(1) Beginner

When you talk to a girl and feel an amazing connection, you expect it to be mutual, right? So why do girls you connect with just vanish? 3 reasons, and all of them are solvable.

I’ve been coaching guys on their love lives for over a decade-and-a-half now, yet this one mystifying complaint shows up again and again:

Why did this girl I had an amazing connection with disappear?

This problem perplexes men when it occurs. It seemingly defies all the rules of logic + sense! Great connection = want to see each other again… right?

So why the heck do girls you have a great connection with vanish?

In fact, there are THREE (3) common reasons this occurs – all of which aren’t things men normally consider as potential reasons a girl might ghost.

We’ll have a look at them all, and then we’ll talk what to do to avoid these boondoggles of connections happening to you.

Many girls you’ll see out and about come in groups of two. Should you approach two-girl groups? Consider these 7 logistical and 10 girl-related factors.

Hey guys. I hope you are doing well.

Lately, I have dedicated numerous posts to opening, hooking, and group theory, including handling big groups and their dynamics.

Today, I’ll explore a topic I have been hesitant about discussing: how to deal with two-sets (groups of two girls). I often get questions about groups of two, especially from my students. Groups of three or four are common at night, but unfortunately, you’ll see groups of two girls often, too.

I say “unfortunately” because dealing with groups of two is the most challenging group size to deal with. It is hard to isolate your girl when she is with one friend. More importantly, they can be frustrating to deal with because many factors determining your success are out of your direct control, and there are hazards to navigate. If you want consistent results in night game, you need to limit those hazardous elements. Sure, sometimes chaos and hazards work in your favor, but generally, the more skilled you are, the more you can get control over difficult situations.

What hazards do you encounter with groups of two? I will explain how to limit hazards and give pointers on when it is worth it to opt for a group of two and when it is not. Using these tips will help you limit the hazardous elements by proper decision-making, which is an underrated and under-discussed element in pickup and seduction.

I will cover different strategies in next week’s post on how you can run two-sets. I will not discuss strategies with a wingman. Dealing with a group of two is more manageable then because you can smoothly isolate your girl if your wingman is doing a good job with her friend. Even better, you may do a “double” when you and your wing pull a group of two girls together. (It isn’t easy to pull off, but it is very satisfying.) I will not review this strategy today because the usual issues will not surface when you have a good wingman. The wingman strategy requires a separate post I intend to write about soon.

Approaching & opening a group of people may seem intimidating. Who do you focus on? How do you handle the others? These 2 strategies get you in the door.

You’re at the bar, or the mall, or the beach, and see a group of people.

You decide you want to talk to them. Maybe they look cool; maybe there’s a cute girl in the group.

Either way, you need to start a conversation… somehow.

How do you open when it’s a group of people?

There are two (2) ways: one bolder, and one more discreet.

When women hit you with a double bind, here’s one easy way out of that: agree with what they say, then amplify it to the point of comical absurdity.

It’s time to talk about an old classic of test vanquishing: agree & amplify.

Agree and amplify is a simple technique you can use to get out of any light or unserious tests women throw your way. Women’s tests may stump you you’re a novice with girls, and may still occasionally trip you up a bit even at higher levels of skill and experience – especially when you encounter tests unfamiliar to you.

With agree and amplify in-hand, however, you can dodge most tests easily and maintain control of the frame.

A reader doubts why women wait for men to approach them. Is it really because they judge men’s approaches? Or are they just too scared to approach first?

Commenting on my article on girls not wanting you to move slow, a reader took issue with my claim that women vet men based on their approaches.

In particular, he argued that a woman saying she was attracted to a man who made a confident approach was a face-saving lie. The truth, he claimed, was that women simply do not approach men “out of fear and ego.”

Throughout the animal kingdom, among mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fish, insects, and just about every class of animal there is, females await the male approach, and use it to evaluate the male as a prospective mate. They do this because male mate value is difficult to assess, and the male’s success at the courtship ritual – of which the approach is a vital element – is a powerful indicator of the male’s reproductive quality.

An attractive male approach excites the female, and begins the reproductive process. An unattractive male approach dampens the female’s interest, and shuts down reproduction.

But, could human females be an exception to this?

Might they, unlike the females of almost every other species, actually NOT use the male approach to assess, and instead simply not approach males themselves out of ego and fear?

A reader claims our criticisms of neo-direct have given him approach anxiety. Were we wrong to criticize the friend zone and neo-direct?

Commenting on my article on a study about what sort of compliments women respond best to, reader “Anonymous dude” writes:

Maybe guys wouldn't be twiddling their thumbs and stopped approaching women, worried about what to say and how to open if you didn't come up with this arbitrary confusing "neo direct" concept that makes some guys too self conscious and puts them too in their head. Especially when people that you've hired from your own team open "neo direct" not going to name people.

Just saying there may be some validity in this neo direct concept since i've seen this pattern of guys opening women in very simplistic ways and getting sporadic results and eventually plateuing but it's not like you're showing how to approach effectively or what one would look like. Reading about this made me too concerned about whether i'm running ineffective game that's a waste of time that I stopped approaching almost altogether.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term neo-direct, it’s a term I coined two years ago to put a label on the “shoot your shot” philosophy so rampant in modern red pill, man guru advice you see on Youtube, in forums, and everywhere else. Alek Rolstad wrote a proper series on it, “The Trouble with Neo-Direct”, which you can read here.

This simplistic method is the 2020s analogue to the friend zone of the 1990s and 2000s – the conventional wisdom, no-skill-required tack every guy and his brother took and recommended to every other guy to take to try to get women.

What the friend zone was to guys back then, shoot your shot neo-direct is to men today.

But, is there some validity to neo-direct?

Should you ever use it?

And… have I harmed men by opposing it?