How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected | Girls Chase

How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected

In “Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?”, Troy asks about how to word your requests such that they stand the highest likelihood of success with the lowest likelihood of rejection. He says:

The right way shows consideration and gives a command at the same time. So in the right way I’d ask you Chase: “ I’d like to see an article on giving commands (and words to use) while showing consideration for the other person to up your chance of getting a YES! I’ve had trouble giving commands to people that give them a way out but also make them more likely to go with my request. Thanks!

word your requests

First off, you’ll never get everyone to say “yes” to all your requests, all of the time. If you ask someone to buy you a new car, unless it’s one of your parents or a fairly wealthy and extremely generous lover, you’re probably not going to get a “yes” to that.

However, what I can show you is how to word your requests in such a way that even if the other person does not comply, it’s not really a rejection and stacks up little or no negative compliance against you... and, I can show you how to escalate your compliance requests so that you stand the best possible chance to get a “yes” to whatever you may be asking.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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MitchelJ's picture

Great articles chase. I've been hooked to this site over the past week and have really learned a lot.

Would like to get your advice on a specific situation that has recently came up with a girl. To start off I'm 20 years old, living in the suburbs with no major social hotspots closer than 40 minutes away. I am not in school at the moment but have been and plan to go back next semester, spend most of my time working. Anyway last Wednesday I was out and decided to go into a store to buy a gift for a girl I have been seeing. (a short-lived unofficial relationship which was a mess, so I'll only include the relevant details.) I knew the mess I was in, and I knew even as I was buying the bracelet that it was a pseudo attempt to convince myself that this girl was worth it. I have since realized that she isn't and have walked away.

My question is in regards to the cute sales associate who helped me put together the bracelet at the store. It was a hallmark store, very small no commotion at all. They were close to closing when I came in it was just her cleaning up for the night. She asked if I needed help I said I would let her know and I strolled around the store for a bit because I my mind was set on the bracelet and not her. I eventually asked for her help because I genuinely needed it and she did. I wasn't thinking about coming across any certain way but I could tell I was coming across quite laid back and chill. She helped me make up the bracelet but as she did we got to talking. Small talk which turned into finding out we went to the same high school and her telling me she wants to get a job at a hospital because it relates to her major. There was polite laughter and genuine laughter as well. I enjoyed talking to her and was interested, I wasn't rude and I wasn't mistaking her talkativeness for flirting because my mind was still mostly set on making the bracelet. With the topics that came up, I felt I could have easily delved into them more with her. I feel like with how easy it was talking to her I could do that easily have another nice conversation with her and get her to say yes to a casual date/hanging out.

So I want to go back there and ask her out. I am confident on my game and ability to ask her out at the right time. Thing is she had asked about the bracelet what it was for etc, I told her for the sake of not over-sharing about the contents of my first paragraph, that it was for my girlfriend. I originally asked for help with other possible gift ideas I had had, before I settled on a bracelet I had told her that I needed the gift tomorrow. She helped me put the bracelet together and we talked as I mentioned. She didn't give me the "oh it is gorgeous she will love it i hope she likes it that is so thoughtful" treatment like some female sales associates might. I'm not sitting here over-thinking if she had any interest in me or not since she was of course doing her job, but I do feel that I am good at picking up vibes and I would say there was some attraction at a basic form if any.

My question to you is how should I handle asking her out with her thinking that I have a girlfriend, as even if she does hear about me returning the bracelet and asking about her she probably won't just to the conclusion that the relationship is over. I am not investing myself too much into this, I see I have nothing to lose. But after how easy it was talking to her I've decided I would regret not trying to get to know her better, and I don't want her to deny us that because she thinks I have a girlfriend and decides not to get involved because of what that may make her think of me. Or if talking leads to her finding out the relationship is over, and she still doesn't go for it because I am just getting out of a relationship. I have my plan set to go back in and talk with her again. I know she is working and it is her job to talk to me but I feel with the ice already being broken and us knowing things about each other it would be easy to deep dive and get into a genuine and fun conversation during which I could casually ask her to hang out sometime. My question is how much attention should I pay to the fact that she knows about my relationship with this other girl. I don't want to come across too cocky or whatever she may see it as by giving it none, but I don't want to come across like I just got out of a relationship and am immediately looking to fill the void.

I feel already as though you will advise me to just pay no attention to the knowledge of the relationship and just focus on us and make it really easy for her to want to say yes to a date, and the knowledge of the relationship will either become a problem or not. That is what I am feeling and I as I write this I do feel like I am over-thinking it, and I'm sure it would be awkward talking about the relationship with her to begin with, which is never good. But another question I have would be what should I say/act like if she mentions the relationship when I ask her out, be it her mentioning it alone, or along with saying no because of it. I would want to persist of course, But I am not sure how I would do that without things getting awkward.

