Mindsets | Page 36 | Girls Chase



4 Crucial Mindsets for Your Relationships

Peter Fontes's picture

In my recent article 'Scare Tactics and the Illusion of Control', reader Yink wanted to know how he could reconcile not using 'scare tactics' and still have his girl believe that he has options and that he can and will leave her if she doesn't act right:

Because Chase once wrote that you need to make her feel that you have other options and can leave at anytime if she is not treating you well. So should we use the scare tactic when we feel like she is slipping away in order to make her buckle up? Thanks.

The solution lies in having the right overall mental attitude instead of relying on individual techniques, thus the title of the article - mindsets vs. techniques.

mindsets vs. techniques

First off, let's have a look at the definitions of each, as a lot can be gleaned from them (definitions here from TheFreeDictionary.com):

  • Mindset: a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations

  • Technique: a practical method or art applied to some particular task

One has far-reaching implications for many behaviours and situations, and the other is simply one solitary method to carry out a single function.

So pitting mindset vs. techniques may look as if it's a battle between an over-arching concept of behaviour and single instances of behaviour, but in fact, it's actually a battle between two meta-mindsets: the mentality-seeking mindset and the technique-using mindset.

The 100 Hour Rule

Chase Amante's picture

100 hour ruleIt occurs to me that there is a certain percentage of the readership here that has been reading Girls Chase for a fairly long time but not taking much or any action.

Some guys work on their fundamentals enough to get more attraction, but have difficulty ever talking to new women.

Some guys view all this self-improvement hoopla as something of a curiosity to be read about, enjoyed, and perhaps considered, but not something to be done, at least not right now.

Some guys meet women in their social circles, but not really in the way that Peter discusses in his series on social circle; more in a just freeform, unguided, I'll-meet-women-whenever-they-meet-me kind of way, that doesn't lead to a whole bunch of outstanding results but does lend itself nicely to ending up fixated on one or two women you just can't seem to get.

For those readers - all the guys who'd like to start, someday maybe, or even right now but just can't seem to get past their approach anxiety no matter how much they read or how much they do, I'd like to suggest something that's been a boon to me in skill building of all types, classes, and varieties: something I call the 100 hour rule.

Your and Her Expectations in Dating and Seduction

Richard Wendell's picture

dating expectationsNote from Chase: Richard is one of our more active members right now on the Girls Chase discussion boards. He recently put a post up on expectations that was quite good, and a number of other members of the boards suggested he submit this to the article side of the site - and I agreed. If you like Richard's writing and would like to see more from him, please let us know in the comment section below.

I give you Richard.

Men new to seduction will frequently fall short of their expectations of what is to come, at first anyway. Chase touched on this concept in his article on lowering your standards. Now, aspiring ladies' men often create, or set very high, expectations for themselves early. Goals like "nail a perfect 10 early on", or "only approach perfect women" (or seemingly perfect, anyway). Most guys hear about the prospects of pick up, hear about the glory, the stories, the seduction of pick up, and hear about how it easy it can be, and immediately set high expectations.

Rather than propel them to the vaunted halls of legendary success in their dating lives, though, these early unrealistic standards can hem in and hobble them.

I fell to this tendency and could not have even begun to have told you about how crippling this truly is until today, now that I’ve moved past it and understand the inner workings of this twisted phenomenon, but that’ll come later.

When you set high expectations for yourself early on without having the proper skill to acquire them, as you start to fall short of your goals, depression sets in, and, oftentimes, you start to work on approaching girls and working to improve with women less and less, and may even quit altogether... like a couple of people I know have.

The remedy for this though, is to step-stone your way up to your expectations. Create smaller goals for yourself, and work your way up that ladder. If you want to nail a 10! Start with 5s, then 6s, then 7s, and so and so forth.

9 Terrible Excuses Men Use to Avoid Meeting Great Women

Colt Williams's picture

avoid meeting womenEver see a really beautiful woman that you’d love to meet, walking down the sidewalk… she looks like your ideal, and maybe you even imagine how well the two of you would probably hit it off together, and the laughter and smiles and romance and adventures you might share in an unwritten future… and then you just let her walk by, past you without a word, off into the sunset and into being no more than a memory to you, never to know what might have been?

There is an old adage in the seduction community that goes, “It’s better to be rejected than live with regret.”

Yet so many men invent what they might not even identify as excuses for saving their feelings and remaining in a state of inaction… and fear. Today I’m going to put a magnifying glass on these weak excuses and why you should throw them out the window to make substantial changes in your life.

Why Madonna/Whore is Intimately Linked with the West

Chase Amante's picture

madonna whore complexA few days ago, Peter had an article up on deprogramming yourself from Madonna/whore complex, a form of black and white thinking in which there are good girls - Madonnas - who aren't all that interested in sex, and there are bad girls - whores - who love nothing more than a good pounding by just about anyone.

As his focus was more on the deprogramming side of things - so that you might optimize your sex life and dealings with women in a Western, post Madonna/whore type world - Peter only scraped the surface on where this mental model of female sexuality originates in his article, and I'd like to expand greatly upon both the background of Madonna/whore and the purpose that it serves here.

This is going to be a ride through some of the stranger and less-discussed aspects of human sexual history and civilization, so... I hope you're prepared for a lengthier piece.

