Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics! I’m Varoon Rajah, and today we explore a topic that frequently comes up on the Girls Chase boards – the question of dating your dream girl as a minority.
Our brains are super good at talking us out of doing stuff, even good stuff. Here’s how to switch roles and talk your brain into shutting up and getting laid.
We’ve all been there. You see that sexy creature and you want to approach her, but that little voice starts chirping, “All these people will see you. You don't want to come off as creepy, do you? You can try again tomorrow when you're in a better state. She’s on her phone, you don’t want to be annoying. Yeah, let’s try later.”
Excuses, justifications, and avoidance. The more you think, the less you do. The less you do, the more you think. It’s frustrating. It feels like you’re a broken man, especially after watching all those infield vids on YouTube and reading all those Girls Chase articles that make it sound like common sense, like it’s so easy. But it’s not, is it?
When guys ask me what I think about when I approach, I tell them “Nothing.” And it’s true. I try to do all my approaches and everything that happens after as close to “the moment” as possible. And I’m pretty successful at it. But I wasn’t always so awesome.
The first time I went to a bar alone for the sole purpose of pickup – 11 years ago – I completely froze. I was in a room full of sexy women, completely packed, shoulder to shoulder. The longer I stood there, the deeper I went into my head. The excuses just piled on top of each other.
“Everyone is here with someone, except me.”
“They all know each other, and I don’t know anyone.”
“They’re all looking at me.”
“They know I’m alone – and terrified.”
Blah, blah, blah, excuses, fear, etc.
And even worse, I’d spent all night memorizing pickup routines. But as soon as that adrenaline spiked, approach anxiety overwhelmed me, and I either forgot all of them or convinced myself that I had because I was too terrified to try.
It’s amazing how great your ego is at talking you out of improving your life. It makes you think that by approaching women, you’re going to somehow die – a social death at least.
That summer night, I pedaled home through the humid Montreal streets on my bike, and I told myself, “Never again will I go out and not at least try.” But things didn’t really get better until I met a guy named Steve Piccus at a local seduction lair meeting, who claimed to be a master hypnotist. He was famous for being featured in the book The Game.
Steve showed us a simple meditation meant to clear our minds of chatter. He called it “silence the tongue”, the tongue being the voice that goes “Blah, blah, blah,” keeping us from achieving our goals. That short lesson, delivered to a room full of lonely, horny men, changed my life.
Everyone goes through dry spells. Whether they last weeks, months, or even years, there is a way back. It all comes down to the process and positive momentum.
Hey there, welcome back.
Ever had a good streak, then nosedived and felt your mojo is gone? Maybe you have been away from the game for a while and want to get back into it.
Today, I will discuss some more lifestyle-related subjects. I just came out of a rough period and wanted to share some of the tools, tips, and tricks that I used to get back on it.
Think of an athlete who gets ill or hurts themselves. The recovery process is hard and complex – and happens to be an important field of study.
I have talked about momentum – both from a micro and macro perspective – many times in the past. If you’re interested, you should check out these articles.
We will now cover the field of macro-momentum – i.e., how to recover from a total crash after experiencing hard times such as break-ups, illness, depression, or just time away from meeting women. The subject of this post is all about getting back in the game.
First, I will tell you all about the extremely interesting couple of months I’ve had. Feel free to skip the “Recent Events” section if you want to get straight to the guide.
Knowing what to say to girls ultimately requires knowledge and experience. Use these tools to conquer your fear, and the words will take care of themselves.
In Part 2 of my day-game tour, I covered direct, indirect, and situational openers, body language, and vocal tonality.
The most common complaint I hear from my students is, “I just don’t know what to say to girls.” They’re caught in a paradox. They don’t approach because they don’t know what to say, and they don’t know what to say because they don’t approach.
I always ask this question: “How many pickup books, YouTube videos, blog posts, and online courses have you studied?” Most have at least read something. There are probably hundreds of articles on this exact subject on Girls Chase alone. So, how can anyone still not know what to say?
Because they haven’t racked up enough experience.
Some of my first ever approaches followed marathon study sessions, where I spent all night memorizing pickup routines. I had whole stories involving roller coasters, horses, and cubes, but when I finally mustered the guts to actually approach, I forgot all of it.
When you’re nervous or fearful, your adrenaline spikes. This draws blood away from your brain to your extremities. It puts you into “fight-or-flight” mode. How can you seductively articulate your thoughts when your brain thinks you’re going into battle? You can’t.
In the realm of seduction, chaos is a certainty. There’s no way around it. But if you embrace it and go with the flow, you might find a way through.
I love this book series called “Introducing...”.
It covers many subjects, from Freud to sociology to Islam. The copy I own is on chaos theory.
Your first introduction to the concept may have been via Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park. Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics that deals with complex systems, the behavior of which are highly sensitive to slight changes in conditions. Small alterations can give rise to strikingly great consequences – otherwise known as the butterfly effect.