And also if you would share any general tips on asking out a girl while she is clocked in on the job, and/or and experiences you have had with that subject.

Thanks and love the site, Mitchel.

Chase Amante's picture


Your instincts are right here as to what I'd advise you to do - i.e., don't make the relationship a big deal. If you don't have a reason to talk about it, don't bother; if you ask her out and she says she thought you had a girlfriend, just tell her, "You're right - had. Things change a lot in a week," or however long it's been.

The ideal way to ask her out if you can swing it would be to return the bracelet to her specifically, get into more small talk and then, just as you're about to leave, throw a thoughtful / inquisitive look on your face as if you've just thought of something, and ask her, "Would you like to get food or drinks with me later this week?" You'll then have your answer.


Jake's picture

Hey Chase,

I find it amusing to see such topics being broken down to this point. Awesome post, I'll try to do things more aligned with what you suggest for better results.

Now, I've been looking for an article for a while now, but I can't seem to find it, and it just *might* be a wonderful post: How to transition from a sexy lover to boy friend material.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I recall reading from one of your articles that the process for getting a girlfriend goes more-or-less like this: "I find I girl who I might like, talk warmly to her, and as a sexy, edgy lover, take her to bed within minutes. Then, if I decide later on that I want to be in a LTR with this girl, I transition from that rockstar attitude to a more boyfriend-ish one, and then the girls go all 'I didn't see this side of you! I thought you would be the last person I'd have as a boyfriend, but now I see was wrong'"

I bet you can transition that easily, and that "you just become her potential boyfriend," but that's a hard concept to grasp on if not broken down as in one article. You wrote on how to be edgy, sexy, powerful, how to be a leader, but that transition point isn't as clear as these ones.

How do you transition without being needy?

How do you make a woman who NEVER thought she'd see you saying "I love you" to someone because you're "just this cold badboy" start seeing you like a wholehearted person?

How do you make a woman who was afraid of committing to you, as she thinks she will get hurt in the future if she does, because you can simply sleep with any woman you want and cheat on her by doing so?

How can you possibly start to be more "I'm-in-love-with-you-ish" without losing control?

How can you apply that change of frames and still look genuine, without her turning on her radar because of it?

I understand that you might have a infinite list on articles to write, and that you time is more precious than gold, but I'm just trying to give you value the only way I can right now, and that means pointing another perspective on a topic that might have slipped your mind, because it might be as simple as "and then you just do it" for you ;)


Torus's picture

I am just answering I am just going through this transition for the third time and just refreshed my memory with some of chase articles.

First you describe a rather extreme starting position where she sees you as sexy but with no boyfriend value at all. But is is sufficient that she sees you more valuable as a lover than as a boyfriend. And even is a lover you never want to be perceived as "cold". So don't over do it in the beginning, or it might indeed come of as incongruent.

About the transition:
SLOWLY ease into it, and slowly start giving her more, so she feels encouraged to invest more.
-screen her for long term potential
-let her stay the night
-see her multiple times a week
-be willing to meet her friends
-be willing to go on proper dates

If you do it right, she will be excited about each small investment you make and act/be in love with you quite quickly, so feel free to match her on this regard.
If you hold back most of the time, you can also take a bold step forward from time to time. (e.g. you often don't have time for her, then make room for a weekend together).

About seeing other women: You cannot cheat on her when you never swore monogamie in the first place. But at least continue till she really asks to be exclusive.

But honestly, really try continue living your player lifestyle, keep her happy and don't be an asshole. This avoids neediness. If your fundamentals are tight and she really is a great girl, you will have a hard time not being pulled into a relationship by her. Just let it happen.

Hope this helps

Chase Amante's picture


Torus responded about as clearly and succinctly as you could put it.

The best way of thinking about it is, "Allow yourself to yield to her efforts to involve herself more in your life and involve you more in hers." Women will push or prod to see if they can get closer with you constantly in the relationship, and all you need to do is start giving her the "okay" on some of these, more and more, for her to feel surprised and say to herself, "Oh... I didn't really think he would say 'yes' at all! I can't believe this... did I have this guy all wrong?"

Ideally, you don't do too much actively on your own, and don't change how you are with her - you just allow her to get more involved, and involve you more. You can still be verbally dismissive of the boyfriend frame while being a good boyfriend in your actions - e.g., when girls tell you things like, "Actually, you're a really good guy!" you can just smile and tell them, "You've got me all wrong, babe - I'm the worst kind of guy there is," while still being a good guy in your deeds, thus giving them the little thrill of having you not submit while giving sufficient security that they lose the need to hunt for someone more secure.

