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A reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation:

“Hey there, been reading the site lately and I've noticed that one thing I haven't seen so far is a post about validation. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it.

I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done." It was starting to irritate me because she would say it and then leave it up in the air.

After a while I barked back "well go do it then." I knew instinctively that wasn't the best thing to say but I really wanted her to quit with the empty statements lol!

So, after the game ended I talked to her about it and she was telling me how I could have said "I know you gotta get your work done but how about you relax with us and watch the game and then go start on the work afterwards?"

Now as soon as I heard her say that I immediately thought validation. I'm validating that thought or feeling by giving that response. While my response of "go do it" sounds like I'm rejecting her.

So I was wondering if you all could drop a post on validation. Once I realized this whole idea of validating a woman it gave me that "aha" moment, really started to put a lot of my failed interactions into a new light, you know? It also helped me to understand the whole chase framing, push-pull, etc. concepts because by validating her all of that stuff is much easier to pull off. Because she knows that you’re setting a frame but your pulling her along with you. Instead of making it seem like its her frame against yours like many other PUA’s seem to advocate.”

Our reader raises a good point here.

Validation is something I tend not to focus on much personally - it's something that fast becomes irrelevant when you're following the rule of thumb of always escalate and keep moving fast. But it's a real phenomenon, and it will affect your interactions with women - though, if you're doing things right, it should prove more a curiosity than a major distraction.

Here's what I mean.

When was the last time you saw a stunning girl during the day and didn’t know how to approach her? The thought perhaps dancing around in your head, you too hesitant to ask it… “Are you single?”

Maybe it was on your way to work you saw her, or while doing your shopping or riding the subway…

Maybe she was just your type, and you realize that if you JUST approached, your chances of her becoming an affair or a soul mate would at least increase from ZERO to POSSIBLE... But you didn’t know how to go about it?

This is your play-by-play.

And, there are many ways to skin a cat… but this is the one that has worked best for me, after a decade of refining the process.

Let’s jump right in.