What blew my mind is that this branch of study is, in essence, a scientific validation of Eastern philosophy and religion, namely Buddhism, Hinduism, and Tao. Moreover, it all applies to seduction and how we can sort out the chaos, the flakes, the rejections, and the random insanity of the game.
For years, I’ve been arguing with “normies” about how science is essentially a modern religion, with its own set of dogmas. Claims to find “the truth” from irrefutable empirical evidence often fail to explain the seemingly random manifestations of chaos in linear, deterministic systems.
Like, why did that hilarious joke you copy-pasted piss her off rather than attract her? It was part of the system. It should have worked but it had the opposite of its intended effect.
For example, even with all our modern scientific equipment, we still can’t accurately predict the weather or the ups and downs of animal populations. There’s no way to mathematically account for disease, war, famine, or the avalanche set off by a single snowflake. Not accurately enough to forgo wearing a jacket, anyway.
Editor’s Note: this is our first post from Tony Depp, a seasoned dating coach who has schooled students in North America, Asia, and Europe for over a decade. He also runs his own blog and has authored two highly-rated books (links below). Here’s Tony! –BT
Approaching women during the day is the go-to for many eminent pickup artists. Tony Depp begins this series by sharing some key mindsets for success.
The first time I approached a girl was in high school. It was terrifying and awful.
Her name was Summer. Every day, like a creepy stalker, I watched her from afar in the school hallway. All that beautiful blonde hair, that perky nose, those ski-jump breasts. I was sixteen years old then, and there were no resources for men. No forums, PUA blogs, YouTube, or online courses. If you sucked with girls, the only thing you had to learn from was your own experience.
So one fine day, I found my balls and rallied the courage to approach her. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something like, “Hi, err… uh, hi. I wanted… umm….” I stood there with my adrenalized heart pounding, lips quivering, sweat forming on my forehead.
And her reply was, “Are you okay?”
I awkwardly turned and fled in shame and embarrassment. For the rest of the school year, I’d see her crossing the hallway from her locker to class, and that familiar adrenaline rush would rise up, internal chatter telling me to stay in my place, to be seen and not heard.
This was my very first attempt at day game. I carried that shame with me for many years before I discovered the pickup community in 2006.
For almost two years, I went out seven nights a week, pushing myself to approach women in groups, to be more assertive, witty, entertaining, and confident. I eventually became very good at cold approach pickup, but only in bars.
I’d joined a local PUA (pickup artist) group called The Montreal Lair. On this forum were many men trying to learn how to be successful with women. All of them were focused exclusively on night game, except for one guy – I’ll call him Ricky.
He was a self-proclaimed day-gamer. Back then, day game wasn’t even a thing, but he claimed he was sleeping with a new girl or two each week, simply by complimenting them with a direct opener. Something like, “Hi. I just thought you were sexy and had to meet you. I’m Ricky.”
It was hard to believe. So we met up and I asked him to demonstrate. He said, “Sure thing, bro!” and took me to the nearest intersection. Before long, a pretty girl passed by and Ricky went jogging up to her. She stopped, laughed at his banter, and a few minutes later, he returned with her phone number. I was impressed. But not enough to try it myself – not yet.
This fun, simple game is designed to banish anxiety and work out the kinks in your approaches. All you need is a wingman, a clock, and a woman-laden environment.
Very early in my seduction journey, right after deciding I (finally) wanted to get better with women and (finally) learn how to sleep with them effortlessly, I faced the biggest hurdle of all – getting started. After all, every resource, coach, and seminar I checked out mentioned cold approach as the best skill to learn and improve with women.
Contents4. Playing the Approach Game Solo
It was suggested that I set aside several hours a day several times a week to learn how to approach women, just to get started. However, therein lay the rub – approaching women.
What a scary proposition! After having lost my virginity in my early twenties, then finally having my first girlfriend at 22, I still had no confidence or understanding of what women wanted or how they wanted to be approached.
I felt nervous, afraid; and each time, fear ran through my veins. This is a woman. What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me? How will she feel about me? How will she perceive me? How will I feel about myself if she rejects me?
I started by walking through the streets of my newest home – New York City – where day game opportunities were plentiful and hot women wandered the streets alone every single day. And yet, each time I passed a hot woman that I fancied, I talked myself out of an approach.
Your life can be whatever you want it to be. But it takes consciousness, consistency, and action to get there. 5 steps set the foundation for this.
Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics, everyone! I’m pleased to announce Part 2 of my interview with Franco Lombardi on the importance of Discipline. Discipline is more of a mindset approach to dating as opposed to having an uncontrolled environment (which is what most people in the world do). The idea behind discipline is threefold:
Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics, everyone!
I’m pleased to announce the return of Franco Lombardi, our fearless moderator of the Girls Chase boards, for an interview on how discipline affects your success in dating. This is one of the most important concepts that anyone should make an effort to learn and understand regardless of skill level.