And as for an article on this fleshing it out further... I've got it on the list ;)


Royce's picture

Really great article, Chase. I'm on the younger side of things as I told you before. Any tips on changing my vibe with women overall? As in, how can I be more interesting to them and make them more attracted to the way I compose myself and my behavior. I hope it wasn't to confusing to see what I was asking for but I'll be waiting for the reply, thanks!


Troy's picture

Thanks for the article Chase!

I really appreciate this write up. ill be trying out the advice in this article as soon as possible (maybe even today since where i live people are always making requests and if you don't know how to do that, then you're doomed) and im looking to see results and ill be sure to report back to you on my results.

Also, ill be sure to try out the non-bold requests first. I really enjoyed the read. It feels more comfortable to use the non bold for me right now

Thanks again for the great article Chase!



Troy's picture

Hey Chase,

I've always wondered why expletives/bad words have become so the norm for everyone around us.

Words such as "fuck", "batty", "pussy" e.t.c...

I dont use these words at all. If you ask me, i can count on my 10 fingers how many times in my life ive said these words.

Its just the way that i grew up. My parents taught me and my siblings not to say these words and its basically ingrained into me that i dont say these words.

The reason why i brought this question to you, Chase, is because everyone around me: friends, peers, teachers, adults and other strangers use them in regular conversation and i find it hard to keep up with them.

When im talking to people, sometimes they make jokes with these expletives in them. I dont have a problem with people using bad words/expletives around me; i should point out though.
The only time it becomes a problem for me to not stand out so much is:

1) During arguments between me and other people. Most people use expletives as the backbone of their arguing to shame their opponent. What happens most times is that people rattle bad words at me while i use other lenghty/embarassing statements to try fighting against them. What happens most times is that i easily lose moral superiority arguments and i look soft which i feel is causing me to lose friendships, girls and respect.

Also, for example, if someone was to say to me " You are a pussy", and i was to use moral superiority and say something back to them, what could i say to sound sensible and win that argument?

2) During storytelling/jokes when im talking with friends and im asked to repeat a joke/story with expletives in it. Most times i just avoid these situations so that i wont be called on. How would i work my way around this?

3) When having a conversation with a girl and she uses expletives eg. the girl say "fuck",and we are talking about sex and instead of me saying "fuck" i just say "have sex". The problem is that i come off as too tame/weird. This opens me up to be very noticeable and makes it more likely that people try to use me or see me as soft.

How would i talk to people without using expletives and still sounding like someone who would be hard to social ladder climb over/weird/soft/ someone who can be easily used to get what they want from me?

I dont want to change every minute detail about myself and im not accustomed to using expletives. Also what are some things i could say when someone asks me why i dont use expletives?

Last question, do you use expletives in your day to day conversations? And if you dont use them, how do you prevent all these problems i outlined above from occuring?

As i said before, i dont have any problems with people using expletives around me so im not judging, just wondering. It has become the norm and i see no problem in talking to people around me who use these words. Its simply that i find it hard to express myself and blend in with everyone when i talk so differently.

Im making a BIG EXCEPTION to use these words over text because its not something that i do but i had to make an exception in this situation.
Thanks for the reply in advance.


Chase Amante's picture


Glad you enjoyed the article! If you can't label back because you abstain from swearing, I'd just smile and challenge: "That so? Care to explain?" and put pressure on the other person to define exactly how you're a person. That works if you can then take whatever he uses and turn it back on him to paint him as pathetic - he's forced to either explain himself to you (complying with you), or not, in which his attacks look unfounded.

Conversely, if you understand why he's upset, you can turn it back on him: "No I'm not. You're just attacking me in a pathetic attempt to up your social status by beating on anyone else within reach. It comes off desperate and misguided."

Re: reapeating stories / jokes you've just told, don't... if someone didn't hear it the first time, just tell them you're not repeating yourself because if they didn't get it the first time, well, jokes and stories suck the second time around regardless.

Re: talking about sex, don't say "have sex", it just sounds clinical. Either be the romantic, and say, "took her to bed" or "slept together", or be the folksy guy and say "shagged", "knocked boots", or "went for a roll in the hay."

As for me, I swear when angry (gives you moral force - swearing is a way of expressing outrage beyond what non-swear words are capable of conveying) or with male friends. I usually don't use heavy swear words around women when anything but angry, though I use "ass" "crap" "dick", etc. rather liberally. I'll use "that's fucked up" or "they totally fucked you over" to commisserate when a girl's telling a story about how someone screwed her over, for instance, though, to pace her reality and match her tone and emotion for bonding purposes.


