in your own pick ups on the fly - whether you've got friends around or not.

Onward...

If you saw The Dark Knight, you probably noticed that Heath Ledger's Joker was an extremely captivating and, despite his villainy, charismatic character. And if you've wondered why that is, as I did for some time after first seeing the film, a big part of it revolves around his success at making a point.

The ability to make a point is an ability you won't hear most people talk about, because it isn't one that most people think much about or often even recognize exists as a distinct skill set. But it's a very powerful ability to have, and it's one that aids you enormously in just about every facet of your life. Particularly, with women.

How exactly do you define "making a point," and how to do you get better at making one? And, on top of that, why is it so useful a skill to have? I'll touch on all that and more in today's Tactics Tuesdays post. Do note that this a more advanced technique, and you'll probably need at least a few years of actively picking up girls (or experience in some other similarly intensive enterprise with high social exposure) to start doing this one.

Commenting on the post on building social status, a reader asks the following about how to be a warm person:

“Hi Chase, great site, great article. Could you discuss more about warmth? You discuss it quite often, but you could dive into this topic more in-depth? It's a powerful tool to use in all aspects of life, so your breakdown of this would be much appreciated!

Thanks”

Happy to oblige, Anonymous.

Back in 2001, a young female customer walked back into the tire store where I worked as a technician and salesman to complete a transaction she'd begun the day before with me. I wasn't there, so another salesman helped her. "That guy who helped me yesterday was nice," she told him, referring to me, "but I felt like he had bad intentions."

When this salesman told me she'd said this, I was surprised; I knew I'd adopted an edge over the past few years - it had been designed specifically to make sure no one would want to fight me, since I was always alone and frequently in dangerous situations. But I didn't think it was actually scaring off women.

I went to work trying to change it, but even a year later, friends on my college dorm room floor told me, "The girls on the 7th floor said, 'That kid with the red hair is scary.'"

When I heard this, the first thing I thought was, "All right. I've adjusted my face for men - to be intimidating and frightening - long enough. It's time I adapt myself for women instead."

Within a few years, I was regularly hearing things like the following:

"I only just met Chase, but I felt like we'd been friends for ages."

"It's so great hanging out with you; I feel like I can tell you anything."

"Spending time talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe."

How I figured out how to be a warm person and how I made the switch to that from "scary and intimidating" is what I'll detail in this post.

If you've read the post on auto-rejection, then you know a big problem facing most guys in the Western world isn't that they come on too strong... but that they don't come on strong enough, and women end up assuming they just aren't all that into them... which leads women to then auto-reject, close up, and go cold to protect their own emotions. And if that's happening to you, that's probably because you're like most guys in the West these days, and you don't yet have too firm a grasp on how to let a girl know you like her.

What is it, exactly, with this plague of tentative men these days? It seems like the average guy nowadays is so afraid of rejection that he isn't willing to stick his neck out at all - or else he goes into things with the "just friends" angle, then get surprised and upset when they end up in the friend zone.

No - as you get to know a girl, it's important that you also know how to let a girl know you like her - and that you go about doing exactly that.

There's a good chance you know it already, instinctively if not consciously, but the first rule of eye contact, of course, is this: don't look down. Why's that so important?

The reason, you'll quickly find, is what looking down means. When you break eye contact with someone, you communicate something very specific about yourself and your emotions toward that person, the esteem you hold them in, and how you view yourself socially and status-wise in relation to them.

And just like this, when a woman breaks eye contact with you, she communicates something very specific to you too, based entirely on the manner in which she does it.

This week's excerpt from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams explains exactly what each of these ways in which you can lose eye contact mean - and exactly why you want to make sure that, whatever you do with a girl, you don't look down.