Leaving Madonna/Whore Behind: A Deprogramming

Peter Fontes's picture

In my article on sexual awakenings, Wallflower left a comment wanting to know how she could help a guy to drop his Madonna/whore complex:

Just a question for the ladies ;) How would you get a guy to drop his M/W complex? Is it possible? What would be the strategy here?

madonna whore

While I touched on the M/W complex briefly, I think the beliefs that frame the current Western feeling on sexual expression, particularly where women are involved, is something that is worth further examination.

To help rid yourself of your sexually limiting beliefs and any vestige of Madonna/Whore complex, a perusal of sexual lore through particular historical examples can be massively beneficial.

Learning about it will bolster your skills with women by helping you to set liberal sexual frames with genuine conviction and an understanding of why they work.

Additionally, gaining a more objective understanding of sexuality can also be of great benefit to any relationships you find yourself in, monogamous or polygamous.

And as stated in my previous article, a relaxed attitude to women's sexuality is something that is crucial to help any girl to a sexual awakening... so that the both of you can have mind-blowing sex.

Don’t Get Too Attached to a Girl Before the Sale

Chase Amante's picture

A few years ago, I wrote "Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls" for all the guys out there going crazy over That One Special Girl. I've been there; I understand it.

It's a tough place to be.

I was reminded of one of the essential elements of this not long ago when coaching a mentee on sales. She was new to it, and had had a string of successes, but then, suddenly, ended up working with a customer who was incredibly difficult: he kept changing his mind, kept calling her and asking to see more product, kept haggling endlessly on price.

And as this went on, as my friend plowed more and more time into this one customer, it became a more and more emotionally charged thing for her, and a bigger and bigger deal.

She also came down more and more on price, and became more and more willing to sell him something for almost nothing.

Soon it became all she thought about. She ate, slept, and breathed this customer.

Eventually the sale fell though, and it sent her into a rage. How could this customer have wasted so much of her time and not even given her anything?

attached to a girl

I was reminded of one of the most important lessons of both sales and seduction then: don't over-invest in any one prospect, and don't get too attached.

Do You Really Need to Learn Game to Get Girls?

Chase Amante's picture

learn gameA reader recently contributed another comment to the article "When Women Test Men." Like many of the commenters on that article, he balked; "Why should I have to learn how to deal with women's tests? Women should simply like me for ME, and NEVER test me!"

In one way, I sympathize. It's no fun feeling like other people are putting you under a microscope, examining you, and that you're being inspected to see if you meet their requirements.

However, the element of learning how to automatically pass the tests you see from women - that's things like:

  • Her asking you loaded questions about yourself

  • Her putting up resistance to dating or sleeping with you

  • Her giving you drama in a relationship

... is more or less one of the key foundational elements, all boiled down, of learning "game."

And when you're first learning how to deal with tests, they can be hard, and they can be confusing, and they can make you feel helpless, and they are not a lot of fun.

But, is it perhaps possible to just skip learning how to deal with all these feminine things, and just screen for and get women who don't act like this?

Can you opt not to learn game... and still find success in mating and in life?

Girls, Girls, Girls! How My View of You Has Changed

Cody Lyans's picture

changed viewNote from Chase: this is our first article from Cody Lyans, whom you may also know by the handles "The Cost of Success" or, in shorter form, "Cosy." Cody's a very talented and experienced seducer who spends time traveling mainly about Western Europe. His focuses tend to be on deep psychological layers underlying surface dynamics, knowing women inside out, and drawing women in with strong fundamental-based magnetism and a love of empowering and infusing those around him with strong positive energy. I give you Cody.

About me:

As a courageous young man he started approaching suntanned beauties on beaches and girls in shopping malls because he was, ironically, too scared to talk to girls he knew in high school. An unusually shy yet carefree character that compensates with a wild inner fire caused him to push the boundaries of his comfort zones in remarkably unique ways. Coming from a place of limiting beliefs he fought his way into a clarity that helped him to understand the things that kept causing him to make mistakes with girls.

He honed his understanding of women whilst working at nightclubs until he eventually decided to go all in and get into the action for some more hands on experience. An enigmatic yet highly engaging and open individual out to help, he believed that everyone has the right to improve every part of who they are and took understanding women as an important step towards a full and rich life. He not only learnt what allows you to present yourself as a desirable guy but also how to improve how fulfilled you are with your life at the same time.

His writing style is that of a storyteller, and his articles will bring a confident and breezy twist to the reading experience whilst still capturing the brilliant spirit of sharing here at Girls Chase.

In short he is sharp minded, surprisingly wise, and full of experience as a true believer in Seduction as a means to a better life.

On Entitlement: What Do You REALLY Bring to the Table?

Colt Williams's picture

We talk about value quite a bit on this site: being a high value man, dating a high value woman (or two) and adding value to situations where you want to make friends or contacts. But does value really matter that much? The short answer is: yes. It matters a lot.

Because while a lot of people feel entitled to things... just because you feel entitled doesn’t mean other people feel any obligation to give them to you.


I’ve noticed a certain level of self-entitlement in men that have no skills with women, men who are beginners, and even somewhat with men who are intermediate. Today I want to take a deeper look at value and examine what we as men “deserve” from women and life.