Meeting, getting to know, and generally hobnobbing with the people you meet throughout a lifetime of travels and adventures.
In competitive endeavors, it’s important to maintain a stout defense. Whether discussing military operations, or man-to-man combat, or sports matches, or guarding a company’s secrets against industrial espionage, it is of vital importance to have a strong, effective defense protecting oneself from one’s opponents.
But seduction is not a military operation. Nor are relationships competitive sports matches. And a lot of guys don’t seem to get this.
Ah, questions. Those dreaded devices that seem so adept at cornering us into places we’d rather not be. How do you get out of answering the ones you don’t want to answer?
It’s of great importance in socializing and seduction that you have a solid identity; this is common knowledge among us who travel in these circles. What often isn’t common knowledge is how much of an attraction-killer a bad label can be.
What’s a bad label? It’s anything that stereotypes you, pigeonholes you, or shuffles you away into a woman’s file box for, “Oh, he’s like THAT.”
I’ve been mentioning it for a while on here, but a friend pointed out to me recently that I have yet to actually flesh out something I’ve been referring to as the Law of Effort; henceforth referred to as the Law of Least Effort for reasons of clarity.
When I say the Law of Least Effort, what I’m referring to is a very simple, but very universal and little-understood, social rule common to all forms of socializing (not limited to courtship and seduction by any means, though certainly of substantial importance there as well, perhaps especially so). Basically, that the person who appears to put the least amount of effort out, while getting the largest amount of effort returned to him by others, comes across as the most socially powerful.
Note the italics around the word “appears” in that bolded section of the second paragraph. We aren’t necessarily talking about the person who is actually, literallytrying the least, but rather the person who is able to accomplish the most with the appearance of putting in the least amount of work.
Ask a guy what his LEAST favorite thing in socializing and seduction is, and it's usually going to come down to a few common issues. Here are a handful of those that we're going to focus on addressing today:
“I hate it when things are going really well with a girl, and she leaves to go to the bathroom and when she comes back it's like everything's changed and she's more serious and there's this weird awkward vibe there now.”
I just read a fascinating article today that brings scientific research to bear on the topic of an old post I made that went on to be featured on some popular dating and seduction websites. The content still resonates and is still relevant today, and so I've reposted again here for you to see and read -- hope you enjoy.
19 December 2007
Here's a surprisingly common problem that men run into with women: showing TOO much value.
Wait, how can that be a bad thing? The more value you have, the more attractive you are -- right?
Well, yes, to an extent that's true. However, the art of communicating value has a deeper, more subtle level that most men (even the majority of men who spend years learning how best to navigate the social arena) never reach.
Small talk is one of those things in life that it pays well to be good at -- but also pays equally well to move beyond as quickly as possible. When you've just met someone new, dwindling on small talk can be one of the most stultifying "nowhere zones" to end up in. Many a great new connection has been lost by the conversationalists' inability to move past this sometimes daunting formality.
A big thing for me lately is calibrating my conversation. Conversation to me these days is mostly about getting the girl talking, and mostly about getting her talking about her dreams, her relationship history, her childhood, and qualifying herself.
One big mistake I see a lot of men make when meeting new women is forgetting to allow for some mystery… a little intrigue. And a little bit goes a long way – it fascinates women, gets them thinking about you when you’re not there, gets them frustrated – in a good way! – trying to figure you out.
