Pickup

A reader named Nick writes in with the following question, wondering how to check out a girl:

“Hey Chase,
        Love the site! Incredible and concise/no B.S. information! I didn’t see where to shoot you a questions but I was interested in your take on checking out women. Is there a right and wrong way to do it. One that makes them feel sexy and shows my masculine presense vs just being another guy chicking out a great ass or pair of phenominal tits. Would love to see an article on checking out women the right way so that both parties (especially me) enjoys it. I live in NYC and it’s coming up on good weather. It’s sometimes hard (pun intended) not to look. Cheers!

Nick”

The short answer to Nick is yes – there absolutely is a way to check her out in a way that makes you come off strong, masculine, and sexually appealing, and that turns her on and makes her excited to be getting checked out by you.

And there are also plenty of ways that instantly make you “just another guy” checking her out, too.

What’s the difference? It’s what we’ll discuss in this article.

So let’s have a look at how to check a girl out in a way that actually turns her on, and makes her want to get to know you – rather than the opposite.

What’s the greatest single key to being able to converse with girls in a relaxed way, not put too much pressure on yourself, be sexual, and then pull them home?

It’s not looks. It’s not confidence. It’s not being well-dressed. These aspects are all important, however, the single greatest key to being able to converse with any girl is momentum.

You can take the most talented, socially suave guy in the world, and throw him in a social situation on an off day, and he’ll look like an awkward, uncalibrated beginner.

And every guy who gets consistent success with girls understands the principle of momentum. Especially because the high value men understand what it means to work extremely hard. When you spend all day on the grindstone – on your computer, on pieces of paper, on the phone… the last thing you feel like is a social dynamo when you step out of the door.

That’s why you need to learn to converse with anyone and everyone around you.

If you can learn how to start a conversation with anyone, you can learn how to get yourself warmed up and talking to the hottest girls in any situation. And it’s no pressure, it’s not like you’ll ever see these people again (or maybe if you make a good connection, you could).

Sounds easy, right? So why doesn’t every guy go and start a conversation with anyone and everyone?

This question is exactly what I’m going to address today, along with how you can overcome your own fear of strangers and use conversations with anyone in any situation to help boost your energy and get you ready to seduce the hottest of women.

Let’s go.

I was sitting in a cafeteria having a quick bite to eat the other day when I saw an elegantly dressed young woman in a long but casual summer dress stroll in at the far side of the cafeteria, turn about slowly and elegantly as she assessed her surroundings – perhaps looking for someone, or perhaps just deciding if there was anywhere here she wanted something to eat from – before at last turning and walking back out the door she’d come through again, still with great elegance.

I’ve been thinking about elegance lately, and its cousin, sexiness. It occurs to me that taken together, these two qualities can largely describe every attractive person out there: he or she is either elegant, or sexy, or some mix of both.

It also occurs to me that almost no one out there really is all that elegant or sexy at all... neither the men nor the women, and it doesn’t matter where in the world you go to or what country you visit.

There are lessons here, for what you look for in a mate, what you allow yourself to feel entitled to enjoy, and how you construct yourself, and I think they’re all worth peeling back.

We’ve all asked the question “How can I make the most of my looks?”, and today I’m going to tell you a bit about how you can do that without adjusting your fashion sense or wardrobe.

I’m going to tell you how your appearance is impacted by what you do and who you appear to be.

Looks are not as cut and dry as model versus normal guy. They DO change according to your mood, what you are doing, and the chemistry you have with different people.

You should never just immediately assume the worst, and that you aren’t attractive, because things are much more flexible than we typically think they are.

The good news is, people will always find attractive things about you if you are being personally magnetic, so it is actually impossible for people to not find good things about you if you are engaging. The way to be engaging, summed up in a word, is to be self-positive, because the more positive you are to yourself the more positive your disposition to the world. That is something that cannot be faked, and therefore is an honest indicator that shows women the presence of the strong traits that they actually LOOK FOR in men.

This also works the other way, because objective looks nosedive when a person is in a bad mood. So don’t feel too bad for yourself; other people get a rough deal at times too, and you can get a good deal for yourself if you are diligent in your self-improvement and outlook.

It is a common problem: you didn’t make a move and now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place where the girl loses interest and things start to fall to pieces.

So how do you keep that from happening?

Simple: you make the move.

Maybe that seems like a too-simple answer, and maybe it is, but if you can’t make your moves work when the occasion demands you do, then why sit around convincing a girl that “one day” you will be able to?

The truth of it is that if you can’t get it working at the start, you will usually be left with only one direction things can go: downhill.

If you can’t make up a good move on the spot, you probably won’t come up with a good move later... you’ll just linger around wishing you did something and get into a destructive thought loop that will stop you from making up a new move that would work.

The secret to not overthinking making the move is to realise that the action is first won in the mind before it is acted out confidently in real life. And it is won in the mind by establishing a habit of action. And if that action doesn’t exist, then it is won by having nerves of steel, and hopefully a creative spark that will take you somewhere.

In “How to Use Situationally Relevant Openers with Women”, a reader named Christopher made the following comment:

“Hello, Chase!
This post is great to develop your skill.
But, there was a situation I was stuck.An interesting one.
I was always successful with women since 2011, using simple and funny pickups. But I entered in an environment with high caliber women. They are very experienced and hard to control, but still show enough interest, so I can’t give up on them. I can’t say that there is no male concurrence. Real men with huge fundamentals.
So, could you write a post on a professional pickup, cause there have little effect on them.(they have seen a lot like this)”

It’s a little hard to follow, but if I’m reading it right Christopher’s recently run into a problem in that the approach he’s found success with picking up other kinds of women has fallen flat with professional (career) girls, who tend to be more used to holding their own around men and are frequently surrounded by plenty of ambitious and successful male options in their work and social lives.

And that’s actually a great observation (assuming I’m reading the comment right)... it IS quite different picking up professional women than other categories of women (students, retail / service industry workers, etc.).

They look for and respond to different things, and if you aren’t expecting that or aren’t calibrated to what women in the professional world are looking for, you can quickly be thrown for a loop.

We recently moderated yet another comment where the comment author (a woman this time, though we get both men and women doing this) weighed in with something like, “I think this only works on women who aren’t as strict about who they sleep with or are more sexually open.”

We get comments like this sometimes.

The non-politically correct way of saying what she just said, of course, is, “This only works on sluts.”

This is a pretty common viewpoint among first-time readers of seduction-related materials, male and female alike. They read it; it grates with their belief systems; and they respond back stating that they’re pretty sure this only works on XYZ category of women that does not include them (or does not include the women that they date or want to date or have a crush on if they’re male).

And they make the statement that, “This only works on sluts,” and feel much better about themselves.

There, says the woman, now everyone knows that *I* am not a slut, and this would never work on *me*.

At last, says the man, someone has set the record straight, and shown these people that women like my precious Esmeralda would NEVER go for a man like this.

Yet, out of the black-and-white polarities of the all-text Internet, the real world is far more nuanced than those who would polarize womankind into “good girls” and “sluts” would have you (and themselves) believe.