Anonymous's picture

Chase, perfect timing... One question. I met this girl two weeks ago online and we went out for a coffee. The date lasted like more than two hours and we had a great time. I can tell she was high energy and I was high energy and it was cool. By the time I got home I got an email from her that she'd had a great time and we could go out to see a movie sometime. I emailed back I'd had a blast too and asked her to go for a walk sometime and she quickly wrote back "with pleasure".
I actually got back to her a couple of days later suggesting a movie (which now I know was a big mistake) I asked her to check out her schedule and let me know. She gave me three date proposals on the time scale. The thing is, I'm usually very busy. This is a part of my problem and the reason why I have to meet girls on the internet. I work on mornings, have some time off in the middle of a day (when most ppl are at work) and then I go back to work in the afternoon when it's time to socialize and meet girls. I also live in a small town 40 km from the city center due to my local business.
As a result of the above I couldn't squeeze the girl into my schedule until late Friday. I was getting off work and I already know it was a bad idea. I was ridiculously tired and totally out of state. The movie was at 9 pm, and I arrived at the cinema 20 to 9. She was all smiling and bouncy and I proposed to grab a coffee before the movie, there was a nice cafe next to. She refused. It was weird because she said she didn't feel like drinking anything but if I wanted to drink we could pop in.
It was really weird. I felt as if she said NO to ME. We took the tickests and waited for the movie and I went silent because I no longer felt like talking to her. She picked up on my mood and I saw one lady totally drained out of energy. All the vibes we had a week ago and the buzz we'd been both riding after our first meeting disappeared in a snap of two fingers.
I realized sitting there how pointless the date was. I was sitting there with her watching the stupid movie with no idea for the rest of the evening. It was very cold outside so a walk was out of question. The logistics, terrible. I could take her home but here's the thing, if I were this girl and got offered to get laid but before it happens I would have to get into a car and go with a guy I hardly know for like 40 minutes to his pad god knows where, I think I'd call it quits.
Chase, how to organize the logistics with living so far from the center?
We left the cinema and I was literally dozing off, we said "see you round" quickly and both of us went apart.
I haven't contacted her and she hasn't got in touch with me. This one is busted I quess.

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, being outside of the city center definitely makes things trickier.

The biggest problem here was the date - movie dates are generally terrible, and picking a time when you're not fresh is bad. The coffee thing is understandable; some people just don't like coffee, while others won't drink it at night because it's impossible for them to go to sleep if they do. It sounds like you said, "Want to get some coffee?" and she said no, but we could go if you wanted to; the way you want to ask something like this is, "I'm beat and need a cup of Joe to stay conscious. Mind if we pop in here first?" Then you're not asking her if she wants a specific beverage (which she may or may not), but just if she'll accompany you. Trust that if she wants something, she'll get it or otherwise let you know.

As for logistics in particular, you can aim to get girls coming halfway to your place, and then pull the rest of the way, or just use date compression to get them excited about you on a few dates in the city, then have them drive out to your place for dinner at home on Date #3.

There's also this thread on the discussion boards that might be of interest: Out of Town Pickups.


Marcel's picture


Anonymous's picture

Great article Chase

When you’re Deep Diving is what a girl thinks about the people in her life (friends/family/colleagues etc.), a good topic to discuss, or is it a topic like relationships that is best to avoid?


Chase Amante's picture


I'd steer largely clear of that. Unless you're talking about an ex-boyfriend or former lover she has strong sexual emotions about, you're not going to dig up anything all that helpful to the cause of getting her excited and randy and ready to go to bed with you, and often will end up dwelling on things to the contrary.


Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase does the feeling of confidence eventually deteriorate as you acclimate to it? Perhaps there is an element of validation to confidence, but do you stop having that feeling like you are god's gift to women and every woman wants you the more and more you're exposed to it? Like you're used to it and it's just another day in the life of. Maybe personality has to do with it because I see in demand men who are more mellow and others who treat the opposite sex like christmas morning. Same goes with women.

Chase Amante's picture


That's a good question. I'm maybe not the guy to answer that, because I think what you're looking for is someone who used to feel unconfident around women, then became confident, and now is over it... I sucked with women, but always was good at getting the prettiest girls interested in me, so I've always felt like God's gift to women ;) , if not always like I knew how to capitalize on that.

Ego effects seem to be very different depending on the guy. e.g., I have some friends who despite being very experienced with women still treat every new girl they sleep with like some noteworthy accomplishment, and brag and beam about it (whether the girl is beautiful or ugly). Other friends seem to get a small ego boost out of it, but then it's over and they've moved onto whatever else is interesting in their lives.

