Pickup

When women break rapport, it can be either a minor problem… or a major one. But how should you deal with it? Sometimes, more of the same. Sometimes, though, you must do the opposite.

"Come sit with me," you tell a girl. You've talked with her now for about 15 minutes and it seems like it should be that time.

"Are you always this demanding?" she tells you. She doesn't budge. "The benches here are sooo uncomfortable." She still won't budge.

It dawns on you that this girl is breaking rapport.

You thought you had a good vibe going with her. But now she's refusing you, not directly answering your request, and driving the conversation in a different direction.

What should you do?

She has her own internal frame, and you would do well to reframe it, if it is in your interest to do so.

Hey guys, Welcome back!

Last week we looked at what a frame is and its importance in pick-up and seduction.

A frame is basically the same as a perspective - a lens through which you see and perceive the world. It stems from our own social constructions (i.e., internal frames – our sense of reality) and is deeply linked to our social identity.

Frames can be projected, becoming externalized. This happens when our internal frames are projected into the social space.

Since frames are socially constructed by default, they can also be deconstructed and reconstructed. This is key because it is the anvil upon which proper game is forged.

The interaction you have with someone has a frame – both you and the girl “convey” or “display” your own internal frames and contribute this way to the interaction. When your frames mesh, a new frame emerges.

Good pick-up skills involve being aware of your frames, her frames, and how to convey yours in a smooth way, reframing hers as negative (those that work against you at any rate) and so influence the new frame that emerges in the interaction between you and your interlocutors (for example the girl you're chatting with).

When you open a new conversation with a girl, it should be casual. You want to keep the pressure low to avoid spooking her and scaring her off.

I was checking Reddit and came across a few interesting posts by women. Here's part of one:

[W]hen a guy walks up to me on the street when I'm going somewhere and he outright says to me something along the lines of "Hey, you're pretty, what's your name", I'm almost always startled and want to leave asap. First, because I'm usually in a rush and need to get somewhere and he's stopping me and making me be late, second, because I already know what's on his mind. And don't get me wrong - it's really nice that someone thinks I'm attractive and I don't suspect every guy to constantly think of sex, it's just... he's already stating, in his very first words to me, that he's only talking to me because he's thinking of me in a "date material" sort of way.

...

On the other hand, I've also been approached in bars, in clubs, on campus and in supermarkets/shops. What those situations had in common was me not rushing anywhere and those guys starting a conversation with saying something casual, for example asking about the lettering on my tote bag (it's sort of a wordplay). One mentioned that he thought my glasses were really cool and then showing me his, which were almost identical; another one asked me if I knew what the bar's specialty was etc.

...

Basically what I'm trying to say is: all of the successful approaches were super laid back (I didn't feel 'hunted down'), gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I'm not interested (it's actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent). Those guys also made it really easy for me to get into a conversation with them and actually let me talk to them like I'm a normal person (not just an object of physical attraction), thus making it easier to either exchange numbers or just expand our social circles (without any pressure). They made me feel like a nice human being, worthy of their attention not just because of my looks but rather because they found me be an interesting person to talk to (girlfriend material or not).

I don't recall having seen posts by women on r/seduction in the past. But apparently nowadays women are going on there, making positive comments about approaches they've experienced, and encouraging men to approach. Fun to speculate on why, but that's outside the purview of this piece.

Regardless, this gal raises a topic I'd like to explore more today: that of not startling girls when you approach, by keeping your approaches lower pressure.

Frames are one of the key cornerstones in pickup and seduction. But what exactly are they?

Hey guys, and welcome back!

Today I’d like to discuss theory and cover frames. Frame control, framing, and frames are key cornerstones in pickup and seduction. If I had to keep only one tool in my arsenal, I would keep frame control – there, I said it. I wrote a detailed guide on frame control, but I’ve never dedicated a post to explaining what a frame actually is and what our community means by that word. All this site’s contributors and those on other sites will use terms like frames. And yet, I haven’t seen it explained thoroughly. I hope this post will rectify this.

This post is suited for both advanced guys and beginners. First, I’ll cover the straightforward basics about frames and what they are. The second part is rather advanced and quite theoretical. (If you’re a theory junkie, you’ll love it).

If you came here merely to get a definition of frames, you’ll only need to read the first half.

Still, it’s important to make this post understandable to newer guys, and I hope it will clear up misunderstandings you may have. Finally, we’ll have frames covered comprehensively once and for all.

It’s easier to escalate to intimacy when you’re both already nude. Skinny dipping: great for breaking patterns, upping the novelty, and greasing the slide to getting together.

Want a fun little way to spice up the endgame of your dates and pickups?

Go skinny dipping...

It might sound silly, but skinny dipping (or 'nude swimming') gets you naked with a girl in a seduction location and allows you to skip a whole lot of normal steps in the end stage of a seduction.

It's also exciting for women, and breaks them out of the normal, regular, boring seduction pattern most guys take them through of kiss --> fondle --> undress --> repeat.

Where practical, it can make seductions smoother, for a variety of important (and pleasurable -- for you and her) reasons.

Men who are not super experienced with women tend to focus a lot on other men. Yet the romantically experienced man, in contrast, focuses on women, with little time for other men.

Recently I was observing myself, as I like to do, and noting my own behavior.

I was watching a particularly beautiful woman in a conversation with a man. The two were flirting and the woman was alternating between showing interest in him and playfully rolling her eyes at him.

I could tell you exactly what the woman looked like, what hairstyle she had, what color clothes she had on and what type, her facial features, facial expressions, and so on.

I have only the faintest idea what the man looked like. I didn't bother to note whether he was short or tall, muscular or skinny or fat, or had any facial hair. I did notice he had short hair spiked in the front (possibly with gel). I have no idea if he was good-looking or not, but I'm not really able to tell that with men generally. I don't know what he was wearing.

I realized this after I glimpsed briefly at the man, but returned to focusing squarely on the woman. As I observed myself, I noted this difference, and asked myself what I was looking for in the woman. I realized I was looking to see if she made signals in my direction, or indicated in any way that she wanted me, or any other man than the one she was with in general, to enter the conversation and whisk her away.

While I was observing her, I thought about how when people watch sex videos, both men and women focus on the woman: her facial expressions, reactions, etc.

And I thought, "There's an analogue here, perhaps."

But then I thought of how many novice seducers are constantly talking to me about men here on Girls Chase. They compare themselves to other men ("I'm not that tall", "I'm not good-looking", "I can't build muscle", etc.). They talk about what kinds of men women go for. They talk about being intimidated by other men.

And I realized I don't think any experienced guy I know thinks about other men the way seduction rookies do.

The only people overly worried about male competitors is men who aren't very good at competing for women.

You meet a girl… but she mentions having a boyfriend. How do you sidestep her boyfriend mention and keep yourself seeming an eligible option for her too?

Sometimes you'll approach a girl, hit it off, things go great, and then she brings up her boyfriend.

Now, if you don't like dealing at all with attached women, you can just hit the exit at that point. If you're more of the "it doesn't really matter to me if she says she has a boyfriend" camp, however, you're going to need a response.

79% of unmarried women are in relationships at any given time. Therefore, unless you're meeting women in venues that select for unattached women (nightlife, dating apps, etc.), you're fairly likely to run into lots of these girls who are already attached.

Assuming you run any day game, transit game, or another style of approaching where you're bound to run into boyfriend-mentions, if you want to seduce these girls, you'll have to address their boyfriends.