Emotions

A woman’s rules are never absolute. Often they aren’t even guidelines. Once a man understands this, his entire way of interacting with women changes.

Ever have a girl tell you about some rule of hers?

Maybe she says she never has sex on the first date. Or perhaps a man needs to pay for meals with her to have any chance with her. Or she might tell you she never ever cheats on a boyfriend and will under no circumstances date one man until she’s broken up with the other.

If you’re new to dating, there’s a high chance you hear things like this from women and just accept it. “Okay, that’s her rule. I guess I can’t date this girl. Or I need to work within her rules.” You might give up on girls who offer you incompatible rules. Or you may slow way down on them because of this (“Guess I’d better take her on 20 dates first”).

But I’ll tell you a secret: once you’ve been around girls for a bit, you cease to pay much attention to women’s rules.

Then once you’ve been women for a while, you often start to get excited when women tell you their rules. A woman’s rules are an excellent chance to make her do the opposite of whatever it is she said she won’t do, and love every second of it.

Is this immoral though? Won’t it cause a crisis of self in the girl, if you make her bend or break her own rules? Shouldn’t you respect women’s rules?

No, and for one reason: women aren’t men. And what constitutes a ‘rule’ for her is very different from what constitutes a ‘rule’ for you.

Jadedness and cynicism can go hand-in-hand with the playboy lifestyle. But they don’t need to; it’s more effective to bring light.

Sometimes I encounter a funny problem with guys.

Their fundamentals are in good shape. They have reams of passive value and are all around attractive men, if you go by appearances.

And they’re great on the technical / social aspect of meeting women. Their game is tight, they move confidently through the seduction process, and they have great technique.

Yet they have this nagging issue where they consistently fail to get results they want.

Maybe they get laid, but not with the girls they want. Or they get the girls they want, but they won’t hang around. Or maybe they do everything right, they think, but women reject them far too much.

It’s bizarre, because everything looks good on paper with the guy. But he just isn’t doing all that great.

Then you get to know the guy a bit better and you figure it out: oh. He’s negative.

It’s just a little mindset difference. Negative vs. positive. Wouldn’t think it’d have much impact on your dating success, right? But it does – it has a large influence.

Today we’re going to examine why.

How does Buddhism relate to dating? While you refine your persona, you must put on a “false face”… Yet as you do you deceive yourself, as much as others.

I was talking to a coaching client of mine the other day. He expressed to me how badly he wanted to be a “seduction machine” and that he was willing to do anything to reach that level.

I smiled. His enthusiasm and drive was uplifting. Also, he was willing to pay good money for probably one of the most important skills a man can have in his life: the ability to connect with women emotionally, romantically, and sexually; that is a sign of drive if anything is.

However, progress is not so simple. Or, to put it another way, it is far simpler than you can imagine.

In his imagination, he had this grand idea of “the master seducer” – a version of himself that is everything he’s ever wanted it to be: to have a voice that sizzles women’s ears and makes their pussies tremble, to walk and move with the grace and power of a seasoned warrior, to have eyes that undress women literally and emotionally, and to have a voice that commands them as though Zeus himself demanded their obedience.

Unfortunately, this self is a mirage. Fortunately, it is also closer to you than your skin and your bones.

This is not a contradiction. Contradictions are when one thing needs to be right, and you say both are. This, instead, is a paradox: both statements are correct yet seem contradictory.

And it’s been my experience that if you are following a path of inquiry and have not yet reached a paradox, you haven’t gone far enough.

If things aren’t going right, it’s easy to stress out and panic with a girl. But to succeed with her, you must remain level headed.

This is one of the more difficult topics to write about, because it’s one hard to not have folks adopt an extreme position on. People (though surely not you, Dear Reader) read stuff on the Internet and adopt extreme positions all the time, because it’s hard to judge context from words on a screen. No tone, no subtext.

One example of this is the mantra move faster. Most men don’t move anywhere near fast enough most parts of their courtships. And pretty much every guy could stand to move faster on something. Yet not every guy takes this advice the right way. Some hear “move faster” and start to rush themselves (which you shouldn’t do).

Other men hear “move faster” and speed up parts of their courtships they already move plenty fast on, while they ignore the areas most in need of acceleration. Maybe a guy runs his interactions up to the point of the phone number exchange at a perfect speed, but then on his dates he takes way too long. So he decides to speed up his early interactions to try to get phone numbers even faster, while hardly tweaking his date speed... the end result being he messes up the part he had right, while failing to improve on the part he had wrong.

Obviously, we don’t want you doing stuff like this, where you fix what isn’t broken and leave broken what is.

So today, I want to talk about the “I’ve got to get to X!” reaction. This reaction gets into your head and pushes you to find a way to make X – whatever X is – happen as fast as possible. Often X is sex, as in, “Come on, I’ve got to kill this boring conversation before she loses interest and get this girl to sex!”

The cautionary note is going to be this: we need to get you to continue to move things forward toward sex, without having you completely hung up on trying to figure out how to make forward progress toward sex. The objective here is not to strip you of the goal of “sleep with this girl” and get you into some kind of aimless “just talk to girls and feel good” mindset. You will still have the aim of bedding girls.

Rather, the objective of this essay is to get you to realize unhelpful thoughts mid-seduction, and turn them in a more productive direction.

In this episode of Dating Mechanics, I talk with Dr. David Tian, PhD holder, founder of Aura Dating Academy, and good friend of our own Chase Amante for over 10 years.

The word ‘sensitive’ has lost it’s old meaning. It now means something weak or womanly. But what it used to be was something so much more.

I think we need to reclaim the word ‘sensitive’.

The word no longer means what it’s supposed to mean.

Somewhere along the line, it grew warped, twisted. Perverted. Now, if you call a man ‘sensitive’, it’s a backhanded compliment, at best. You’re calling him a motherly nurturer. At worst, you’re saying he overreacts, is too emotional, and too womanly.

But it hasn’t always meant this. And in fact, the concept it used to describe – a concept we no longer have a perfect word for in English anymore, if we yield ‘sensitive’ completely to too-soft men and guys who think the friend zone is the surest path to sexy times – is one every man who wants to do well socially, romantically, or sexually must ultimately strive to make use of, or perpetually struggle.

Tao is the Eastern philosophy of emptying one’s cup. It has a lot to teach about seduction… Namely, about domination of seduction, vs. submission to it.

Editor’s Note: this is our first post from Michael Chief, a long-time veteran of the seduction community. Michael kicks off today with an inner game focus, about the Tao of seduction. Please let us know if you enjoy inner game oriented articles like this in the comments below the article, and if so we’ll try to do more of them. –CA

Every seducer worth his mettle knows that great Casanova quote: “I don’t conquer, I submit.”

We know that the true power of seduction is to submit to the higher power of nature within us as opposed to trying to control nature with our own will. But that somehow paradoxically gives us greater seductive abilities, or so it seems.

Seduction is full of paradoxes like this, such as the ever-famous paradox of desire: the more we want something, the more difficult it is to obtain, and the less we want something, the easier it is to obtain. In pick-up, we translate this to mean that neediness is unattractive and that women are more attracted to us when we practice non-attachment and are genuinely not needy.

While such paradoxes can often prove to be challenging to understand, let alone understandable enough for us to use them to guide our lives, there is an ancient philosophy that gives us a tool to help us in our quest to become the best seducers and lovers we can possibly be.

That ancient philosophy is called Taoism, and the tool is called Wu Wei.