As for feeling like you're God's gift to women, every guy I know who's experienced is basically in a place where he accepts this as fact, and it's no more a source of confidence then knowing that you know how to write words and numbers makes you confident in a classroom... you just go do it without even thinking about it. Confidence seems more like something you want/need when you're still trying to make it; once you're there, you just know you can get it and "feeling confident" is irrelevant (people will describe you as "very confident", but it seems funny to you, because it isn't confidence - you KNOW you're going to be the best thing she's ever experienced in a man and probably ever will. You have enough experience with women already that you know the effect you have on them, and you know how she's going to react to you, feel with you, and what she's about to experience with you).


anon533's picture

Hey Chase

Amazing stuff as always man. Its has really put my game on another level since i started following.....I however have a special article request. See i live in Zimbabwe and nowadays like everywhere else people generally communicate via social networks and messengers,Whatsapp being the staple. Most of the material here has been emphasising on "short straight to the point texts and quickly setting up meetings and hook-ups( great tip by the way"........but here's the catch,most relationships thes days actually are being forged on Whatsapp and sometimes it feels bad not to reply a girl when your timestamp clearly says "online". Plus chatting is kinda fun. Do you have any tips on how to connect with someone on this platform because that would really come in handy. I have been trying to incorporate some of the tips uou gave in "the conversationalist" ,"spellbinding" and "20 ways to talk to women and make it amazing" among others and its been quite helpful.......any specific tips on connecting via social networking?

Chase Amante's picture


My general recommendation is "don't try to meet women on social networks." It can be done, and it isn't impossible, but it's WAY more time-consuming and way less productive than simply going out and meeting them in real life.

The thing to understand with social media is that it's designed to facilitate the stroking of women's egos - there's a reason social media is 60% women. If I had to recommend meeting any girls via social media, I'd suggest Tinder - that's the only one I'm seeing anything remotely like good results from among my friends who use it and guys on the discussion boards who use it.

Check out this article for more detail on how you can use social media if you absolutely must, but why I recommend strongly that you spend your time on more productive venues instead: "Why to NOT Meet Girls on Facebook."


Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase.

I haven`t written for quite some while now.

I`ve got 3 interesting questions i want to ask.. I will try and keep them as short and direct as possible.

First question:

Is it a good idea to end the date with a kiss on the forhead of the girl ?

I follow standard date routine like you outlined in many of your articles, apart from one..
I try to kiss / escalate with girls on date number 2. Why ? Because girls over here are really conservative.
And i have followed a couple of processes and this process has had the most success with women for me.
To try and escalate on date number 2.

What kind of feelings might she have, what kind of thoughts might she have when i try and do that ( kiss her on the forhead at the end of the date ) ?

Second question:

This has bugged me some while now.

I have been with a couple of girls on a date, and from the cafe bar we went on for a short walk and sat on a park bench.
Than all of the sudden the girl gets jumpy, nervous, starts talking more and more than in the cafe bar.
It is like she knows what is comming next, she is expecting it..
I sensed it but i proceeded with the kiss anyway..
And the end wasn`t that good... She denied me the kiss and told me that it was a bit to fast for her.

Now what i am asking is this: What kind of a process should i follow up when that thing happens in the future ?
Should i go for the kiss or should i just keep it friendly in nature and call it a night ?

Third question:

I`ve read the Attraction expiry articles but this also bugs me.

How does attractions expiry date work when you two meet on, lets say facebook?

Or when the two of you just see each other every now and then?

When does attraction start to fade in those scenarios ?

Can she have attraction over facebook or not ?

I guess they are not that short as i tried to make them.

I hope it isn`t to much of work for you, but if you can clarify these 3 important questions for me, that would be fanstastic.

Always a pleasure reading your articles.

Chase Amante's picture


My instincts are strongly against kissing a girl on the forehead pretty much anytime at all, unless she's your daughter / niece / kid sister, but I haven't done it so I don't want to say, "Absolutely not!" - maybe there's a way you can make it work (but if there is, it isn't one I know!).

On kissing in public, see this article: "How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great."

Girls you meet on Facebook (or anywhere online) will tend to have an imagined version of you they'll be attracted to; whether they are attracted to the real life version of you entirely depends on whether there's chemistry there in real life (or not). The best thing you can do is get them on the phone and meet them ASAP to avoid wasting time on a virtual romance that's exciting online, only to find out much later on that the real life attraction simply isn't there.

As for attraction's expiration, if you avoid really getting to know the girl, this can be extended indefinitely; the clock only starts ticking once you've entered into her life in a meaningful way. See this article on the subject: "The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends."


Yink's picture

Hi Chase,great article there,however I am in a tight situation here,I broke up with my ex 3 months ago,we didn't talk for 2 months then we started talking this month,somehow she came over to my place and that was how we became FWB,she pushed me for commitment but I didn't give in,somehow the tables turned when me and my friends saw her with another guy at a bar,I ignored her when she saw me,she then begged me telling her that he was just a friend then I forgave her,now she feels that we are in a relationship and has started playing a little hard to get(compared to when we were just FWB),but I don't feel that passion any longer for her.I know that I shouldn't have shown any anger when I saw her at the bar,because that was a big mistake.Now I am confused,how can I show her that I don't want a relationship but we can be FWB,or should I just cut her off from my life?

Chase Amante's picture


You generally can't move backwards in relationships, and women will only do so with you when they're attempting to lure you back in and/or assess whether they still want you as a long-term partner. As soon as they make up their minds, it goes back to being a full-blown relationship again.

I'd be sensitive to both the girl's wants and needs here, and your own - you're not going to be happy in a relationship with you, and she's simply not going to be a mere friends with benefits. The right call is letting her go and finding a girl more open to the relationship structure you desire.


Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase I just read your article on playful and it got me thinking, what shows are there right now that would be good to watch and learn jokes/funny comments/playfulness from? Any suggestions?


Chase Amante's picture


Well, I'm a little out of the loop on this one - I haven't watched television in 12 years! I'd advise checking out various talk shows and sketch comedy shows and keeping an eye out for someone who's consistently funny and has a non-goofy style of humor that you can see yourself using. Once you find one like that, watch him regularly and see if you can't start imitating his style.


Anonymous's picture

Hi chase

I think I have a good general idea on night game process and how things play out when you have more time with a girl

But could you clear up the day game process for me when you have little time with a girl and can't stand around developing a connection and deep diving etc

I assume its all about opening, making a quick impression via bantering and then getting her number? If you could just clear up roughly what takes place during a quick interaction during day game when you have limited time because the girl is on the move etc?

I would assume fundamentals make a massive impact here? And go along way to creating that impression in a short amount of time?

Just how much deep diving would you do in this situation if any?

Thankyou chase.

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, that's the normal process - open, banter / light conversation, trade contact information. Your fundamentals make all the difference (or most of it). Deep diving is usually best saved for when you're somewhere stationary and relaxed or social with a girl - e.g., sitting down in a café, leaning against a bar in the club, standing around a table at a networking event... but you won't generally do it in the aisles of a clothing store or walking side-by-side down the street when that's also how you've met.

If she's into you, or you want to see what you can pull off, you skip the number and instead pull her somewhere to get to know her better (deep dive), then pull her home from there. And if her interest is strong and sexual... you don't even do a mini date; you just have her walk with you and head straight to your place if it's in walking distance, hers if yours isn't, or otherwise handle logistics if neither of yours is nearby.


Anonymous's picture

One more thing Chase,

I understand the basics of how to be around women but how do I achieve success around men? This is one area I suck at, I've always been better and more comfortable talking to girls but would love to know how to have other guys see me as cool etc.

I have read all the articles you have on forming friend with other men but if you could just directly answer these questions:

Am I right in thinking that you can behav the same way around men as a girl you are trying to seduce? Ie slow movements, slow speech, eye contact, deep diving surely that will come across as a bit gay? The men I see who have lots o other male friends are all energetic etc?

But how then do I transition from talking with my guy friends to a girl I like. Surely I am going to be changing my energy levels and movements drastically which could come across as weird?

How do I go about bring cool with the lads etc and then seducing a girl. Thank you chase so much.

Chase Amante's picture


Unless you're a high energy / talkative type, you don't want to be the same way with both sexes - it's better to run in different modes with each.

With men, be friendly, sociable, complimentary, and energetic. When you talk to women, narrow your focus and be warmer, more sensual, and more thoughtful. This doesn't seem unusual to people - all it ends up seeming like is that you're being cool with the lads, as you put it, but the one you're really bringing into your world is the pretty girl, which is what a properly-functioning male does (if you were cool with the girls but sucked a man in, everyone would just assume your compass needle points in the other direction - people just assume if you're a sexual man, you're going to engage with women, and treat them differently than you do men).


Anonymous's picture

Chase after reading your website and other pickup blogs/websites for some time iv'e noticed some technical and fundamental differences between your blog and other pickup blogs. Here is my list of the differences iv'e noted. Girls chase takes a much more thought out and analytical view on seduction then the direct,simplified approach of other blogs. Other pickup blogs (pb's) endorse the cynical viewpoint of women(that they are generally heartless and souless towards men and should be treated accordingly,especially in the west.Whereas Girls Chase (GC) promotes the "don't be bitter" approach.Other pb's recommend kissing women early on in the interaction to up your odds of fast sex,but GC advocates kissing only when alone with a women where you intend to go all the way then and there.Some other pb's have country specific game tips,whereas GC chooses the "one size fits all approach" or a global game approach to women with very minor differences(basically that fundamentals are what determines wether you succeed or fail at building attraction,regardless of the enviroment. Many other pb's speak of how it's absolutely critical to learn a foreign language to succeed with the local women consistently.Whereas GC recommends not learning the language at all to have more success then if you had learned the language.When it comes to flaking,the GC method to dealing with flakes is to be cool,make excuses for the girl, and act like it's not a big deal,because the reason she flaked had nothing to do with your actions most of the time because if she agreed to meet you on a date interest wasn't the issue.But other pb's say that if a girl flaked on you it's because you didn't show enough value,so basically it was your fault and entirely in your control.Girls chase takes the "nice guy behavior loses every competition view",on the other hand a minority of blogs recommends the confident nice guy approach(mostly for specific countries,discluding America) works best.

I could go on and on about the differences.Many times I have found myself at a certain stage in a seduction of a girl and I either hesitate,or make the wrong decision about what action to take because im not sure what approach works best for me from all the pickup material iv'e studied and the different methods.

So my questions are:
Do you think it's possible that none of the pickup blogs have all the answers for every situation and that you have to figure out what works best for you? And if so how would you go about finding out which method works best for you,other then simple trial and error which I have tried,but has only lead to more confusion?

How is it that pickup gurus who have put an equal amount of time and effort into learning pickup as a skill can come to entirely different conclusions on important issues?

Chase Amante's picture


I think a lot of the differences here can be boiled down to what I discussed in this article: "Reactions from Women or Results with Women?" There are a lot of people out there who base a great deal of their advice on what generates the most promising-seeming reactions from women:

  • Kissing women early is exciting and, based on the girl's reaction, seems for all the world like you've made some significant progress and sex is right around the corner

  • Speaking a girl's language will get her reacting excitedly and behaving as if she's really thrilled and impressed that you can communicate with her in her tongue

  • Flaking - I agree that this can be due to you messing things up earlier on, and if it's something that's happening all the time and rescheduling doesn't fix it, it probably is

  • Nice guy vs. not nice guy - sometimes you need to tone it down a bit, depending on the country - e.g., in Asia, if you're too hardcore bad boy, you'll blow yourself out... you need to be softer than you are in, say, America, where you need to be hard and almost caustic. However, keep in mind that women will generally say they like nice guys while sleeping with bad boys, and there are also people out there who will recommend you do things based off what women have told them they like or what they seem to respond to (e.g., and inexperienced guy may confuse a woman testing him and bantering with him hard when he acts like a bad boy as meaning she doesn't like him, and may interpret a woman's friend zone treatment of him when he's a nice guy as meaning he's "getting closer" to dating or sleeping with her)

For the most part, these are all things where it's been my experience, and that of everyone else I've studied and analyzed, that the reactions do not match the results - one thing gets you excited, promising-seeming reactions that usually fail to turn into results, where the other thing gets you muted or contrary reactions, but ends up with girls in your bed.

Most pickup instructors seem to be as susceptible to going for reactions as anyone else; maybe more so. e.g., I've never had a natural friend who runs game anywhere near as flashy as any of the PUA instructors I've met or seen, even though said natural friends sleep with 4 or 5 times as many girls as those instructors. I think the main reason why is because what's impressive to students is not watching some guy chill around in casual conversations and laugh and joke with some girl in laid back fashion and eventually go home with her; what's impressive to them is watching the instructor get makeouts and girls yelling and screaming and doing backflips for him, so the instructor gets conditioned to run this style of game, then teach it to his students, who do it right away and feel like they're making tremendous progress. It's a lot harder to train a guy to pick up a girl and sleep with her than it is to go have him get a makeout, but to the student, one's almost as good as another - since most inexperienced guys seem to think kissing in public leads inexorably to sex, if you train them to get makeouts they'll feel like you more or less trained them to get laid, even if the opposite's what's happened.

As for what method works best for you - you've got to pick one and throw out all the others until you've sufficiently tested it. Mixing half Girls Chase with half somebody else is a recipe for disaster when you're still a beginner; that's like baking cookies by using half of one recipe and half of another when you don't yet know a teaspoon from a tablespoon... you'll never get a satisfactory end result from it, and you'll often end up training yourself to believe a lot of things you'll have a very hard time unlearning later, which slows your progress rather than helps it.

My suggestion would be to pick one you want to follow - could be this one, could be something else - and suspending all disbelief and just going and doing it until you can make it work or have satisfied yourself that you absolutely can't. If you haven't read it yet, also check out the article on selecting a mentor - choosing a method is the same way. When you try learning to row when you've got one foot in one boat and one foot in another, the only thing that's going to end up happening is you falling in the drink and getting wet; you've got to pick a boat and throw your lot in with it.


Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase i have been traveling on my own for a while through eastern europe doing the "backpacker lifestyle" for a change from mundane society life. The other night I did some nightime street game and approached this girl who ended up inviting me to her friends birthday party,it was a weekend night so i accepted the offer as I had no other plans.Im aware that it's a bad idea to do party dates,so that might have been my major mistake. Anyhow I went to this party and there was a group of people who looked like skinheads but were not(just tryhard tough guys).The girl that invited me there didnt know most of the people only the birthday girl and a couple others.Needless to say these want to be skinheads didn't like me from the moment I walked in ,they started provoking me calling me names in their language,making jokes at my expense. Although i was caught off guard by their rudeness,I was more surprised by the girls in the group who joined in the laughter and out of line comments with no empathy whatsoever.I handled the situation just as bout as well as I could have,remained calm and unemotional. I come to find out that that these people are racists(including the girls).But I wasn't worried about being threatened because (I am white).However they did have a strong anti-foreigner sentiment and it was obvious by there comments that I was not welcome there do to my American Nationality.They mentioned hating America for invading other countries and so on.Somehow I managed to turn the situation from almost turning into a fight to them at least acting civilized.I began to flirt with the women in the group, in hopes of getting preselection going for the girl that i came to the party with to see and value me more.However it's possible I took this to far,because her behavior was a little more cold to me at at the party then when I first met her.However at the end when we left,I invited her to my hostel,but she declined.I only asked once,if I had persisted more here maybe I would have sealed the deal then and there.But instead I asked her if she was free to meet again this week,she said ya and said she was available to meet in 2 days. The day came for us to meet and she flaked,saying that she didn't feel well (fever).The night we left the party the guys there were making comments to her about not doing this and that with an American guy.I wonder if their cockblocking efforts had an effect on her decision.

By going to a party with this girl did I turn this seduction from a cold approach into a social circle approach?

Since you have experience traveling I was wondering if you have been in similar situations where the locals simply hated your guts and did everything they could to get you to crumble and act weak?

Have you ever experienced an entire group of males and females ridiquiling you ,and if so how did you respond?

From the limited information iv'e presented to you hear can you see a point where my big mistake or mistakes in the seduction were?

Also how often do you think women become jealous of men? For example i get the impression that from many women I meet that their jealous of my lifestyle,and my ability to travel.I even think they are jealous of how well I dress myself.I know it sounds conceeded and maybe even ignorant but,I even think they are jealous of the overall value I present. Do jealousy and auto rejection sometimes go together.Im sure with the skills and lifestyle you've developed,you've encountered people who are jealous of what you have,even some women. It's obvious that many femininsts are jealous of men because of the advantages that a man is automatically granted at birth,the ability to conquer,to dominate different social spheres such as high paying jobs and careers(usually). So do you think that a way to reduce auto rejection is to essentially reduce jealous feelings in women?

For example if your are really good looking guy,with tight fundamentals and you approach a girl just average in looks and personality,it's almost guaranteed that this girl will feel be overcome with jealousy and instantly auto reject you(unless she is secure with herself which seems to be rare to find among women for me). So it seems to me such a disadvantge to be to high in value wheher it's looks,money,tight game or whatever other value category their is.I wonder if those girls in that group were trying to put me down to feel good about themselves,they see me this young,well dressed,guy traveling,and they wish they could be me.Its such a turnoff to meet women who don't have enough going for them that they must treat you bad to feel good about themselves.Anyways I know this turned into a bit of a rant,my apologies. Would really like your opinion on this phenomenan though.I know you adressed it in other articles where u said attainability and auto rejection is one of the most frustrating things you'll ever have to deal with,i couldn't agree with you more.

Thanks Chase

Chase Amante's picture


It sounds like the main problem you're having is being unattainable. I can't remember the last time I've dealt with jealous (never?), but I think it's mainly because I self-deprecate with the best of them the moment anything remotely impressive about me comes up. I'm American? Well, everyone thinks I'm from Europe anyway. I travel the world? Yeah, but I'm broke, so that makes it less fun. I'm staying in a nice hotel? Surprising to me too - I'm used to places with holes in the roof where you get to be a mosquito buffet. I'm XYZ? Yes, but caveat.

Check out this article for that: "Take the Edge Off: Using Humbleness Like an Elite Man." Self-deprecation is the magic pill for making yourself immediately relatable and getting all manner of otherwise hostile people to you to do an about face and say, "Whoa - he's just like us!"

When people start insulting you in ways that go beyond what you can defuse with self-deprecation, you need to nip it in the bud by coming across higher status to avoid others piling on. If you fail to do this, others can jump on the bandwagon because they feel social pressure to express solidarity in ostracizing the outsider; it can even get dangerous. See these articles on that:

... though while you're still learning this, or in the event you end up in a situation you can't handle, once it's passed the point where others have started to join in, immediately get up, shrug, tell them, "Well, it's been fun," and go speak with whoever the host is and excuse yourself and leave. It's all going to be downhill from there, and better not to risk things getting truly bad.

Oh, and the party date - yeah: don't do it ;)


Danilo's picture

Hey Chase hows it going, i know ricardus has already publicated a post on daygame and street to bed pulls.. but i was wondering if you could go more in depth around that topic seeing as how so few guys are able to do this one and actually pull it off more consistently.. thanks :)

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